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Got a few questions...


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Righto, hello there. I've been noticing quite a lot recently that my sexual orientation is perhaps not entirely like my friends and peers. A while ago my friend's partner made fun of me at a party whilst introducing her friend to me. She introduced me as 'This is (my name)...he's basically asexual'. I've never been bothered or hurt by jokes and such, so this didn't bother me either. However it did make me think. I started looking into all different sexual orientations and i kept finding myself coming back to Asexuality. I've had relationships before, I've had sexual encounters before and I've felt love and sexual attraction for people before, though i've never had much need to seek out sex or act on attraction and remain quite content without it. So, my questions; is it possible to be asexual but still have some sexual attraction? And is there such thing as having a preference in gender regardless? My understanding is it's completely contradictory. Right?

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Not that Im the spokesperson of Asexuality but...

No a person can have homo or hetero preferences...

A person can have some libido... wherein the masturbate... or even some who are introverts in real life but masturbate till the cows come home...

But usually asexuals are those who dont have sex on their minds. They dont 'act' upon it in real life... some call it lack of motivation... but I doubt that lack of motivation or laziness can overpower inherent need to bang a dude/chick.

So thats basically it. If you feel/act on getting close to someone special and desire making love to them.... or actually do it... you may be an asexual.

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Hey Captain, depends on how you are defining sexual attraction. AVEN (in the General FAQ) defines sexual attraction as ''desiring sexual contact with someone else, to share your sexuality with them'' and I agree with that. The difference between asexuals and sexuals is, asexuals have no innate desire for partnered sexual contact with other people, for their own sexual and/or emotional pleasure. Sexual people do feel this desire for sexual contact, to varying degrees, at different times throughout their lives, and for varying reasons.

Asexuals can however still have strong aesthetic and physical preferences (aesthetic and physical attraction) and even define people as ''sexy'' and ''hot'' based on the level of our aesthetic and/or physical attraction to them. We just have no interest in having sex with them, no matter how ''attractive'' we find them. Note though, asexuals can have partnered sex to try to please a partner, to try to get pregnant, because they mistakenly think it's expected of them (I myself did this many times in the past) all sorts of reasons, but they aren't doing it out of a desire for the physical and emotional pleasure the sex act itself brings.

Asexuals can also have healthy libidos and masturbate regularly etc, but again, they just have no interest in having sex with someone else.

So if, when you said you've felt ''sexual attraction'' you just meant ''found people very attractive/sexy/hot but didn't actually have any desire to have sex with them because of that, I just did it because they wanted to but personally would have preferred it without the sex'' then that could still be on the asexual spectrum (even full asexual if you literally would always prefer to not have partnered sex)

However, if you meant ''I definitely want and enjoy partnered sex with other people, but I could happily go without it'' that's more at the sexual end of the spectrum. There are plenty of sexual people who enjoy and desire sex, but could go without it without it causing them too much bother. ^_^

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You could be possibly in the gray area of the sexual scale. Like, for example, you could be graysexual. http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Gray-A_/_Grey-A

Sure you can have a preference in gender, it is you and you are the only one to decide your sexual/romantic life.

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