#Trans + non-binary problems

[Dodecahedron314]

I left my wallet with my ID on the table in the main room of my apartment, and an apartmentmate walked into the room and said, loud enough for everyone in the room (i.e. everyone who currently lives in my apartment) to hear, "Oh, right, I forgot that <name> isn't your first name, <deadname> is!" I'm very much out to everyone I know who's less than 10 years older than me, but still, did I need my old life brought back up, however briefly? -_-

[dissolved]

Forgot about this one from the other day:

"Why don't you wear clothes that fit you?"

*looks down at tailored jeans* uhh?

[rosewitch]

"you need to settle down and marry a rich man" implying that i want to get married at all and to a man...i may be in a relationship but no one knows what the future holds.

"you need to trust me, I wouldn't do that to you"

[Nylocke]

Will never understand the logic to gendering cocktails either. As if Whiskey Sours are only meant for those ID'ing as male and Margaritas are for those ID'ing as female.

lol, I don't drink much, but margaritas are pretty much one of the only things I like...so make of that what you will ;) Pretty sure someone told me blush/rosé wines are girly too. Well damn, that's also my favorite. I can't help that I'm a walking stereotype when it comes to alcohol 8)

My sister has started referring to my transition as "the direction in which [my] life is going". Dude, just call it what it is. Transition.

Huh...that's kinda...weird.

Heh if you think that's bad I've had to school my brother on calling vegatarianism and veganism "unmanly" :P Maaan he doesn't know, there is a football player on a major team that's vegan and he's a big linebacker man that's like 6 feet tall or something.

I was vegetarian for a 2 years or so a few years back, and to be honest, I think that may have actually pissed my dad off more than my transition.

Oh no, for real??? Well I hear ya because my folks don't exactly like it either. They feel like I will be malnourished and that the body needs meat for nutrition ... Surely I am well capable of researching these things to find out what I need and how to get it without meat :P Like I said, I beat anemia for goodness sake and I struggled with that for 2 years as a pescatarian and no more then 2 months as a full time vegetarian and my last blood work said I got rid of it completely. Now keep in mind that I DO take supplements for iron BUT I was taking them for 2 years and my levels were still critically low.

[Nebulous]

"you need to settle down and marry a rich man" implying that i want to get married at all and to a man...i may be in a relationship but no one knows what the future holds.

"you need to trust me, I wouldn't do that to you"

Reminds me of the numerous times that one of my teachers has told me "getting a boyfriend" (when I'd be just as happy with someone of any other gender) would help me "break out of my shell" (which was also a bit offensive considering I'm very introverted).

[Nylocke]

"you need to settle down and marry a rich man" implying that i want to get married at all and to a man...i may be in a relationship but no one knows what the future holds.

"you need to trust me, I wouldn't do that to you"

Reminds me of the numerous times that one of my teachers has told me "getting a boyfriend" (when I'd be just as happy with someone of any other gender) would help me "break out of my shell" (which was also a bit offensive considering I'm very introverted).

You should have reported her and she should have lost her job because that's none of her business nor is it her place to make a comment on that. I don't know about your folks but the way mine were so strict my mom would have been pissed if a teacher made that kinda comment to me especially considering for most of my time in high school my parents didn't want me dating.

[dissolved]

"Why on earth do you want to take testosterone? What if you wake up one day with a beard? Why don't you give oestrogen another chance?"

1. Because that's how you accomplish transitioning to male

2. Unless someone sticks a fake one on my face while I'm asleep, it's never going to happen.

3. No. Just no.

[Homer]

"Why on earth do you want to take testosterone? What if you wake up one day with a beard? Why don't you give oestrogen another chance?"

(Besides that, you don't just "wake up one day with a beard". That's not how it works.)

[butterflydreams]

You know, I can't stand all these people who go online, and bitch about trans people. They spew all kinds of hate: "Oh being trans is wrong...allowing people to transition is bad..." etc etc.

I want to just say, ok, fine, I'll agree with you. How do you propose we help them? They're obviously in distress. I was in distress. What's your solution? How would you help them? I'm almost certain 50% of them would offer up some kind of disproven, ineffective conversion therapy and the other 50% wouldn't have any answer at all.

If you're going to complain and spew that kind of hate, at least have an alternative. Either that or get to work proving transition doesn't help people. Good luck with that.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

You know, I can't stand all these people who go online, and bitch about trans people. They spew all kinds of hate: "Oh being trans is wrong...allowing people to transition is bad..." etc etc.

I want to just say, ok, fine, I'll agree with you. How do you propose we help them? They're obviously in distress. I was in distress. What's your solution? How would you help them? I'm almost certain 50% of them would offer up some kind of disproven, ineffective conversion therapy and the other 50% wouldn't have any answer at all.

If you're going to complain and spew that kind of hate, at least have an alternative. Either that or get to work proving transition doesn't help people. Good luck with that.

I believe the point is that they don't want to help trans people because they "disagree" with us (how they can I don't know, they're here, they exist, sort yourself out), so it's their way of sticking their fingers in their ears and pretending we aren't "worthy".

[butterflydreams]

You know, I can't stand all these people who go online, and bitch about trans people. They spew all kinds of hate: "Oh being trans is wrong...allowing people to transition is bad..." etc etc.

I want to just say, ok, fine, I'll agree with you. How do you propose we help them? They're obviously in distress. I was in distress. What's your solution? How would you help them? I'm almost certain 50% of them would offer up some kind of disproven, ineffective conversion therapy and the other 50% wouldn't have any answer at all.

If you're going to complain and spew that kind of hate, at least have an alternative. Either that or get to work proving transition doesn't help people. Good luck with that.

I believe the point is that they don't want to help trans people because they "disagree" with us (how they can I don't know, they're here, they exist, sort yourself out), so it's their way of sticking their fingers in their ears and pretending we aren't "worthy".

Yeah, I just don't get it. Like, what stake do these people have in it? They're not trans (good for them). No one is going to force them to sleep with a trans person, or even talk to a trans person. Is their view of the world so authoritarian that anything they don't personally approve of must be stamped out?

I love the ones who call trans people "mentally ill" (a dubious claim) and then say, "they don't need to hack off body parts, they need help." And I slide to the edge of my chair in eager anticipation. I wonder what kind of help there will be! Maybe something I didn't know about. Tell me more!

But that's it. We just need "help". Not transition. Help. What kind of help? Well, they never say, but we definitely need help. Yeah, pardon me if I'm a little skeptical. And pardon me for having a lived experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. God forbid they realize other people might feel and struggle differently from them...what a concept!

The video that spawned this (this guy...no, this kid has 130K subscribers). How old is he? 17? 19? That's awfully early to be so hateful...

[Homer]

A title starting with "The truth about..." instantly makes me not want to click the video. Any video.

[butterflydreams]

"Up next at 9: the TRUTH about Oreos!" ^_^

The truth is they're delicious. 8)

[ChillaKilla]

"Up next at 9: the TRUTH about Oreos!" ^_^

The truth is they're delicious. 8)

The truth is people don't appreciate the wafer portion as much as is deserved

[kaysir]

"I don't have anything against them, but if I saw one of those transgender people in the bathroom I'd probably have to fight them."

"Let's get matching tattoos.... Also, imagine how cool it'd be to be scarred or branded... anyway, you should never get top surgery, that's way too extreme!"

"Let's try [illegal drug], [unsafe action], and [horrible idea]! But don't ever take hormones, you might regret it later!"

[Dodecahedron314]

Apparently I got called both "it" and "he-she" by my QPP's mom recently. Let's just throw darts at a board with pronouns on it and hit all the ones except the correct ones, yes? -_-

[Nylocke]

Apparently I got called both "it" and "he-she" by my QPP's mom recently. Let's just throw darts at a board with pronouns on it and hit all the ones except the correct ones, yes? -_-

My brother told me I look like an "it" o-o

[dissolved]

This wasn't said to me luckily, but something I saw posted elsewhere:

"being trans is just an internet fad"

Yuh huh. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

[butterflydreams]

This wasn't said to me luckily, but something I saw posted elsewhere:

"being trans is just an internet fad"

Yuh huh. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

That's what my mom said to me :(

[Calligraphette_Coe]

This wasn't said to me luckily, but something I saw posted elsewhere:

"being trans is just an internet fad"

Yuh huh. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Yeah, that's pretty 'low information', since I was trans before Al Gore invented it. Trans people were finding each other back then on dial up bulletin boards with 300 baud Hayes modems that cost the WORLD back then. There were sooo many techies who were trans, and though Tech has proven to often be fad-driven, being like this sure isn't!

[dissolved]

It's really dumb. Do people really think being trans is something that only started happening since the beginning of the internet era??

[ChillaKilla]

I was discussing surgeries with my parents and my mother said "Having [top surgery] is more intense of a surgery than a hysterectomy" and I dunno, that sounds kinda fake. Can anybody back me up here? A hysterectomy by nature of the procedure just sounds much more invasive, risky, and longer to recover from. I may be mistaken but I just dunno.

[Mychemicalqpr]

Apparently I got called both "it" and "he-she" by my QPP's mom recently. Let's just throw darts at a board with pronouns on it and hit all the ones except the correct ones, yes? -_-

My first relationship, before I identified as agender, I tried to make an agender character in the world my boyfriend and I were building together, and he wanted to refer to this character as "it". Maybe this was me subconsciously testing him with the "what if I was..." thing.

I recently was arguing with my brother about genderqueer issues and he tried to tell me that he knows all about this stuff because he has lesbian friends. Because that's the same thing right?

[ChillaKilla]

Sometimes you just gotta say:

ugh cis people

[kaysir]

I was discussing surgeries with my parents and my mother said "Having [top surgery] is more intense of a surgery than a hysterectomy" and I dunno, that sounds kinda fake. Can anybody back me up here? A hysterectomy by nature of the procedure just sounds much more invasive, risky, and longer to recover from. I may be mistaken but I just dunno.

What in the world made her think that? A hysterectomy goes deeper and includes more body parts than top surgery. Top surgery is the removal of fatty tissue and a hysterectomy is the removal of functional organs.

When one's uterus and/or cervix, ovaries, etc, are removed, there is a chance that any of the surrounding organs could be damaged, the person could bleed out, and what remains of the parts related to the vagina could literally rot. When one's breasts are removed, there is a chance of infection, and there will definitely be scarring, but the likelihood of organ damage or anything fatal is generally lower than that of a hysterectomy. In regard to recovery time, a few Google results say 2-4 weeks are enough to return to work after top surgery, but it takes 6-8 after a hysterectomy. In that time, people who have had hysterectomies are often in mild to moderate pain, but many people who have had top surgery have said they were only in pain for about the first week.

The hysterectomy certainly sounds more intense to me.

[butterflydreams]

Sometimes you just gotta say:

ugh cis people

You know, I don't like to have this attitude. Some of my closest friends, biggest supporters and important people in my life are cis.

But at the same time...it's hard not to feel upset sometimes. Sometimes stuff just keeps happening over and over again. I guess I don't blame cis people, but over time, it wears on you :(

[ChillaKilla]

I certainly don't blame all cis people and hold that attitude all the time, just sometimes I'm in a bad place and have to vent about it.

[dissolved]

I was discussing surgeries with my parents and my mother said "Having [top surgery] is more intense of a surgery than a hysterectomy" and I dunno, that sounds kinda fake. Can anybody back me up here? A hysterectomy by nature of the procedure just sounds much more invasive, risky, and longer to recover from. I may be mistaken but I just dunno.

What in the world made her think that? A hysterectomy goes deeper and includes more body parts than top surgery. Top surgery is the removal of fatty tissue and a hysterectomy is the removal of functional organs.

When one's uterus and/or cervix, ovaries, etc, are removed, there is a chance that any of the surrounding organs could be damaged, the person could bleed out, and what remains of the parts related to the vagina could literally rot. When one's breasts are removed, there is a chance of infection, and there will definitely be scarring, but the likelihood of organ damage or anything fatal is generally lower than that of a hysterectomy. In regard to recovery time, a few Google results say 2-4 weeks are enough to return to work after top surgery, but it takes 6-8 after a hysterectomy. In that time, people who have had hysterectomies are often in mild to moderate pain, but many people who have had top surgery have said they were only in pain for about the first week.

The hysterectomy certainly sounds more intense to me.

Yeah, the complications for a hysterectomy are much greater, but in terms of pure surgery, I see how it could be the other way around, though. Hysterectomy can be done laparoscopically, so not all that invasive as far as surgery goes. With top surgery, you're talking about 12+ inches of scarring, potentially.

I dunno. I'm having top surgery in a month and I'll get a hysterectomy as soon as possible, then I'll find out what was worse :D

[kaysir]

I was discussing surgeries with my parents and my mother said "Having [top surgery] is more intense of a surgery than a hysterectomy" and I dunno, that sounds kinda fake. Can anybody back me up here? A hysterectomy by nature of the procedure just sounds much more invasive, risky, and longer to recover from. I may be mistaken but I just dunno.

What in the world made her think that? A hysterectomy goes deeper and includes more body parts than top surgery. Top surgery is the removal of fatty tissue and a hysterectomy is the removal of functional organs.

When one's uterus and/or cervix, ovaries, etc, are removed, there is a chance that any of the surrounding organs could be damaged, the person could bleed out, and what remains of the parts related to the vagina could literally rot. When one's breasts are removed, there is a chance of infection, and there will definitely be scarring, but the likelihood of organ damage or anything fatal is generally lower than that of a hysterectomy. In regard to recovery time, a few Google results say 2-4 weeks are enough to return to work after top surgery, but it takes 6-8 after a hysterectomy. In that time, people who have had hysterectomies are often in mild to moderate pain, but many people who have had top surgery have said they were only in pain for about the first week.

The hysterectomy certainly sounds more intense to me.

Yeah, the complications for a hysterectomy are much greater, but in terms of pure surgery, I see how it could be the other way around, though. Hysterectomy can be done laparoscopically, so not all that invasive as far as surgery goes. With top surgery, you're talking about 12+ inches of scarring, potentially.

I dunno. I'm having top surgery in a month and I'll get a hysterectomy as soon as possible, then I'll find out what was worse :D

Fortunately there are different types of top surgery becoming more common like keyhole and ones that cause minimal scarring! I hope your surgeries go well and don't leave any scars you aren't ok with!

[butterflydreams]

I certainly don't blame all cis people and hold that attitude all the time, just sometimes I'm in a bad place and have to vent about it.

Agree. I hope it's ok to need to do that sometimes.