TMI - I want to save my marriage. Where do I start?

[crafts_not_coitus]

Coming out completely to my husband made our marriage SO much better. Ours was a unique situation in that we always knew that eventually he would have sex with another person (we envisioned him going out to a bunny ranch in Reno or something,) because I was his first intercourse partner, and we both felt he should not die having only had sex with one person. For 7 years I put on a show and pretended to like sex, because I knew it made him feel good, and I saw it as a marital duty, but he knew I didn't like it or understand it like he did. When we discovered that asexuality was a thing, I was basically like, "Hey! That's me!" but didn't talk to him about it. When he found out about asexuality, he was like, "Hey, that's Erynn!" but still, we didn't talk. Finally, after a family vacation where my cousin basically beat me over the head with a "you have to communicate!" stick, I came out to my husband completely. I was scared, very scared, but he was relieved, and was like "FINALLY we can talk about this!!!" And we did. For days. He was glad to know my lack of sexual attraction/enjoyment had nothing to do with him. Deciding to open up the marriage and go poly was a relatively easy decision for us. We have one child, and no plans of splitting. I have no inclination toward sexual possession of him, which makes it fine with me if he goes and seeks out other partners. The women he's chosen so far have been wonderful people. He has good taste. In addition, I'm free to explore the possibility of a romance with another romantic asexual, should I ever encounter the opportunity, and see how a relationship that feels more natural to me would work out.

Being on the same page and fully honest erased a lot of confusion and resentment, and brought us closer together. It was healing for both of us. Like so many others have said, communication is paramount.