Im a little confused about this.

[Rising Sun]

People have a problem with privacy. In my experience, I always got one of these two reactions :

- people being suspicious - usually "friends'" and acquaintances' reaction

- people emotionally blackmailing me ("why don't you tell me ? if you don't tell me, you don't love me - you hate me, don't you ?") - usually relatives' reaction

[Lord Jade Cross]

Yea, that is partially why I could never function in a relationship. I cant stand unnecessary drama

[Rising Sun]

Not everyone is like that, fortunately. I'm an extremely independent person, and I found someone in my life, although I can say chances for this were very tiny given how I'm incompatible with about 99% of people. It depends on the kind of relationship you can have and for some people it's impossible to have "ordinary" relationships, but it's often possible to find unconventional ones (you don't even have to be committed to each other if you want to avoid commitment).

[Telecaster68]

A bit, I guess. People differ in what they think is intrusive. Some people are more curious than others. Some people are happier to talk about these things than others.

On the other hand... if you were a player, which is kind of what they were driving at, you might well have been happy to talk about your conquests. Or maybe they've got you pigeonholed as a bit enigmatic, and they're trying to figure you out.

What kind of logic would drive people to consider someone who doesnt talk about their sex lives and generally shies away from sex talks to think that theyre a player?

In the context of that conversation about sex and commitment, it's an alternative to having a steady relationship. They'd probably think of it before asexuality because it's far more common. They're digging for info, that's all. Either you'd say 'yep, I like to put it about', or say it didn't apply. Either way, they've found out more about you.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Reading that makes me feel uncomfortable somehow. I hate when people pry about my life, especially if its something I don't feel they have any business with.

[scarletlatitude]

I completely agree Jade. My personL life is no ones business but my own, and even if I did want to tell you, I certainly won't if you're being nosy.

Unfortunately people have this need to know. I don't understand it. Just leave me be. I'm not prying into your private life. *grumble grumble grumble*

I don't have any answers unfortunately but I do understand. People need to keep their eyes on their own papers.

[m4rble]

I find it odd that people assume everyone is interested in having sex. People don't assume everyone is interested in science, skiing or reading. Why is it that some activities seem mandatory and not others?

[Telecaster68]

I find it odd that people assume everyone is interested in having sex.

It's not so odd. 99% of people are interested in having sex.

[Autumn Season]

I'd just like to point out that not everyone is nosy about other people's business. You just might be unlucky, Jade. You are a private person in a company of curious co-workers. In all of the workplaces and most other environments I've been in my life, nobody asked me about my romantic life. It is considered a rude thing to do. My friends are different, but my friends know I don't mind sharing private info with them.

[Visenya]

I completely agree Jade. My personL life is no ones business but my own, and even if I did want to tell you, I certainly won't if you're being nosy.

Unfortunately people have this need to know. I don't understand it. Just leave me be. I'm not prying into your private life. *grumble grumble grumble*

I don't have any answers unfortunately but I do understand. People need to keep their eyes on their own papers.

This.

I think that's why I'd rather be friends with men. In my experience, they tend to be less nosy, and on the rare occasions when they asked me something personal, it was more out of curiosity. Most of the time, when women ask me something, they start giving me unwanted opinions/advices on how to live my life. It's annoying! Not all women are like that, of course... I don't have this problem with my two female friends, thank the gods! Otherwise, I wouldn't be friends with them.

Besides, if people want me to be less closed off, maybe they should be less judgemental and try to make me comfortable enough to open up to them. For instance, I don't get why people ask me if I want children (I don't) if they can't deal with the fact that I won't give them the "right" answer.

I definitely don't understand people. -_-

[Autumn Season]

I think that's why I'd rather be friends with men.

Really? From my experience and from what I hear, men are more inappropriately curious. Interesting how different our experiences are.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I think that's why I'd rather be friends with men.

Really? From my experience and from what I hear, men are more inappropriately curious. Interesting how different our experiences are.

I often hear the same, though of course I know that nothing is absolute. I also have to agree wholeheartedly with Visenya; if people ask me a personal question, especially one of sexual nature, though this applies for all really, what makes them think that the answer has to be catered to their specific values and ideals or that of general society?

[Telecaster68]

In their heads, they're being sociable and friendly, and giving you an opportunity to talk about yourself, which many people enjoy. I agree they could have read the situation (and you) better and seen you're not comfortable, and not asked it. But talking about relationships in a general way is pretty common currency in social/workplace conversations; if it's something you're comfortable with, it's fine to (politely) close it down as a subject.

[Visenya]

I think that's why I'd rather be friends with men.

Really? From my experience and from what I hear, men are more inappropriately curious. Interesting how different our experiences are.

I often hear the same, though of course I know that nothing is absolute. I also have to agree wholeheartedly with Visenya; if people ask me a personal question, especially one of sexual nature, though this applies for all really, what makes them think that the answer has to be catered to their specific values and ideals or that of general society?

Now I'm the one who's a bit surprised because most of my friends and my sister think that women are a bit more nosy than men. O.o

[Lord Jade Cross]

I think that's why I'd rather be friends with men.

Really? From my experience and from what I hear, men are more inappropriately curious. Interesting how different our experiences are.

I often hear the same, though of course I know that nothing is absolute. I also have to agree wholeheartedly with Visenya; if people ask me a personal question, especially one of sexual nature, though this applies for all really, what makes them think that the answer has to be catered to their specific values and ideals or that of general society?

Now I'm the one who's a bit surprised because most of my friends and my sister think that women are a bit more nosy than men. O.o

Hmm. Maybe its due to cultures or age group. Or to uphold gender roles.

[Lord Jade Cross]

In their heads, they're being sociable and friendly, and giving you an opportunity to talk about yourself, which many people enjoy. I agree they could have read the situation (and you) better and seen you're not comfortable, and not asked it. But talking about relationships in a general way is pretty common currency in social/workplace conversations; if it's something you're comfortable with, it's fine to (politely) close it down as a subject.

Usually, in the best of cases, people have to be a while inquiring about it for the message to sink in that I do not wish to share that kind of information nor am I comfortable with it even if I do explicitly say that I dont wish to talk about it. The pattern tends to repeat itself with each person that I spend time to talking to.

At times I have adopted an arrogant/aloof attitude of "aint no one got time for that" to try and throw people off from asking. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Saying that Im gay wont work either because despite the stigma still attached to it, people like to know details.

[Rising Sun]

I think that's why I'd rather be friends with men.

Really? From my experience and from what I hear, men are more inappropriately curious. Interesting how different our experiences are.

Most of my friendships with women eventually failed sooner or later, and I know I'm talking about a female gender stereotype, but sadly it's still something that's true most of the time... Not only in my experience, women are more nosy, but they also love gossiping considerably more than men. Often, if a man finds something weird about you, he eventually tells you (usually directly starting an argument), while a woman will fake being still friendly but will start telling absolute horrors about you behind your back, and all of her acquaintances will believe her and hate you... Given how gossips are so much more destructive on long term and on large scale than a simple argument, I know which one I prefer by far.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I think that's why I'd rather be friends with men.

Really? From my experience and from what I hear, men are more inappropriately curious. Interesting how different our experiences are.

Most of my friendships with women eventually failed sooner or later, and I know I'm talking about a female gender stereotype, but sadly it's still something that's true most of the time... Not only in my experience, women are more nosy, but they also love gossiping considerably more than men. Often, if a man finds something weird about you, he eventually tells you (usually directly starting an argument), while a woman will fake being still friendly but will start telling absolute horrors about you behind your back, and all of her acquaintances will believe her and hate you... Given how gossips are so much more destructive on long term and on large scale than a simple argument, I know which one I prefer by far.

Something occurred to me while reading this but Im not sure how accurate it is or if we would splitting hairs but here goes. Could we say that for the men, questions regarding the perceived "normality" of womens sex experiences and traditional roles are more likely to surface over other subjects in which men generally dont have much interest to begin with? Same question with women respectively?

Apologies for the gross generalizations and stereotypes here but I don't know how else to phrase it at the moment

[Guest]

I know men and women are different, but my confusion stems from how there is a "men are all useless pigs" to "its better to just have flings" to asking "do you sleep around?" and then in turn, that turning to a look/comment of disbelief if the answer is "No", but if the answer was "Yes" the process comes back in a circle. So its bad if the case is such and if it isnt too o.o? My brain hurts over this.

I've seen you ask questions like this before, where you pick apart you workmates actions and conversations, seem (to me) to misinterpret quite a lot of what is going on, then go and make a thread about it. Whereas I honestly think you just way overthink a lot of things, and come to your own conclusions about what those people are intending by their words and actions based on your misinterpretation of what happened. Also the answer ''what, serious?'' could have literally meant anything (like ''do you seriously need to ask that, obviously I prefer to sleep around'') ...and they may have just been annoyed you didn't go to the effort to reply properly (by actually properly engaging in the convo, instead of just saying ''what, serious?'') ... I think you do yourself more harm than good by trying to pick apart every aspect of what others are thinking and feeling, and the meaning behind their facial expressions and behavior, and honestly, there is NO way strangers on the internet can explain it for you, because the only people who really know what they meant are those two women, yes? I just think you would be better off if you accept that people can be weird and annoying (most of them are, in my experience) and just put their behavior down to that instead of trying to pick apart every little aspect of this sort of thing. Some people are literally just rude. That doesn't automatically mean that almost all allosexual women think that men are useless pigs and can't believe that one might not have a desire to sleep around... (which is what you seem to be implying?)

So being private about what are (reduntant) private things abouts ones life is now illegal? Who made up such a ludicrous concept?

So does that mean that from now on, I can just walk up and say "Hey, fucked any hot guys lately" and girls wont slap me in the face and call me a perv and a sicko?

See, you're just waaaaaay overthinking this. They would have completely forgotten the entire convo by now and are getting on with their lives, you should do the same!. I honestly don't think they care whether you sleep around or not, they were just making an effort to include you in the convo, and all you did was give an answer that really could mean anything (whereas a more ''sociably inclined'' person might have laughed and joked, saying something witty and clever, which is probably what they were expecting) .. I think the best thing you can do is just let this go. There is NO way internet strangers can explain what those women meant, because only they can know. Or you could, you know.. just ask them? if it is going to keep bugging you to this extent.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I never said that men\women are useless pigs who sleep around. That was they're initial statement. My question was how they jumped from the same thing they were criticizing to asking it.

If someone told me "I think men are useless pigs who only sleep around" my reaction will be "Ok, men are useless pigs who sleep around to you" message recieved. But if a person says that and then immediately asks me if I sleep around, my reaction will be "Wait, didnt you just tell me that you thought men to be useless pigs? Why would you want to know whether I sleep around or not?" It doesnt hold up to judge and the ask the very same thing you have just vocalized your position about. Even if my answer had been "yea I sleep around" why would there be a need to ask? If anything I would make me be more suspicious why they would be asking. And if the answer they were expecting was something along the lines of "I only sleep with emotional partners" it would still make me suspicious as to why they were asking if they already said what they thought.

I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and say its overthinking. In cold calculated logic, does it really make sense to contradict yourself (as in people not you specifically) so directly?

[Rising Sun]

Apologies for the gross generalizations and stereotypes here but I don't know how else to phrase it at the moment

Something occurred to me while reading this but Im not sure how accurate it is or if we would splitting hairs but here goes. Could we say that for the men, questions regarding the perceived "normality" of womens sex experiences and traditional roles are more likely to surface over other subjects in which men generally dont have much interest to begin with? Same question with women respectively?

Could you give me an example to illustrate your question please ? Because I'm not sure what exactly you're talking about.

[m4rble]

I never said that men\women are useless pigs who sleep around. That was they're initial statement. My question was how they jumped from the same thing they were criticizing to asking it.

If someone told me "I think men are useless pigs who only sleep around" my reaction will be "Ok, men are useless pigs who sleep around to you" message recieved. But if a person says that and then immediately asks me if I sleep around, my reaction will be "Wait, didnt you just tell me that you thought men to be useless pigs? Why would you want to know whether I sleep around or not?" It doesnt hold up to judge and the ask the very same thing you have just vocalized your position about. Even if my answer had been "yea I sleep around" why would there be a need to ask? If anything I would make me be more suspicious why they would be asking. And if the answer they were expecting was something along the lines of "I only sleep with emotional partners" it would still make me suspicious as to why they were asking if they already said what they thought.

I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and say its overthinking. In cold calculated logic, does it really make sense to contradict yourself (as in people not you specifically) so directly?

Most of the time people don't say exactly what they mean. When the women were saying men were pigs that slept around I don't think they were saying they thought literally all men slept around, they were just exaggerating. I sometimes get annoyed when people make exaggerations and blanket statements as well, of course I sometimes do this myself as well(I don't think it's even possible to articulate exactly what you mean all the time.) They asked you if you did because they knew that not all men are the same. That said it was still rude to make the initial statement.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I never said that men\women are useless pigs who sleep around. That was they're initial statement. My question was how they jumped from the same thing they were criticizing to asking it.

If someone told me "I think men are useless pigs who only sleep around" my reaction will be "Ok, men are useless pigs who sleep around to you" message recieved. But if a person says that and then immediately asks me if I sleep around, my reaction will be "Wait, didnt you just tell me that you thought men to be useless pigs? Why would you want to know whether I sleep around or not?" It doesnt hold up to judge and the ask the very same thing you have just vocalized your position about. Even if my answer had been "yea I sleep around" why would there be a need to ask? If anything I would make me be more suspicious why they would be asking. And if the answer they were expecting was something along the lines of "I only sleep with emotional partners" it would still make me suspicious as to why they were asking if they already said what they thought.

I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and say its overthinking. In cold calculated logic, does it really make sense to contradict yourself (as in people not you specifically) so directly?

Most of the time people don't say exactly what they mean. When the women were saying men were pigs that slept around I don't think they were saying they thought literally all men slept around, they were just exaggerating. I sometimes get annoyed when people make exaggerations and blanket statements as well, of course I sometimes do this myself as well(I don't think it's even possible to articulate exactly what you mean all the time.) They asked you if you did because they knew that not all men are the same. That said it was still rude to make the initial statement.

This would make alot more sense and in turn minimize misunderstandings.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Apologies for the gross generalizations and stereotypes here but I don't know how else to phrase it at the moment

Something occurred to me while reading this but Im not sure how accurate it is or if we would splitting hairs but here goes. Could we say that for the men, questions regarding the perceived "normality" of womens sex experiences and traditional roles are more likely to surface over other subjects in which men generally dont have much interest to begin with? Same question with women respectively?

Could you give me an example to illustrate your question please ? Because I'm not sure what exactly you're talking about.

Lets use a stereotypical example (blown out of proportions for the purposes of this) of casual sex vs comited sex. Men are expected to want casual sex by the miles. To a man, a woman not looking for a steady relationship/marriage/etc but yes to casual flings translates to Ka-ching! Jackpot! even though the double standard exists where women are called whores for doing so. But the men will not call them that as long as they get a piece of the action whereas women will call any other woman who has casual flings for the sake of just having them and enjoying them, with no intention of long term commited relationship a whore behind their backs.

In this scenario, men will not pry into a womans life sex wise because he would be gettimg what he wants whereas women will probably burn her for doing such thing and tell her that she cannot live such a life and that she must settle down, etc.

Ina commited relationship, sex will be something the men will pay more attention to and generally have discussions over if discrepancies arise. Granted the dynamic changes in a relationship over a casual fling but for the purpose of the argument, this is to focus on the aspect of sex and how it differs in perspectives between the two.

Same as commited relationships. Men, will not care about children whereas women will and will probably burn a woman who says that shes not interested in such things.

Again this is a gross ecageration of stereotypes

[Frigid Pink]

I think it's best not to think or give much credit to stereotypes, which tend to be sexist and aren't really helpful to anyone. If someone gives a lot of credit to stereotypes, then I typically choose not to engage with them. It really upsets me to see people make such gross generalizations because I don't want to be judged for the genitals I was born with (my sex) and I'd prefer to be judged based on who I am as a person. Also, someone's experience of a certain group of people (male, female, "men," "women," "gay," "queer," "ace," and so on) is just that. It doesn't apply to every person who chooses any particular label. With that said, I will no longer be following this discussion.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I think I will follow the advice Pan mentioned and not bother anymore with this subject and similar ones tied to it.

At the expense of sounding arrogant, I think it will also be far more useful for me to disregard what people say, especially in situations like this one. If they understand what I mean when I respond to their questions, (or dont respond more like it) great; and if they dont understand what I mean, let them guess the conclusions. Either way, despite what impression I may give, it wont really affect me in the long run. Whats the worst that could happen? To be judged and ridiculed? I already got that under the belt so its not something that would surprise me.

I will also not gain anything from trying to understand them so let bygones be bygones in a sense and move on.

Thanks to everyone who responded though.