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One huge benefit of being with an asexual


MarinaM

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I wasn't sure where to post this, hope it's in the right place!

I’m new here and I apologise if this has been brought up before, I’ve had a quick look through the topics, but there is just so much information on here!

I only discovered this term asexual yesterday morning and was quite frankly thrilled to finally have a name to the ‘problem’ I have had all my life. It has already helped my relationship greatly, I showed my husband and we discussed it in depth, I think he too is relieved to know he isn’t doing anything wrong, it’s not personal, it’s just the way I am, sex just isn’t important to me.

During our talk, we were discussing how everything else is fine in our relationship, we are best friends and don’t have any other issues other than lack of sex, he’s been pretty good about it anyway in the past and really isn’t that demanding, but we both know if he goes a couple of months without it, he gets withdrawn, angry and uncommunicative. He and I both know what’s causing it, but tend to ignore it and hope it goes away. It never does unless sex is involved, so that’s usually what fixes it until the next time!

One of the things he brought up in our discussion was the trust he has in me and how important that is. I personally don’t think you can even have a relationship if it isn’t built on trust. He’s right, he can totally trust me in a way that most others probably could not. This got me to thinking. For most sexual people (and correct me if I’m wrong, but this is the impression I get) sex and sexual attraction is important and considered very normal, so they can and are easily attracted to absolutely anyone of their preferred gender, all it takes is a glimpse of a body part and they can have ‘good feelings’ it wouldn’t matter whether the person is intelligent, kind, respectful or even vaguely attractive. None of this matters to them, so without some form of self -restraint, they could easily stray if the opportunity presented itself, because the sexual feelings outweigh any logic.

One example of this is something that happened a while ago, early on in our marriage, my husband used to be a Christian, I never was, but occasionally he listened to Christian radio, one day he was listening to some story about a guy, I think his name was Joseph, anyway, some woman came and stood in front of him naked and he resisted, that was basically the story line, how he was such a good man. My husband commented that it was an inspiring story, I didn’t get it. I truly did not, kept asking why, what are you talking about. We finally got the point that it was amazing because there was a naked woman in front of this guy and he didn’t have sex with her. I remember my initial reaction was one of confusion. I said there could be 10 naked guys dancing on my kitchen bench right now, where does sex come into it? I’d ask them to get dressed and leave, unless they were good dancers, then I’d ask them to get dressed and keep dancing! He couldn’t understand why I didn’t get it, and I couldn’t understand what the big deal was about this guy not having sex with the woman. I said if that makes someone an amazing Christian, then I’m much more Christian than you!

It slowly dawned on me then that what he was trying to say was that that would be all it takes, for a normal human, if by some chance a woman (regardless of who she was) came and stood naked in front of him it would be very hard for him to resist and it would take a lot of moral fortitude to do so. To me, this is very scary stuff! How can there be any trust ever, if you are just relying on certain external circumstances to never occur.

Then you have someone like me, and I know we are all different, but I believe that a sexual person can trust an asexual person so much more because of the lack of these types of triggers. So, I’ve thought about this and realised that in order for me to ‘cheat’ I would have to firstly meet someone who is highly intelligent, emotionally stable, educated, kind, not interested in sex and a vegan! Then we would have to spend hours talking, not about the latest tv shows (I don’t even own one) or gossip about other people or the latest scandals, no we would need to talk about the deeper questions of life, about our purpose here, what’s this world about, things like that. The chances of that happening are extremely slim! I would actually have to put myself in a situation like that in the first place and even if the chance somehow was there, I would recognise the danger in continuing and just wouldn’t for the sake of my marriage.

So I guess what I’m saying is that if trust is important in a relationship, one of the benefits of being with an asexual would be just that, trust, it’s a huge benefit, I think! I know there are other factors involved in a sexual person not cheating, such as morals, fear, religion and all the rest, but to my way of thinking, if the temptation is even there in the first place, then the partner has already been betrayed and there can be no trust.

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The problem with what you're saying is that not feeling sexually attracted to others doesn't prevent emotional cheating because romantic attraction is still there. Other people can still be attractive and therefore potential temptation. Not sexually attractive, but they're still attractive.

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That is indeed a huge benefit, - one of many benefits I have discovered since I discovered my asexuality a year ago. My favourite benefit is how I can have close friendships with awesome females, and they don't have to feel threatened by my sexuality or any hidden intents I might have had, at all. This is also linked to trust because if I ever find a nice lady whom I get into a relationship with, she won't have to be more jealous of my female friends than any of my male ones. Because there is no risk that I'll - as they call it - cheat. That's my perspective.

Oh, and GO VEGANS!

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Siimo van der fietspad

It's great to hear that you and your husband have had such a positive reaction to your realisation and you can both be happy with who you are. And do take time to explore AVEN and learn more about the community. Everyone here is very supportive and will answer any questions you have.

I too only found the term asexual a few weeks ago and it also made me feel much better to have a word I could use to describe myself and a community to show I was not alone. I do feel I should mention though that a lot of 'sexual' people aren't just out to have sex at every opportunity and that many do consider other factors such as personality before they really move on with a partner. Certainly my impression is that the majority of first or even second or third dates don't result in sex afterwards, and most sexual people I know wouldn't just jump into bed with anybody even if they took all their clothes off. In many ways this is quite comforting, because it shows that the platonic and romantic feelings asexuals can still experience are the same as those a sexual will have, and so we can form relationships with non-asexuals.

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The Great WTF

Not to be a killjoy, but asexuals cheat. It's wonderful that you and he have such a strong relationship, but that doesn't mean that kind of trust is there or possible with all asexuals. They're just as capable of cheating and generally being untrustworthy in relationships as a sexual person is. Lacking sexual attraction doesn't mean lacking the ability to stray. They can still be tempted, still become emotionally involved with other people on a level their partners would not be comfortable with, even go behind their partner's back and have sex with other people for any number of bizarre reasons. Just like sexual people, we cannot help who we are attracted to. Not having all the same kinds of attraction does not negate the fact that we can suffer the temptations of attraction.

I've seen asexuals cheat on this site. I've seen asexuals cheat in real life. Hell, I've had people try to use this forum to find a second partner for themselves behind their spouse's back. We've not perfect.

And this bit

if the temptation is even there in the first place, then the partner has already been betrayed and there can be no trust.

is particularly troubling to me. People cannot help their attractions. They cannot help being tempted and it's rather cruel to consider temptation by itself betrayal. It's just another way of saying "You don't love me enough." I firmly believe that the judgement of someone's loyalty should be based on their actions, whether they cheat or not and the level of honesty they give you about your feelings, not the things they have no control over.
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if the temptation is even there in the first place, then the partner has already been betrayed and there can be no trust.

is particularly troubling to me. People cannot help their attractions. They cannot help being tempted and it's rather cruel to consider temptation by itself betrayal. It's just another way of saying "You don't love me enough." I firmly believe that the judgement of someone's loyalty should be based on their actions, whether they cheat or not and the level of honesty they give you about your feelings, not the things they have no control over.

That's interesting, from your perspective, is this literally a biological thing they have no control over or is it a choice to believe this, if you know what I mean? I guess I've always considered it more a choice. I think a lot of what we believe is based on what we want or choose to believe. I'm not saying asexuals can't or don't cheat, but that the chances are definitely narrower.

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TW: Sexual Assault

If I understand correctly, you're getting at whether sexual attraction is a choice or a reflex. Biologically, it is most definitely a reflex.

The brain separates triggers that are sexually appealing vs. triggers that are sexually relevant. This is very important. When people, any people, not just sexuals, are in an environment or see a sight that suggest sex is possible, it's very common for the autonomic system to trigger physical arousal as a type of fight-or-flight response, although the degree of the reaction varies widely form person to person and situation. This is an automatic response to relevant sexual stimulus. Appealing sexual stimulus is a trigger that the person finds psychologically or physically good. Things like loving gestures, a romantic hug from someone you care about would be an example of an appealing stimulus, although this is often also half-ruled by the autonomic system.

This distinction is very important, because people who respond physically to relevant stimulus they don't find appealing often feel humiliated by that reaction. It frequently causes a sense of shame, and in the case of sexual assault, often leads to victim blaming.

Consciously, when sexual people receive this type of information, they sort it through their own conscious wants and needs. Do they like this person? Trust them? Is this an appropriate time/place for sex to happen? These choices are much more under the person's control, as are their actions. Responding physically to stimulus (I mean biologically, not acting on the attraction) isn't something sexual people can control.

My own two cents is that I wouldn't care at all how much or how frequently a partner found other people attractive, That wouldn't be something they could shut off. I would care a lot about what they did about that attraction. If they relaxed their typical boundaries for that person, or justified emotional or physical cheating because of it. Simply acknowledging it and maintaining good boundaries, I wouldn't have an issue with that. People can't control their subconscious or their autonomic system, they can definitely control their actions.

Furthermore, the story of Joseph and Potepher's wife is typically taught like a lesson on resisting temptation, but if you read the story, it's closer to sexual harassment. The wife made repeated attempts to seduce Joseph, and didn't care that he wasn't interested. With his last refusal, she was so angry that she accused him of assaulting her. She'd been holding that threat over him to try to force him to sleep with her, and finally acted on the threat, sending him to prison. for years.

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nanogretchen4

I was about to say that not being able to resist having sex with someone other than your partner just because they're naked is a bizarre idea and that sexuals certainly don't think that way. Then I remembered that I'm demisexual.

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if the temptation is even there in the first place, then the partner has already been betrayed and there can be no trust.

is particularly troubling to me. People cannot help their attractions. They cannot help being tempted and it's rather cruel to consider temptation by itself betrayal. It's just another way of saying "You don't love me enough." I firmly believe that the judgement of someone's loyalty should be based on their actions, whether they cheat or not and the level of honesty they give you about your feelings, not the things they have no control over.

That's interesting, from your perspective, is this literally a biological thing they have no control over or is it a choice to believe this, if you know what I mean? I guess I've always considered it more a choice. I think a lot of what we believe is based on what we want or choose to believe. I'm not saying asexuals can't or don't cheat, but that the chances are definitely narrower.

Cheating is a choice. Feeling attracted is not. The temptation is the attraction/desire/urges, which are a natural response. The choice is to act on said attraction or not. Which is where the moral fortitude to NOT cheat comes in, in your story. It's like being on a diet but having your absolute favorite dessert sitting freshly made under your nose. Yeah... it's tempting, you can't help a fleeting thought of how nice it'd be if you could, but you can go "NO! Diet is important. I won't eat it."

My first boyfriend I remember we were walking home from his friend's house and as we were leaving, his friends were all "LOOK! SHE'S IN THE WINDOW AGAIN!" and he looked... and it was a topless woman. Of course she was pretty. Of course he found her attractive. And because I was standing there when it happened, he felt guilty. He kept apologizing and trying to tell me how much nicer mine looked than hers. Like, he had betrayed me by doing what most of the world would do (look when someone yelled "LOOK!" and pointed). And finding someone else attractive. But, ya know, people find others attractive all the time. Passing a crowd, they're likely to find at least one other person attractive. And if those attractive people were to offer, YEAH they will probably feel a little tempted. But, the trust for me comes in from knowing they won't act on it. Knowing they value our relationship more than the little bit of pleasure they'd get from cheating. If I could only trust them when there was no temptation, that wouldn't really be trust. That'd be knowing they don't even want it so not having to worry at all.

Asexuals can of course cheat. Because cheating is not just sex. We can betray a partner as easily as anyone else, even if sex doesn't get involved (not that it is guaranteed to not get involved).

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Since there is a lot more to a relationship than sex, there is certainly a lot more to possibly betraying a relationship partner than having sex with someone else.

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Autumn Season

I was about to say that not being able to resist having sex with someone other than your partner just because they're naked is a bizarre idea and that sexuals certainly don't think that way. Then I remembered that I'm demisexual.

I wonder about this. Is it really so common to want to have sex with somebody, simply because they are there and naked? Or am I missing some context?

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Autumn Sunrise

As an ace I'm afraid I'm not really qualified to answer that :lol: but I have to say it sounds a bit ridiculous ;) Or is this just my "aceness" showing?

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As a sexual, I'd say it's far from a done deal that someone standing naked in front of you would lead so to sex. For a start, you might not fancy them, physically or personality wise. Secondly, however gorgeous they were, if you're happily with your partner, you probably have no interest in sex with anyone else, so there's no temptation to overcome. A more likely reaction would be embarrassment and confusion. They're basically making a pass at you, in a very committed way, and now you're going to reject them.

The only time I could see the act of appearing naked in front of someone actually making much if a difference is if the pair of people were already attracted to each other, but had been dancing round making it clear because they weren't sure of how the other would respond. A woman essentially saying 'I'm yours, I want you, take me' by standing there naked (and her body language showing that) would probably do the trick in those circumstances because it clarifies things. Turning her down *then* would be properly resisting temptation.

There's a good chance the man might feel arousal, as a physiological effect, whatever emotional state there was. But sexuals don't engage in some massive internal struggle at the mere sight of a naked person regardless of context.

*obviously this works whatever male/female/straight/gay orientation you want to apply when it comes to preferred gender.

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One Winged Angel

Although I am Asexual, I admit that I find such stories as what you heard on the radio as hard to believe. Surely the man would have to be incredibly weak minded to have sex simply becuase a "naked woman" is standing in front of him? Please be aware that I am not trying to cause any offence or argument - I just do not beleive that most people, allosexual or not, would be so easily led and have so little willpower.

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"For most sexual people (and correct me if I’m wrong, but this is the impression I get) sex and sexual attraction is important and considered very normal, so they can and are easily attracted to absolutely anyone of their preferred gender, all it takes is a glimpse of a body part and they can have ‘good feelings’ ,

I'm correcting you. Assume you like cake. How hard is it for you to pass a patisserie without going in and gorging yourself on every single cake, whatever it tastes like, however it looks, regardless of when you last ate and the food you have at home?

"it wouldn’t matter whether the person is intelligent, kind, respectful or even vaguely attractive. None of this matters to them"

Yes, we're all animals with no executive function, moral judgement, or aesthetic sense....

Does your husband seem like this to you? I'm guessing he seems like an intelligent, good man who exercises discretion. And he's sexual.

"so without some form of self-restraint, they could easily stray if the opportunity presented itself, because the sexual feelings outweigh any logic."

Just like you need to restrain yourself from plunging your face into a chocolate gateau in the patisserie because you could easily stray as hunger outweighs any logic.

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Every time I read about some huge benefit of asexuality it turns out the story is utter nonsense.

If your husband has a lack of self-control and morality that has nothing to do with sexuality. Some people will see unlocked car and will jump right into it and steal it. Others won't. Your conclusion to that is "there is a huge benefit to not having 2 hands - you can't steal a car". No, there is no benefit to not having 2 hands and being an invalid. As for that Bible story - I have turned down sexual offers and didn't even consider it a great achievement worthy of putting in a historical book.

There is no benefit to asexuality. None. And there are many drawbacks.

Sexual people are not interested in jumping on anyone who is naked. Sure, some have no criteria and would be temped by more-or-less anyone. But many do have criteria. Your view of sexuals is extremely shallow, portraying them as some kind of weak machines who are programmed to instantly jump when they see a girl in a skirt. That's true for Muslims here in Europe, but otherwise such sexuals are a minority.

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One Winged Angel

There is no benefit to asexuality. None. And there are many drawbacks.

Whilst I agree with your main comment surrounding this topic and OP's alleged benefit (see my above comment for more on this), I do not believe that Asexuality has many drawbacks. For me personally anyway, it has no drawbacks at all, and a forced sexuality where this is none would have far more in the way of drawbacks.

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I disagree that it has no drawbacks in your case because if there weren't any you wouldn't be asexual. I don't know you well enough nor do I want to get into that. But the obvious drawback is common in all cases - lack of a major source of joy/satisfaction/optimism and so on. Imagine if you did not enjoy eating any food, if it just felt like inhaling tasteless molecules. You'd say you're fine, and I would say there's something wrong, and at the very least you're missing the taste which enriches life.

(BTW I am aware this is controversial thing to say here, so I'll leave it at that and not go further.)

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Anthracite_Impreza

I disagree that it has no drawbacks in your case because if there weren't any you wouldn't be asexual. I don't know you well enough nor do I want to get into that. But the obvious drawback is common in all cases - lack of a major source of joy/satisfaction/optimism and so on. Imagine if you did not enjoy eating any food, if it just felt like inhaling tasteless molecules. You'd say you're fine, and I would say there's something wrong, and at the very least you're missing the taste which enriches life.

(BTW I am aware this is controversial thing to say here, so I'll leave it at that and not go further.)

You could say that about literally anything though.
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I disagree that it has no drawbacks in your case because if there weren't any you wouldn't be asexual.

That makes no sense. Turn it around: "I disagree that it has no drawbacks in your case because if there weren't any, you wouldn't be sexual." Does that make sense?

But the obvious drawback is common in all cases - lack of a major source of joy/satisfaction/optimism and so on.

I feel no lack whatsoever. The only problem has been that people tell us that we are lacking. It's their attitudes, not our feeling a lack, that's a pain in the a*s.

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I think if a woman I considered attractive at all stood naked in front of me and offered me sex, I would be tempted on the simple premise that I'm probably aroused right there in the moment, and (this is the important part) I'd know I'm not getting a chance like that anytime soon again. For me (and I think not all sexuals are like this), it'd literally be like going for ages without chocolate, not getting a chance to buy chocolate in the foreseeable future, and having a bar of chocolate rubbed right under my nose.

It would be tempting. Not tempting enough to risk anything very important like a marriage over. But tempting all the same.

I think the idea that someone literally wouldn't be able to help themselves, and would have to overcome some great challenges of the mind not to give in to temptation, is pretty ridiculous. A cheap excuse used by people who aren't ready to admit that having sex means more to them than respecting the feelings of their partner.

So, no, I don't really see any benefits to asexuals here. With regards to my asexual partner, however, there is one thing I see as benefit of her "orientation" (although not all asexuals are like her in this regard): She literally does not care what I look like, or what sex or gender I am. She likes me for my personality alone, and never in her life will she prefer anyone else to me merely based on their appearance. I think that's pretty awesome.

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There is no benefit to asexuality. None. And there are many drawbacks.

Funny, I think it's rather enriched my life, personally. You may want to educate yourself on the matter before continuing to talk about things you yourself admit you don't experience

But the obvious drawback is common in all cases - lack of a major source of joy/satisfaction/optimism and so on.

I guarantee you that every single thing you find fun, there's someone else who finds it boring. That is not a drawback for them just because you think it is. It's just different strokes for different folks.

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I disagree that it has no drawbacks in your case because if there weren't any you wouldn't be asexual. I don't know you well enough nor do I want to get into that. But the obvious drawback is common in all cases - lack of a major source of joy/satisfaction/optimism and so on. Imagine if you did not enjoy eating any food, if it just felt like inhaling tasteless molecules. You'd say you're fine, and I would say there's something wrong, and at the very least you're missing the taste which enriches life.

(BTW I am aware this is controversial thing to say here, so I'll leave it at that and not go further.)

First, I respect your opinion, but I feel obligated to respond. Mostly because it seems like you imply that I must be sad, because I don't have sex. But . . . I'm very joyous, satisfied, and optimistic with my life. Being asexual doesn't make me sad? XD For you it wouldn't be like this, but for us it's kind of like saying, "Oh, you don't like Star Wars? You must be miserable!"

I DEFINITELY agree that sex can, and most often does, enrich a person's life, but it very clearly doesn't for us. I could also say that if you don't think that mornings are the most beautiful part of the day, like I do, then you are missing a taste that enriches your life; I could also say that if you don't feel that cuddles are more intimate than sex, like I do, then you are missing a taste that enriches your life, and so on and so forth. You may be rolling your eyes, but if you are then the only reason you are is because you are very, very steadfast in your belief and you aren't opening your mind to my point.

Yes, we ARE missing something out of life. This is a fact. At the same time, you are missing something out of life by not being asexual. You are missing the experience of finding joy OUTSIDE of sex in the way that we do. Just because sex is just about the best thing ever (as you suggest it is) to you, does not mean that the rest of us cannot get major, major, major satisfaction from things that aren't sexual at all. :)

I would also like to point out that there are many different ways those "feel-good chemicals" can be released. It ain't just through sex, I promise. ;)

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As far as I can tell, the only real "Drawback" to being Ace is that a large number of people say ridiculous things like that. I see people comparing this to food, but really, it's like criticism leveled at any other orientation. It would be like telling a Lesbian that she must be miserable because she's not sleeping with men, that she's "missing out". Really, that's very sexually aggressive. What do people think will happen if we have sex with someone we're not attracted to? Do they think that would be a positive experience for either party?

I'm put in mind of a comic I once read, where someone criticizes a photographer with "how can you enjoy this view while messing with your camera, the thing itself is right in front of you!" to which the photographer replies: "How can you enjoy the view while you're busy telling people how they should enjoy things?"

My family thinks it's sad that i don't want children. Sad. What would be really sad, is for a kid to grow up in a home where their parent didn't want them or resented their presence. That doesn't mean that I think anyone who has children must be miserable, I can fully see how joyful and deeply happy many parents are. but the fact that it makes them so happy doesn't mean it would do the same thing for me.

It's almost like people are individuals or something.

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I honestly take your point, and agree re Star Wars, and I don't think there's any reason to pity asexuals - but I've seen many post on here about how it's harder to find a partner.

However a couple of things you said don't really hold up.

You are missing the experience of finding joy OUTSIDE of sex in the way that we do

What makes you think sexuals don't find the same kind of joy that you do in the same non-sexual things?

I would also like to point out that there are many different ways those "feel-good chemicals" can be released. It ain't just through sex, I promise.

I've never come across anything that does it with such intensity though, and that's wrapped with emotional closeness too.

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I would also like to point out that there are many different ways those "feel-good chemicals" can be released. It ain't just through sex, I promise.

I've never come across anything that does it with such intensity though, and that's wrapped with emotional closeness too.

I don't get those feel-good chemicals when I do have sex. I also don't get feel-good chemicals from the idea of being loved and loving back. Do you think that's a defect in me, or that I'm overall less happy in life? Or do you think I might get similar highs from things that you don't because we have different passions and motivations and desires?

It's a lot like new parents getting preachy about their new happiness and how childless people are missing out on the greatest joy in life. There's a wiiiiide difference between "I couldn't imagine my life without it" and "Your life is inferior as you do not live like me."

Asexual people, or sexual people of varying libidos and experiences during and following sex, aren't missing some irreplaceable feeling.

This is a general rant and not specifically at you, Telecaster, aside from the reminder that sex doesn't set of the euphoria in everyone so it's not like we're all missing out by not even trying.

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Lord Jade Cross
I believe that any benefits or drawbacks lie with each person respectively. There are no absolutes in these things. Like Snow says, a person can have sex and not have any benefits as a result. But just because there are no percieved benefits from an outside party, doesnt mean that the person in question is suffering a drawback, unless of course the person feels that they are suffering a drawback.
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I completely disagree with this notion that "drawback" is somehow related to one's own perception.

A criminal does not perceive any drawback to his vile mindset, as long as he doesn't get caught. A saint would perceive such mentality as a huge drawback.

A colorblind person among other colorblind people would not perceive any drawback.

A person who never had fulfilling sex with another person and instead feels only fear, would not perceive any drawback in not having sex.

A person who does not appreciate art, good music, good movies, good books - will not perceive any drawback in finding these things boring. Such person will be happy enough with bad music, shallow books, and movies about gangsters.

I would also like to point out that there are many different ways those "feel-good chemicals" can be released. It ain't just through sex, I promise.


I've never come across anything that does it with such intensity though, and that's wrapped with emotional closeness too.


Asexual people, or sexual people of varying libidos and experiences during and following sex, aren't missing some irreplaceable feeling.

:)

So with what do you replace the feeling of orgasm?

With what do you replace the feeling that a sexual has while having hand on girl's breasts?

The fact that sex is reduced to "some chemicals" is a sign enough that you have not been able to replace that feeling because a pure chemical reaction is present only in the most basic animalistic form of sex.

I don't get those feel-good chemicals when I do have sex. I also don't get feel-good chemicals from the idea of being loved and loving back. Do you think that's a defect in me, or that I'm overall less happy in life? Or do you think I might get similar highs from things that you don't because we have different passions and motivations and desires?

It's a defect that causes less happiness in life. And that's not even debatable, it's a fact. You can't get similar highs from things he doesn't, because he can get same highs as you, plus extra. But if you're happy as it is, then that's fine, no one here will force you to change and I personally care either way. But I'll call a spade a spade.

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You are missing the experience of finding joy OUTSIDE of sex in the way that we do

What makes you think sexuals don't find the same kind of joy that you do in the same non-sexual things?

Nope, certainly not! I worded that horribly, that's all, and I'm sorry. I should have explained that better. What I meant--when I said "in the way that we do"--was that we can be perfectly happy (and often far happier than we would be otherwise) without having sex. I didn't mean non-sexual activities so much as most sexual people will be happier if they're having sex.

I completely disagree with this notion that "drawback" is somehow related to one's own perception.

A criminal does not perceive any drawback to his vile mindset, as long as he doesn't get caught. A saint would perceive such mentality as a huge drawback.

A colorblind person among other colorblind people would not perceive any drawback.

A person who never had fulfilling sex with another person and instead feels only fear, would not perceive any drawback in not having sex.

A person who does not appreciate art, good music, good movies, good books - will not perceive any drawback in finding these things boring. Such person will be happy enough with bad music, shallow books, and movies about gangsters.

I would also like to point out that there are many different ways those "feel-good chemicals" can be released. It ain't just through sex, I promise.

I've never come across anything that does it with such intensity though, and that's wrapped with emotional closeness too.

Asexual people, or sexual people of varying libidos and experiences during and following sex, aren't missing some irreplaceable feeling.

:)

So with what do you replace the feeling of orgasm?

With what do you replace the feeling that a sexual has while having hand on girl's breasts?

The fact that sex is reduced to "some chemicals" is a sign enough that you have not been able to replace that feeling because a pure chemical reaction is present only in the most basic animalistic form of sex.

I definitely disagree that it's wrong to "reduce sex to some chemicals," because that's how I am, that's how some of my (sexual) friends are, etc. It doesn't mean that I'm incorrect, nor does it mean that they are incorrect. Now, if I was going on and saying that sex doesn't do anything good for anyone at all and it is ONLY a chemical thing, then I'd agree with you that I'd be wrong--but I'm not saying that.

I would say more on this (for both of you), but SnowCone already said what I wanted to say: just because y'all get the feel-goods (and yes, I said it again) from sex doesn't mean that we all do.

I also take note that you completely ignored Wiseja1987's point about it being a pretty darn sexually aggressive statement in the first place. Do you also say that gays are experiencing drawbacks they don't like to feel girls' breasts? XD For that matter, do you say that heterosexual girls are experiencing drawbacks if they don't really like penises all that much?

Edit for the billionth time (plus, TMI warning): What makes you think I wasn't talking about orgasms in the first place, when I said that we can get that "happiness" from places other than sex?

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nanogretchen4

Since many asexuals masturbate, they are probably replacing the feeling of orgasm with, um, the feeling of orgasm. Personally I find orgasms a bit overrated. As for the feeling of having your hand on a woman's breast, do you claim that heterosexual women are terribly deprived?

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