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Has anyone ever been attracted to you?


Adam Here

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This may seem a very odd question to ask a 'normal' person, but as someone who doesn't want sex or even a relationship, I can safely say only one person in my life has told me she was attracted to me.

Before you all think I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, I can assure you I am not and wasn't. I wasn't fat either. I looked quite boyish in my 20s and acceptable if I can say that without saying I found myself attractive. Ha ha, this is such a difficult point to put across.

What I am trying to say is that I found guys who were 'less attractive' than me seemed to attract females whereas I didn't. I can only ever remember one woman flirting with me in my entire life and she was married.

I never attracted any female attention other than her. Nothing at all. And in my job I did meet a lot of women. As I worked in an office. Maybe they thought I was gay, but I think I just gave off this vibe that I wasn't human. LOL. This is really difficult to explain.

It's like when I hear people saying they've had affairs, and I think how did that get started?? How does it work? Does someone just say 'do you want an affair'??

Anyone know what I mean?? ^_^

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Lord Jade Cross

I imagine that an affair works when both parties are mutually attracted to each other and things run from there. I dont think they explicitly ask to have the affair.

Over the course of my life, I have had people who have been attracted to me (dont see how as I dont consider myself attractive) but the feeling has never been reciprocated so no affair has ever started.

Usually "i like you" whether in verbal or non verbal form just triggers a "freak out now" response in me. And if the person is pushy or insisting, it adds an element of anger to the situation.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Yes, increasingly often in the last few years. I hate it.

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I know what you mean. c:

I've been told by many people that they find me attractive,but I just think in my mind that they're just setting themselves up for failure. ( This is my sense of humor towards my asexuality :D ).

I definitely understand you too when you talked about people having affairs. So much curiosity stirs up in me, though I try not to question since I feel I might be intruding in a personal reason of theirs that they may not be comfortable sharing.

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secretagentpenguin

Yeah but I usually don't notice it until they actually lean in to kiss me or something and then I am like, "Whoa partner hold your horses! What is going on?" Like I am so not attracted to anyone that I don't notice it when they are attracted to me. Also in my mind I find myself attractive but I also think that I may look unusual to other people (if that makes sense), so I just assume that everyone is not attracted to me right when we meet.

Maybe you're like me and women have been into you but you just didn't see it so they got the message that you weren't interested.

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Grumpy Alien

Not an "older" asexual but I can relate to that. I don't know if anyone's ever been physically attracted to me. I've had 3 guys interested in dating me but 1 probably just wanted a conquest and another might've just been desperate... The remaining one was in grade school. So I don't know. Other than that, no one has ever shown any interest. I'm told I'm not as ugly as I think but it is definitely true that I'm not conventionally attractive in the least. But then someone who is considerably less attractive will have had several relationships or lots of sex and here I am feeling like Quasimodo. It makes me think I give off some weird vibe that freaks people out or turns them off or something.

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Well, office affairs and stuff start by talking and flirting and stuff. I get flirted with at work, by customers (not by co-workers, cause I hardly talk to co-workers... but there is one guy that is friendly and I imagine probably gets girls flirting with him).

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Oh, interesting question! It's something that I, too, have wondered about.

I am aware of a (very) few people who have been interested in / attracted to me, but nothing serious has ever developed, quite possibly because I was never particularly interested in them.

I have wondered whether I give off some kind of, 'Do not approach; I'm not interested' vibe. That feels more comforting than the I'm-too-ugly-to-be-appealing-to-anyone-else alternative!

Trying to look at things objectively, I have seen people who were, as far as I could tell, on a par with myself, physically speaking, and yet they seemed to be able to attract attention in ways that I never have. Thus, I tell myself that the 'ugly' explanation doesn't really hold up, even if that's sometimes how I've felt.

Maybe I'm simply too oblivious to notice if anyone is interested unless they come right out and say something. I think I would most likely miss out on anything more subtle than a direct question, such as, "Will you go out with me?"

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I recognize now more people were attracted to me than I thought. I can now remember things they said and did that didn't make sense to me back then.

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A lot of adults say I'm fairly attractive, and my parents say I'm perfect and stuff but I don't take too much pride into my appearance or I'm just lazy about it. I don't know if anyone is attracted to me though. Either way I'm pretty sure my personality just kinds of ruins my look anyway, because I'm too awkward. To me it's cool to be attractive, but I don't really think about the 'sex' part of 'sexually attractive'.

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Apparently.

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Never that I am aware of. If a woman (or man but that would have been very awkward for me) was interested in me, she never said anything or I was too oblivious to read the signals. In fact, just recently out of academic curiosity, I Googled how to tell if a woman wants to be kissed. It was completely alien to me and I had no clue about the information presented. However it did clue me in that I could not recall ever being in a situation where a woman presented with those signals.

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When I was young and up to the year 2008, yes - constantly and it made me sick because it wasn't an attraction to who I am (was) or anything about my character, interests - it was always about disgusting sex and that was it! I HATED it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Yes, I hated it. I've ALWAYS hated it.

And even supposed "now" EX-Friends would not listen when they just couldn't believe that I hated it and would continue at my constant disgust and telling them NO and STOP IT, I HATE THAT - would go in for the hug and sometimes the disgusting words. I HATE People I HATE people!! (not you guys). Ugh! It triggered me so BAD. I won't go on 'cause it'll just get worse from here.

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Not seriously. Occasionally a pickled individual in a pub after a one-night stand, but that's it

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Qutenkuddly

I used to think that I was unattractive for the longest while, but, later in life, discovered that, on the contrary, I was simply oblivious to many advances made toward me.

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I'm rather young, but there have been some people interested in me. They all only wanted a feminine form to have on their arm or make them feel important. I don't know if anyone has ever liked me for my ~personality~.

People who have affairs often just end up in that spot. In the most cliche description possible: they notice the suggestive looks, lingering touches, laughs and "accidental" meetings. They enjoy themselves around each other and discover they share a common interest. That interest may or may not be a new relationship.

I've never heard of someone asking "Do you want an affair?" but many people ask things like "Are you interested in me?" and "Do these little things you do mean more than you put on?"

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I have noticed that ever since I have accepted and realized that I am asexual (still figuring out some of the ways in which I am asexual), that men do not come on to me anymore. It is like I have created an invisible barrier between me and them. I knew there was something different about me right from young but spent my life trying to fix it. So, in that confusion, I still put out signals that would be interpreted as interested. Now, I am solidly not interested. Perhaps you have this invisible barrier and people in your life have been respectful of it. I have some guy friends who are not asexual but who claim that they don't get any signals from others that they are interested in dating them. Mostly, these friends, despite being perfectly attractive, really don't see themselves as such. Human beings are so interesting. I sure with this site had been around ten years ago.

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Lately, I find myself telling people I meet that I am asexual. I get a lot of interesting responses and some are quite vulgar but I ignore that and go on to become the educator and they get so bored that they wander off, haha. But I am surprised at how many older friends are quite intrigued and accepting. I could detect a mutual understanding from a girlfriend the other evening. I told her about my dream of having a totally platonic relationship where you are so free; you go out together, share mutual interests, give each other lots of space, have so much fun, and then come home, sit up and read (a room with separate beds) without any guilt or pawing (the most awful thing of all). High hopes....

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Finding myself

I am not aware of anyone finding me attractive in the last say 30 years. I think this is due to a combination of factors: not being particualrly attractive, not being tuned in to know if someone finds me attractive or is flirting with me, being awkward (embarrassed / uneasy) in some social situations.

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wagglingeyebrows

A lot of people tell me I'm pretty and cute (friends and maybe potential interests), but there have been very few people who have told me they're attracted to me. I'm in my early 20s, and it seems since I've started college people have taken an interest in me. Even still, I get asked out maybe once or twice a year.

I don't quite get how people enter affairs either. I've had a few friends where they've had a "problem" of attracting multiple people at the same time and it's just ???? it's beyond me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

i am quite oblivious to when someone is interested in me or attracted to me as I do not see the tell tell signs from the person giving out signals as people says especially when its coming from an allosexual. They would actually have to physically tell me in person or try to do something about it....otherwise I wouldn't have a clue.

I have had three workmates say they have feelings for me, one was single at the time and was a friend of mine....but a long history short it was a blurred friendship romance even though I was and is still in a relationship with someone else..they wanted me to leave my partner for them and be there gf but I didn't and eventually messed up the friendship and no longer on speaking terms but they have a partner now. I did eventually have feelings for them but never sexual.

The other two are married men...one is my area supervisor and the other is temporary team leader. But we are friends whilst in work.

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aussiekirkland

Apparently there's this thing with allos where they can read each other's sexual energy? So if you're not giving off much of a vibe maybe that's why people aren't attracted to you? Well I'm not so sure because I'm very much aromantic asexual and yet I seem to have guys attracted to me a lot (like once a year, which of course feels like a lot for me because it's very stressful) and while some of them have admitted it, others I just knew like I get this vibe from them on a subconscious level. What on earth guys find attractive about me anyway? I'm not ugly so it's probably just my lack of understanding how attraction works.

I've tried to counteract this by looking stereotypically gay and as much as stereotypes suck they're useful for some things but it hasn't really worked so far. I think the only way it'll work is if I go full gay and chop off my hair XD

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Sister Nightfall

Well, I've thoroughly confused a guy at work. He told me he's usually pretty good at picking out the orientation of people but he got no signals from me in either direction. ^_^

edit: forgot the actual question. Yes I've experienced people attracted to me, been picked up various places. Should probably have been an ego boost, but is just confusing.

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Purnkin Spurce

Yes, I've had a few guys and girls into me on few occasions but it's usually by men I would never date or even find attractive emotionally. It's usually older men whom I'm not into, or I hate to say it the kind of guys that aren't social equip ot date? If that makes sense I don't mean it in a bad way.

Usually anyone that's into me I'm already not into them. It's frustrating.

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Online I think there have been a few (til I managed to scare them off without even trying to do so)

Offline/actual life, none that I know of ... I probably give off some sorta electro-magnetic field or something that says 'stay away!' .. probably all connected back to whatever is makes me unloveable/unlikeable/unfriendable/etc

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I'm pretty sure its a never for me, I always assumed I was giving off a vibe, a close friend even sort of confirmed it well I'm assuming she wasn't trying to tell me I should buy a mask or get a new personality. If I remember rightly

"I can imagine you being married with kids, I just can't ever picture you dating anyone"

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I have often felt like I am from another planet, lol.

This. This. Aaaand this! (still waiting for my spaceship back home...)

@topic: No.

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Qutenkuddly

Back in my youth, I thought my then-roommate was just being playful when she plunked herself down in my lap while I was sitting in the living room. It was explained to me later that there was more to it than that. :p

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