Aro/ace thing to not want to be attractive looking?

[GreenRayy]

I'm wondering if this is an aro/ace thing, or just me haha. I find that I really don't care if people find me attractive. I'd actually prefer it if people look at me and think I wasn't attractive and instead thought I was a good person or fun or intelligent etc and that's why they choose to stick around. So hence I dress in random things. I make myself happy and comfortable in the way I dress and that's it. I change the character of my dress occasionally (ie more girly some days, more masculine most days). I don't shave my body hair and I don't care, I wear it out for everyone to see. I'm starting to strangely grow a few chin hairs and I just couldn't be bothered to pluck them. I rather identify with my little beardette of four hairs xD.

Pretty much I really don't like people seeing me in any sort of romantic or sexual light. I am still working through things, but I'm pretty certain I'm aromantic which explains not wanting to be seen in a romantic light. I'm not so sure about my sexual identity, but I think I'm bisexual. I have had and want to have more sex in the future, so I don't know why I also don't want to be seen in a sexual way (maybe I'm just ace and like sex idk....).

So anywho, I was wondering if anyone else feels the same way or if there's some info that might make sense on why I'm feeling this way. Arg, I'm just confused...sorry if I'm rambling and don't make any sense....

[ItWasNiceKnowingYou]

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/131874-repulsed-by-being-atttractive-to-someone/#entry1061543035

Definitely not alone in this ^_^

[Philip027]

It might be a contributor, but there are aces that enjoy looking attractive (for some reason) so it isn't universal.

I'm with you on this one, though. I don't understand the purpose of appearing physically attractive unless it's to attract the exact sort of superficial people I'd rather NOT pay attention to me :/

[Sapphire Rose]

*flips hair* I don't want to be attractive but just can't help myself ;)

Please note this is sarcastic okay? I'm not an egomaniac even though I'm crazy.

[SquidKen]

To me it depends on what kind of attractiveness. I don't like being called sexy, but something like 'Hey Kenneth you look nice today' is cool. I don't really put effort into how I look beyond making sure I don't reek, and assuming I'm not going to work. I'm around customers so I'm required not to look like a complete disaster. I sure do on days off though, crazy hair and sloppy flannel shirts. Not wanting to be seen in a sexual or romantic way makes sense for aro/ace, but since people in general just don't care.

[SquidKen]

Some people I meant, some people don't care. A lot of people I know just don't mind how they look.

[UncommonNonsense]

I'm the same way. I dress to conceal the fact that I'm physically female, wearing only men's clothes and only choosing items that are a few sizes larger than I really require (though this is also due to my autism-related sensory integration issues). It's also one reason I don't mind being plus-size... It keeps most sexually oriented men away. I am almost 40, and I've been going grey since about 25, but I don't dye my hair to hide the grey either. I don't wear cosmetics or use gels or hairspray. I often go too long between haircuts and get shaggy (but this is also because I'm touch-averse and dislike the close proximity of someone I don't know well that haircuts require). It's one reason I've never gotten contact lenses.

I'd much rather get a compliment about something I've drawn or made than about anything related to my appearance. I'd rather be seen as a kind person than a physically attractive one. In fact, I'm usually very ill at ease with appearance-based compliments.

I do care about being clean, smelling good (though I prefer more masculine spicey scents and childish sweet, fruit-like ones to feminine florals), and dressing to mitigate my sensory issues.

By the way, GreenRayy, I'm in Ontario too. I live in Stratford and work in Waterloo.

[damage_case]

Heres my thread:-

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/133530-asexuals-who-never-got-sexual-attention/

[andreas1033]

I dress in clothes that make me feel comfortable, not for others.

Looking like a tramp would put people of, but at 40, i do not care about that stuff. When i was young, i knew about this too, and used it. No one can know if it helped, but i would guess it does keep people away, judging by how people judge people. But i found some people just like you anyway. You cannot totally stop people liking you, but you can stop most from.

I grow up with grunge, and it came at the right time, and my hero was cobain of nirvana, so you can see what resonated with me. How he did not give a hoot about his clothes, or his appearance. I bet cobain was gender neutrel aswell, as well as being an empath.

I did my best, in other ways to put people off, but i will not write it here, and i am sure it worked. I laugh at how people wonder how i never lost my virginity, lol. That always makes me laugh. I put alot of effort into putting of females, and i am glad today.

Sort of like the butterfly effect movie. All the decisions that went into making your life, could of been so different, if you let someone into it, lol, and you didn't.

I always hated compliments, like i assume alot of you people do too. I never knew how to respond to them, and i never ever paid anyone else any compliment, as i never fancied anyone in my life, and like alot of you, never got that urge to say those things.

When your young obviously your going to get more attention. But once your past 30, everyone is heading downhill, so thankfully that attention will dwindle. I always wanted to be mr anonymous. I only talk about this stuff here, as people should understand what it is like to be asexual, and not one of the majority of people whom obsess about others, lol

[CaptainKhaleesi]

I'm very ace and I like to look nice. If I knew they way I looked was making somebody think of me in a sexual way I would freak out!

But I do care what I look like. Not for other people, but for me! There are certain looks l like and want to like how I look. Does that make sense? Haha!

I enjoy getting compliments and want others to appreciate the way I look aesthetically, but in the end it's really just for me. I'm just being myself! Especially working in a male-dominated field where often females feel the need to look more masculine or unattractive in order to be taken seriously. I don't want that to be the stereotype for my line of work. I want other girls to feel like they can do the job they love but still be themselves. If they like to look nice, great! If they don't care about their physical appearance, that's fine too. :)

[booksoversex]

I like to dress up, but it's not to impress someone. I just love wearing dresses etc. sometimes, and feeling you look good makes you feel good.

But I am also uncomfortable with people thinking of me in a sexual way. Actually, the very thought of it freaks me out. At least if it's not a person I have already been intimate with, and even then it freaks me out when it happens randomly, like my ex-bf told me he always got so turned on/found me so sexy when I wore a specific dress, which sort of made me uncomfortable as I wore that dress a lot... It was an "everyday summer" dress, not something I used just to dress up. He would also be very touchy-feely when I wore it, which was annoying... A couple of times I've even done very un-feminine things (like clearing my throat loudly and spitting on the ground) or other things like it to avoid people looking at me like that. I want them to like me, and I don't mind them thinking I am good-looking, I just REALLY don't want to feature in anyone's fantasies... The thought itself makes me shudder! No, please!

[SMW22792]

In terms of clothing, I wear what I find to be comfortable, not what's, "in," when it comes to fashion. Physically, I do work out at the gym, and enjoy seeing myself with more muscle definition. I don't do it for other people, I do it for myself.

[- - -]

well im naturally ugly so this isnt much of a problem to me, im just starting to be happy with my uglyness because its keeping the men away haha. i wear what the heck i want, what feels right for me, never to impress anyone else... and i am usually completely covered up. apart from sometimes my arms, but i always wear long pants and hide my legs. but sometimes i think showing them would repulse men even more lol :lol:

[furor]

I'm definitely one of those that like to be found attractive, I'm super vain (seriously, I can't walk past a mirror without staring at it for a good 2 minutes) but I don't dress to please. Everything I wear is comfortable, I don't own anything in colour and I'm always drowning in a large hoodie or sweatshirt. I lowkey crave compliments but would get freaked out if someone tried it on with me. I ain't about that life.

[One Winged Angel]

I run multiple businesses and so it is in my best interest to look presentable, trustworthy and friendly, and part of this I think requires a certain amount of "attractiveness". Of course, I do not go out of my way to look attractive to potential partners as I am not interested. That said, I want to look clean and well groomed, even if my dress code is usually strictly casual (no need to wear suits and ties in my businesses - I even go for an Anime T-Shirt and cargo trousers many days, but it depends on the circumstances!)

[Kuebiko]

I dunno. It's always been something of a dream of mine to look so hot that the boys drool just so I can turn them down. Mean, I know.

In reality, I really enjoy looking attractive but not so much for attention as for just the general fab feeling. I just want my clothes to look really nice and appropriate for whatever event I'm going for but I don't dress to please. (I actually have no idea what I dress for. Really. So long as the colours fit and covers my body shape)

Also in reality, I rarely have the guts to stare down a drooling guy so I don't dress specifically for that.

[Lightning Blue Ray]

I like to look nice in an aesthetic way. I don't like revealing clothes such as short skirts/low V-necks, but I like the feeling of having nice hair and looking good.

[Busrider]

I'm a lazy slob with punk roots. I'm freaking proud and happy to have picked an occasionally messy blue collar career and dress accordingly, i.e. the tshirts tend to be near the end of their life cycle and if a stain is washing resistant its there...

When I had girlfriends I objected vehemently against their attempts to prematrimonially iron my shirts. - Sorry, I consider this "exploiting" on the male part.

If I wanted to run around in suits and ironed shirts, I'd have picked a matching career.

I'm washing my clothes, I'm showering but hell yeah, I 'd rather just have money, than I'd look that way.

I don't understand my coworkers who dress up to commute in their cars. - My mechanics' suit has reinforced knees, so its prolly better than jeans in a minor bike accident. I happily wear hand me down rags from friends & family I also liked to shop for inexpensive used uniform bits. - Related quote: "Everytime I meet you I wonder was it 3 or 5 years ago I handed you down the tshirt you are wearing to polish your bike with it."

Upon being attractive: Dunno If I am dodging that on purpose. - I think I have enough taste to not wear every weird thing fashion comes up with and there is "better" stuff I could wear if I thought the occasion is worth it. Last summer I splurged and invested 10 BigMacs into caps that suit me.

I believe if you look happy and self conscious, you are attractive, whoever you are?

[Bad Name]

I don't try to be attractive nor care if I'm attractive, I just look how I want to.