Jump to content

Could I be Ace? (Possible TMI)


Recommended Posts

I'm about seventeen. Until this point in my life, I've identified as pansexual. More recently, I've looked into asexuality and realised some of it sounds a lot like me.

I understand there's no one definition for what an asexual person is, but I thought people here could give me their opinions because I'm kind of just not sure.

I noticed growing up that I didn't have the same interests as most other people my age. Masturbation was rare for me. I wasn't interested in porn.. If anything, I even disliked it. I did sleep with a guy a few times and while it did kind of feel good, it wasn't some spectacular thing like people make it out to be. When I think of having sex again, I feel against the idea. This has all been really weird to me because I'm still a teenager and I feel like that period of time is usually known as when people are very sexual due to hormones and things. I thought this could all maybe be attributed to a really low sex drive, but I also feel like if that was the case, it shouldn't be lasting this long. There was also a period of time about a year ago where I was more sexual. I didn't feel sexual attraction towards people from what I remember, but I was a more sexual person in general. That's also when I was first kind of introduced to some sexual things, so I think the excitement from the "newness" may have contributed to that.

I have looked at several definitions for sexual attraction and I just can't completely grasp what it is. I tend to go by it being thinking people are hot and that you would like to have sex with them, and I know I don't do that. I can identify features that typically make a person seem sexually appealing/physically attractive, but if I look at an attractive female, I typically think "Oh, she's really cute/pretty" compared to "Oh, she's really hot."

I don't know. This is the mass of thoughts that has been going through my head lately. I'm hoping someone can help make sense of them for me. Haha. The last thing though is that, when I identified as pan, it didn't feel right. Something about it just felt off, and now that I've been identifying as a panromantic asexual, it feels less off, I guess.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you don't desire sex with anyone then that's asexual.

Sexual attraction is when something about someone triggers the impulse to have sex with them. If you still don't get it, then think of someone looking at an animal and going "aww, it's so cute, i have to hug it", except with sex and toward a person. But sexual people desire sex for more reasons than that; they just desire sex in general and that's why many people are pushing for the definition to be changed to a desire based; because people who desire sex for those other reasons are going by asexual.

If you're in your late teens then you should know your orientation by now.

Having poor sexual experiences won't get rid of the desire to "go further." Did you have that in your past experiences?

Link to post
Share on other sites
nanogretchen4

Based on the information in your post you might or might not be asexual. Most sexuals state that they have never experienced looking at someone they don't know, thinking that they are hot, and wanting to have sex with them. Therefore, that's probably not a reliable test for asexuality. Also, most people's first few sexual experiences are not spectacular. It's entirely possible that you weren't attracted to the particular guy you tried having sex with but might eventually be attracted to someone. Or, you could be asexual.

I would say you should tentatively identify as asexual if that feels right, but maybe don't hire a skywriter for your coming out announcement. That way if you find yourself attracted to someone in a year or two you can always just pick a new label and no harm done.

Link to post
Share on other sites
melancholy-sweet

The best part about asexuality and sexuality in general is that you are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to experiment and allowed to find a way of defining yourself that suits you best. No one on this site or anywhere can tell you what you are or are not. Good luck and I hope you make some good discoveries about yourself!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe that the definition of asexuality would probably be better if it somehow included both of the two more favorable definitions: "an asexual is a person who lacks the desire for sex and/or does not experience sexual attraction." Both of them have individual problems. I feel that if we had the "desirist" definition, then there would at some point be people pushing for the "attractionist" definition. Anyway, my point is that not all asexuals actually define this orientation by a lack of sexual attraction. :)

That being said, I, like you, think of "hot" in sexual terms. Not all asexuals do, but I do, and if that's how you mean it then that's all that really matters in this instance. Being sexual (as in, participating in sexual activities) doesn't actually mean that you are somehow less of an asexual. :) There are many here who have had sex/are having sex, for their own individual reasons.

To me personally, you sound asexual--but you are ultimately the only person who can say whether you are or are not. ^_^

Link to post
Share on other sites

If panromantic ace sounds right to you, then you should use that identity. As long as you feel no sexual attraction, then you are considered ace.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...