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38 and just now figuring out I may not be "broken"


EmeraldTigerLily

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EmeraldTigerLily

I'm 38 and married for 6 years. I love my husband but I hate sex. It's just like doing chores for me. I don't get any enjoyment and I avoid it like the plague! My husband is very sexual and has always wondered why I'm not attracted to him or why I don't want to have sex with him. I try to explain that I love him but that sex isn't part of that for me. We rarely had sex before we got married but it's become more of an issue for him in the last year or so. When I say rarely I mean maybe 1-4 times a year. I never had any desire for sex even as a teenager. My first sexual experience was when I was 20 and it was even my first "real" kiss. I always avoided romantic relationships and kept guys as just friends. While not interested in sex I've always wanted kids and I now have a daughter and a son who are my world. Sex for me was for procreation and no real other purpose.

My husband, as I mentioned, as grown frustrated in the last year or so with the lack of intimacy. I still love him I just don't want to have sex with him, or anyone else for that matter. I try to explain that I don't masterbate because he seems to think that I must because it's a natural drive. He bagan researching to see if he could find an explanation for my lack of swx drive and how to "fix" it. HE is the one that found this page and told me that he felt this may be the answer. Of course, it's not a diagnosis and there is no "cure" so he hopes it's not the case. I've been reading about it for a couple weeks and last week began to feel that this is really it. There is an answer. I'm not just "broken" and I'm not "missing" some hormone. I still don't know how to feel about it. I worry about my marriage because it's not just a chemical imbalance. No special pill to make me WANT to have sex.y husband wants me to want him but I just can't. I'm hoping to meet some people that I can talk to and have some support. I am a great supporter as well so I am here for anyone who needs someone to talk to.

Anyway, I have mixed emotions. I'm happy to have a focus to look at for my feelings or lack of. On the other hand I may end up not being able to maintain my marriage. Trying to fovlcus on the positive.

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You are being you, and people should respect you for who you are no matter what.

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I have a nearly identical married life. I also have sex about the same number of times a year! I just figured this out for myself too. Im trying my best to get stuff to work out because I love my husband and being married.

I'm not sex repulsed, so the sex part doesn't bother me too much. I kind of enjoy it in a "hmmm. That wasn't too bad." Kind of way. But it can totally be a struggle for a couple.

Good luck! Hope to see you around.

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Emerald

I'm in your husband's position, pretty much, except my wife has no particular interest in identifying as anything in particular. She used to be fairly sexually active, but menopause, lupus and some other factors have brought her to a point where she describes herself exactly as a non repulsed asexual would. So it comes to the same thing. We've reached a point where we have sex about once a month. I've had to get my head round sex being infrequent, decaffeinated, and based on her doing something for me rather than actual desire for me. She's had to get her head around having sex at all, of course. It's meant a lot of talking and taken a while to get to.

It comes down to what compromises you can both sustain. I'm more than happy to offer any insights from the sexual husband point of view if you want to ask.

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