Star Bit Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Sexual attraction means you desire to have sex with someone specific. You sound Demisexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Panth. Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Welcome to AVEN!From the description you provided, demi sounds like a very reasonable orientation for you.If you just joined the forum, I would recommend taking a look at some of the related threads. Good luck on your journey! Link to post Share on other sites
Isak Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I've never been opposed to the idea of having sex (in general), but the idea of me having sex with somebody I don't have a strong emotional connection with makes me cringe. Sex, to me, is a way to get an even stronger connection with my partner. When that happens, it feels amazing. You sure sound demisexual to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I define "asexuality" as "no desire for partnered sex" and I define "demisexuality" as "a desire for partnered sex that can only develop once an emotional connection is present." With that said, whatever sexual orientation you happen to be, it's okay as long as it's "safe, sane, and consensual." I wish you the best as you figure things out! Link to post Share on other sites
arthurh Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Keep in mind that demisexual is just a label. I used to think I was demisexual as well but it turned out I really loved the sensual aspects of sex. It is amazing how close you can feel to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
marauders Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Based on what you said in your original post, I think that it is certainly possible that you could be demisexual. My ultimate suggestion would be for you to look at some other related threads in the forums, check out the AVENwiki, and continue gathering more information through this post and other discussions. I wish you good luck in figuring things out! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Welcome ! I'm demisexual myself. IMO this is definitely sexual attraction. Romantic and sensual feelings can lead to sexual feelings, and sexual attraction born from this kind of love is far from being the kind of animalistic lust people imagine. I imagined it that way before I experienced it, and then i realized that no, it's actually quite different, and much closer to simply being deeply in love and feeling intimate on all levels with my partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Sexual attraction and sexual desire are two different things, and is why the banner definition above is inaccurate/why many are pushing for it to be changed to a desire based definition. You may not find him sexually aluring but you do desire sex with him, and that's still demisexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Thanks for your replies. I think where my confusion comes from is that sexual attraction to me has always meant that you feel lust or desire for someone to satisfy an inherent sexual need, and that's just not the case for me. I think what I like is how intimate doing that with him would be, and if it's anything like how he touches me in general, so gentle and sensual and full of meaning like he's trying to communicate something that's impossible to convey in words...ugh, help me. God, that's intense. So I'm not sure if what I feel is sexual attraction, or if I'm just an asexual person who would like sex with him specifically for the intimacy factor alone. Many sexual people only enjoy and desire sex for the intimacy factor of it. That deep emotional pleasure you get from sharing something so intimate with someone you love deeply. It's an AVEN myth that sexual people only desire sex to satisfy sexual needs. Sure many do, but just as many only desire sex with someone they love deeply, as an intimate, bonding, almost spiritual act (spiritual in how good it feels emotionally).. For many sexual people, the intimacy of sex is faaaar more important than the sexual pleasure aspect of it. So from what you are saying, it does sound like you are demisexual. And don't worry, you're not the first person to be confused by the ''AVEN myth'' .. there are lots of people here who identify as asexual because they ''only desire sex with someone they love, for the intimacy and the bond sex creates'' ... when actually that is a perfectly normal aspect of being sexual. And sexual people don't always have sex/fall in love with people based on their appearance either (as many on AVEN seem to believe) For many, appearance just doesn't matter and it's personality, lifestyle etc that is important for them in making a match. I say that because another AVEN myth is that what makes sexual people ''sexual'' is that they find people ''hot'' and ''sexy'' and it has nothing to do with who they have sex with. However, ''hot'' and ''sexy'' are only words used to describe strong aesthetic and/or physical attraction. If you ALSO desire sex with someone you find ''hot'' or ''sexy'' then you would be ''sexually attracted'' to them, because you want sex with them, but it's the ''wanting sex with them'' that is the defining factor here, nothing to do with how you view the persons appearance. Many asexuals experience aesthetic and/or physical attraction (finding someone very attractive to look at) but there are people who don't experience these (meaning, they lack the ability to feel aesthetic and/or physical attraction) yet still desire sex (for intimacy etc) These people get confused and think they must be asexual, but actually, that's just lacking aesthetic and/or physical attraction. Not being asexual. Wow, got a bit carried away typing there. Hope I helped dispel some popular AVEN myths for you at least ^_^ and again, it definitely sounds like you are demisexual. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 Remember that it's okay if you don't know right now. A lot of us don't know for sure. If demi fits you right now, take it. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 If demi fits you right now, take it. :) Actually no, going by demisexual publicly/ to a partner before you actually know you're it can be very damaging; both people can be waiting for a day that may never come, or at least reciprocation that may never come if the supposed demisexual is capable of sexually compromising. But yah, again, she does sound demisexual. Link to post Share on other sites
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