#Trans + non-binary problems

[PhoenixButterfly]

The things I read in comment sections all the time and sometimes hear people say out loud:

-"I'm not transphobic, but..." - Yeah, right. Fuck you too.

-"We shouldn't change out culture/behaviour/laws to make a tiny percentage of the population happy" - Because human rights and dignity are only important, if you are on my level of privilege or above.

-"But trannies aren't really people!" - Are you serious? This one actually shocked me initially. I thought I'd heard enough crap to not be surprised by anything anymore, but apparently I had not.

The amount of hatred against us is staggering. Where does all that come from?

It's interesting. I just noticed that all three of these statements were similar to what racist people said back in the '50s and '60s about people of color during the civil rights movement. Unfortunately, racism still exists in the US and around the world to some degree.

It seems like the oppressors always think and say the same things about the oppressed. The attributes change, but it still hurts just the same. I don't know why we can't all just get along. Whatever happened to: Don't judge a book by its cover.

[Valiant]

"Trans^ people are mentally disordered!" I am, but not because I'm trans. If cisgender heterosexual people stopped abusing their kids, maybe less of us would have problems with mental illness. And I don't mean we wouldn't be trans or queer either.

"I don't want men in the bathroom with my daughter!" But there isn't men in the bathroom with your daughter, they're women, agender, or otherwise feminine identified. If someone wanted to prey on people in bathrooms, do you really think the sign on the door is going to stop them?

"I'm gay and even I think trans^ people are sick!" You realise homosexuality used to be in the DSM, thus considered a mental disorder, right? Does being a gay transman make me twice as sick, then? I certainly don't do things halfway! Thankfully society is more accepting of homosexuality, let's hope it continues to become more accepting of other orientations and genders.

"If you're XY, you're male, if you're XX you're female." Those who are intersex are what then? Don't tell me that they're male if they have genitialia that more resembles a penis, or female if they have genitalia that more resembles a vulva. Also, since when is karotype testing an everyday thing? Do you even know if you're XY or XX?

"You're not male unless your body matches the phenotype." I have so many problems with this statement it'd take too much effort to pick it apart. Unless you're my treating doctor, you have zero say in what I call my body parts, what I identify as or which bathroom I go to. If I say I am male, that's the end if the conversation.

"Go back to Tumblr you SJW!" What if I didn't come from Tumblr? I mean yeah, some parts of Tumblr can be bad just like any other platform, but most of the Tumblrites I've seen are decent people. Just because I just happen to be someone who believes in treating everyone equally, I'm an SJW? If that makes me an SJW, so be it. I'd rather be one of those and hail from Tumblr than whatever hypocritical, phobic hole you crawled from.

^Replace with derogatory term typically used in reference to trans people.

Most of these are things I've seen said in game chats, of all places. I feel like telling them that they seem to talk about trans people more than we actually do.

[Iyck]

"If we had less rigid gender roles, everyone would find it easier to identify with their assigned gender." You do realize you sort of just reduced trans and nb people to victims of gender-sterotyping, who could be cis just like everyone else if society just overcame harmful gender-roles? Reinforcing the gender-binary is somewhat less revolutionary than you might think.

[Emery.]

"If we had less rigid gender roles, everyone would find it easier to identify with their assigned gender." You do realize you sort of just reduced trans and nb people to victims of gender-sterotyping, who could be cis just like everyone else if society just overcame harmful gender-roles? Reinforcing the gender-binary is somewhat less revolutionary than you might think.

Yeah, that's the universal reaction to coming out...

[dissolved]

"I think I want to be trans too."

This was after telling someone I'm getting top surgery soon -_-

[butterflydreams]

"I think I want to be trans too."

This was after telling someone I'm getting top surgery soon -_-

Um...I guess...go for it? What a weird thing to say.

[just an owl]

"I think I want to be trans too."

This was after telling someone I'm getting top surgery soon -_-

"Well, you should probably get on the waiting list for a GIC unless you can afford to fork out thousands of pounds..."

That is a very bizarre thing to say.. (hope the surgery goes well, by the way!)

[dissolved]

I am forking out thousands of pounds :D

I think it was in relation to running perhaps, and how easy it'd be without your chest flying around but who knows -_-

[Emery.]

Swimming topless, that would be cool. Boobs are annoying, I'm going to cut them out one day too :P But I'll give them another 10 years.

[m4rble]

Swimming topless, that would be cool. Boobs are annoying, I'm going to cut them out one day too :P But I'll give them another 10 years.

Honestly I think everyone should be permitted to swim topless. A bare breast never killed anyone.

[Androgynoid Replicant]

Swimming topless, that would be cool. Boobs are annoying, I'm going to cut them out one day too :P But I'll give them another 10 years.

Honestly I think everyone should be permitted to swim topless. A bare breast never killed anyone.

Apart from the one case of Donna Lange...

A bare breast never killed anyone accidentally.

[m4rble]

Swimming topless, that would be cool. Boobs are annoying, I'm going to cut them out one day too :P But I'll give them another 10 years.

Honestly I think everyone should be permitted to swim topless. A bare breast never killed anyone.

Apart from the one case of Donna Lange...

A bare breast never killed anyone accidentally.

I knew I was going to get in trouble for using the word "never" on Aven.

[Androgynoid Replicant]

<< tee hee :p

[butterflydreams]

I think it was in relation to running perhaps, and how easy it'd be without your chest flying around but who knows -_-

Back in November when my boobs were first coming in, my friend suggested I get a bra and asked if I had done the "running test". I don't run, but I got the gist of what she was saying. Hehehe

[Emery.]

Swimming topless, that would be cool. Boobs are annoying, I'm going to cut them out one day too :P But I'll give them another 10 years.

Honestly I think everyone should be permitted to swim topless. A bare breast never killed anyone.

Seconded, if someone gives boob-stares, that is their problem, IMHO. And I'm not sure if swimming tops cover or accentuate...

[just an owl]

I've seen a few trans women sharing stories/pictures about their transition for cis men to go on about how "dating is even more of a trap" <_<

Get off your damn high horse, no one gives a fuck about what you think a woman should be.

[Nylocke]

So yesterday my mom was watching the view and I think they touched on gender somewhere along the line. I didn't catch the whole thing but Raven Symone was on there and she showed the room she grew up in. I think the point she was trying to make was that a kid should have the choice in how their room should look. Because her room was like a pink paradise of girliness and as we know she's not ... un-girly but she's on the alternative side style wise and she's lesbian. My mom made a huge deal saying that she was ungrateful because it was a room "set for a princess" and she should have "been happy with that".

Luckily for me I've had a choice in terms of how my room looked as a kid because I was always into atypical things for an AFAB child. I liked the power rangers, ninja turtles and video games haha !! I was even into voltron for a while too so my childhood was quite the adventure in that sense. Anyway being the fact that I did have the ability to choose how my room looked for the most part I did kinda identify with her in that respect. My mom and I nearly got into an argument about it because she said "well she's a lesbian so she would have rather had something masculine like a superhero room". So then I said "girls can't like super heroes??? I never hopped on the super hero train but to say no is quite a blanket statement". Then she went on to say "well your room is not feminine at all you got all that anime stuff" and then perceived to ask me if I was a lesbian because I saw point and purpose to what Raven said at that time ...

Now don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of Raven on the show at all. I think she has a very unusual disposition of views considering her existence as a black person but I believe in being fair and at that point she made a good point and I agreed. Does that even make sense for my mom to blatantly ask me if I am a lesbian just because I saw point in Raven's comments about gender in children and them being able to choose how their room looks?

[Emery.]

Anime is unfeminine???

[Homer]

Does that even make sense for my mom to blatantly ask me if I am a lesbian just because I saw point in Raven's comments about gender in children and them being able to choose how their room looks?

At first I couldn't imagine what made your mom jump from Raven's statement to that question (special mum's logic, I guess). But then... maybe she was wondering about this particular question for some time? Maybe she saw a (still pretty weird and odd) kind of chance to go for it and ask you about it in that situation.

Sometimes moms just don't make sense :D

[Nylocke]

Anime is unfeminine???

I don't know, is it??? o_o

Does that even make sense for my mom to blatantly ask me if I am a lesbian just because I saw point in Raven's comments about gender in children and them being able to choose how their room looks?

At first I couldn't imagine what made your mom jump from Raven's statement to that question (special mum's logic, I guess). But then... maybe she was wondering about this particular question for some time? Maybe she saw a (still pretty weird and odd) kind of chance to go for it and ask you about it in that situation.

Sometimes moms just don't make sense :D

Yeaa ... its very confusing to say the least x-x This is not the first time she asked me if I was lesbian even though I've had 2 boyfriends in my life. Isn't that convincing enough?

[Emery.]

"well your room is not feminine at all you got all that anime stuff"

I meant this ^^

My family also says I'm a lesbian and I'd like to say they're wrong, but I'm bi :P

[deltaX]

I've had people tell anime isn't feminine, but considering the fact that a lot of the hardcore anime fans I know happen to be female, I think that's a silly asumption.

[Heart]

"If we had less rigid gender roles, everyone would find it easier to identify with their assigned gender." You do realize you sort of just reduced trans and nb people to victims of gender-sterotyping, who could be cis just like everyone else if society just overcame harmful gender-roles? Reinforcing the gender-binary is somewhat less revolutionary than you might think.

I have been struggling to figure out a response to this for AGES. Thank you

[Nylocke]

"well your room is not feminine at all you got all that anime stuff"

I meant this ^^

My family also says I'm a lesbian and I'd like to say they're wrong, but I'm bi :P

I would like to say I'm 2D complex but I wouldn't want to be forced into counseling like I almost was in my youth.

I've had people tell anime isn't feminine, but considering the fact that a lot of the hardcore anime fans I know happen to be female, I think that's a silly asumption.

It really is truthfully speaking. I've been to anime conventions, had an anime club, met with cosplayers and everything. At least more then half the people I meet are all female. Whether they are those who actually identify as female or not they're "female bodied" anyway, and I know many people seem to go by that kinda thing these days.

I don't care what anime is or isn't I just know that I like it and have for well over a decade. There's no going back at this point.

[Mezzo Forte]

"At least your chest isn't that big!"

Yeah, I get it, the most dysphoric part of my body could technically be worse, but people use this to question if I really need top surgery. >> Most people only see my chest with some degree of compression too, so they forget that I am actively minimizing them. (Plus, I don't like when people intentionally bring my mind to a part of my body that I try to forget exists.)

[butterflydreams]

"At least your chest isn't that big!"

Yeah, I get it, the most dysphoric part of my body could technically be worse, but people use this to question if I really need top surgery. >> Most people only see my chest with some degree of compression too, so they forget that I am actively minimizing them. (Plus, I don't like when people intentionally bring my mind to a part of my body that I try to forget exists.)

This sounds like a specific instance of the more generic, "oh but you're so pretty/handsome/etc! Why do you want to change that?"

In some ways, I don't even blame people for thinking that way. The reality though is that sometimes things that are pretty on the outside aren't so great on the inside. My mother telling me I'm "such a handsome boy" and "where is my handsome boy?!" completely ignores the fact that I have my own feelings inside. All she sees is "her handsome boy", but underneath, that "handsome boy" was hurting a lot, and was too afraid to even say anything for fear of ruining the "handsome boy" illusion so many people seemed to love so much.

[Emery.]

Yeah

"But you're so pretty, why do you say such things?"

[dissolved]

When my mother calls me pretty, I remind her that I've always looked like a man in drag. She's started responding with, "yes, but a pretty man in drag".

Dude -_-

[Chardog]

So yesterday my mom was watching the view and I think they touched on gender somewhere along the line. I didn't catch the whole thing but Raven Symone was on there and she showed the room she grew up in. I think the point she was trying to make was that a kid should have the choice in how their room should look. Because her room was like a pink paradise of girliness and as we know she's not ... un-girly but she's on the alternative side style wise and she's lesbian. My mom made a huge deal saying that she was ungrateful because it was a room "set for a princess" and she should have "been happy with that".

Luckily for me I've had a choice in terms of how my room looked as a kid because I was always into atypical things for an AFAB child. I liked the power rangers, ninja turtles and video games haha !! I was even into voltron for a while too so my childhood was quite the adventure in that sense. Anyway being the fact that I did have the ability to choose how my room looked for the most part I did kinda identify with her in that respect. My mom and I nearly got into an argument about it because she said "well she's a lesbian so she would have rather had something masculine like a superhero room". So then I said "girls can't like super heroes??? I never hopped on the super hero train but to say no is quite a blanket statement". Then she went on to say "well your room is not feminine at all you got all that anime stuff" and then perceived to ask me if I was a lesbian because I saw point and purpose to what Raven said at that time ...

Now don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of Raven on the show at all. I think she has a very unusual disposition of views considering her existence as a black person but I believe in being fair and at that point she made a good point and I agreed. Does that even make sense for my mom to blatantly ask me if I am a lesbian just because I saw point in Raven's comments about gender in children and them being able to choose how their room looks?

My room was puke green growing up... Don't know what that says about me

[Heart]

"At least your chest isn't that big!"

Yeah, I get it, the most dysphoric part of my body could technically be worse, but people use this to question if I really need top surgery. >> Most people only see my chest with some degree of compression too, so they forget that I am actively minimizing them. (Plus, I don't like when people intentionally bring my mind to a part of my body that I try to forget exists.)

I got that once while wearing a binder too. "But your breasts are so small, you're almost flat!"

Yeah, but they're still there and this is literally as flat as I can get! It doesn't help to tell me I have a small chest when all that outlines is that I still have a chest!

I know they're just trying to be helpful, but sometimes I need to take a breath and pause to recollect before I can react properly to those kinds of comments.