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#Trans + non-binary problems


Neko-tama

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*walking down halls, dysphoric as hell* "I hate everything"

*goes to friends*

*friend makes puns* "...Okay not everything." :redface: friends are good things to have.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

Knowing I'm non binary because of how angry I am at the despicable tory government for having said no to adding a third gender marker years before I started questioning. Like people are acting like Theresa May's being really inclusive at the mo but I have yet to feel the effects. Also the inability of UK media to acknowledge the existence of non binary people.

 

Also finally going to the GP because I want some beta blockers or something but not because I have an anxiety disorder, rather because of autistic shutdowns, noise sensitivity and dysphoria all being too much to let me be productive at the mo. I was unsure if I was justified in wanting meds when I got there, but then I got to hear my birth name used to correct me(when I gave the shortened version and there are only a handful of people worldwide with my surname anyway) and so yeah. Yeah I do want anxiety meds.

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One of the most inflammatory things I hear of all time is "You are a boy. You can't be anything else, and everything else is made up. If you think you are anything but a boy, you are mentally ill. "

 

At which point I want to reply "No, you are, for believing in that twisted un-logic"

But I don't. 

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3 hours ago, Iced Milk Boy said:

*walking down halls, dysphoric as hell* "I hate everything"

*friend makes puns* "...Okay not everything." :redface: friends are good things to have.

 

I meant to put this with the last post...

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6 minutes ago, Tortuga said:

I meant to put this with the last post...

XD screwing up and pointing out said screw up can say a lot about a person. Means they aren't afraid to make mistakes and talk about em'. People like that are pretty neat. 

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nerdperson777
10 hours ago, Iced Milk Boy said:

*walking down halls, dysphoric as hell* "I hate everything"

*goes to friends*

*friend makes puns* "...Okay not everything." :redface: friends are good things to have.

http://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/sarahs-scribbles/everything-is-bad/viewer?title_no=50260&episode_no=77

 

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@nerdperson777 Yes! Exactly! XD thanks for making me laugh before I head off to schol

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*hears that facebook has many different gender options and decides to sign up

*can only choose male or female at sign up

*facepalm*

 

 

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nerdperson777

When I go to medical places that aren't for my gender, I've been trying to act cis, as in accentuate my feminine habits and talk in a higher voice.  I think all I did was sound "gay", like the higher voiced guy that gets stereotyped as gay.

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Luftschlosseule

Feeling bad as it is and then having to go to the gyn for a check-up which causes dysphoria on top.

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On 21-11-2017 at 11:16 PM, Leolith said:

*hears that facebook has many different gender options and decides to sign up

*can only choose male or female at sign up

*facepalm*

 

 

I didn't even fill in the male or female option when i signed up for facebook and i didn't even know i was nonbinary at the time XD

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The funniest thing is that I pass for an MAAB person in a skirt sometimes. #HigherLevelOfGenderBending

 

Oh, I could use they pronouns on facebook! Stupid me. *goes set it*

 

edit: I did it! I set my pronouns to they :lol:

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17 hours ago, Luftschlosseule said:

Feeling bad as it is and then having to go to the gyn for a check-up which causes dysphoria on top.

*hugs* Going to the gyn is bad enough when you're mentally prepared to go. Hope everything turned out okay. If you haven't, maybe treat yourself in some small way. You deserve it. :)

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nerdperson777

Although I'm liking the convenience of stand peeing, I spend a lot of time checking my phone in the bathroom at work, when I don't have an STP with me.  Suddenly, stand peeing sounds a little too convenient/productive to me.

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Luftschlosseule
5 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

*hugs* Going to the gyn is bad enough when you're mentally prepared to go. Hope everything turned out okay. If you haven't, maybe treat yourself in some small way. You deserve it. :)

Thanks. (:

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thatweirdnonbinary

I often get these:

"Are you a boy?

"Excuse sir, I mean ma'am."

"Is that a girl?"

By everyone in the public. 

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On 24/11/2017 at 3:15 PM, thatweirdnonbinary said:

I often get these:

"Are you a boy?

"Excuse sir, I mean ma'am."

"Is that a girl?"

By everyone in the public. 

Wow... Do they have any respect ? o_o Of course that is something people can wonder even though it's none of their business but to say that outloud... I pity you pal...

 

I was at the bakery this morning looking for something to eat (because I wanted to eat muffins and cookies for lunch) and this woman with her children said to the casier "oh no, this young man was here before me". I was so into those pastries that I had not noticed they were talking about me, and I'm not used to being called sir. This was very awkward but I assured the lady she could order before me while I was still choosing. Here I am complaining again but come on. Can they stop gendering EVERYTHING ? jst. plz.

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  • 1 month later...

I walked into a clothing store with my mom, and as I was thinking "man, it's really too bad that this shop discontinued their men's items, their neckties were rad," the employees gave a big confident "hello ladies!" to my mom and I.  -____-

 

I know that's probably force of habit considering the typical consumer base of the shop, but ...I have a visible beard...

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butterflydreams
10 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I walked into a clothing store with my mom, and as I was thinking "man, it's really too bad that this shop discontinued their men's items, their neckties were rad," the employees gave a big confident "hello ladies!" to my mom and I.  -____-

 

I know that's probably force of habit considering the typical consumer base of the shop, but ...I have a visible beard...

They obviously only took a cursory glance at you. I wouldn’t read anything into it. That and the habit of greeting people as “ladies” I think you have nothing to worry about. But I know how much it sucks to hear, so you have my *hugs*

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2 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

They obviously only took a cursory glance at you. I wouldn’t read anything into it. That and the habit of greeting people as “ladies” I think you have nothing to worry about. But I know how much it sucks to hear, so you have my *hugs*

I'm definitely confident enough in my passing to know that this was just a freak incident. Strangers very confidently gender me male, even in scenarios where it isn't even all that necessary, so I'm definitely aware of how 99% of people read me. The misgenderings that do happen are fleeting moments that can normally be rectified with a single look, so moments like these are more moments of irritation than anything.

 

Those employees greeted us from across the store too and likely noticed my mother first. Rare as misgendering is nowadays, it pretty much exclusively happens in the company of my mother. I don't know if it's the family resemblance (even if transition made it less striking) or being roughly the same height, or maybe even something less tangible like her dominating presence over me, but something happens when I'm with her. 

 

I definitely shot those employees a look as it happened, but I didn't really see a reaction from them and they didn't speak a single other word to me beyond that initial greeting. They'd have to be quite oblivious to not notice though.

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25 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

They'd have to be quite oblivious to not notice though.

To be fair they were initially oblivious enough to call you a lady. 😉

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butterflydreams
5 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Those employees greeted us from across the store too and likely noticed my mother first. Rare as misgendering is nowadays, it pretty much exclusively happens in the company of my mother. I don't know if it's the family resemblance (even if transition made it less striking) or being roughly the same height, or maybe even something less tangible like her dominating presence over me, but something happens when I'm with her. 

I think this probably has a lot to do with it. If your mother has a dominating presence over you, that could definitely do it. I hate to say it, but in the presence of your mom, your height might be doing you in a little bit. Honestly though, this might've been the perfect storm. With your mom, store that didn't sell men's things, just everything going against you. But the fact that you still shot a glance to the person who greeted you, that's impressive. It shows a confidence--a manly confidence--in who you are. I wish I had the same womanly confidence -_- 

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nerdperson777

About two weeks ago, I was teaching kids. I would have to put on my higher pitch for them. I heard a mom with short hair call me she. I guess I was a little...too convincing, in a bad way. 

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17 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

I think this probably has a lot to do with it. If your mother has a dominating presence over you, that could definitely do it. I hate to say it, but in the presence of your mom, your height might be doing you in a little bit. Honestly though, this might've been the perfect storm. With your mom, store that didn't sell men's things, just everything going against you. But the fact that you still shot a glance to the person who greeted you, that's impressive. It shows a confidence--a manly confidence--in who you are. I wish I had the same womanly confidence -_- 

Yeah, this was definitely a perfect storm kind of situation. Freak moments like these make me wonder how often this happens to cis people too. Beyond streaking post-metoidioplasty, there's only so much more I can do to present as male. :lol: 

 

It's weird, I'm quite aware that my height doesn't do me any favors in passing, and I'm also aware that my size doesn't help with being perceived as feminine or childlike either; somehow though, I'm not bothered or dysphoric about my height/size. Instead, I just get annoyed at the world for using those things to make incorrect assumptions about me. 

 

Honestly, I've only been growing bolder since I got my IDs updated with the name/gender change. I know that the right facial expression is generally enough to make someone go "oh shit," and possibly even apologize, so it's all I really need to do. I think you're slowing developing that confidence too. You already have your moments where you're quite incredulous about being misgendered, where you're already thinking "fuck you, I'm a woman." That translates nicely into learning how to shoot the right "the fuck you just call me?" glance in those situations where someone misgenders you. :P 

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15 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

About two weeks ago, I was teaching kids. I would have to put on my higher pitch for them. I heard a mom with short hair call me she. I guess I was a little...too convincing, in a bad way. 

Good on you for doing this though. One of my music ed friends talks a lot about how difficult teaching kids in the morning can be because of how low your morning voice can get, so you learn how to talk in the higher parts of your register so the kids can understand what you're saying. I'm glad you're making sure these kids can understand you even if it apparently puts you at the risk of misgendering. Sorry that happened though.

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butterflydreams
33 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Freak moments like these make me wonder how often this happens to cis people too.

This is something my friend mentions to me all the time. And she's right. 

 

36 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

It's weird, I'm quite aware that my height doesn't do me any favors in passing, and I'm also aware that my size doesn't help with being perceived as feminine or childlike either; somehow though, I'm not bothered or dysphoric about my height/size. Instead, I just get annoyed at the world for using those things to make incorrect assumptions about me. 

That's good. Before I transitioned, I felt that way too. People making judgements about me based on something as uncontrollable as my height. Nowadays I feel like it's an asset though. I'm about 5'7" so just a bit above average female height. 

 

39 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Honestly, I've only been growing bolder since I got my IDs updated with the name/gender change. I know that the right facial expression is generally enough to make someone go "oh shit," and possibly even apologize, so it's all I really need to do. I think you're slowing developing that confidence too. You already have your moments where you're quite incredulous about being misgendered, where you're already thinking "fuck you, I'm a woman." That translates nicely into learning how to shoot the right "the fuck you just call me?" glance in those situations where someone misgenders you. :P 

Ugh, I wish this worked for me. I changed my IDs almost exactly a year ago. I still feel like other people's perceptions of me are more valid than my own, and therefore can't assert that I am what I am. The way it plays out in my head is something like,


Person, to me and my coworker: "Oh excellent, thank you, gentlemen"

Me thinking: Ugh, what? Well, you're really a guy anyway, so don't get pushy. She's just doing you a favor indulging you anyway.

 

I guess that's how I see it. People indulging me. I don't feel I look female enough (and I still know what's in my pants) to assert that's what I am. It's heartbreaking.

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*sighs* I feel all of you, but for me it's a bit worse, because I haven't started physically transitioning nor will be able to for the (optimistically) next year, and social transitioning doesn't seem to be working right now, I get misgendered on a regular basis. Even when my parents are alone with me in earshot or even IN THE ROOM, they always deadname me and use he/him.I'm out to them, too, it's a problem of not caring. Only 1 person IRL I know actually calls me she/her and refers to me by my preferred name. I could really use more time with her right now, but it's winter break and she's a school friend.

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