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One huge benefit of being with an asexual


MarinaM

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It's a defect that causes less happiness in life. And that's not even debatable, it's a fact. You can't get similar highs from things he doesn't, because he can get same highs as you, plus extra. But if you're happy as it is, then that's fine, no one here will force you to change and I personally care either way. But I'll call a spade a spade.

Hey Stranger. I can get myself off just fine and you will never know how supreme of a pleasure it is for me to not have to beg another human to make me feel alive. :)

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I don't understand what you're saying. You mentioned twice how you disagree with me, but none of the things you typed contradict what I typed. *shrug*

I also take note that you completely ignored Wiseja1987's point about it being a pretty darn sexually aggressive statement in the first place. Do you also say that gays are experiencing drawbacks they don't like to feel girls' breasts? XD For that matter, do you say that heterosexual girls are experiencing drawbacks if they don't really like penises all that much?

I don't know what he meant by "sexually aggressive statement" so I can't comment on that.

Gays are not experiencing drawbacks because they can experience the same/similar sensation by holding a guy's penis or whatever.

A heterosexual girl that doesn't like penis is not heterosexual but asexual (at least to a certain degree).

Edit for the billionth time (plus, TMI warning): What makes you think I wasn't talking about orgasms in the first place, when I said that we can get that "happiness" from places other than sex?

Asexual person by definition does not experience pleasant sexual tension during masturbation and then intense joy during orgasm and calmness afterwards. The word "joy" is just approximation, because the sensation is different from anything else.

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Anthracite_Impreza

It's a defect that causes less happiness in life. And that's not even debatable, it's a fact. You can't get similar highs from things he doesn't, because he can get same highs as you, plus extra. But if you're happy as it is, then that's fine, no one here will force you to change and I personally care either way. But I'll call a spade a spade.

Who are you to decide what's a defect? I would quite happily say that anyone who can't feel the sheer euphoria I do while at Santa Pod, sitting back and admiring their new, hard-won mods, or driving through the Pennines with my mechanical babies is missing out on happiness, but I'm not so narrow-minded to assume everyone appreciates what I do. You may roll your eyes but you aren't in my brain, you can't possibly know what I feel unless you do medical exams. I have one source of happiness that is out of my reach, yes, but I have other joys that mean I don't have less happiness overall.

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It's a defect that causes less happiness in life. And that's not even debatable, it's a fact. You can't get similar highs from things he doesn't, because he can get same highs as you, plus extra. But if you're happy as it is, then that's fine, no one here will force you to change and I personally care either way. But I'll call a spade a spade.

Hey Stranger. I can get myself off just fine and you will never know how supreme of a pleasure it is for me to not have to beg another human to make me feel alive. :)

No one gets pleasure from begging.

Now, let's look at what you wrote:

"I don't get those feel-good chemicals when I do have sex. I also don't get feel-good chemicals from the idea of being loved and loving back."

Your "supreme pleasure" is by my standards what I'd feel if mosquito bit me and I started scratching the hand there. If that's the reach of your experience, well, enjoy. To me, that's like eating icecream and saying "this is the best thing ever!!".

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It's a defect that causes less happiness in life. And that's not even debatable, it's a fact. You can't get similar highs from things he doesn't, because he can get same highs as you, plus extra. But if you're happy as it is, then that's fine, no one here will force you to change and I personally care either way. But I'll call a spade a spade.

Who are you to decide what's a defect? I would quite happily say that anyone who can't feel the sheer euphoria I do while at Santa Pod, sitting back and admiring their new, hard-won mods, or driving through the Pennines with my mechanical babies is missing out on happiness, but I'm not so narrow-minded to assume everyone appreciates what I do. You may roll your eyes but you aren't in my brain, you can't possibly know what I feel unless you do medical exams. I have one source of happiness that is out of my reach, yes, but I have other joys that mean I don't have less happiness overall.

While you may have other sources of happiness, the intensity peak is much lower. You're basically saying that while Buddha may have experienced a blissful state of Nirvana, it is no worse than you being happy eating icecream. It's just a different source of happiness. Well, no. It's a matter of quality and depth.

As for who I am, I am the Stranger who calls spade a spade. You call spade an ace.

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Anthracite_Impreza

It's a defect that causes less happiness in life. And that's not even debatable, it's a fact. You can't get similar highs from things he doesn't, because he can get same highs as you, plus extra. But if you're happy as it is, then that's fine, no one here will force you to change and I personally care either way. But I'll call a spade a spade.

Who are you to decide what's a defect? I would quite happily say that anyone who can't feel the sheer euphoria I do while at Santa Pod, sitting back and admiring their new, hard-won mods, or driving through the Pennines with my mechanical babies is missing out on happiness, but I'm not so narrow-minded to assume everyone appreciates what I do. You may roll your eyes but you aren't in my brain, you can't possibly know what I feel unless you do medical exams. I have one source of happiness that is out of my reach, yes, but I have other joys that mean I don't have less happiness overall.

While you may have other sources of happiness, the intensity peak is much lower. You're basically saying that while Buddha may have experienced a blissful state of Nirvana, it is no worse than you being happy eating icecream. It's just a different source of happiness. Well, no. It's a matter of quality and depth.

As for who I am, I am the Stranger who calls spade a spade. You call spade an ace.

You're presuming to know how other people experience happiness and what the "ultimate" state of happiness is. Just because an intense rough and tumble is your ultimate happiness, it is not that way for everyone. Some people do not like intensity, and their ultimate state of happiness may be lying on a beach, utterly relaxed and care-free. And "quality and depth" are again subjective. You're equating my sources of happiness as lacking in depth and quality (equated to ice cream). Well no, sir, no. They are different to yours, but they are in no way less meaningful, worthy or emotional than yours, and don't presume to tell me what I feel is lesser to you.

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DannyFenton123

And this magical 'sexual Nirvana' we poor asexuals are missing out on is so much more in depth and intense than anything else because...?

It doesn't seem like I can change your narrow perspective on mine or anybody else's happiness. Writing my fanfiction novels besides a fire with some mint oreos, that's happiness for me and if you think I'm less happy because I don't do the sex, you're wrong :P

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"I don't get those feel-good chemicals when I do have sex. I also don't get feel-good chemicals from the idea of being loved and loving back. Do you think that's a defect in me, or that I'm overall less happy in life? Or do you think I might get similar highs from things that you don't because we have different passions and motivations and desires?"

Research into people's levels of happiness generally indicates we all have fairly steady levels of happiness, and between temporary highs and lows, we return to them. So, no, and I don't think your asexuality in itself makes you more or less happy (how that affects how society and culture affects you is a different matter of course, and down to acceptance of asexuality rather than who you are).

But you are missing out on the high most people get from sex and romantic closeness, just like people who don't exercise miss out on that high, and people who don't have kids (me for instance) don't get the high from seeing their kids succeed, etc. I do think some are more intense than others. I get a hit from, say, sex, and playing music, but I'm sure the happiness my friends who are parents get from their kids is deeper and more profound than either of those.

That doesn't mean my pleasure from sex/music means less to me, because I've never experienced the pleasure from kids. But if I did have kids, I'm pretty certain the sex/music pleasure would pale in comparison. It would be going up to 11, to, quote Spinal Tap.

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"And this magical 'sexual Nirvana' we poor asexuals are missing out on is so much more in depth and intense than anything else because...?"

It brings together physical sensation and emotional closeness more intensely than anything else. Cuddles, nice though they are, are not interested the same, even ballpark for sexuals. Or even league.

I'm not pitying you, I'm sure you're fine without it. But you don't experience it.

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Anthracite_Impreza

"I don't get those feel-good chemicals when I do have sex. I also don't get feel-good chemicals from the idea of being loved and loving back. Do you think that's a defect in me, or that I'm overall less happy in life? Or do you think I might get similar highs from things that you don't because we have different passions and motivations and desires?"

Research into people's levels of happiness generally indicates we all have fairly steady levels of happiness, and between temporary highs and lows, we return to them. So, no, and I don't think your asexuality in itself makes you more or less happy (how that affects how society and culture affects you is a different matter of course, and down to acceptance of asexuality rather than who you are).

But you are missing out on the high most people get from sex and romantic closeness, just like people who don't exercise miss out on that high, and people who don't have kids (me for instance) don't get the high from seeing their kids succeed, etc. I do think some are more intense than others. I get a hit from, say, sex, and playing music, but I'm sure the happiness my friends who are parents get from their kids is deeper and more profound than either of those.

That doesn't mean my pleasure from sex/music means less to me, because I've never experienced the pleasure from kids. But if I did have kids, I'm pretty certain the sex/music pleasure would pale in comparison. It would be going up to 11, to, quote Spinal Tap.

Yeah sure, if you're into kids/romance/sex/exercise etc. If you're not into it then no, you won't get any happiness from it. That doesn't mean you're missing out though, because you aren't wired to want it in the first place. A manta ray, if it could speak, would surely tell humans that they're missing out on the beauty of the underwater world, the ability to move easily in 3 dimensions rather than 2, the ability to eat plankton without having to waste time cooking or messing around, the flexibility of having a cartilaginous skeleton and the painless birth that comes from laying small eggs. You get me? Everyone is different and unless someone feels they're missing out, they're not missing out on anything.

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"You get me? Everyone is different and unless someone feels they're missing out, they're not missing out on anything."

They're not missing out in the sense of feeling deprived, but they are missing out in the sense of not having the feelings. I don't feel particularly deprived about the kids thing, but I'm fairly sure there's a level of intensity I'm not able to feel.

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DannyFenton123

"And this magical 'sexual Nirvana' we poor asexuals are missing out on is so much more in depth and intense than anything else because...?"

It brings together physical sensation and emotional closeness more intensely than anything else. Cuddles, nice though they are, are not interested the same, even ballpark for sexuals. Or even league.

I'm not pitying you, I'm sure you're fine without it. But you don't experience it.

I may have gone overboard with the sarcasm on my last post; to clarify, I'm not saying that sex isn't something intense or in depth for those who do enjoy it. I disagree with the idea that I'm missing out on something.

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Yeah, and people who don't do drugs also miss out on some profound feelings.

In all seriousness, though, if you care that much about emotional experiences, you should look into meditation and specific techniques, particularly lucid dreaming. Our brains have all the right "buttons" to experience whatever we want, we don't really need outside circumstance for that. It's just, most people actually care more about living in the real world, than about having certain emotional experiences.

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"I disagree with the idea that I'm missing out on something."

Unless you are in fact having sex and get sexual pleasure from it, you are missing out on sexual pleasure in the sense of not experiencing it. You may not care, but you aren't experiencing it. That's all I meant.

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"It's just, most people actually care more about living in the real world, than about having certain emotional experiences."

False dichotomy.

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Anthracite_Impreza

"You get me? Everyone is different and unless someone feels they're missing out, they're not missing out on anything."

They're not missing out in the sense of feeling deprived, but they are missing out in the sense of not having the feelings. I don't feel particularly deprived about the kids thing, but I'm fairly sure there's a level of intensity I'm not able to feel.

Who gets to decide on the "intensity scale"? Why are sex/relationships/kids automatically higher up on this scale?

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Autumn Season

What about people who dislike intense emotions? *munches chocolate* Oh right, they must be miserable too, right? Let's all be unhappy because we don't enjoy one thing or another. *rolls eyes* And what about unhappy sexuals? Oh, but they are still generally better off than us poor asexuals since they have sex once in a while, right? Right. Now excuse me while I get myself a cup of delicious tea.

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"Who gets to decide on the "intensity scale"? Why are sex/relationships/kids automatically higher up on this scale?"

Parents pretty much universally say they'd die for their kids. Relationship partners make massive sacrifices - of career, family, money - and sex is mostly part of those.

Obviously asexuals will feel, differently about the sexual bit of that, but the combination of physical and emotional closeness that sexual people get from sex adds intensity in my experience. I'm not saying non sexual relationships are in any way less valid but they can't help but be less intense. Combat is an intense experience and I'm pretty certain soldiers who've been in combat together have a more intense bind than non-military groups of friends; I know when I've taken part in a high intensity project, the bond between that group of people is more intense than normal. I think it's to do with the simultaneous combination of physical and emotional factors creating a more visceral experience.

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"What about people who dislike intense emotions? *munches chocolate* Oh right, they must be miserable too,"

Sorry I though I was pretty explicit about how I didn't mean overall happiness.

But by definition, people who don't like intense emotions are pretty much not going seek them out, and their emotional world will be less intense, by choice, and everybody's fine with that. But it is less intense.

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@the stranger

You need to stop insisting that our orientation is a defect. Do you think gay guys are defective because they also don't touch boobs? Do you really think that physical and emotianl pleasure determines how valid someone's life is? Why do I need to "replace" sexual enjoyment with something else? If you don't think we should try to change, then by definition it's not a defect. The value you personally find in sex is not an objective fact. There are few things more subjective than sex. Also, sex is, neruologically speaking, not unique. It operates like any reward system, a d depends mostly on association to produce the result.

It's not even true that orgasm is objectively good. Sexual assualt victims sometimes experience orgasm during the assault. Do you think they enjoy that? That it lessons the trauma or pain of the event, or makes it less morally repulsive?

Have all the sex you want, and have fun. But don't waste your time telling us that we're broken because we're not interested.

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"And less intense =/= worse."

I agree. Although I do think a lot of people prefer to have some intensity in their lives.

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I'm all for people seeking intensity in their lives provided it's not through means that are damaging to their health, like from abusing drugs or telling other people they don't know how to live ;)

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Oh, and BTW, I masturbate as well. Please don't try and tell me what it feels like when I do it. That's ridiculous....and kinda creepy.

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Like, half the time in scrolling through I was banging my head against the wall; the other half of the time was spent laughing.

The Stranger - You say that we agree? I guess I'm just not really understanding your point, then, because I thought we were talking on two separate sides. So I'm sorry. I don't know if we do agree, though, because you are very, very certain that your way of thinking (e.g., "it's okay if you don't want to change, but you're still wrong") is the only correct way of thinking. I will give you that we are missing out on something, but I will not agree with you that we somehow must find it difficult to find joy in life, or that the joy that we do experience is somehow less than. You do know that there are heterosexuals (and homosexuals, and bisexuals, and so on) that don't even find sex to be the best thing ever? The dude I'm talking to now has told me on more than one occasion that sex, to him, "feels nice," but it's not necessary. He prefers the feeling of arousal to orgasm.

For your comment on masturbation . . . I don't get it. Do you honestly not comprehend that what you compare to itch that you scratch is SEX for us? Do you honestly not comprehend that if your masturbation sessions are that lame, then you are missing out on something? It's not even an asexual thing, dude. My best friend loves masturbation as much as sex, and he's not exactly asexual. My problem with this is that it sounds like you're putting yourself way, way up there, further than any of us here will ever know. Sigh.

(By the way, there are a good amount of people who get pleasure from begging. XD)

"It's just, most people actually care more about living in the real world, than about having certain emotional experiences."

False dichotomy.

Have you ever had a lucid dream? A very clear one where you could do anything that you wanted to at all? :)

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The Great WTF

I'm locking this thread pending admod review.

The Great WTF

Asexual Relationships Moderator

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