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sexy kinks: grey, ace, or sexual?


binary suns

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if someone is sexually aroused in direct response to something they find kinky, but claims not to feel attraction to the person doing/wearing the kink, would that person be grey, ace, or sexual?

feel free to elaborate if you think it's needed. it's a general example lol! hopefully this topic doesn't secretly belong in the hotbox and I don't know yet xD

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I have sexual kinks, and I consider myself to be asexual. Most of my fanaticized activities do not include another person.

If it involves another person, then I'm not so sure. I've thought about this a long time ago but never really came to a conclusion. It strongly depends on the definition of asexuality you use. If it's sexual attraction, then people with kinks can be asexual. If it's sexual desire or desire for partnered sex, then they can't be asexual. That's my personal opinion. All it comes down to is whether asexuality is the lack of attraction to people or lack of desire for the act.

This is one of those grey areas of asexuality that I find interesting, as it defines asexuality more clearly.

(Also for clarification, I don't not differentiate between kinks and fetishes. I use the two terms interchangeably)

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I think it very much depends on the kink. For me, bondage turns me on but it's the act of doing it and the psychology/emotion of it that does it, not the other person. I certainly don't consider myself sexual because of it, as I'm not sexually attracted to people or even desire sex either during or outside the scene. But that's me and I'm sure it would vary with other ppl and other kinks.

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If it makes them want to have sex with the person it is sexual. If not, then it is asexual.

If it is sexual, it depends upon the person subjective evaluation of the degree of that desire which will determine if it is grey or not.

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As far as I know, I don't have any kinks myself, so idk if I'm unqualified to answer this topic. But in my opinion, as long as the person is not aroused or attracted to the person doing the kink, the I think it can still fall under the definition of asexuality.

Of course, if the person feels more comfortable identifying as gray-a or sexual because of their kinks, that's fine too.

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I think I technically fall under the gray-a category because I have a smoking fetish and I do get aroused when I watch some people smoke. I might even masturbate to it but it doesn't actually make me want to have sex with them, maybe just make out. I still consider myself completely asexual because I don't want to have sex with anybody under any circumstances and I'm sex-repulsed.

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One Winged Angel

I think it is interesting to ask these questions. I mean, is arousal from a fetish object a form of sexual attraction? If another person is involved it would certainly seem closer to such a definition, but what if it was literally an object or an action with no human interaction? There is little doubt that some fetishists are drawn to and directly attracted to their objects in ways which may appear unexplainable to them, which I where I believe the term "fetish" comes from (a fetish being a ceremonial or other object said to have magical powers).

Some people would doubtlessly claim that sexual fetishism is a form sexual attraction, whilst others would claim it is not in itself attraction unless the desire for physical sex with another person is involved. What is interesting is that for true fetishists, where the fetish object is the ONLY thing that they can be aroused by, any other form of sexual stimulation does nothing for them.

I think we are still as a culture afraid to speak about fetishes and paraphilia's, as images of unhealthy or illegal activity enter peoples minds. Of course, some behaviour will always be unacceptable, but this is not the nature of most fetishist's desires. Most fetishes would be seen as utterly ridiculous to somebody who does not share the desire. They are not universal - even people with the same general fetish may disagree on many expressions of it.

Something clearly creates a fetish in the mind of the individual, and whether this something could be called sexual attraction is a matter that each person with a fetish must ask for themselves.

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(TMI/maybe)

Imaginary character Sandy likes the thought of being spanked. To her, this is very arousing. She might even wanted to be spanked by another individual. It's not the individual that she likes on a sexual level, it is the act of spanking itself. Thus, Sandy is asexual.

(End the maybe-TMI)

Arousal is okay. It's not a bad thing to be asexual and also to experience/enjoy/and even explore arousal! (I'm not saying you said it was, I'm just saying. ^_^ ) Arousal does NOT make someone a gray-asexual or sexual. Arousal just "is." :)

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