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Question about demisexuals


Rainbow~Sprinkles

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Rainbow~Sprinkles

How long did you need to know a person before you became attracted to them?

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It varies on the person experiencing it and also on the target of attraction.

My quickest was about six months, longest was a little over two years. In all cases though, I've got to know them in quite an intense or thorough way.

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For me it's always been a few months, I think between 2 and 4. The last person I dated I didn't end up feeling attracted to, which was a shame.

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WhenSummersGone

For me months or longer. I had one friend where I felt a bond sooner though.

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Two years the first time, one year the second time. That's all. Attraction is something extremely rare in my life, and when I was younger it was totally inexistant.

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It depends on the person and who they're attracted to. For me, I had known my crush/bf for 5 years and was very comfortable with him when I suddenly realized I was crushing hard on him.

I still don't know if I am demi though...So I still go by "asexual" as the general term.

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It differs between different people & situations. My first girlfriend & I were close friends for 1.5-2 years before I developed sexual attra tion to her. The second 4 years, & I once developed sexual attraction to a girl after 3 hours of talking. The conversation was really intense & deep that I felt like we knew each other for ages.

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a year and a half?? its hard to tell with me being demiromantic as well :x

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Few months usually, if it's a constant, consistent contact filled with exchanging personal details and opinions. I just have to know a person to a degree before my feelings come in. It's like my crushes are planned by me for months. xD I have time to make sure they have everything I'm looking for and don't have everything I couldn't stand. I have time to back out. That's why I don't understand my friends who crush on people they don't know, know little about or have major opinion differences with. For me crushing on someone is pretty much what I think when I date someone- they're the only person I want to be with, the only person I'm attracted to, I want to spend my whole life with them and will work towards that.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Depends on the person, but a couple months at least.

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For me it's always been a friendship that turned romantic.

For the timeline: One friend I had known since I was four, so we had a bond before I had feelings for him.

I developed quicker feelings for the friend I was really close to (almost sibling close, which is where we still are now thank god) but had only known for two years at that point.

And I had a really intense crush on a friend I've known since fourth grade but had really reconnected with the year I was crushing on him.

Hope that makes sense?

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ContainingAllen

For me, the guy I found myself attracted to, we had been friends for almost two years when I realized that I was attracted to him. But another friendship only took me about four months. I would say it's different for everyone, or even different for each situation.

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scarletlatitude

It really does depend on the situation. How long before you decide that you are friends with someone? All relationships vary from person to person and all depend on the people involved.

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Nea Rose Symphony

This fall it will have been 4 years since I met my boyfriend and I developed romantic feelings towards him about 7 or 8 months after meeting. Started dating a year after I met him (which will be 3 years this October). Is there any possibility of me being demisexual with him in the future...? :huh::wacko: At this point I don't think so

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It will definitely take months...and as I get older, it is leading to years. Simply because I just get more on guard with how I've been treated before by others.

Time is an important factor because empathy, honesty, and accountability are three factors I heavily measure in someone. I value good and positive memories more than anything and use them to reject the bad and negative ones. After all, I know within myself I can keep in control of my own actions and choices, and admit my mistakes or be accountable. But I can not ever know what others are, I have to take what they simply show me.

The more positive memories I can recall when I think about someone, the better my relationship and possible attraction desire grows for them. Sadly many I encounter, do not hold such strong energy to attract me...so my drive stays dormant in the land of fiction and fantasy.

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I've got a demisexual friend who can feel attraction within one day, depending.

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I've got a demisexual friend who can feel attraction within one day, depending.

They're a regular sexual human I'm afraid.

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El-not-so-ace

Yeah, if it takes less than a month, in my opinion that's still part of a regular trend or else 90% of my friends would all be demis! :P

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  • 2 months later...
Ironfae13

I'd known all past crushes at least a year before having any attraction.

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Salted Karamel

It depends on the person, the amount of time spent with them, the ease with which you connect with themβ€” or even feel like you connect with them, since frankly your attraction does not necessarily know if your brain is being deceived into thinking you know someone that you don't actually know as well as you think.

The soonest for me, I think, was a week or so...? But I was spending almost every day with that person and we seemed to connect quite effortlessly. (Unfortunately, as you might guess from that previous foreshadowing, he wasn't actually what he seemed to be and turned out to be a psychopath who just knew how to make people think they knew him very well so that he could manipulate them.)

The amount of time that it takes isn't what determines whether someone is demisexual or not... Not even in the case of that post above, where someone said their demisexual friend once formed a sexual attraction to someone after just a day. The deciding factor is whether or not a connection must be formed with the person before any sexual attraction is felt. The reason why most demisexuals report it taking X amount of time is because time is generally required before we get to know other people very well.

After one day, it's not likely that a "real" connection has been formed, but it's certainly possible to fool the brain into thinking one has been, just as a heterosexual man might feel sexual attraction for someone with male biology who presents convincingly as female. That doesn't make him gay; it just means the brain is capable of being misled into thinking it sees something that meets its conditions for sexual attraction when perhaps in reality it has not. The man is not sexually attracted to a penis, but the brain has seen something it perceives as a woman and perhaps has those responses anyway. The brain of a demisexual person is similarly capable of being fooled into believing it has formed a deep connection with someone when in fact only a surface connection has been made.

These attractions can even form with convincing portrayals of people. If you draw a convincing illustration of a sexy woman, it may fool the heterosexual man's brain into feeling sexual attraction toward it. If you write a convincing portrayal of a fictional character in such a way that a demisexual reader can come to feel that they have a deep connection to this character, the demisexual can feel sexual attraction toward the fictional character.

The brain is very capable of being deceived and having reactions to what it thinks it sees even if the logical part of our brain knows that what we see is something else that we would normally have a different reaction to. This doesn't invalidate anyone's sexual orientation. And certainly many people have been killed in situations similar to the ones I described involving heterosexual men, so let's not perpetuate those damaging sorts of sexuality-invalidating ideas where demisexuals are concerned.

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