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Has anyone ever been attracted to you?


Adam Here

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I've captured a few hearts, but those guys knew what they were getting into ;)

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(I don't know if I'm old enough to post on this thread, but anyway...)

I used to think that I had attracted some guys in the past, but they were either drunk, desperate, and/or didn't know me very well, so I don't think it counts, to be honest. AFAIK, no one has ever been genuinely interested in me, and it sometimes made me wonder if there is something wrong with me (besides my appearance). I mean, people are always saying that any woman can get a guy (even if it's not for something serious), and even here I found some ace women complaining that they're tired of "friendzoning" people and that that's why they're thinking about giving up being just friends with guys. Besides, a lot of feminists say that women are cat called on a daily basis, which makes me wonder if I'm not actually a woman, because it rarely ever happens to me (thank the gods). :P

I think that some people assume that I must be attracting a lot of guys, even though I'm not. So maybe it's the "ace vibe" thing, Idk... But no, I don't think anyone has ever been attracted to me.

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of course there have been a number of guys that have been interested in me and mostly them a hot blooded allosexuals...some of them have come right up to me and told me that they fancy to me and then there have been others who I don't know and have given signs of interest which my co-workers have picked up but mostly I am oblivious to this as I don't notice it when its happening.

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When I was in grad school I had two women ask me to marry them...one of them was my girlfriend for 2 years and the other one I barely knew.

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Crazy Diamond

Back before I got sick, I captured 4 hearts. 2 of them (1 male / 1 female) were unrequited on my part and 3 I fell in love with but 1 was unrequited. (Those were 2 males I fell in love with and had a relationship with and 1 female I pined for but the feelings were not mutual.)

Being bisexual can give you so many choices but as an asexual I feel like I have none. It bothers me.

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I'm oblivious to this kind of stuff, always was, but I've been explained that I actually did and still do attract regularly human females.

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Nope. ...That is to say: I'm not aware that anyone has been.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Jetsun Milarepa

I'm old and cynical , so if I get any attention like that I always think 'what are you really after?'

As someone who doesn't go out of my way to look attractive, the last 25 years have turned up a few guys who tried, but I suspect they were after some stability in their lives rather than a real relationship, which in any case, I could never give them.

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I'm usually pretty oblivious, but especially in retrospect it's obvious that some people have been attracted to me and it's completely gone over my head.

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idekrncidc231

-_- too many. As I've said other places, I was "sexually harassed" ... A LOT. Have had boys straitening my clothes, rubbing my arms, tying my shoes. Giving me random hugs and taking my face putting their face close to mine (same guy) I had a dude pet my head. I was 13 and a 16 yr old asked me out. I had guys staring at me like wierdos and a group of literally 13 or so friends all ask me seriously if I would go out with any of them. I was sitting in class on a stool and heard a guy say, "she's the hottest girl in school" guys go "yea" who he was talking to, I look at them and they look away someone saying "she's looking this way" I am thinking 'I MUST have heard them wrong' had a guy hold the door open for me, his friend asks "why don't you ever hold the door for me?" The guy answers "you're not a hot girl" XD this was actually funny. But all the other crap was annoying as crap. And I never knew why until recently I realized I don't feel like a pretty girl and I don't feel like I should be getting all this attention from people as a girl or my looks and biological body. I am a person. An it. I don't want to be a girl. I just want to be me. I am gender neutral. Or I am leaning that way anyway. Still unsure. As I have concerns and feel... Awkward going against bio. But I don't feel as though I am any gender. I want to be an angel flying free from this mortal coil. *sigh* OK I've ranted enough ^^; sorry

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I've got a few relationships in my past, so I know I attracted some people, though how I don't know; I never did anything on purpose to get someone else's attention, was just sitting there minding my own when I was approached.

As recently as this past year, I've been accused of not knowing flirting when I come face-to-face with it. Flirting, seriously? We were comparing our old people aches and pains, as in my-osteoarthritis-is worse-than-yours kind of thing. Is this the new normal in flirting when you're past 50? Anyway, I've always been clueless about attraction, but as I get older I find I'm way less tolerant of being approached by someone I feel no connection with, like I'm supposed to feel flattered they threw some attention my way.

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damage_case

A lot of times. But not face to face. It comes through grapevine... and then online they do it. I do feel nice about it... especially if things get graphic.

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Unfortunately, I seem to be that level of attractive that someone wouldn't mind having as arm candy, but not so attractive as to be intimidating... so I got approached a LOT until I quit going out several years ago. I was totally oblivious to it for the longest time, until I had some close friends who explained it to me, and now that I know how to see it, I can't stop seeing it, so I dug myself a hole and pulled a stone over the top and I've been in my dark cave ever since. I'm only being partly facetious. I'm pretty much waiting to be really old so that these kids stop hitting on me (I also look a lot younger than I am, apparently). I have a feeling that some of you here on this forum will understand my desire for wrinkles. :/ It also makes it a lot more difficult to make friends when women see you as competition and men see you as a "possibility." A lot of the time, I just can't believe people still act that way, I thought it'd go away after high school, but apparently not...

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Yup. But if i'm not attracted to them too, i just ignore it. :)

I've been told i can be a bit "scary" until i let you get to know me. Whatever, i'm weird, i know that. I just want my weird to attract other weirdos, normal people do nothing for me :D

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Blackthorn

I would say no, but I think I would be oblivious to it :rolleyes: I avoid social situations anyway..

I have only been in one relationship and I don't think he was attracted to ME as such. A mutual friend had told him I was a nice submissive female :mad: (Quiet doesn't equal submissive...) It didn't last long :lol:

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It has happened on rare occasion. But I would just make myself totally unreachable, even if I was also attracted to them. I just didn't see the point really. I mean, the chances of that person being an asexual and also compatible with my asociality would be zero. And I'm not that good at socializing so I've just been avoiding any potential relationships for pretty much a decade now.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yes. I have had relationships in the distant past and I was engaged once. I have brushed off a lot of other male attention as it made me feel awkward but I didn't really know why. I suppose I didn't believe I was attractive but now I think it made me fearful because of wanting to be normal and fit in but feeling anxious about where it would inevitably lead.

Like Qutenkuddly I later discovered that I wasn't unattractive, people would tell me I should be a model in fact! This made me wonder even more why I didn't like to connect with guys beyond friends so I would try to do what was expected of me.

Only recently I have figured out I'm asexual and I need to be upfront about that in the future. I feel I'm too old to waste time now!

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Yes, several. And some of them have been very attractive, nice, smart, grounded men. (And then there were the others who have made me seriously want to join a religious order ...) I've momentarily felt flattered when thinking about individuals in the first group, and been jolted out of my reveries - to put it nicely - to have been the target of the second group.

But the thing is that I hardly dwell upon these incidents. There are plenty other fascinating things to think about in this universe than "Oh, that guy is looking at me!!!" When I was in my teens and 20's, that kind of thing was exciting. But even then, I was perfectly happy with just getting the validation and first few stages of petting in a relationship. After a while it all got meh, and even kind of annoying, and I got back to my usual trains of thought about the evolution of massive stars, how best to interpret a certain <instrument XYZ> concerto, exciting finds about ancient civilizations, putting the perfect outfit together for an event, packing efficiently for a trip, decoding cat behavior, organizing my apartment, etc. etc.

Since about middle school others have thought that my interest in the world around me was some kind of affectation. For the record, I'm quite a few decades past middle school by now, but this perception persists. ("She thinks she's smarter/ better than everyone else." Because, you know, women are only really interested in getting male attention. And anything else is just marking time until He comes along, or to impress people. No, you sex obsessed chimpanzees - I play <instrument XYZ> because it really speaks to my soul, and when I was dating it was all the more difficult to put aside time for practicing. And liking classical music was a non-negotiable dating criterion for me.)

A while ago I remember being at a magazine stand absorbed in an article about a former Pope's funeral, and was startled to see some guy leering at my chest. I'm far from perpetually existing in some sensually receptive state of mind as some people believe or expect of women, but that particular time was about the worst instance for any kind of personal attention. That's pretty much how attraction pans out in my life. I could be deep in thought about a mathematical theorem or a book or some idea or a piece of music or some international incident ... and then notice an unwelcome stare.

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Betty Badinbed

Yeah, in my 20s and early 30s. I remember three guys in particular who were interested in me (not all at same time).

They started as friends, basically, who then at some stage hinted they'd like a bit more... usually via a mutual friend.

In each case, I just friendzoned them madly - I was genuinely not interested in them romantically (let alone sexually). Two of them were accepting of it, but one told me a year later that it wasn't fair, that I could at least have given him a chance to see if it would work, but no, I had such a 'stubborn attitude'.

As though it were a given! Geez...

(I didn't know I was ace at the time, I just knew that sleeping with a friend was the most pointless and awkward-making thing I could think of.)

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I don't think ANY man has been attracted to me except ONE man. Right now, we hardly talks because I won't give him intercourse.

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God of the Forest

I mean this is hard to reply to without sounding conceited or narcissistic, but yes quite often.

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Yes, I've directly experienced attraction from several women (I dated two of them, wonderful people) and a couple of gay guys. I tend to be sensitive to the moods of others, so it's really obvious to me when I'm getting hit upon. Sadly, before asexuality was known, I thought my attractions to these other people would grow to match what they felt for me as we dated, but it never happened - I could play a romantic role, and even convince myself I was in love, but it wasn't real. I was happy with being a friend, while wanted more; eventually, most of them came to realize that I couldn't deliver intimacy and broke the relationship off. Later on, when I knew the script, I got better at gently fending off their attractions.

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Once at work when I was in my twenties. He asked my boss to introduce him to me. My boss first asked me if I wanted to be introduced and I said no. I have never had anyone else interested in me, if there was I did not know about it.

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I think I'm usually oblivious to it. I once had a nice conversation with a friend-of-a-friend at someone's house. I later realized that she was probably interested. A conversation with someone else made me feel like I was being vetted. She's a lovely person -- but it did make me feel a bit uncomfortable....

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I am oblivious to it as well. Unless someone tells me later, I can't tell if someone is hitting on me.

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I do look like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I look much older than I am, I can honestly say, no, no one has ever been attracted to me

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Maybe I'm simply too oblivious to notice if anyone is interested unless they come right out and say something. I think I would most likely miss out on anything more subtle than a direct question, such as, "Will you go out with me?"

I've been wondering about this a lot. I've never been asked on a date, and people seem to find this really surprising for a smart, friendly, decent looking almost 30 year old. I'm starting to look back on some of my friendships and wonder if there was ever something that I missed, or if I just naturally give out 'not interested' vibes. So here's my question to the more experienced people out there: how often does this dating thing take a direct approach, with one party asking the other "Will you go out with me"? This happens in the movies, so what about real life? Am I undateable or oblivious?

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Maybe I'm simply too oblivious to notice if anyone is interested unless they come right out and say something. I think I would most likely miss out on anything more subtle than a direct question, such as, "Will you go out with me?"

I've been wondering about this a lot. I've never been asked on a date, and people seem to find this really surprising for a smart, friendly, decent looking almost 30 year old. I'm starting to look back on some of my friendships and wonder if there was ever something that I missed, or if I just naturally give out 'not interested' vibes. So here's my question to the more experienced people out there: how often does this dating thing take a direct approach, with one party asking the other "Will you go out with me"? This happens in the movies, so what about real life? Am I undateable or oblivious?

I bet you're oblivious. For some of us, it just works that way. I used to think that no-one was ever interested in me -- but that didn't make much sense. I decided that I must be oblivious to it. I'm OK with that.

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Actually yes, many people - both genders, I've been asked by strangers to join them in a threesome even :blink: totally randomly. It's all a bit strange as I don't really wear anything feminine and don't behave in a typically flirty way at all. I don't even identify with female gender - I don't see myself as having any gender at all, so I don't think I'm sending any mysterious feminine signals... unless it's pheromones or something like that, pure biology.

Recently I've been going out more and again - same thing. I think "wow, this guy seems like an awesome friend material" and they actually want to get all sexy very fast. Nope, nope, mate. Sometimes you start chatting with someone, all is nice, then they start sending little sexy hints, maybe a joke here and there, you try to distance a bit from the romantic tone and BAM suddenly it's like a rejection to them, then they disappear. I just hate that. I used to have boys/men as friends all my life, since childhood, I loved that they treated me like a little sister maybe, like one of their wolf pack :) Now it seems impossible, kinda... Many people like this sort of attention - I just don't. Some people look VERY suspiciously at male/female friendships anyway thinking nothing like that exists without some kind of repressed sexual attraction from one side usually. It's all tricky to me.

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