Jump to content

Sensual vs Sexual; gray area?


xuxagirl87

Recommended Posts

I struggle quite a bit with the line between sensual and sexual attraction. I'm pan-romantic, that much is certain. But while I'm capable of sexual fantasizing, I'm VERY into experiencing other kinds of sensual pleasure/desire (pretty much anything not sex I'm up for; there's a weird line there), and I have no problem pleasuring someone else, I don't find the idea of actually participating in sex particularly attractive, and don't have a problem with the idea of never engaging in it. Like I said I'm highly physical/sensual; my ideal intimate encounter would probably look at first glance a lot like sex, to be honest, it's just... technically not. Not a clue where that fits. I'm not into "actual" sex but I am into things that seem to go beyond my understanding of sensual (e.g. hand-holding, cuddling). I know labels aren't meant to confuse/frustrate/diminish, but I still really want to understand how best to describe myself. Help?? (thanks in advance!)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I could tell you this much any ace from regular ace to the grey area can enjoy and desire sensual stuff. The only requirement for asexuality is lack of sexual attraction/desire and the grey area is well, there's a lot of things but there's some lack of desire/attraction in the sex region. You said you're not into sex. That sounds asexual and/or grey to me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

There seem to be a lot of folk here that will tell you that sensual attraction is either nothing more than wanting a hug or that it's no different than sexual attraction. I disagree. I'm very sensual, but not sexual at all.

I like touching from the waist up. It's not just a hug. I love feeling skin against skin and it's great. I won't go into detail, but some people think touching is just foreplay. For me, that's everything. It's all I need or want. I'm a cuddle slut.

I don't like genitals. They look ugly. I don't want to touch them. They can get slimy and gross if they get too excited. I'd prefer if they weren't there at all. I don't touch my own. Why would I want to touch someone else's? I've been accused of not being asexual. I just have a low libido. I don't think a low libido causes you to get squicked out at the prospect of encountering them. I think there are people who enjoy handling them. Otherwise, why would they have sex? I grudgingly do it now and then, but it's Yucky.

So you'll get people telling you stuff and insist that theres no difference between sensual and sexual attraction. There's a world of difference. And if you're that way, you know it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Completely agree with Velma on this. I require every form of touching touch touch toucity touch touch. Touching.

I can relate to this a lot. For me, my idea of intimacy is hand holding and cuddling, but if my partner really wanted to have sex (and wouldn't be happy with doing it with someone else), then I would be alright with doing sexual things. At the moment I've realized that sex is definitely a no-go for me as a compromise, though perhaps that will change one day. For the time being, though, no-sex-but-somewhat-close-to-sex is where I'm comfortable.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sexual things sometimes involve more handling of the dangly bits than sex itself. There are ways to have sex so you barely notice it's happening. Daydreaming helps too. Just kind of take a mental vacation. It's OK.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I struggle quite a bit with the line between sensual and sexual attraction. I'm pan-romantic, that much is certain. But while I'm capable of sexual fantasizing, I'm VERY into experiencing other kinds of sensual pleasure/desire (pretty much anything not sex I'm up for; there's a weird line there), and I have no problem pleasuring someone else, I don't find the idea of actually participating in sex particularly attractive, and don't have a problem with the idea of never engaging in it. Like I said I'm highly physical/sensual; my ideal intimate encounter would probably look at first glance a lot like sex, to be honest, it's just... technically not. Not a clue where that fits. I'm not into "actual" sex but I am into things that seem to go beyond my understanding of sensual (e.g. hand-holding, cuddling). I know labels aren't meant to confuse/frustrate/diminish, but I still really want to understand how best to describe myself. Help?? (thanks in advance!)

I get that so much, I love skin to skin contact. I would gladly sleep naked with a significant other. I also want to try out BDSM at some point, and a lot of the things I want to experience are all about different sensations. None of that has to be sexual.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah, I suddenly feel like I'm not weird. It's awesome to know that there are more asexuals interested in these types of things :3

Sexual things sometimes involve more handling of the dangly bits than sex itself. There are ways to have sex so you barely notice it's happening. Daydreaming helps too. Just kind of take a mental vacation. It's OK.

Ooh, genitals aren't too bad for me. Well, the vagina is. I'm not going to touch another vagina. XD But I really just see the penis as another part of the body and don't have too much of a problem with touching it. It really is sex alone that I don't like the idea of. Perhaps I should enhance my daydreaming skills though, and that would work! ^_^

Link to post
Share on other sites

I tried out BDSM, for some reason it seemed very silly to me. All except the nipple clamps. Those are the most horrible things ever created. No fun at all. Leather smells really good though. But too expensive. Rubber made me itch for some reason, but it was cool otherwise.

The only thing that I could get on board with was maybe the idea of being a dominitrix. I had a friend who was a pro. She'd have these rich business men come to her house, crawling around in their underwear with toothbrush scrubbing her kitchen floor. She didn't have sex or do much sexual. They paid money to hear her complain at their work and insult them. I wouldn't be into that so much but the idea of having people PAY to clean my house? Nice! The only downside would be the ridiculous high heels. Ouch.

Yeah.. So I lived in San Francisco a while and lived and worked in the queer leather district. So most of this stuff doesn't faze me. You'd never know it to look at me now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I tried out BDSM, for some reason it seemed very silly to me. All except the nipple clamps. Those are the most horrible things ever created. No fun at all. Leather smells really good though. But too expensive. Rubber made me itch for some reason, but it was cool otherwise.

The only thing that I could get on board with was maybe the idea of being a dominitrix. I had a friend who was a pro. She'd have these rich business men come to her house, crawling around in their underwear with toothbrush scrubbing her kitchen floor. She didn't have sex or do much sexual. They paid money to hear her complain at their work and insult them. I wouldn't be into that so much but the idea of having people PAY to clean my house? Nice! The only downside would be the ridiculous high heels. Ouch.

Yeah.. So I lived in San Francisco a while and lived and worked in the queer leather district. So most of this stuff doesn't faze me. You'd never know it to look at me now.

Lol, I am the opposite, I can only see myself being a sub. I mostly just want to be tied up, although I wouldn't mind trying spanking. I'm not much of one for pain, but it is something that interests me, so I want to try it out.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm no Dom. I just want someone to clean my house!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm no Dom. I just want someone to clean my house!

Lol, It would be good for that. I hate cleaning, your friend sounds like she gets the best part of the deal.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I tried out BDSM, for some reason it seemed very silly to me. All except the nipple clamps. Those are the most horrible things ever created. No fun at all. Leather smells really good though. But too expensive. Rubber made me itch for some reason, but it was cool otherwise.

The only thing that I could get on board with was maybe the idea of being a dominitrix. I had a friend who was a pro. She'd have these rich business men come to her house, crawling around in their underwear with toothbrush scrubbing her kitchen floor. She didn't have sex or do much sexual. They paid money to hear her complain at their work and insult them. I wouldn't be into that so much but the idea of having people PAY to clean my house? Nice! The only downside would be the ridiculous high heels. Ouch.

Yeah.. So I lived in San Francisco a while and lived and worked in the queer leather district. So most of this stuff doesn't faze me. You'd never know it to look at me now.

Lol, I am the opposite, I can only see myself being a sub. I mostly just want to be tied up, although I wouldn't mind trying spanking. I'm not much of one for pain, but it is something that interests me, so I want to try it out.

I've been informed that spanking isn't necessarily painful. :) There are different tools that can be used to cause different sensations, apparently! I'm not one for pain either, but I would be open to spanking.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Omg y'all are amazing. It's been 24 hours and I've gone from "omg head spinning what am I??" to "THERE'S PEOPLE LIKE ME YAY!!!" Seriously this is amazing, thank you all so much. Didn't know I could still have this kind of experience at age 28 lol.

Velma- thank you so much for sharing your experience. Sounds a lot like mine! Yes, touch and skin-to-skin contact is everything. It's amazing. I'm all for touching- even in ways that probably qualify as sexual. It's just traditional intercourse, anal and oral that creep me the f out. I totally agree with your assessment of genitals being "gross," particularly the female ones (ironic given I'm a female). I don't mind some touching of them for the sake of a partner's pleasure, (in fact I think my partner's pleasure is one of my biggest turn-ons in this type of situation,) but it's not my favorite thing.

Starlit Sky- thank you so much!! So much of what you said is exactly how I feel. I like your word: "no-sex-but-somewhat-close-to-sex." Yes. That exactly. :)

Evren: Yesss to the sleeping naked with a partner! See that's what I was trying to convey when I described my idea of intimacy as "looks like sex but isn't." Thank you!!

Everyone: You're such rockstars!! Seriously this made my day, thank you all!! :) :) :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know your question has been answered but if it helps I will give you my experience on this. At first I didn't understand this either. I used to question whether I had sexual attraction or not because there are certain things about sex I enjoyed while the actual act itself I found really boring. It turns out I really enjoy the closeness that it can give but there are various ways to feel very close to someone. I recently took a test to see what things did I appreciate most from my partner and I got these as results:

Words of Affirmation: 25

Gestures: 8

Gift Giving: 4

Touch: 3

Sorry I know this is super random but I found I found this interesting

Link to post
Share on other sites

Haha We're certainly glad to help! Honestly I'm glad that you asked the question. We at AVEN don't tend to talk about things that are sexual in nature in very much detail, but I feel like it's usually interesting when we do. . . . Anyway. XD

I know your question has been answered but if it helps I will give you my experience on this. At first I didn't understand this either. I used to question whether I had sexual attraction or not because there are certain things about sex I enjoyed while the actual act itself I found really boring. It turns out I really enjoy the closeness that it can give but there are various ways to feel very close to someone. I recently took a test to see what things did I appreciate most from my partner and I got these as results:

Words of Affirmation: 25

Gestures: 8

Gift Giving: 4

Touch: 3

Sorry I know this is super random but I found I found this interesting

Oh, what test would that be? Do you remember how to get to it? I think I'd find that interesting as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Haha We're certainly glad to help! Honestly I'm glad that you asked the question. We at AVEN don't tend to talk about things that are sexual in nature in very much detail, but I feel like it's usually interesting when we do. . . . Anyway. XD

I know your question has been answered but if it helps I will give you my experience on this. At first I didn't understand this either. I used to question whether I had sexual attraction or not because there are certain things about sex I enjoyed while the actual act itself I found really boring. It turns out I really enjoy the closeness that it can give but there are various ways to feel very close to someone. I recently took a test to see what things did I appreciate most from my partner and I got these as results:

Words of Affirmation: 25

Gestures: 8

Gift Giving: 4

Touch: 3

Sorry I know this is super random but I found I found this interesting

Oh, what test would that be? Do you remember how to get to it? I think I'd find that interesting as well.

I took it at my college. Sorry I don't know what it was called they just were offering it ;s.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh it's the 5 love languages. My husband lives by it. Words of affirmation is his favorite in a hardcore way. Once I figured that out, things skyrocketed up emotionally between us. I forget what I like. I know I got a 0 on gift giving and so did my husband. Which is good because we're both cheapskates. I think I like words and gestures. (Which means doing nice things, not making hand signals!)

Quality time --I forgot that one. Probably because it's not huge on my list.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages

There it is.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Arthurh- not at all, I'm glad you posted that! It's something I probably need to look into! :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...