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How much should an Asexual know about Sexual Issues?


Gumby Jellybeans III

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Gumby Jellybeans III

This is something which has been bothering me for a long time. Ever since puberty I've felt pretty much like an alien looking in on the human race, trying to understand the sexual dynamics between people.

I spend a long time musing about what it all means. Sometimes I read blogs and opinion pieces about sexual relationships to try and find out more.

This would be fine and dandy if I was interested, but I also sort of don't want to know. I find sex kind of gross and icky, plus there's a lot of nasty -- for lack of a better term -- "sexual politics" (body shaming, homophobia, gender roles, etc...) that makes me feel uncomfortable.

The issue is, I feel OBLIGED to know. I feel like I have a responsibility to make an effort to understand what all these people are going through.

Is this really something I should concern myself with?

I'm pretty much an entirely non-sexual entity. Nobody ever makes passes at me. I never feel anything about anybody other than aesthetic appreciation and platonic affection.

Do asexuals have a responsibility to understand sex, or does it not matter?

Really looking forward to hearing everyone's answers!

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I think asexuals can talk about psychological issues on anything, including sex. But they cannot talk about the physical aspects of sex, its something that will be absent from them really.

We can talk about the psychological reasons why people do stuff. But really asexuals cannot really understand the physical side of sex, the mechanics of it.

Asexuals probably have psycho analysed themselves alot, on why they never wanted to do what others do. Most people are sexual, probably never really analyse themselves that deeply.

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Gumby Jellybeans III

I know we CAN talk about the psychology of sex. My question was more, do we have a social responsibility to?

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CaesiousSilver

I'm in two minds about this sort of thing. For one, I don't think anyone should have to go out of their way to understand something that makes them actively uncomfortable. But at the same time, if asexuals as an orientation want to be understood and accepted by allosexuals, it stands to reason that we should try to understand them.

However, we live in a world which is so saturated in sex and sexual content, it's practically impossible (or at least highly improbable) to make it to adulthood without knowing far more about sex than perhaps we should like, without having to go out of our way. Of course, there are multiple variables that can affect this--our parentage, the kind of friends we make, the media we immerse ourselves in, the situations we put/find ourselves in, etc.

There's what we need to know, what we might want to know, and plenty of crossover and grey area which depends entirely on the individual.

While I don't believe we have the responsibility to understand sex, I think a basic understanding goes hand in hand with understanding the wider world around us, and understanding 99% of people. So it depends on you. Personally I like to understand as much as possible, and more than anything I like to try to understand people, and so naturally I try to understand sex and issues surrounding it as best I can--there will always be a barrier I cannot cross, that barrier being the fact that I am asexual and so will never have a personal understanding of sex. But I can have an arbitrary understanding.

Whew... took me a while to get where I was going with that, and I still don't think I quite answered your question, sorry. :unsure:

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I don't think you have an obligation to do anything, really. It's nice if you do sometimes, for various reasons, but you're not under any obligation to.

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Everything. We should be educated on all things sexual.

There are some asexual that have sex, and if not educated they could be at risk of STDs, pregnancy and coercion.

The issues surrounding sex and relationships are not something we should be ignorant about just because we aren't attracted to people. Not to mention Reproductive organ illnesses and how to prevent, check for and treat them.

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I know we CAN talk about the psychology of sex. My question was more, do we have a social responsibility to?

No, the reason i post here, is that to help those whom are starting out, trying to understand there asexuality. We all have our own experiences, on how we got to where we are.

Society does not want to accept asexuals exist, but we post here to help people understand it does. We do not really(at least i do not), i just talk about the psychological reasons and how people come to that judgement.

With most people not wanting to accept asexuals exist, most people would of had to have gone through i have had to gone through, and it can destroy ones life. Not being one of the majority, and you can end up very isolated by society if you do not fit into norms they want.

I talk about this stuff, as mainly it may help someone trying to come to terms with it. There was no one to help me growing up trying to understand it, so maybe if those growing up today understand it from people like us, it may be easier on them. Society can make you very isolated if you do not fit there norms.

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Gumby Jellybeans III

CaesiousSilver -- Actually, I think that was a pretty good answer.

Ciri -- Yes. It's important to be safe. But I don't know if I'd agree we need to know EVERYTHING. Like people's stupid opinions about body hair, for example.

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There really isn't a reason. Sex is a very private subject that others should not bother you with in the first place.

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CaesiousSilver -- Actually, I think that was a pretty good answer.

Ciri -- Yes. It's important to be safe. But I don't know if I'd agree we need to know EVERYTHING. Like people's stupid opinions about body hair, for example.

No no, the only opinion about body hair that matters is your own. I'm talking about the facts, not opinions :)
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For the record, I am of the complete opposite position of the psychology vs. physicality topic. I think the objective aspects of sex and sexual relationships (or, really, any human behaviour) is the place to start understanding the nature of a thing and are likely the details to be best understood while maintaining the balanced, unbiased view that leads a person away from prejudice and presumption and toward cooperation and compassion. Unless you are an expert in the field of the psychology of sex, there's likely to be a lot of speculation, generalization and anecdotal evidence offered in discussions of the motivations driving behaviour within these relationships. In my opinion, any psychologist worth their salt is going tell you that even an expert in the field would tell you that such speculations are pointless stabs in the dark without specific information regarding an individual or an individual relationship. Generalizations are a starting point, but the individual will let you know how well they apply in a specific case. When you exit the autonomic nervous system, anything goes; the cortex shot the sheriff and started writing its own laws--which are ever subject to change. With each individual, consider yourself a guest in a foreign land and sure, you can ignore the law, but you're kind of an ass if you do--it would be the respectful thing to try to figure out the law and cooperate with it. And so you observe and you do what the others are doing and you get a better understanding of nuances, how people feel, what is more/less accpetable/unacceptable. (Heyah, and don't worry--that's a metaphor, so when I say you do what others are doing, I'm referring to the process of mentally putting yourself in someone else's shoes based on observed situations/details.)

Now, if you're thinking about your own psychology, you're probably the best person for the job given that you're in there, so go for it.

Anyway, that's what I think on that front, but it expresses in a way my general opinion regarding the OP's question:

Being aware of the world around you is a generally good thing. Being aware of mere assumptions, however, can be quite harmful for everyone involved. (Which is where I think CaesioiusSilver is coming from. <--Well expressed.)

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Gumby Jellybeans III

DuckThe Fog -- Well put!

I understand all the science parts. It's the psychology that stumps me. But, as you say, one can only make sweeping generalisations in that regard, anyway.

Thanks!

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Anthracite_Impreza

The only thing I think we should know is how to be safe and some basic biology (laws, consent, protection/contraception, body parts, pregnancy etc.). Other than that nothing else is really necessary if you don't intend to partake, and we don't have any obligation to listen to anyone that makes us uncomfortable.

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social responsibility

To me, those are two words that just don't belong together. I don't owe "society" a goddamn thing.

If I bother to learn something it's going to be because it's either relevant to my interests or relevant to the interests of someone I care about that might want to know.

In my case, I don't think a true understanding of these sorts of things is ever going to be achieved. I think if I were to devote myself to trying to understand how someone can feel attraction (of any sort) for someone they don't even know just with a picture or a glimpse, I would literally break my brain.

Understanding is not really necessary, though. Just acceptance... as long as it's not being oppressing or in my face or anything like that.

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I like to know a lot more about sex and sexuality than I'm ever going to need to know. I think it's important to maintain an understanding wider than one's own sexual orientation and wider than what one has experienced or ever plans to. I find value in knowing as much or more about sex than the people having it, or at least to keep up with what people are willing to share. I'm curious and I like to learn and have a wide range of knowledge.

But it's not really "necessary" to know anything beyond where babies come from and the importance of consent. The first is a general human knowledge bare minimum, and the second is a major social issue about equality and recognizing people as humans. Beyond that, divert your attention to whatever you want. Not everyone cares to know what might happen beyond their daily life.

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I wouldn't use responsibility to explain my view, but for lack of a better word I will go with yours.

every individual has their own needs for social interactions, therefore a level of "responsibility" to interact, if they want to answer said needs.

If your social circle, talks about sex and relationships, and you don't because you don't understand it you might be left out, and it is up to you to decide if you want to be part of said conversation.

I will give an example with writing fiction:

writers know some things when they write a fiction but search a great amount of things to make their story work. For example if someone writes about a character in France and wants their story to "sound" realistic, then they have to look up for typical french things, streets, transportation, shops, entertainment, and other common everyday things. They can write it with zero knowledge of french-ness too, but they will lose the realistic touch. But it's up to the author of how important that aspect is for their story, character, or even their own writing style.

If my example makes any sense at all ^^;

All I'm trying to say is what is important to you as an individual, and how you decide to interact with your social circle.

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As much as you need or want. I don't study sexual issues because I desire sex, I study it because it interests me. Knowledge is meant to be known to all who seek it. I know that I won't live in Italy, so why do I study Italian? Because it's easy and fun. That's all the reason I need.

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I know we CAN talk about the psychology of sex. My question was more, do we have a social responsibility to?

Only if you're in a sexual relationship or a relationship with a sexual person, or if you intend to be in one. Otherwise, no.

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people would probably call me ignorant to these sorts of things. but i find it too difficult to understand because i cant relate to it and i dont get these feelings. im 32 and still cant see the apeall of sex for enjoyment, to me its still just reproduction, i cant get my head around wanting to do it. i cant understand the whole "wanting to have sex with someone" because i have never ever wanted to. and yes it looks icky

all i can do is just accept that other people do feel this way but it will always be like a forein language to me and i will never understand it...

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