numpty Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 So... this is possibly in entirely the wrong place but I couldn't really find a relevant section to post in. I'm don't even know if this is appropriate to post on these boards but I don't know where else to go so... This might seem like a strange question but what does it feel like to care about someone? What does it feel like to love? I don’t mean romantic love necessarily, just any kind of love. I’m pretty new here, I know I’m asexual and I think I’m aromantic however I only discovered the Ace spectrum recently and I wasn’t exactly pleased when I did because up till now all I’ve wanted in life was to fall in love. However it’s not just romantic type love that I don’t feel. I have no strong feelings towards anybody. It’s really hard to explain but basically, I don’t love my parents, or my sister, or my friends. I don’t think I’d really even be sad if they died. I mean, my friends for example, I must like them because otherwise I wouldn’t enjoy spending time with them, but I don’t really feel any emotional connection with them. I’m pretty sure that a friend or a member of my family could disappear tomorrow and it wouldn’t affect me, I wouldn’t feel sad at all. I can recognise that my parents have always done their best for me, and from what I can remember of my childhood it was a pretty decent one so it’s not like I dislike my parents or resent them, and I can’t exactly be distant from them as I live in their house and see them every day, I just have no attachment to them, like at all. This is not a new development. Just like I’ve never felt attracted to someone I’ve also never had any real emotional attachment either. To start with I just lumped it in with being Ace and didn’t pay it much attention but now I realise that this can’t be normal, even for ace people. Right? Surely it must all be linked, having no sexual or romantic attraction, having no strong feelings for anyone, and if I’m being honest I don’t think I’ve ever had a strong emotion in general. Maybe that why I desire a romantic relationship so much, to make up for the fact that I don’t really feel like I care about anyone? I don’t really know what I’m expecting by posting this, but I cant exactly go to my parents for advice on why I don't love them. I have no clue where to go from here. Has anyone ever felt like or heard about something like this before? Or am I turning in to a crazy psychopath? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
warrigan Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 hi! and welcome to aven. have some ! i don't exactly know how best to approach your questions, but i do know that while the best-known and most-discussed types of attraction here on aven are romantic and sexual, many people also make a distinction for platonic and/or social attraction- basically, whether or not you feel the drive to form platonic/social relationships (friendships). there are definitely people on aven who do NOT desire platonic relationships, and who would presumably id as asocial/aplatonic; maybe you feel this applies to you? (little post i read a while ago with a bit of info)and if you're concerned, you can definitely think about seeing a doctor. i think it might be worth your while to look into platonic attraction a bit first, but if you're uncomfortable or distressed, and you think a doctor would be beneficial, that's always a route you can take. all the luck with this! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jin Kisaragi Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Any trouble with the law? Want to be the law? Or are we conforming too strongly with society's image of a man who feels nothing? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pikachu27 Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Not a psychopath--a sociopath. I can not think of a more blatant way for you to have expressed being a sociopath. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer365 Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 So... this is possibly in entirely the wrong place but I couldn't really find a relevant section to post in. I'm don't even know if this is appropriate to post on these boards but I don't know where else to go so... This might seem like a strange question but what does it feel like to care about someone? What does it feel like to love? I don’t mean romantic love necessarily, just any kind of love. I’m pretty new here, I know I’m asexual and I think I’m aromantic however I only discovered the Ace spectrum recently and I wasn’t exactly pleased when I did because up till now all I’ve wanted in life was to fall in love. However it’s not just romantic type love that I don’t feel. I have no strong feelings towards anybody. It’s really hard to explain but basically, I don’t love my parents, or my sister, or my friends. I don’t think I’d really even be sad if they died. I mean, my friends for example, I must like them because otherwise I wouldn’t enjoy spending time with them, but I don’t really feel any emotional connection with them. I’m pretty sure that a friend or a member of my family could disappear tomorrow and it wouldn’t affect me, I wouldn’t feel sad at all. I can recognise that my parents have always done their best for me, and from what I can remember of my childhood it was a pretty decent one so it’s not like I dislike my parents or resent them, and I can’t exactly be distant from them as I live in their house and see them every day, I just have no attachment to them, like at all. This is not a new development. Just like I’ve never felt attracted to someone I’ve also never had any real emotional attachment either. To start with I just lumped it in with being Ace and didn’t pay it much attention but now I realise that this can’t be normal, even for ace people. Right? Surely it must all be linked, having no sexual or romantic attraction, having no strong feelings for anyone, and if I’m being honest I don’t think I’ve ever had a strong emotion in general. Maybe that why I desire a romantic relationship so much, to make up for the fact that I don’t really feel like I care about anyone? I don’t really know what I’m expecting by posting this, but I cant exactly go to my parents for advice on why I don't love them. I have no clue where to go from here. Has anyone ever felt like or heard about something like this before? Or am I turning in to a crazy psychopath? You are definitely not alone in these feelings. I've come to realize over the past few years that I'm the say way and wondering if there's something really mentally wrong with me. If anyone I know happens to die today, I wouldn't care in the slightest. My grandmother, who lives with my parents (and me when I used to live at home), is on hospice and could die any day but I don't care. I feel like a bad person, but that's just the way I feel. I wish I had something positive to say to you, but as I'm looking for the same thing, I just can't offer it. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Leolith Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 You are definitely not alone. I had that feeling until 1 year ago, I don't know what changed, but now if I imagine one of my parents dying, I do feel sad. I think the (famous) book "The Stranger" by Albert Camus describes your situation in a way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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