Loneliness

[Member7889]

Does anybody here ever feel lonely at times? Because often at times I find myself feeling such a way. Mostly when I find myself alone and thinking to myself how it would be good to just have some company.

To be clear though, when I refer to feeling lonely I'm not talking about being alone as in just by myself, although that is part of the problem, I mean lonely in the sense how I just don't have any connection with anyone on a deep or personal level. I can be in a small group of people and still feel lonely, even though I am not alone.

Anyone else able to relate to this?

[sophy38]

I think every person can feel that sometimes. Even those who don't notice it and think they are not alone!

The reality of our life is we are all alone.

In crisis, you can have help but you and just you is the one who should overcome that. No one can be in your situation, no one can be a alternative for you, no one can feel the pain you have in your body and mind, no one can decide instead of you and...

Even if you have the best partner in the world, the best parents, the best siblings and the best friends, they just can be a help and at the end you'll be alone.

Loneliness is sometimes scary but I think It can be the strength as well.

[damage_case]

Does anybody here ever feel lonely at times? Because often at times I find myself feeling such a way. Mostly when I find myself alone and thinking to myself how it would be good to just have some company.

To be clear though, when I refer to feeling lonely I'm not talking about being alone as in just by myself, although that is part of the problem, I mean lonely in the sense how I just don't have any connection with anyone on a deep or personal level. I can be in a small group of people and still feel lonely, even though I am not alone.

Anyone else able to relate to this?

Yup. However... it can go beyond that. Asexuals/Celibates/unlucky lovers who cant find a partner later realize that soon their parents will pass away... and they wont necessarily have a social life where they are surrounded by friends/family that will support them/care for them.

They would eventually want someone who can assist them when they are sick... or feel the need to be heard etc. Thats where romantic partners/life companions come into picture. And if you're past 40... it becomes very scary... what if you're sick n cant even get up.

Money can buy everything... but if you have no energy left to move... how will you arrange for servants.

[Ace of Amethysts]

Does anybody here ever feel lonely at times? Because often at times I find myself feeling such a way. Mostly when I find myself alone and thinking to myself how it would be good to just have some company.

To be clear though, when I refer to feeling lonely I'm not talking about being alone as in just by myself, although that is part of the problem, I mean lonely in the sense how I just don't have any connection with anyone on a deep or personal level. I can be in a small group of people and still feel lonely, even though I am not alone.

Anyone else able to relate to this?

Yup. However... it can go beyond that. Asexuals/Celibates/unlucky lovers who cant find a partner later realize that soon their parents will pass away... and they wont necessarily have a social life where they are surrounded by friends/family that will support them/care for them.

They would eventually want someone who can assist them when they are sick... or feel the need to be heard etc. Thats where romantic partners/life companions come into picture. And if you're past 40... it becomes very scary... what if you're sick n cant even get up.

Money can buy everything... but if you have no energy left to move... how will you arrange for servants.

It`s even worse if a person is aromantic. :(

[Member7889]

Does anybody here ever feel lonely at times? Because often at times I find myself feeling such a way. Mostly when I find myself alone and thinking to myself how it would be good to just have some company.

To be clear though, when I refer to feeling lonely I'm not talking about being alone as in just by myself, although that is part of the problem, I mean lonely in the sense how I just don't have any connection with anyone on a deep or personal level. I can be in a small group of people and still feel lonely, even though I am not alone.

Anyone else able to relate to this?

Yup. However... it can go beyond that. Asexuals/Celibates/unlucky lovers who cant find a partner later realize that soon their parents will pass away... and they wont necessarily have a social life where they are surrounded by friends/family that will support them/care for them.

They would eventually want someone who can assist them when they are sick... or feel the need to be heard etc. Thats where romantic partners/life companions come into picture. And if you're past 40... it becomes very scary... what if you're sick n cant even get up.

Money can buy everything... but if you have no energy left to move... how will you arrange for servants.

Having a social life which is few and far between makes it hard to find that support, especially if you're also rather socially awkward that you don't come across any new people all that often, and not having people who'd give you support when they feel like it's something that you should be able to do on your own (it all comes down to them really understanding what your situation is though).

Not sure what parents/family and money have to do with this.

[damage_case]

Money can buy everything... but if you have no energy left to move... how will you arrange for servants.

Having a social life which is few and far between makes it hard to find that support, especially if you're also rather socially awkward that you don't come across any new people all that often, and not having people who'd give you support when they feel like it's something that you should be able to do on your own (it all comes down to them really understanding what your situation is though).

Not sure what parents/family and money have to do with this.

money - can buy services of others to assist you in daily tasks or help you when you're sick.

parents/family - only true friends. others are either busy in their lives or will help you if you scratch their back. no one here in this world will take a bullet for you other than your parents (hopefully).

[Member7889]

Money can buy everything... but if you have no energy left to move... how will you arrange for servants.

Having a social life which is few and far between makes it hard to find that support, especially if you're also rather socially awkward that you don't come across any new people all that often, and not having people who'd give you support when they feel like it's something that you should be able to do on your own (it all comes down to them really understanding what your situation is though).

Not sure what parents/family and money have to do with this.

money - can buy services of others to assist you in daily tasks or help you when you're sick.

parents/family - only true friends. others are either busy in their lives or will help you if you scratch their back. no one here in this world will take a bullet for you other than your parents (hopefully).

I don't think that's really the point that I made in this thread, because the point I made was not about being alone and not having people in my life (friends/family), but being alone on a different level (loneliness).

[damage_case]

I don't think that's really the point that I made in this thread, because the point I made was not about being alone and not having people in my life (friends/family), but being alone on a different level (loneliness).

Then its not loneliness... its depression or emptiness. If you're surrounded by friends/family or atleast those that will help you back.... then thats enough to keep one not be lonely.

But if a person still feels that way... then its the feeling of emptiness... and hopelessness.

[Member7889]

I don't think that's really the point that I made in this thread, because the point I made was not about being alone and not having people in my life (friends/family), but being alone on a different level (loneliness).

Then its not loneliness... its depression or emptiness. If you're surrounded by friends/family or atleast those that will help you back.... then thats enough to keep one not be lonely.

But if a person still feels that way... then its the feeling of emptiness... and hopelessness.

Like I said before, just because I can surround myself with people does not make me feel any less lonely, it just makes me less alone.Yeah, I do suffer depression but why should it exclusively be because of that?

[Lord Jade Cross]

Loneliness is not really exclusive to depression. In fact, loneliness is considered one of the great paradoxes in today because people seem to become more lonely, the more they are around people. Some attribute this to the more internally recluse lifestyle. People spend too much time on the net, checking facebook statutes, watching YouTube vids, online shopping, any activity that doesnt exclusively require the participation of others. This causes a fragmentation of comunication which can lead to basically be alone in a place full of people.

[chimaera]

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[Anime Pancake]

Yeah many people feel like that. I think it's normal for lots of people to want to socialize and feel close to someone. I can relate to wanting a close relationship to someone, or just wanting people that understand me. Spending time doing things that keep my mind busy help though. Let me know if you ever want to talk. I know its not great feeling like that.

The way that you described it is really true too. I have people to talk to, but it would be cool to have someone to spend time with and talk to, on a more personal level than the average friendship.

[Member7889]

I think it gets increasingly difficult the older we get to really want to find those relationships that we really think we should have built up in our late teens to early twenties, whether they are friendships, platonic relationships or even physical relationships, as things in life seem to take more precedence, like work and stuff.

Finding the time to unwind with people is rare now because of that, and even if we can find the time there's still some factors that may contribute that may make that harder, and for me, it makes me realise just how quickly time has gone by and I'm still feeling the same way then as I do now.

[Stargazer365]

To be clear though, when I refer to feeling lonely I'm not talking about being alone as in just by myself, although that is part of the problem, I mean lonely in the sense how I just don't have any connection with anyone on a deep or personal level. I can be in a small group of people and still feel lonely, even though I am not alone.

Anyone else able to relate to this?

I can definitely relate. I always wonder what it would be like to have just one person I feel comfortable with, who I can vent my frustrations to, talk about things that made me happy or sad, just anything in general. It didn't really hit me how lonely I am until this weekend when I was reading on ways to manage my stress and one of the things was to talk to others about my problems/to have a support group. I don't have that at all.

[Member7889]

To be clear though, when I refer to feeling lonely I'm not talking about being alone as in just by myself, although that is part of the problem, I mean lonely in the sense how I just don't have any connection with anyone on a deep or personal level. I can be in a small group of people and still feel lonely, even though I am not alone.

Anyone else able to relate to this?

I can definitely relate. I always wonder what it would be like to have just one person I feel comfortable with, who I can vent my frustrations to, talk about things that made me happy or sad, just anything in general. It didn't really hit me how lonely I am until this weekend when I was reading on ways to manage my stress and one of the things was to talk to others about my problems/to have a support group. I don't have that at all.

This is exactly what I feel I need. I don't exactly have one particular person who I can be so open and honest with, I can't open up to just anyone, not saying that I can't be open, but there are things that I do not feel comfortable with just talking about to anyone. I need someone who I can have that connection with and know I can trust to tell them said things.

[Pandilla]

I don't think that's really the point that I made in this thread, because the point I made was not about being alone and not having people in my life (friends/family), but being alone on a different level (loneliness).

Then its not loneliness... its depression or emptiness. If you're surrounded by friends/family or atleast those that will help you back.... then thats enough to keep one not be lonely.

But if a person still feels that way... then its the feeling of emptiness... and hopelessness.

its like a dark empty hole in your heart that just sucks everything in, sometimes i just feel so drained and washed out from it. like my body is heavy and slow... the emptiness gives off this weird ebbing feeling in my heart and if I focus on it for too long it makes me physically ill to the point where I end up puking...

[damage_case]

Then its not loneliness... its depression or emptiness. If you're surrounded by friends/family or atleast those that will help you back.... then thats enough to keep one not be lonely.

But if a person still feels that way... then its the feeling of emptiness... and hopelessness.

its like a dark empty hole in your heart that just sucks everything in, sometimes i just feel so drained and washed out from it. like my body is heavy and slow... the emptiness gives off this weird ebbing feeling in my heart and if I focus on it for too long it makes me physically ill to the point where I end up puking...

i hear ya. And being gone through all of that I can assure you that its tough to live with yourself... and its tough to explain it to others. Psychiatrists just kept on pills that made me fat and zombie-like. Psychologists just go mmm mmm yeah uh yeah... and make moolah. There are no friends who will take a bullet for you.

All you are left with is you... and you hate you.

However, thats where sometimes one has to understand that its only them who have to figure out how to somewhat make their life not miserable.

One thing that I was fortunate about is that Im very disciplined. So I made certain rules that kept me on an even keel. Im still depressed or frustrated... but I somewhat look and feel stable.

The thing that made me that was I tried suicide 3 times... and then I realized that even though society/law thinks suicide is a crime... I dont. Suicide is a wonderful thing... one less person in traffic... one less person cutting trees n wasting resources.

But... its easier to shoot someone else than hurt yourself.... so someone who has the strength to hurt themselves... they also have the strength to make themselves better than others.

As far as your loneliness is concerned... believe me... theres nothing special in companionship. Asexuals hardly want sex... so spiritual connection with someone must come organically.

[BlueTopaz]

I don't know if I really have a right to say anything at all. I've been struggling with my sexualty for quite a while now and just recently realized that I had never had any sexual feelings towards another person. For me, this comepletely freaked me out. I have yet to meet another asexual person and what makes it worse is I recently started dating my girlfriend and although I've been open with her from the start about all this, I often feel like I'm being selfish. Even though I know that I'm not, it still is hard not to think this way sometimes. I see all these people kissing and touching their girlfriends and boyfriends and I feel like I should be able to give her that. I feel like the only person that can't. Logically, I know this isn't true, but I'm not always a logical person. I also feel like I can't connect with anyone on any level. For some reason, I like it better when I only have acquaintances and the idea of being near people in a close group actually disgusts me. For this reason, people see me as snotty or cold towards them and tend to avoid me. I know I should put myself out there more, but honestly I feel like I'm just a burden on everyone.

I've always been very open with my brother about my sexuality because he never judges me and just listens. For this reason, I had decided to tell my mother today about me being asexual. Unlike my brother though, she was trying to reason that I was just afraid of a meaningful relationship and that I'll outgrow this and it's just a phase. Even though I know she was just trying to help, I couldn't help but feel like she was saying that there was something wrong with me. I felt so lonely in that moment. My mother has always been my confidant, and to have her say pretty much that this isn't really who I am, no matter what I told her, made it seem like I was talking to a brick wall. If the one person that I thought would understand me, doesn't, then what am I left with? I feel completely lost right now and I have no one to talk to. And now cue the unwanted tears, crap.

[ChainSmokingBob]

parents/family - only true friends. others are either busy in their lives or will help you if you scratch their back. no one here in this world will take a bullet for you other than your parents (hopefully).

I have to disagree -- I have some friends, and other people that I love, that I would die for. It's not a difficult choice for me -- some people I value more than my own life.

[ChainSmokingBob]

've always been very open with my brother about my sexuality because he never judges me and just listens. For this reason, I had decided to tell my mother today about me being asexual. Unlike my brother though, she was trying to reason that I was just afraid of a meaningful relationship and that I'll outgrow this and it's just a phase. Even though I know she was just trying to help, I couldn't help but feel like she was saying that there was something wrong with me. I felt so lonely in that moment. My mother has always been my confidant, and to have her say pretty much that this isn't really who I am, no matter what I told her, made it seem like I was talking to a brick wall. If the one person that I thought would understand me, doesn't, then what am I left with? I feel completely lost right now and I have no one to talk to. And now cue the unwanted tears, crap.

You always have the right to speak.

Also, talk this through with your brother -- I think his free-thinking perspective will be very valuable.

[Blackpearl1976]

I have friends andI have family who are all great and I enjoy meeting up with. Unfortunately we don't meet up to much as they all have families or partners. So I find I am on my own most of the time. I am turning 40 this year and want to go on a few holidays to celebrate the milestone. But I have no one to share this with. I do feel alone most of the time x

[Aqua Blue]

I find the no one to travel with one of my hardest alone times. I am in my early 60's,and have tried bus trips, but that is too many people and to structured for my taste. I long to take off with someone stopping whenever and seeing the sights...but it seems not to be.

I have traveled with my brother, sil and young niece, but I felt like the nanny. Not to say I won't do that again sometime, but it wasn't the right fit either.

[jenjenna]

Yeah. I feel like in many ways I can't relate to non-asexuals. All my friends are having sexual relationships, talking about sex a lot, starting families etc. So it feels really like I'm an outsider sometimes. It doesn't help that I don't any asexuals irl :(

[Touchofinsight]

I feel this way quite frequently actually especially when i dont have some form of media to distract me. I miss physical intimacy and all the little days where you have that bit of support from your partner. Had a rough day and come home and you get a massage or a rub and a person to vent to.. And not just anyone but someone who cares and of course when you lay down at bed at night and think man i really wish i had someone to talk to at least.

Yep.i have been there and will likely return probabably sometime this week.

[Guest]

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[beka cs]

yes i have had loneliness throughout my being

deep into my toes, crying buckets of tears

from teens into my 60s

wanting connections of understanding

eye to eye contact, touching of an arm or hug

but not sex

not hollowness of surface talking

not just a warm body nearby

i want a friend who knows me

who respects my views

will help me bury the bodies

[WhenSummersGone]

I feel lonely quite a lot. I know my parents help but sometimes I'd like to go out or to a movie with a friend/date. I bought a hamster and he helps but I miss connections with others.

[.diva plavalaguna.]

I struggle with loneliness a lot these days. It's hard, getting older and seeing so many people in established relationships and friendships. Always have plans, always have someone to turn to when in need. It's hard when I'm trying to get more social in my favorite hobbies and I'm realizing I'm not like the rest of them, with all their friends with the same passions and interests as them. I only have one person I talk to that I know IRL, and I'm hoping we get to see each other starting soon and hopefully make that regular. But outside of them there's no one, just nobody at all and even though I've always seen the benefits of living this kind of life with no demands on my time from someone else, it hurts. Because he has people to be with, talk to who aren't me so he can't be there literally all the time. I can't rely on him all the time. And it's hard to make new friends, always has been for me and it seems to only get harder as we all age and get more commitments and responsibilities in life. If I couldn't be important to someone in our teen years, it feels like I'll never be worth consideration by the time we're all 30+.

[star-well]

Does anybody here ever feel lonely at times? Because often at times I find myself feeling such a way. Mostly when I find myself alone and thinking to myself how it would be good to just have some company.

To be clear though, when I refer to feeling lonely I'm not talking about being alone as in just by myself, although that is part of the problem, I mean lonely in the sense how I just don't have any connection with anyone on a deep or personal level. I can be in a small group of people and still feel lonely, even though I am not alone.

Anyone else able to relate to this?

I totally understand this feeling and I've always wondered how many people have felt it. Looking back, I've realized that I tend to feel lonely when there's no quality of my connections with people even if there's a lot of quantity. Even when I had a larger friend group, at times I would still feel more lonely than when I got to spend time with close friends that I felt I could connect with on a deeper level. It's hard to find those kind of people, though -_-

[karnzter]

I've been there. And as of now, for me; it'll take a really long time to feel happy, open and comfortable with the company of others. Whether they're family, relatives, closest friends, co-workers or my estranged therapists. Even having someone to talk to about anything I'm interested in is very rare 'cause I fear of making them bored with my 'useless babble'.

Relationships are even harder. I'm a victim of bullying and catfishing and got my heart broken by someone I had an emotional bond with. Socializing and trusting and interacting with people for me is very hard. And as much as I do wish to be in a relationship (my first, possibly), I'm afraid I couldn't because I could be tricked and/or hurt again.

Lots of times I isolate from others to avoid hurting myself and other people. I feel at peace but there's a side in me that's reeling me in to asking myself if this is good for the long term. Emotional bonds are very rare for me to have these days, as I always question if what I'm feeling is real or not. Seeing schoolmates and relatives being in relationships and friendships oftentimes makes me jealous that they're happy.