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A Really Interesting Question....


Ssss123

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What does it mean to be in a specific sexuality? (I don't mean being asexual) what does it mean to have a sexual identity? does it even matter to define as something?

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Beautiful Chaos

In the grand scheme of things, it's really up to you if you want to identify as something. Some might not choose to identify as any sexual orientation because how they feel is normal and it doesn't really matter to them whether or not they identify or not. For example, a heterosexual person might just think of themselves as "normal" just like an asexual person might, so it wouldn't really matter to them to be labelled or not, if that makes sense?

But some people do identify as a specific sexual orientation because it's easier for them to relate to it and easier to explain to others, or it gives them a sense of comfort. Instead of saying "I'm not sexually attracted to girls, but I am sexually attracted to guys", someone might simply say "I'm homosexual / gay". Or instead of saying "I'm not sexually attracted to anyone and have no sexual feelings or associations", you'd simply say "I'm asexual".

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Personally at least, I find it a sort of mixed bag: on the one hand, your orientation does not define you as an individual as wholly as your actual personality. However, if we're in a situation where our orientation seems to be contrary or more nuanced than what we suspect to be standard, it can cause discomfort.

By understanding what it actually is we're feeling and experiencing, and it isn't some manner of condition or flaw, we can move past the discomfort, at least in theory.

After all, there is something very useful to being able to define something in short than a very long, protracted explanation that may not really make much sense to others if relied on. Labels then are useful in as much as a discussion short-hand than something to necessarily define an individual's entire identity as a person upon. A facet that may need elaboration but can be summarised as needs be.

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I feel this is much the same as with gender.. Sexuality doesn't define you directly; However, it will create a set of experiences, which in turn will have an impact on personality, and this does define you.

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It's just a word that describes who you're attracted to, really. Or willing to have sex with.

It's like saying I'm tall, or I'm short. Just another word to describe me. My height doesn't sum me up as a person, neither does my sexuality.

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One Winged Angel

I feel that defining our sexuality is merely a way to understand it and relay that information to others. In that sense, to be in a specific sexuality just means that a part of you feels in a certain way. It is easier to say "I'm Asexual" (or any other orientation), then to describe the very complicated set of emotions and feelings which make up this part of your personality. The label is a just a short hand way to understand a larger concept. It is easier to say "Can I have a sandwich", rather than "Can I have two slices of bread with butter on, a bit of filling stuffed in the middle then put together and cut into two halves. You know, like that thing the Earl of Sandwich had?"

The 'identity' part of labels has a dark side to it as well, as I have spoken about on other topics. Sometimes, a label can be all encompassing, to the exclusion of other activities or thoughts because the person does not believe they "fit" the label. To use a label does not mean that you "ARE" a specific thing, but merely that you feel in a certain way.

I think it is very difficult for any label, let alone a sexual identity, to fit a person in absolute terms. We are all different in the end. For example, on AVEN many people identify as "Asexual", but a simple search in the census forum or the hot box will see a diverse populace of many different world views and thoughts on life. This is as it should be. The Asexual part may be a common denominator, but other than that, we are all different.

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A sexual identity is (in my opinion) a way for someone to feel comfortable in their own skin. I guess you could say that some people, like myself, identifying as something gives them a feeling of... Completeness? (I am not sure how to put it). But that is my opinion.

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I'm inclined to agree with what has been posted above me. I see a "specific sexuality" not so much a definition or identity about one which pivots, so much as a cultural touchstone for helping frame one's sense of self to the great community. In the end I (subjectively) assume that we inherently know ourselves, or at least aspire to do so. However articulating the myriad polychromatic complexities of our internal selves to others is much more difficult. Using the terms such as "cisgender", "heterosexual" or "Grey-A" allows the person whom with which are conversing (or perhaps they are viewing an online profile you manage via Facebook, AVEN etc) to quickly apply a convenient template and base set of assumptions. These assumptions and details of yourself can be further refined by interpersonal interactions, but it speeds up the process (which can be viewed in a positive or negative light depending on circumstances).

Even the specifics I have observed are not hard-coded. I've two very good trans friends. One is very young when she transitioned and had suspected for many years that the "skin she was wearing" (to borrow her turn of phrase) did not fit and finally made the decision to be true to herself. The other is a great deal older than myself (I'm not a spring chicken either) and only recently found herself, in a very short space of time. For both of them the definition is core to whom they are. I am the complete opposite, very apathetic / ambivalent to self-orientating touchstones. Neither choice is right / wrong, matters / pointless. To borrow a line from from the Dust Brothers song This is your life "Nothing is static, everything is evolving".

-PJ

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