At 59, I have never loved or been loved

[Adam Here]

Only by my mother and father, but I guess that doesn't count. ^_^

I have lived my entire 59 years single. Never had a relationship, but I have tried to have sex but my heart wasn't in it. So I have never had intercourse either.

Do I feel like I have missed anything? No, because I don't like the prospect of a relationship. Never mind actually having one.

But I am happy and I guess nobody would guess that I have never had a girlfriend in my entire life. :twisted: LOL

[Phantasmal Fingers]

Glad you like custard. So do I! :)

[Tja]

Same here. I'm 51.

[Phantasmal Fingers]

50. Spring chicken!

[MenthaPiperita]

Not all meaningful relationships are romantic. And romantic love is not the only form of love. So, the love of your parents *does* count. Being perma-single is not the same as being unloved.

[Adam Here]

Thanks for your replies, friends. I was beginning to think I was the only person on the planet to have experienced this type of existence. Ha ha.

Yeah, I know not all relationships are sexual, and I have a few friends. But they like me I guess. They don't love me. I have never had anyone say to me 'I love you'. Apart like I say my late mother.

[Tja]

Nice that you had that from your mother, Adam.

I've never experienced personal, or familial, love. I think I may be capable of it, but have never had the opportunity.

[Adam Here]

^^ We're all different I suppose.

[seneca]

50, single, never been kissed. May be more of us out there than people think.And we're not pervs, just uninterested.

[Adam Here]

^^ I've been kissed but I didn't enjoy it. I was thinking it was really weird thing to do to someone. Ha ha. Might I add I was the one being kissed. I was not kissing back, But it was on my lips.

I feel a bit of a fraud here, because I have actually been to bed with about three women. Three or four I can't remember because I was so bored by it. I did it when I was 40. The 40 year old virgin and all that. I felt I needed to do it at least once. But I couldn't rise to the occasion and was flung out of the bedroom on all three occasions. Was I bothered?

Err, NO.

[Techie]

Welcome! I turn 54 in June. Your story is practically a mirror image of mine (never in a relationship, never had sex). I have felt romantic attraction for women and even have feelings for a woman now that are very distracting as I cannot see myself ever acting upon them. I too have never experienced someone loving me, other than of course my parents, and even then we were not a "touchy-feely" family so physical contact with other people was minimal. Probably the most enjoyable time I have ever had was when a niece was between being an infant and two years of age. She would want to be held and cuddled, and would fall asleep in my arms. That was pure bliss and I would often fall asleep with her and I could only imagine what it would be like to have a woman in my arms. But it is what it is and I have forced myself to accept that my life is playing out the way nature intended.

[Tystie]

Almost 50. Some dating, but no serious relationships. No intercourse, either.

And, yep, I'm fine with that, although I used to worry about when, if and how I'd find that special someone and settle down.

The thing is, I think that I was conditioned to think that everyone is 'doing it', so I worried about how odd I was because I wasn't. (How fabulous it is to have found a place where I feel it's okay to say this, and where there are so many people who have similar stories to tell!)

I wonder whether the rise of an asexual movement is in part a reaction to the sexual liberation / permissive society of the 1960s onwards, not because we are prudes or anything like that, but because what became 'normal' simply didn't include us. By making sex so socially acceptable and visible in the media, changes in society ended up excluding those who weren't interested. (Maybe it's not a reaction, so much as a next step. It was okay, even expected, to do all these things; now we're moving on to a stage where it will be equally acceptable not to.)

Incidentally, where is the line between like and love? Maybe we only 'like' our close friends because we are guarded about using the 'love' word outside of romantic or familial attachments. Or maybe I'm sufficiently inexperienced in love outside of the family context to know what I'm talking about!

I find it easy to say I love my family. It's my default position. (Yes, I know I'm lucky to have that default.)

But I have close friends who are as close to me as the few family members I have, and whom I rarely see. These days, it is our shared history that ties me to my family more than everyday interaction. Recently, it has been my friends who have helped me when I needed help, and it's my friends with whom I do things. Can I not love them all?

[Adam Here]

Welcome! I turn 54 in June. Your story is practically a mirror image of mine (never in a relationship, never had sex). I have felt romantic attraction for women and even have feelings for a woman now that are very distracting as I cannot see myself ever acting upon them. I too have never experienced someone loving me, other than of course my parents, and even then we were not a "touchy-feely" family so physical contact with other people was minimal. Probably the most enjoyable time I have ever had was when niece was between being an infant and two years of age. She would want to be held and cuddled, and would fall asleep in my arms. That was pure bliss and I would often fall asleep with her and I could only imagine what it would be like to have a woman in my arms. But it is what it is and I have forced myself to accept that my life is playing out the way nature intended.

Yes, you raise an interesting issue. People wonder how I can class myself as straight when I don't desire sex with women. Or men for that matter. I guess I feel more at ease in women's company, so that's where the straight thing comes from. I am drawn to them as friends but I don't want to marry one. Have one as a girlfriend. I'm not sure if it's a romantic leaning though. I doubt it, because surely that involves affection, love, flowers, kisses, BEDTIME. Yikes. Nope.

[Adam Here]

Almost 50. Some dating, but no serious relationships. No intercourse, either.

And, yep, I'm fine with that, although I used to worry about when, if and how I'd find that special someone and settle down.

The thing is, I think that I was conditioned to think that everyone is 'doing it', so I worried about how odd I was because I wasn't. (How fabulous it is to have found a place where I feel it's okay to say this, and where there are so many people who have similar stories to tell!)

I wonder whether the rise of an asexual movement is in part a reaction to the sexual liberation / permissive society of the 1960s onwards, not because we are prudes or anything like that, but because what became 'normal' simply didn't include us. By making sex so socially acceptable and visible in the media, changes in society ended up excluding those who weren't interested. (Maybe it's not a reaction, so much as a next step. It was okay, even expected, to do all these things; now we're moving on to a stage where it will be equally acceptable not to.)

Incidentally, where is the line between like and love? Maybe we only 'like' our close friends because we are guarded about using the 'love' word outside of romantic or familial attachments. Or maybe I'm sufficiently inexperienced in love outside of the family context to know what I'm talking about!

I find it easy to say I love my family. It's my default position. (Yes, I know I'm lucky to have that default.)

But I have close friends who are as close to me as the few family members I have, and whom I rarely see. These days, it is our shared history that ties me to my family more than everyday interaction. Recently, it has been my friends who have helped me when I needed help, and it's my friends with whom I do things. Can I not love them all?

I guess liking someone is light affection where as love is intense. I have only ever experienced love for my family. But I have never experienced emotional or sexual love.

[Tja]

^^ I've been kissed but I didn't enjoy it. I was thinking it was really weird thing to do to someone. Ha ha. Might I add I was the one being kissed. I was not kissing back, But it was on my lips.

I feel a bit of a fraud here, because I have actually been to bed with about three women. Three or four I can't remember because I was so bored by it. I did it when I was 40. The 40 year old virgin and all that. I felt I needed to do it at least once. But I couldn't rise to the occasion and was flung out of the bedroom on all three occasions. Was I bothered?

Err, NO.

Oh...now sex...you didn't say anything about sex :P Have had, or, tried to have, lots of sex. Never cared for it. Used it as a way to connect to someone. Never amounted to much.

Have satisfied many men, but, have never been satisfied by them ;) Haven't bothered trying for about 15 years.

I thought we were discussing love? :P

[Adam Here]

^^ I've been kissed but I didn't enjoy it. I was thinking it was really weird thing to do to someone. Ha ha. Might I add I was the one being kissed. I was not kissing back, But it was on my lips.

I feel a bit of a fraud here, because I have actually been to bed with about three women. Three or four I can't remember because I was so bored by it. I did it when I was 40. The 40 year old virgin and all that. I felt I needed to do it at least once. But I couldn't rise to the occasion and was flung out of the bedroom on all three occasions. Was I bothered?

Err, NO.

Oh...now sex...you didn't say anything about sex :P Have had, or, tried to have, lots of sex. Never cared for it. Used it as a way to connect to someone. Never amounted to much.

Have satisfied many men, but, have never been satisfied by them ;) Haven't bothered trying for about 15 years.

I thought we were discussing love? :P

I haven't officially had sex though. I couldn't get aroused, despite having a naked woman in bed with me kissing me all over. I guess I knew at that point I really was asexual after years of wondering.

So no sexual intercourse at all. :P Last time I was in bed with a woman was in 1999. One of the worst experiences of my life. That I do remember.

[Mocha Jo]

I have finally decided, after 2 marriages (one to a male, one to a female) that both failed miserably that I am not going to subject myself to "love" again. Everyone talks about being in "love". I'm not even sure what that means if the only definition is "sex"- which seems to be the way our society defines it.

Dogs are better. (or cats)

[Tja]

I have finally decided, after 2 marriages (one to a male, one to a female) that both failed miserably that I am not going to subject myself to "love" again. Everyone talks about being in "love". I'm not even sure what that means if the only definition is "sex"- which seems to be the way our society defines it.

Dogs are better. (or cats)

That's the truth about cats and dogs! ;)

[Muledeer]

Dogs and cats are where it's at! I've had a couple of girlfriends, both sexual relationships, but never experienced *love* besides my parents. No sex for me in at least 20 years, and, upon realizing that I am Ace, I am just fine with that.

[Mocha Jo]

Nice dog, Muledeer :)

[Toinby]

52 year old Ace here, new to thread. Why didn't I search for these threads long ago. and love the moniker, ACE..

Always had a problem (in my own head of course) of truly believing I didn't fit in, but my reality is that i fit in just not as others do. I'm trying to steadfastly own being an Ace when asked about my relationship status, which surprisingly still comes up a lot even at 52.

I dated early twenties and had some sex then too but it just created more questions about what was wrong with me and why don't I like this. So now I'm a long time single and accept that. (I often think about wanting to be different but know that I am not)

I look forward to reading more of all your stories and feel great that I found this community of which I know I belong. big smiley face

[teatree]

Welcome, Toinby! Glad to have you here. The "Anyone over 50?" thread can get quite lively, so check it out!

[Aqua Blue]

I can relate to this. I am 62 and have never felt I was loved by really anyone. I grew up in a stern German hardworking home. Fun was the work of the devil sort of thing. I think we were loved, but there really was no affection ever displayed.

I married someone who was emotionally unavailable and stayed married for 19 years. I think I picked him because I knew on some level there was something "wrong" with me and I didn't have to address it with him, but still conformed to the social pressure to be married. No kids.

I haven't been in any form of relationship for the past 20 years. I did have a couple of totally non sexual friendships with women that I enjoyed in that they were intellectually stimulating and gave this introvert the one on one companionship I crave. But, I decided to move about 10 years ago to a lower cost living area. I have probably more friends here than I ever have had, but they are more superficial, we play cards, go to a movie, play bunco, etc.

It wasn't till a few years ago that I realized that something "wrong" with me wasn't wrong at all, but rather I was atypical in that I was ACE. If I was much younger, I would probably try some therapy to explore my childhood a bit, but I am probably the most happy I have ever been now, and I see no reason to delve into the past.

I have hopes that younger aces will have a less isolated life.

[white183a]

I am 64yo Male in U.K. and guess I am ACE.

I was freaked by sexual abuse by older boy when age 11.

I have always been Single, and disliked a few experiences with Female and Male partners many years ago.

I am a Self Contained Loner, Not into Relationships, prefer Friendships and Pets.

At times thought myself to be Homoromantic for younger men, but mainly in Fantasy.

I enjoyed solo sex and looking at gay pornography at times in the past, but not these days.

These days I am happy solo and totally celebate.

I often think about my odd sexual profile.

I am somewhat O.C.D. repelled by sex organs and acts.

I am not capable of loving or being loved.

I am not capable of forming relationships.

I decline offers from older ladies, it's just Not within me, and I stay just friends.

It's Just the way I'm Made!. We are all different!.

Ray xx

[Muledeer]

"I have always been Single, and disliked a few experiences with Female and Male partners many years ago.
I am a Self Contained Loner, Not into Relationships, prefer Friendships and Pets.

At times thought myself to be Homoromantic for younger men, but mainly in Fantasy.

I enjoyed solo sex and looking at gay pornography at times in the past, but not these days.

These days I am happy solo and totally celebate.
I often think about my odd sexual profile.
I am somewhat O.C.D. repelled by sex organs and acts.

It's Just the way I'm Made!. We are all different!."

Ray, I could have written this myself. Thanks for posting it. I just turned 53.

​I am still learning how to use the quote button so please forgive me for the appearance of this post.

[cavalier080854]

62 years young and still BNIB. Box is a little dog eared, but still intact. I have not regretted a thing. Everyone around me isn't bothered either, family and friends.

[fissiparity]

Romantic love has no objective existence outisde human egotism. I compare it to faith in an imaginary deity. That doesn't mean one can't care deeply for another person but romantic love is the preserve of bad poets and young adult fiction. It should be redundant and obsolete.

[seneca]

50 here, and I'm the same as you. Just never felt the need for sex or romance. Seems like a big bother. Looking at the way all my sister's marriages turned out doesn't exactly encourage me.

[coyote55]

Many of us have had strange journeys through life. I've never loved anyone in a romantic sense either, but have been fortunate in having given and received love in other ways. Friends and family know I have a sympathetic ear and I'm often the one they turn to when a serious issue comes up. This can be demanding, but it's a form of love I can provide. As many of them grew older and married, their kids came to know me as a kind (if eccentric, perhaps) uncle, and I've received much love and affection from them. It's hard to beat that.

[will123]

On 3/16/2016 at 11:48 AM, Techie said:

Welcome! I turn 54 in June. Your story is practically a mirror image of mine (never in a relationship, never had sex). I have felt romantic attraction for women and even have feelings for a woman now that are very distracting as I cannot see myself ever acting upon them. I too have never experienced someone loving me, other than of course my parents, and even then we were not a "touchy-feely" family so physical contact with other people was minimal. Probably the most enjoyable time I have ever had was when a niece was between being an infant and two years of age. She would want to be held and cuddled, and would fall asleep in my arms. That was pure bliss and I would often fall asleep with her and I could only imagine what it would be like to have a woman in my arms. But it is what it is and I have forced myself to accept that my life is playing out the way nature intended.

Well said Techie!.