• Announcements

    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  
booksoversex

Ever tried different stuff just to figure yourself out?

Recommended Posts

booksoversex

I let a woman hit on me and went home with her, thinking I had to "try everything once" etc. It was all just really awkward and...

Well. Everything "works" down there, so it reacts like it should (IOW I did get aroused), but I was just not there at all mentally. I don't regret trying it, though. She was nice, and I felt safe with her. When she left, I thought "well, now I've done that too, and at least I know for sure I am NOT into women either.

I am still undecided when it comes to men. I fall in love with them. Not often, very rarely. I might be demi, because when that happens I am much more open to sex and see it as a "natural" thing, even if there are other things that are much more important to me in a relationship.

What sort of confuses me, is I can be really "wild" when it comes to sex. When I have decided to get all down and dirty, usually if someone hits on me who isn't unpleasant etc., I just think "well, why not?" I still don't really want sex, and definitely don't think of them in a sexual way, but then I know it will happen and I'm okay with it. So when I get into the situation, I am open for and sometimes take the initiative to a lot of things.

I don't know, sex never gets me "off", but it can be a fun thing once in a while. Not sure if I am just a sexual with a low libido, grey, or what. Either way: Has anyone else tried different things/experimented? I feel like most times when I do, I think "well, this was okay, but... now I've done that, I don't really need to try it again." It's like I am more curious about what different sexual things are like, than wanting them/getting excited by them.

It was basically the same as having sex with a man. Or, naturally it was different, but I didn't feel any different. I still felt a bit distanced from it, thinking "this is kind of weird" and thinking about what I was supposed to do during. I was aroused, but not really into it in my head. So... It was sorta meh, but not a bad experience. I really don't get why people fuzz so much about sex. It's like... An excercise or something. I still think I like it better with men, but that could also be because it is usually finished sooner as far as I've understood xD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Snao Cone

I can understand where you're coming from. The experimenting I've done has been with men, and it's left me feeling so underwhelmed or disappointed. Every time I've tried sex, my motivation has been to see if it seems normal and enjoyable this time. It never has.

I haven't experimented with women or female-bodied people aside from kissing, and I just feel no inclination to try anything further. I have no interest in giving or receiving cunnilingus, though if I ever do give it a shot I'm almost entirely certain I'd be even less thrilled by it than sex with dudes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
booksoversex

Yeah, I think it was more boring with a woman, at least. The worst part is, she seems to think it was much more special. I fear she will try to hit on me again later (we occasionally meet because we work together on a volunteer project). I have been exasperated at that before, men aswell as women seem to feel something is different after sex. For me, it doesn't feel any different. I don't feel any closer to them. Sex with a person I am in love with can feel intimate, but sex with a person I feel nothing about is just incredibly boring. And it doesn't induce any feelings, which seems to happen to some other people. I don't feel any different than if we'd had a work-out together or gone for a run.

I look at men and women equally (non)sexual, so I could sleep with everyone - or no one (the more likely scenario). Since I fall in love with men and thus far no women, I still see myself as straight, though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jade Cross

I was once close to getting the deed done but backed out at the last minute because for one thing, it did not generate the "Wild, uncontrollable, exciting" feeling from start to finish that would blind all rationality and just give you ultimate pleasure that people would often talk about. It didn't even start.

I then spent long weeks being tortured with guilt over the fact that I had attempted to try the forbidden and ultimate sin known as sex. The person whom I had set the encounter with, a friend btw, drove me home and all the time there I was stone dead silent. So much so that they voiced how unsettling I was making them by my lack of emotion. They laughed at me when I broke down and all the guilt of the act hit me. Needless to say said person was never talked to about the subject again.

Definitely not one of my best or brightest moments or ideas.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GLRDT
On 2/21/2016 at 6:21 AM, booksoversex said:

I let a woman hit on me and went home with her, thinking I had to "try everything once" etc. It was all just really awkward and...

Well. Everything "works" down there, so it reacts like it should (IOW I did get aroused), but I was just not there at all mentally. I don't regret trying it, though. She was nice, and I felt safe with her. When she left, I thought "well, now I've done that too, and at least I know for sure I am NOT into women either.

I am still undecided when it comes to men. I fall in love with them. Not often, very rarely. I might be demi, because when that happens I am much more open to sex and see it as a "natural" thing, even if there are other things that are much more important to me in a relationship.

What sort of confuses me, is I can be really "wild" when it comes to sex. When I have decided to get all down and dirty, usually if someone hits on me who isn't unpleasant etc., I just think "well, why not?" I still don't really want sex, and definitely don't think of them in a sexual way, but then I know it will happen and I'm okay with it. So when I get into the situation, I am open for and sometimes take the initiative to a lot of things.

I don't know, sex never gets me "off", but it can be a fun thing once in a while. Not sure if I am just a sexual with a low libido, grey, or what. Either way: Has anyone else tried different things/experimented? I feel like most times when I do, I think "well, this was okay, but... now I've done that, I don't really need to try it again." It's like I am more curious about what different sexual things are like, than wanting them/getting excited by them.

It was basically the same as having sex with a man. Or, naturally it was different, but I didn't feel any different. I still felt a bit distanced from it, thinking "this is kind of weird" and thinking about what I was supposed to do during. I was aroused, but not really into it in my head. So... It was sorta meh, but not a bad experience. I really don't get why people fuzz so much about sex. It's like... An excercise or something. I still think I like it better with men, but that could also be because it is usually finished sooner as far as I've understood xD

Yes. I relate to what you've said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
will123

Does pondering hiring a prostitute count?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now