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#Trans + non-binary problems


Neko-tama

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Reminds me of those men who harass women and call them "sluts" when they express their disinterest.

Wow, you're calling her promiscuous when she WON'T sleep with you? You're calling her gender invalid when she won't engage in your nonsense?

The mind simply boggles.

One of my co-workers asked me if I thought she was a slut the other day. Someone said she was because she talked about sex. I told her I didn't and she said she wanted me to be honest with her, I said I am literally the worst person to choose if you want me to actually tell you that you are, I don't think that people are capable of being sluts. It's just a way for people to judge you.

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"So you want to be male?"

My dear lady, I was not asking for being trans, it just happens that all gets mixed up, y'know?

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*shrugs* I couldn't tell you. All I know is that it hurts to hear that. Mostly because that person reached out to me. He had no interest in me, but chose to say something anyway. C'est la vie.

I know it's too easy to be said and it may even sound ridiculous, coming from someone who never experienced any of those kind of rejections that you had to but...

Keep in mind that if insulting random strangers on the internet appears to be the most fulfilling activity these people can think of to pass their limited time on this planet... you might as well finish that sentence on your own ;)

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Here's one I overheard while in a 7-11 convenience store.

Picture this. Three young guys, high school to college/university age. They're your stereotypical bro types, and they're browsing the magazine section. A lot of the magazines have articles about Pride and other LGBT+-related topics. They're talking so loudly that I can hear them even through my earphones.

Guy 1: It's like EVERYTHING's gone gay! Gay shit on TV, gay shit at school, gay shit in the news. It's like its cool to be gay now!

Guy 2: Yeah, and being straight isn't cool anymore. I know! We're being *OOOOooooooppressssed!!!" (The "oppressed' was sirened out in a weird falsetto, accompanied by a pantomimed 'fainting/swooning' gesture and a snide grin)

All three laugh.

Guy 3: Yeah, it's so *haaaaaarrrrd* to not be a fag now! Why does it have to be so *haaaarrrrd*!

They laugh again. Because no longer being the centre of the universe apparently means they're facing the same kind of oppression and hate as LGBT+ people do. Douchebags.

I can take stupidity only in tiny, infrequent doses... and these three were a heavy dose of concentrated stupidity. So I paid for my bottle of Coke Zero and left before I became overly tempted to dump a Slurpee over their heads.

Dang I can't stand to lose that many brain cells, I have to say as minimal as possible just to keep from verbally lashing someone with a cat of nine tails whip o_o

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ChillaKilla

I would've thrown my shopping bag at them. I might be small-framed but I can lift more than my body weight *cracks knuckles*

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I would have laughed internally :P

Nooo, you can't even take that seriously... It sounds like the mockery-bs dialogues I was having back in high school days

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RE: transitioning. "whatever makes you happy."

Umm you think I'm doing this because it floats my boat? I'm doing it to gain the same peace of mind most other people have as standard when it comes to their bodies.

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ChillaKilla

Hey I love your icon, dissolved! Inception was great and Joseph Gordon-Levitt looked fine in that movie :lol:

Gender therapist appointment tomorrow for me! She's a trans woman so that's a plus (no ignorant cisness here!) but I've got my fingers crossed and am mentally repeating "please don't be truscum, please don't be truscum..." The number of people, cis or binary trans who think they can define me FOR me is just ridiculous.

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cosmosredshift7

Whenever I bring up the fact that I'm not a girl, my mother either says, "don't say that" or some shit. My girlfriend called me "he" and she almost told her to not say that.

She constantly brings up things like, "how to you KNOW you're not just a girl," "I refuse to use your other name and 'he'", and a lot of other stuff because she genuinely hopes/thinks that I'll change my mind.

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[...] because she genuinely hopes/thinks that I'll change my mind.

Mmmhmm my mother too. "why don't you just have a breast reduction darling, just in case you change your mind?" "don't take testosterone darling, just in case you change your mind."

Uhh no?

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butterflydreams

[...] because she genuinely hopes/thinks that I'll change my mind.

Mmmhmm my mother too. "why don't you just have a breast reduction darling, just in case you change your mind?" "don't take testosterone darling, just in case you change your mind."

Uhh no?

My dad was kind of like that. Neutrally supportive. "I just don't want you to get to 60 and regret decisions in your life." I know he meant he didn't want me to regret transition, but a tiny tiny part of me thinks he didn't specify as a nod to the fact that I know I'd regret not doing it. Especially now that I'm on my way, just the thought of knowing but choosing not to, or even worse, stopping and reversing, makes me feel terribly sick.
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[...] because she genuinely hopes/thinks that I'll change my mind.

Mmmhmm my mother too. "why don't you just have a breast reduction darling, just in case you change your mind?" "don't take testosterone darling, just in case you change your mind."

Uhh no?

Not that I've thoroughly looked into it (I'm working on it....) but getting a breast reduction I think makes it harder to get "full" top surgery later. Scar tissue getting in the way or stuff. I think. So if it helps to combat that with "that will limit my options later when I get to do the thing I actually want to do" then there ya go.

Sorry for all the equivocating recently by the way. I'm shakey on my own personal journey right now, so I have been a rather quiet observer for the past while. I'll post more somewhere else or later or something. Or maybe just sit here and equivocate some more... :P

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I know a couple of guys that had reductions first and yeah, their outcomes weren't as... smooth, let's say, as someone who went straight for the full mastectomy.

I dunno. I just can't imagine having a smaller chest than I do now and being happy. I'd still loathe it, so suggesting a reduction "just in case change [my] mind" is pretty stupid, if you think about it (not that my mother's awareness stretches that far).

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  • 2 weeks later...
Dodecahedron314

I just moved into my apartment last weekend, and my mom reacted exactly how I expected she would when she found out all of my roommates are male. -_-

"I'm a little less comfortable with this now, I thought most of your roommates would be girls."

"Well, they aren't."

"And you trust them?"

"Yes."

"You trust them 100%?"

"If I didn't trust them, I wouldn't be living with them."

"Yes, well. They're guys."

"I don't see what gender has to do with any of this."

"They're guys, you're female."

*flinches* "..and your point is? It's not like they're frat bros or something. They're math majors, they're the exact opposite of frat bros."

"Yes, but math majors or not, they're still biologically male."

"Number one, you don't know that. Number two, that has nothing to do with anything."

"Yes, I'm being prejudiced and paranoid." *rolls eyes*

"Yes. You are."

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I just moved into my apartment last weekend, and my mom reacted exactly how I expected she would when she found out all of my roommates are male. -_-

"I'm a little less comfortable with this now, I thought most of your roommates would be girls."

"Well, they aren't."

"And you trust them?"

"Yes."

"You trust them 100%?"

"If I didn't trust them, I wouldn't be living with them."

"Yes, well. They're guys."

"I don't see what gender has to do with any of this."

"They're guys, you're female."

*flinches* "..and your point is? It's not like they're frat bros or something. They're math majors, they're the exact opposite of frat bros."

"Yes, but math majors or not, they're still biologically male."

"Number one, you don't know that. Number two, that has nothing to do with anything."

"Yes, I'm being prejudiced and paranoid." *rolls eyes*

"Yes. You are."

such gendered way of thinking makes my butt hole twitch -_=

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Chill, Dedec, my mom thinks I'm pregnant because I happened to want to talk about sex with her :P

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We need a thread "annoying things moms say"!

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Chill, Dedec, my mom thinks I'm pregnant because I happened to want to talk about sex with her :P

Hehe. My mom assumed I went from an angel (never had alcohol or any drugs) to an "adult" (drunk on a regular basis, probably did drugs, had sex of all the kinds, etc) the second I moved out from home. I wonder at her logic sometimes :P

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Dodecahedron314

New most uncomfortable misgendering I've gotten: "mama".

Um...what???? I've gotten this from two separate middle-aged women whom I've never seen before in my life. They're both old enough to be MY mother. I mean, I'm well aware that I don't pass, but this is honestly kind of offensive for some reason. Do I LOOK like I have any interest whatsoever in anything remotely having to do with procreation??? (Hint: the answer is no.)

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bxcellent2eo

So have you had the surgery? / Are you getting the surgery?

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New most uncomfortable misgendering I've gotten: "mama".

Um...what???? I've gotten this from two separate middle-aged women whom I've never seen before in my life. They're both old enough to be MY mother. I mean, I'm well aware that I don't pass, but this is honestly kind of offensive for some reason. Do I LOOK like I have any interest whatsoever in anything remotely having to do with procreation??? (Hint: the answer is no.)

I'm cis-female, and I would be incredibly uncomfortable with people calling me "mama" unless they were actually my children. And since I'm not planning on having children, that means no one should ber calling me mama. That's just such an awkward thing to call a stranger in my opinion, and it's even worse if they're also misgendering you at the same time :(

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butterflydreams

So have you had the surgery? / Are you getting the surgery?

You know, I've only heard this once, and it was from a very good, supportive and genuinely curious friend.

I think my honest reaction to it was a bit more than she bargained for though, "Well, I dunno, I like to ride my bike a lot and if I start shuffling stuff around down there, how is that going to affect me riding my bike? I have to consider that. Also, did you know seats on bikes have cutouts in the center to protect nerve bundles and blood flow? Science!"

But that's just me being me. We had a laugh about it. This can be an inappropriate question, but if it's someone I know, I assume they're asking because they care about me (I know this friend did) and that caring means a lot to me. Fortunately I think in many places in this day and age, it's becoming a question that more and more people realize is totally impolite and inappropriate.

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The-world-is-quiet-here

My mom and I went out to dinner with her boyfriend's family the other day, and I mentioned a teacher who had reacted poorly to a trans kid coming out at my school. My mom started talking about a friend she has who has a trans kid, and said, "Yeah, she was thinking, based on what I told her about you, that they pronouns would work."

It was really weird because:

a. I tried getting my family to use they pronouns for me, and it didn't make me feel better, and

b. I don't think my mom's boyfriend's kids knew I was trans before that? For all I knew, they weren't paying attention, but then again, they could have been.

So I got all freaked out and upset about possibly being outed in public. I was ranting to my friend about it, and she actually said, "You're not trans? You're gender fluid? That's not the same thing?" Like, I get that you're cis, but.... did you just.... did you really? *sigh*

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My brother takes the cake for all "gendered" ways of thinking. He didn't want to get this one car because he said the body style is "too feminine". Then I said "a car is a car, what difference does it make???". He replied with "some cars are made to look manly and some are made to look feminine". Then I told him "your mind is way too gendered for me to take seriously".

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I was hanging out with my parents at a local beer place- and this older guy proceeds to gender the fruitier beer as being for women :blink:. I laughed it off to myself (I had had a few drinks)- but it's only Beer- why does the Style of Beer etc have to be gendered. If I apply that logic to a honey beer I've had recently- does that mean that the honey beer is just for bees? :blink:

Will never understand the logic to gendering cocktails either. As if Whiskey Sours are only meant for those ID'ing as male and Margaritas are for those ID'ing as female. :blink:

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I was hanging out with my parents at a local beer place- and this older guy proceeds to gender the fruitier beer as being for women :blink:. I laughed it off to myself (I had had a few drinks)- but it's only Beer- why does the Style of Beer etc have to be gendered. If I apply that logic to a honey beer I've had recently- does that mean that the honey beer is just for bees? :blink:

Will never understand the logic to gendering cocktails either. As if Whiskey Sours are only meant for those ID'ing as male and Margaritas are for those ID'ing as female. :blink:

This is like I said the exact same kinda crap that my brother does o_O My parents are especially good for that. They even go to the extend to gendering a person's line of interest like when they say "oh that's a bit feminine of an interest for a man" or "that women has so many manish tendancies" or something.

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My sister has started referring to my transition as "the direction in which [my] life is going". Dude, just call it what it is. Transition.

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butterflydreams

Will never understand the logic to gendering cocktails either. As if Whiskey Sours are only meant for those ID'ing as male and Margaritas are for those ID'ing as female. :blink:

lol, I don't drink much, but margaritas are pretty much one of the only things I like...so make of that what you will ;) Pretty sure someone told me blush/rosé wines are girly too. Well damn, that's also my favorite. I can't help that I'm a walking stereotype when it comes to alcohol 8)

My sister has started referring to my transition as "the direction in which [my] life is going". Dude, just call it what it is. Transition.

Huh...that's kinda...weird.

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Will never understand the logic to gendering cocktails either. As if Whiskey Sours are only meant for those ID'ing as male and Margaritas are for those ID'ing as female. :blink:

lol, I don't drink much, but margaritas are pretty much one of the only things I like...so make of that what you will ;) Pretty sure someone told me blush/rosé wines are girly too. Well damn, that's also my favorite. I can't help that I'm a walking stereotype when it comes to alcohol 8)

My sister has started referring to my transition as "the direction in which [my] life is going". Dude, just call it what it is. Transition.

Huh...that's kinda...weird.

Heh if you think that's bad I've had to school my brother on calling vegatarianism and veganism "unmanly" :P Maaan he doesn't know, there is a football player on a major team that's vegan and he's a big linebacker man that's like 6 feet tall or something.

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butterflydreams

Will never understand the logic to gendering cocktails either. As if Whiskey Sours are only meant for those ID'ing as male and Margaritas are for those ID'ing as female. :blink:

lol, I don't drink much, but margaritas are pretty much one of the only things I like...so make of that what you will ;) Pretty sure someone told me blush/rosé wines are girly too. Well damn, that's also my favorite. I can't help that I'm a walking stereotype when it comes to alcohol 8)

My sister has started referring to my transition as "the direction in which [my] life is going". Dude, just call it what it is. Transition.

Huh...that's kinda...weird.

Heh if you think that's bad I've had to school my brother on calling vegatarianism and veganism "unmanly" :P Maaan he doesn't know, there is a football player on a major team that's vegan and he's a big linebacker man that's like 6 feet tall or something.

I was vegetarian for a 2 years or so a few years back, and to be honest, I think that may have actually pissed my dad off more than my transition. :rolleyes:

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