19971212 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I'm an 18 year old girl, never had a boyfriend, never had sex... hell I never even kissed anyone. I feel like calling myself asexual would be an easy way out of explaining this but although I have no real interest in sex or kissing, I do crave romance. I'm obsessed with my romantic period drama tv-shows and movies, I do like the idea of having a boyfriend... someone to sleep next to, to laugh with, romantic dinners and gestures (you know, basic period drama stuff). Then I think it's impossible to find someone who wants that, but not wants to have sex. I know zero asexual people and just feel very much like an outsider. I have no idea if I am within the asexuality spectrum, my indifference to sex might just be because i never had it Then again, I don't really want to have it. Who knows, maybe I'm just a late bloomer. I really want to be sure about my sexuality. Any ideas? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Baam Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Hi, you now know 1 asexual person. ;) Welcome! I'm in a similar position to you. 18, NB, never dated, never had sex, never kissed anyone. Don't let people draw you into the argument of, "How do you know if you've never tried it?" Or the, "You're just saying that because you can't get laid." You said you have no real interest in sex. Okay, so you're asexual (as long as you want to identify as such). Don't feel like an outsider, what you've said sounds very similar to a lot of other stories I've heard around here from other asexual people, and it resonates with me as well. My romantic-drive is a lot weaker than yours, though, that's the only difference. You'll find a lot of variation in the romantic-drive of asexuals as you will with sexuals. The average age of first feeling sexual attraction is 10 years old. It's very unlikely that you're a late-bloomer at 18, although there is a small chance. But even if it turns out that you are, does that invalidate what you're feeling right now? At this instant? Of course not. If it's useful for you to adopt the identity of asexuality, then do it. If you can identify with the experiences of asexuals, then why not? No one can tell you what you're feeling but yourself. No one can tell you, "You are asexual," Nor, "You are not asexual." It's hard to be sure, but just focus on what you're thinking, and your feelings. If you truly have no innate desire to have sex with another person and/or you don't get sexually attracted to others, then by 'definition', you are asexual. Again, all it comes down to is that if it's useful for you to call yourself asexual, go for it. If not, don't. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gaillimh Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 See Baam, I also think that your description does sound like what most asexuals describe. Sexual and romantic drive are not the same. So if you feel like you would like to have the one but not the other than that's who you are. I also never dated or had sex but I just know that I would not enjoy sex and seek it out on my own. The argument "You can't now until you tried" is insane, you wouldn't ask a homosexual how they know. Some experiment, some just know. I know that you want to have clarity but don't pressure yourself for a label. Basically it doesn't matter whether you are asexual or can identify with some of the feelings, the outcome is the same for you. And it's not like getting a tattoo. If one day you realize that something changed and the description doesn't fit you anymore, drop the label. (And even tattoos can be removed !) A second asexual you know already Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nomiverse Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Sounds like a Heteroromantic Asexual, like me! It also sounds like you're a celibate which is when people choose not to have sex Or you could be waiting for the right person Anyway welcome to AVEN! Here have some cake Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Elluna Hellen Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Welcome to AVEN! :cake: :cake: Well first of all you are a person. (My standard go-to answer for people going "I don't know what I am!" :P) Secondly, you could be a romantic asexual, but that's up to you to come to find out and possibly come to terms with. Nobody but you can decide that for you! :) There *are* people who will want a romantic relationship without sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 The average age of first feeling sexual attraction is 10 years old. Wait, wait. What? Really? Oh . . . and here I am on AVEN at 1:00am with exact the same concerns as 19971212. They are now they are out the window. In actual reply, if you feel like you're missing out, OP, that's just normal. You've already said that you want romance, but are afraid it comes with a string-attached sex (i.e. sex). Your recognizing this difficulty is the exact opposite of taking the easy way out, because its already causing you difficulties. So, all I'm really trying to say is don't feel too obligated to push yourself into any boxes and just take a look around AVEN. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.