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Has anyone ever been attracted to you?


Adam Here

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And some people are attracted to people because they are who they are. But I do agree that if you are not interested you are less likely to attract people.

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I never believe it if someone is attracted to me because I am fat.

Believe it or not a couple of those guys had a fat fetish which I find just weird.

I think that if they are not attracted to you is not because you are fat but because you look not interested.

Being sexual makes you prefer faces that look open for reciprocity. Also some faces look much more sexual than others, now I am only attracted by sexual female faces, before that I never recognized a difference in it.

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I never believe it if someone is attracted to me because I am fat.

Believe it or not a couple of those guys had a fat fetish which I find just weird.

I think that if they are not attracted to you is not because you are fat but because you look not interested.

Being sexual makes you prefer faces that look open for reciprocity. Also some faces look much more sexual than others, now I am only attracted by sexual female faces, before that I never recognized a difference in it.

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Sockstealingnome

I never believe it if someone is attracted to me because I am fat.

Believe it or not a couple of those guys had a fat fetish which I find just weird.

I think that if they are not attracted to you is not because you are fat but because you look not interested.

Being sexual makes you prefer faces that look open for reciprocity. Also some faces look much more sexual than others, now I am only attracted by sexual female faces, before that I never recognized a difference in it.

Can you describe what exactly is a sexual female face?

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Adam_Jensen

I'm completely oblivious for any matter of attraction.Far as I know nobody was attracted in me and quite frankly I prefer to keep it that way,I don't want this sort of attetion.

And why would anyone be attracted in me? I'm a plain looking guy with acne sighs in my face and on top of that I'm an hard core introvert to add on that I'm also very quiet person,I speak when it's only necessary.I just hate small talk.

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Guest Scarlet Spider

I'm not sure.

Even if it felt like they were interested in me, I start to feel something and it turns out to amount to nothing in the end. Certainly the one's I like don't like me back and vice versa, it's quite troublesome to be honest.

Oh well. I never thought about being with anyone romantically. I mean, in theory it sounds nice but it just doesn't seem to work out for me so I don't care so much anymore. I am far more interested in finishing college and making the life I want for myself.

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Qutenkuddly

I never believe it if someone is attracted to me because I am fat.

Believe it or not a couple of those guys had a fat fetish which I find just weird.

I think that if they are not attracted to you is not because you are fat but because you look not interested.

Being sexual makes you prefer faces that look open for reciprocity. Also some faces look much more sexual than others, now I am only attracted by sexual female faces, before that I never recognized a difference in it.

Can you describe what exactly is a sexual female face?

Might have something to with unconscious body language and facial expressions, like a coy smile, as opposed to say, a poker face.

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I think I've had a few people fall for me I think, but it's such a rarity.

One of the wierdest occasions when someone came onto me happened around 2008 - 2009. I've grown up having a close friendship with a lesbian. After essentially saying that the only reason that she was a lesbian was apparently because I molested her while we were both growing up, she then proceeded to tell me that I was a really nice guy.

This wasn't her sucking up after she insulted me - she genuinely said I was a nice guy, that although she was married, her husband had been distant and would I be interested in a coffee at the local coffee shop at the library?

Needless to say, being told you're a molester isn't one of the best things you can do to impress someone....

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  • 2 weeks later...
HesitantAlien

Recently one really nice guy. I just wanted to be friends, but we thought about being a bit more. He even researched Asexuality. I had not one romantic feeling towards him. I am not really interested in a QPP with him either, I am just happy being friends. I think he is having a small hard time with that but we still have lots of fun when we go out, and it was incredibly flattering, to me, to have someone like me. He was attracted to my intellect and personality as well, which is what I find most flattering. I hope he finds someone really nice.

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I have men lined up at the door for me. It's mildly flattering, mostly annoying. I'm pretty freaking femme so women don't pay much attention to me as they believe me to be straight. But I also definitely give a vibe of being closed off to relationships and probably anything sexual, so that might be another reason.

I don't blame people for being sexually attracted to me, but I just don't completely get it, maybe because my self-image and self-esteem are not yet where I would like them to be.

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I've also wondered if I give off some kind of 'vibe' that says I'm not interested or not attractive, since I've never been asked out. Although maybe looking back I can see that one or two guys were interested, just that at the time I didn't realise or notice. But over time I've stopped trying to account for my singleness. It's not something weird or problematic and it doesn't make me a sociological or psychological or sexual outlier. Sometimes it's just circumstances, sometimes you just don't meet someone, it's not because there's something weird or a 'vibe' about you. I had a wise friend who said that of all her friends, there was really no difference between the the married/in relationship ones and the single ones.

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A few but not a whole lot really that I'm aware of. Sometimes people will be attracted to you and they won't say anything to you. I usually get an uncomfortable feeling when I think someone is attracted to me. Then I avoid them.

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AceInDaBlackHole

Having someone attracted to me in HS, is kind of where this started for me. I had no feelings at all that way for him and it must've showed to my family, who eventually gave up on me.

I come from a family where it's MANDATORY to get married and have kids. The pressure is unbelievable and I was fighting so hard to comply, that I didn't even consider looking at where my own choice was; I didn't know I had one (a choice).

Many years later I got engaged but, of course, it didn't work out.

I have such a big wall around me now that most people don't bother with me but I did used to get hit on a lot and hated every minute of it!

I much prefer emotional connections and just can't seem to do both. In my circle that means "mental illness" or "active sinner" and it's next to impossible to make friends with people because everyone else is married with kids. They just don't let in single, childless people. That hurts a lot but, I can't change them and they can't change me. It's just one of the least helpful outcomes of trying to fit into the kind of lives my parents had from a deeply personal, emotional level. I can still participate in community things but I never get invited to anyone's home and no one accepts my invites for even coffee.

I hate it either way. It only complicates the difficult issue of what to do when someone expresses sexual interest instead of hiding away to avoid the possibility.

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Many men who were complete strangers have hit on me, telling me I'm beautiful or asking me for my phone number. I've never had a guy formally ask me on a date however. In addition to being aromantic, I am also very asocial. I just assumed that guys have never asked me out because they can tell that I am not interested in them or maybe they can even tell I'm not into sex. An "asexual look" does sound plausible. I'm not sure if my face looks asexual, but I don't think I dress sexy at all, so that could be one clue that I'm asexual.

I have never found being hit on the least bit flattering and have expressed that feeling before only to be met with backlash. However while browsing the AVEN aromantic forum, I noticed a lot of aromantics who said they felt repulsed by people who have crushes on them. I feel the same way when someone seems to have a crush on me or even just hints at being attracted to me.My guess is that I find it repulsive because I'm picking up on the strangers' lust-driven motivations. These are sexual men who are acting on sexual desires, something I don't understand well. I've also had a woman hit on me once my senior year of college. I was walking around campus and she walked up to me and offered her hand and stood close to me. I walked away so fast lol. So yeah I'm not into people lusting toward me but I think I'd be ok with someone being attracted to my personality traits.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've known a few women who have been attracted to me. There may have been others, but I can't know for sure, since women don't usually approach men.

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There have been people who have been interested in me but I've always been upfront and told them I had no interest in romantic or sexual relationships but I was always open to new friends. 99% of the time I never heard from them again...

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  • 5 weeks later...
AlwaysBeenAsexual

I seem to only attract the oversexed its awful. So, I gave up looking, thinking and being told I was the problem because there was no problem with either of us. We were just not compatible. Although I realize this, I do not feel a weight lifted because asexuals are far and few between especially around here and in my age group. So far I haven't found any. I am not getting any younger and like I said I only seem to attract the extremely sexual which I will never let happen again. 3 relationships 3-4 years long each and i felt guilted and manipulated into having sex every time I had it and even though I always make my self clear to potential relationships from the beginning and I even try to deter them from wanting a relationship with me, they still lie and say they can handle it and that sex isn't very important to them but the next thing ya know you're having daily fights over how your not giving them enough sex and how I must not love them because I don't want to have sex with them. Even though I told them from the beginning your issue and still every time they fight saying you don't love them and that it isn't them it's you it doesn't matter because somehow it always had to be my fault that I didn't want it. anyways sex actually grosses me out and prior to those relationships I hadn't had sex much and after those longer term relationships It was 5 more years of none until the last time and I got pregnant with my son. It has been over a decade since I conceived him and I haven't had sex since then. Guys have tried to convince me to give them a chance but they are all guys I know that love their sex. They spout many things I've heard before and I tell them why it won't work out and they argue till finally I have to say, it isn't going to happen! I think most of them just want to try and prove a point that they can. But I know I wouldn't let them and I am tired of that game and the comments like, oh you must not know how to do it right or it is cause you haven't been with me, it will be different with me, or you just haven't had a guy that can fully turn you on. Grrrrrr What part of it really grosses me out and turns me off do they not understand? It's all awful! So I am left hoping for the impossible but have found happiness and fulfillment in having my beautiful, boy. As much as I would love to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and share memories with and have a father figure around for my son, I would much rather be alone relationship/commitment wise, than to be miserable, mentally and emotionally and risk my son being affected by them, just to curb some loneliness and get some human contact. Although if another Asexual male ever wanted to get to know me I would definitely want to get to know them and give them a chance. I really need to find a like minded relationship. Thanks for the vent.

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Allegedly, but not seriously. I think it if it were the case, I'd have had more positive formative interactions with people, which I didn't.

What really irritates me is when people don't say someone is attractive at first, but then gets to know them and then suddenly they are attractive. It always feels like someone is trying to hard to lift someone up, when really it's contradictory to what they original thought or have said.

I think that people don't often have enough time or patience to get beyond what they see on the outside. I think there is some expression about playing second violin, or viola in relation to how one ranks in the social order and such but I can't be bothered to reflect on it for fear insecurities will reemerge.

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Squirrel Combat

Plenty, but most of them didn't ever want to be with me. And a handful of those women were also in relationships already.

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cavalier080854

Once, in state school. from 13 to 15 years old. She sat next to me in lessons for 4 years, I was oblivious to her for the first 2 years.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just a few times because I'm a short and too slim male - most girls consider me not "male enough" to find attractive, I guess.

My first romantic love was heartbreaking and I'm still not sure if it has ended - I still have deep feelings for this girl. Maybe it's just friendship, but it feels so deep...

It started when I was 7. She was 5. We were a bunch of kids, boys and girls on our street always getting together and playing some games. We really enjoyed adventure role playing games, inventing scenarios based on cartoons or TV shows. And for some reason she always picked me as her partner in every scenario. She had somewhat controlling personality and other kids often got angry at her because she always wanted the story to develop her way. But for some reason she rarely objected when I wanted to change the story and add more of adventure or some sci-fi touches. Already at that time I was somewhat weaker than other kids and I had bad vision. Still she always wanted to be with me, she saw something special in me and I wasn't aware of it.

A year later she showed me some comics she's been drawing. They all were about romance between us. She seemed really crushed on me. At first I found it amusing. But as time passed, we developed much closer bond. Similar world views. Love for music. Serious talks about philosophical topics (at least at the level which is possible for teenagers) such as life, religion, love and death. And now I know that I had a crush on her, too. I discovered it only when we were separated for some days for various reasons. I got jealous when she mentioned some cute boys in her class. I felt that she is the only one who truly understands me.

Then she started showing some signs of sexuality. She wanted kissing sometimes. I could tolerate it but did not enjoy it at all. And then there were times when she was doing something strange (as I saw it). In a middle of a conversation, she started giggling, laying on the floor and looking at me strangely. At that time I almost wanted to spank her a little for such a nonsense behavior. But I was a good boy, I did not hurt her, I just stood there and stared at her with a puzzled smile on my face :D Only after many years after spending some time with a few other girls I understand that she was just flirting with me and trying to provoke me to act as a normal sexual boy should...

When I was about 17, her family had to move to other town. We were attending the same school, so I thought - no big deal, we can meet anyway. But soon I discovered my sexual issues and that confused me so much. I started to ignore my chances to meet her. And so time separated us.

I still feel her like my soulmate. I have seen dreams where we are both closely together and I cry "I love you, I want to be with you forever, but I can't give you my physical love."

I have received some compliments from maybe four fellow-student girls, two of them also showed signs of flirting when we both happened to be together alone. One of them sent me a Valentine day's card.

I'm feeling so bad every time I have to withdraw, I'm afraid that I might hurt them or make them feel less attractive. I still don't know the right way to deal with such situations. So... yeah, it's complicated. And what's worse - maybe I'm losing a chance to meet another asexual girl who is flirting just for romance or just to attract my attention, but the chance is really low, I guess. I still have some of these girls (ok, they are women already) on my contacts list and I hope to tell them the truth some day, in case if we happen to have appropriate conversation.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yes, but only a few have been explicit, the rest were just giving off "signs." As a guy it usually won't progress beyond the girl giving signs, so if I don't reciprocate then it just ends.

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Sockstealingnome

Yes, but only a few have been explicit, the rest were just giving off "signs." As a guy it usually won't progress beyond the girl giving signs, so if I don't reciprocate then it just ends.

It's not just girls who only give signs. I'd say most guys I've met will do the same to gauge level of interest, and if I play dumb and innocent, they usually give up long before any hints of dating are given.

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  • 3 months later...

Physically attracted, sure. But genuinely interested? Much fewer. Most of the men who were attracted to me I wasn't attracted to. The ones I've been attracted to were either not interested or just plain unavailable (or both). That was during my periods of intense self-loathing. It's been very rare where there was mutual attraction and interest. 

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