Confused and Looking for Answers

[Raquel]

So I am new here, just found this site and really started looking into the idea of being asexual ( never really heard the term before), and I'd like to share my experiences to try and figure out just where I fall into the various types of asexual.

I think I might be considered an asexual biromantic but I'm not sure.

I was always a bit different then my friends in that while I had crushes on people, male and female- usually a friend within the group- I never felt the urge to act on these crushes. Once I finally did start seriously dating someone ( a male friend who asked me out multiple times) and we developed a sexual relationship I found myself for lack of a better term...indifferent, to sex.

I enjoyed and found pleasure in the foreplay, if not any actual arousal. To me the foreplay is the part of sex that makes me feel closer to my partners, it feels intimate and fulling to touch and be touched. While the act of sex- penetration or oral ect itself does nothing for me; they could be patting me on the back for all the pleasure I get from it. I've never had an orgasm from a partner touching me, male or female, though I can bring myself to orgasm with masturbation.

After my first sexual relationship ended I thought well maybe I am a lesbian. I'd always found women to be visually appealing and had experienced crushes on them in the past, so maybe that's why it wasn't as fulfilling as everyone says sex is supposed to be. I didn't consider that anything was different about me yet since I was able to have and enjoy orgasm through masturbation. I eventually found a woman who I felt a connection with and we started dating and eventually moved in together. I quickly found however that nothing had changed. I still could not experience orgasm with her, no matter what we tried, and that while I still enjoyed the foreplay and even enjoyed giving her pleasure...I couldn't achieve it myself with her involved.

Well eventually that relationship ended and I had a few more with various people, both male and female, and still the pattern continued. For the longest time I thought that maybe I just had a low sex drive, or that there was something physically wrong with me. It wasn't until a new friend commented that I might be asesxual that I even considered it a possibility.

So I think I might be considered an asexual biromantic; since I don't care about gender and experience romantic feelings and attachment but no actual drive for sex outside of sensual touching; though I am not repulsed by it and enjoy giving pleasure to my partners as they need it.

What do you all think? I am currently interested in someone but am unsure if I should proceed with my feelings until I am more secure in my own sexual identity.

[Guest]

First off: Welcome to AVEN!

I'd say your classification as a bisexual aromantic is spot on. Many asexual people are relatively indifferent to sex, they might do it to please a partner or for a greater sense of intimacy (this is especially true when it comes to foreplay, also keep in mind that foreplay can be enjoyed without ever getting to the "afterplay"). For more information on how some aces enjoy intimacy with or without sex, I'd visit

The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions, Romantic and Aromantic Orientations, or Asexual Relationships

Also, as for advice on pursuing your feelings, I saw go for it. Relationships are one of the best ways to figure out your identity. The key is just to keep dialogue open so expectations (for things you might not want to do) do not escalate.

I wish you the best of luck in exploring your identity ^_^

(edit: lol, I just realized the irony of my username and my advice)