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Does anyone else Like/Love/Crush too hard?


jack616

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Parakoimomenos

I can only speak from my own experiences of course.

Yeah I'd say as an asexual person I don't meet the requirements for a lot of folk, especially friends; I didn't want to obsess over sex in our 20s, I don't want to obsess over making kids in our 30s, so yeah I realise I'm a minority and I don't always fit in. But I'm also pondering why folk I know seem discontent about relationships more than before (or maybe they're just broadcasting their thoughts more thanks to social media??)

In our 20s it was easier, people seemed ok with hanging out with a mix of coupled or single friends. I've noticed in our 30s a lot of people I know have drawn back, like they either want to nest as a couple and not bother with single friends at all, all while the single ones seem too despondent to even hang out anymore. I don't get it.

To me it makes no sense, I'd still value my friendships with a significant other or without. But I've noticed others don't feel the same.

Again I wonder if this is some subconscious single minded focus on building/breeding a family unit.

Thoughts?

Time's starting to run out for your single friends in your 30s who want children. They're probably despondent because they feel pressure to not be failures. And the ones who are nesting got what they wanted, whether they like it or not.

But it won't really help if you make sense of it all, will it? I think it's the wrong question to ask yourself. Understanding why won't change their inclinations, some friends will fade away. Instead I find more security in learning how to adapt and that I'll grow, too, and find what I want despite being so much different than those people.

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I can only speak from my own experiences of course.

Yeah I'd say as an asexual person I don't meet the requirements for a lot of folk, especially friends; I didn't want to obsess over sex in our 20s, I don't want to obsess over making kids in our 30s, so yeah I realise I'm a minority and I don't always fit in. But I'm also pondering why folk I know seem discontent about relationships more than before (or maybe they're just broadcasting their thoughts more thanks to social media??)

In our 20s it was easier, people seemed ok with hanging out with a mix of coupled or single friends. I've noticed in our 30s a lot of people I know have drawn back, like they either want to nest as a couple and not bother with single friends at all, all while the single ones seem too despondent to even hang out anymore. I don't get it.

To me it makes no sense, I'd still value my friendships with a significant other or without. But I've noticed others don't feel the same.

Again I wonder if this is some subconscious single minded focus on building/breeding a family unit.

Thoughts?

Time's starting to run out for your single friends in your 30s who want children. They're probably despondent because they feel pressure to not be failures. And the ones who are nesting got what they wanted, whether they like it or not.

But it won't really help if you make sense of it all, will it? I think it's the wrong question to ask yourself. Understanding why won't change their inclinations, some friends will fade away. Instead I find more security in learning how to adapt and that I'll grow, too, and find what I want despite being so much different than those people.

Mostly the cishet ones, sure.

I had friends who were older too and already raised kids, and couples who didn't want kids. It's good to mix with all folk.

The sense im trying to figure out here is the Ace vs Romantic parts of personality that just don't seem to mesh with society, or should I say society norms :/

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For me, a true friend is family.

I agree <3

I like the phrase 'family of choice' I've seen around.

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It might be from my posts, because I used this expression several times :)

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Ah right. I've also seen it on tumblr :)

Seems a nice expression to give strong bonds of non conventional set ups.

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Parakoimomenos

Mostly the cishet ones, sure.

I had friends who were older too and already raised kids, and couples who didn't want kids. It's good to mix with all folk.

The sense im trying to figure out here is the Ace vs Romantic parts of personality that just don't seem to mesh with society, or should I say society norms :/

That's something I've been grappling with recently. I'm almost 30 and I feel like it's going to start getting weird soon because it's OK to be single in your 20s but you're supposed to settle down (emphasis on settle, I cynically think) in your 30s, per norms. I don't have the answer, but on the other hand I have a understated social life.

Maybe older people who are past the nesting/despondent phase will be more at your speed?

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Mostly the cishet ones, sure.

I had friends who were older too and already raised kids, and couples who didn't want kids. It's good to mix with all folk.

The sense im trying to figure out here is the Ace vs Romantic parts of personality that just don't seem to mesh with society, or should I say society norms :/

That's something I've been grappling with recently. I'm almost 30 and I feel like it's going to start getting weird soon because it's OK to be single in your 20s but you're supposed to settle down (emphasis on settle, I cynically think) in your 30s, per norms. I don't have the answer, but on the other hand I have a understated social life.

Maybe older people who are past the nesting/despondent phase will be more at your speed?

For sure! ^_^ many of my close friends were in their 40s at the time, if they had kids they were teens and didn't need the constant attention smaller ones demand.

It'd be nice to find more Ace friends tho. I think a lot of it is the obsession they (non aces?) have with coupling up, whether for short term Smex or for long term couples.

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I don't really know if it's an asexual thing, but it's very much an aromantic thing IMO. That's why even when I was craving a QPR because I was all alone, I never actively looked for one. Just, who would want one, so why bother.

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I don't really know if it's an asexual thing, but it's very much an aromantic thing IMO. That's why even when I was craving a QPR because I was all alone, I never actively looked for one. Just, who would want one, so why bother.

I am wondering on levels of Aromanticism and introversion if they come into play. :/ it's awkward to juggle it all. I feel ya :(

I'm pretty sure I confuse people, the introversion thing is difficult to navigate. I probably come across as extrovert in person, but I also need that alone time. Problem is trying to find similar folk who understand.

I guess that's life in general, trying to find kinship. The Ace thing I've found difficult bc it's like another barrier between me and making good friends. Possibly Aro too.

*ponder ponder* argh. Lol <3

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Parakoimomenos

It'd be nice to find more Ace friends tho. I think a lot of it is the obsession they (non aces?) have with coupling up, whether for short term Smex or for long term couples.

Ehh, I'm wary of "If I had more friends like me in a certain way I'd be happy" sorts of statements. There's plenty of bizarre, myopic thinking in this community that would put me off being friends with plenty of people. Even without the desire to couple or have sex, it's not really that hard to understand it in a broad sense, right? We don't live in underground bomb shelters like Kimmy Schmidt, we live out in the world full of people with fulfilling sexual and romantic relationships. It kind of reminds me of "If everyone you meet is an asshole, maybe you're the asshole."

But now I'm being contrary and cynical. ;)

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I usually blame my awful clingyness on my demisexuality- it takes me a long time to find someone I "click" with, another long while to actually become attracted to them and developing a crush, and then I'm the neediest girlfriend ever. :/ The fact that you spend all your free time with your SO in the beginning of the relationship doesn't help either. After we've been together for few months they suddenly call me less, go out more and generally spend less time with me, I begin to freak out that they've lost their interest in me and our relationship is falling apart.

I know that most likely they just want some time for themselves/are busy/their phone died and all of this, but somehow even though I know it all, the most logical explanation for my brain when my partner doesn't talk to me is either "They don't love me anymore" or "They're dead".

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I usually blame my awful clingyness on my demisexuality- it takes me a long time to find someone I "click" with, another long while to actually become attracted to them and developing a crush, and then I'm the neediest girlfriend ever. :/ The fact that you spend all your free time with your SO in the beginning of the relationship doesn't help either. After we've been together for few months they suddenly call me less, go out more and generally spend less time with me, I begin to freak out that they've lost their interest in me and our relationship is falling apart.

I know that most likely they just want some time for themselves/are busy/their phone died and all of this, but somehow even though I know it all, the most logical explanation for my brain when my partner doesn't talk to me is either "They don't love me anymore" or "They're dead".

To be honest, I would also be pissed, because it would feel to me like the only reason the other person cared about me so much was the crush, not that they like me that much as a person. Personally, I'd expect *not* to have all my time eaten up by my relationship in the start, and instead continuously maintaining a certain degree of emotional proximity. If after five years of relationship my partner doesn't care just as much about me, and wants to have me as close as they did on day 1, I'd feel that something important was lost on the way there. Time itself is no reason for feelings to get weaker, IMO.

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I usually blame my awful clingyness on my demisexuality- it takes me a long time to find someone I "click" with, another long while to actually become attracted to them and developing a crush, and then I'm the neediest girlfriend ever. :/ The fact that you spend all your free time with your SO in the beginning of the relationship doesn't help either. After we've been together for few months they suddenly call me less, go out more and generally spend less time with me, I begin to freak out that they've lost their interest in me and our relationship is falling apart.

I know that most likely they just want some time for themselves/are busy/their phone died and all of this, but somehow even though I know it all, the most logical explanation for my brain when my partner doesn't talk to me is either "They don't love me anymore" or "They're dead".

To be honest, I would also be pissed, because it would feel to me like the only reason the other person cared about me so much was the crush, not that they like me that much as a person. Personally, I'd expect *not* to have all my time eaten up by my relationship in the start, and instead continuously maintaining a certain degree of emotional proximity. If after five years of relationship my partner doesn't care just as much about me, and wants to have me as close as they did on day 1, I'd feel that something important was lost on the way there. Time itself is no reason for feelings to get weaker, IMO.

The thing is that I'm a lonely person with few hobbies, and I usually try to get my partner into my hobbies or get myself into their hobbies. And if they stop doing our "common ground" thing, I stop too, so we can move to something else together. And sometimes they just don't find anything new and don't want to do anything I suggest, so we just end up doing our separate things while sitting on Skype.

Because I'm lonely, my partner is literally my "bae" (before anything else) and I just glue myself to them to enjoy having someone in my life while it lasts. And because most people aren't on my level on loneliness- they get annoyed by me after a while. They want space, I want them and it just becomes one big mess. I'm way too clingy, but I can't change it. I tried. I still don't want to date because I know I'm too clingy and few months into the relationship they'll step back and I'll go crazy.

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The thing is that I'm a lonely person with few hobbies, and I usually try to get my partner into my hobbies or get myself into their hobbies. And if they stop doing our "common ground" thing, I stop too, so we can move to something else together. And sometimes they just don't find anything new and don't want to do anything I suggest, so we just end up doing our separate things while sitting on Skype.

Because I'm lonely, my partner is literally my "bae" (before anything else) and I just glue myself to them to enjoy having someone in my life while it lasts. And because most people aren't on my level on loneliness- they get annoyed by me after a while. They want space, I want them and it just becomes one big mess. I'm way too clingy, but I can't change it. I tried. I still don't want to date because I know I'm too clingy and few months into the relationship they'll step back and I'll go crazy.

Aww. I get that. :( I've had the same thing happen to me, but in my case with friends who I cared a little too much about, and their temporary elevated interest in me went away after a few weeks.. It really stinks when the other person is your #1 priority in life and it doesn't go both ways. And yup for the trying to change it, that really doesn't work. We are who we are, for the good and the bad. ^^' I actually haven't found a "solution" for this either, other than to just "deal with it".

By the way, the way you mentioned Skype makes it sound like you've mostly had LDRs, which would explain part of it. LDRs don't work at all if you don't seriously commit to them. In my experience, if you actually get to see each other in real life almost every day, that makes things a whole lot easier to deal with even if the other person isn't going out of their way to give you attention.

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The thing is that I'm a lonely person with few hobbies, and I usually try to get my partner into my hobbies or get myself into their hobbies. And if they stop doing our "common ground" thing, I stop too, so we can move to something else together. And sometimes they just don't find anything new and don't want to do anything I suggest, so we just end up doing our separate things while sitting on Skype.

Because I'm lonely, my partner is literally my "bae" (before anything else) and I just glue myself to them to enjoy having someone in my life while it lasts. And because most people aren't on my level on loneliness- they get annoyed by me after a while. They want space, I want them and it just becomes one big mess. I'm way too clingy, but I can't change it. I tried. I still don't want to date because I know I'm too clingy and few months into the relationship they'll step back and I'll go crazy.

Aww. I get that. :( I've had the same thing happen to me, but in my case with friends who I cared a little too much about, and their temporary elevated interest in me went away after a few weeks.. It really stinks when the other person is your #1 priority in life and it doesn't go both ways. And yup for the trying to change it, that really doesn't work. We are who we are, for the good and the bad. ^^' I actually haven't found a "solution" for this either, other than to just "deal with it".

By the way, the way you mentioned Skype makes it sound like you've mostly had LDRs, which would explain part of it. LDRs don't work at all if you don't seriously commit to them. In my experience, if you actually get to see each other in real life almost every day, that makes things a whole lot easier to deal with even if the other person isn't going out of their way to give you attention.

I mostly had online relationships, but actually got to using Skype with my last 2 relationships- one was long distance (~650km, 8-10h of traveling), but we were seeing each other every few weeks and he'd live with me and my family for a week or two. It lasted for 2 years. The other one was 100% in real life- we met in real life, were not that close friends before we started dating but knew each other for over a year, he lived like 20 minutes away from me by the bus, but because I live in the countryside and my bus schedule is effed up, we couldn't see each other all the time, just few times a week, which eventually turned to once, twice a week (9 months total). But I'd constantly be on Skype with them if we weren't together in real life. There's only so many things you can talk about when you're constantly "together", so after some time we wouldn't talk but just hear each other tapping and breathing 90% of the conversation...

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It'd be nice to find more Ace friends tho. I think a lot of it is the obsession they (non aces?) have with coupling up, whether for short term Smex or for long term couples.

Ehh, I'm wary of "If I had more friends like me in a certain way I'd be happy" sorts of statements. There's plenty of bizarre, myopic thinking in this community that would put me off being friends with plenty of people. Even without the desire to couple or have sex, it's not really that hard to understand it in a broad sense, right? We don't live in underground bomb shelters like Kimmy Schmidt, we live out in the world full of people with fulfilling sexual and romantic relationships. It kind of reminds me of "If everyone you meet is an asshole, maybe you're the asshole."

But now I'm being contrary and cynical. ;)

...

Not a lot of that made sense to me mate, but that's fine I dont particularly care! :p

Ive never had Ace friends so I wouldn't know. I'm new to anything ace. As far as I know I've only met a couple of Ace folk for a very short period, and all I know is i want to have more Ace friends to see if that is easier to maintain a friendship, without being excluded bc I am Ace and not interested in XYZ lifestyle choice/topic/preference etc.

And Aro spectrum too.

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he lived like 20 minutes away from me by the bus, but because I live in the countryside and my bus schedule is effed up, we couldn't see each other all the time, just few times a week,

Tell me about it.. -_- I don't think they've adjusted the bus schedules to demand since the last century around where I live.

But I'd constantly be on Skype with them if we weren't together in real life. There's only so many things you can talk about when you're constantly "together", so after some time we wouldn't talk but just hear each other tapping and breathing 90% of the conversation...

Yeah, I don't know how you feel, but for me something always seems a little "off" when doing prolonged calls. Like, if you're with a person in real life, it seems like an overall pleasant experience even if you are just around each other without talking. But when I did calls, I always felt increasingly awkward the longer the call went on. But maybe that's just me.

Also, by "constantly" do you really mean constantly? I'm an incredibly clingy and needy person, but even for me that'd be too much. I'd much rather spend a little bit of time most days, and have a few several-hour-sessions every week spent exclusively with my partner. Spending all our time together would wear me out quickly, and would actually detract from the positivity of quality time for me.

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The thing is that I'm a lonely person with few hobbies, and I usually try to get my partner into my hobbies or get myself into their hobbies. And if they stop doing our "common ground" thing, I stop too, so we can move to something else together. And sometimes they just don't find anything new and don't want to do anything I suggest, so we just end up doing our separate things while sitting on Skype.

Because I'm lonely, my partner is literally my "bae" (before anything else) and I just glue myself to them to enjoy having someone in my life while it lasts. And because most people aren't on my level on loneliness- they get annoyed by me after a while. They want space, I want them and it just becomes one big mess. I'm way too clingy, but I can't change it. I tried. I still don't want to date because I know I'm too clingy and few months into the relationship they'll step back and I'll go crazy.

(Is THAT what bae means?!?! Lol)

Aw hun (hug) :(

It does suck when others don't invest the same level of effort into relationship's as you do.

That doesn't mean you're wrong for investing a lot! I think it just means you are rarer. <3

God that hobbies thing tho. I've tried helping others before join in with hobbies or interests, but if they can't engage and put in the effort then you're best waving goodbye and finding others who appreciate you more.

Easier said than done I know! :/

Have you ever done any volunteering or care work? Something like that can be rewarding and also brings interaction with new folk.

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LDRs don't work at all if you don't seriously commit to them. In my experience, if you actually get to see each other in real life almost every day, that makes things a whole lot easier to deal with even if the other person isn't going out of their way to give you attention.

OMG Tarfeather you hit the nail on the head right here. :( sad but true.

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God that hobbies thing tho. I've tried helping others before join in with hobbies or interests, but if they can't engage and put in the effort then you're best waving goodbye and finding others who appreciate you more.

You'd think so, but I've found that I don't really mind that much. I have plenty of good friends who I can share hobbies with. If all I get out of a relationship is physical and emotional proximity, that's still a net positive in my books.

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There's only so many things you can talk about when you're constantly "together", so after some time we wouldn't talk but just hear each other tapping and breathing 90% of the conversation...

Just saw these new posts sorry to post in between them.

Hm ok I don't really understand this, but I don't understand Skype in general, it's not my bag, so perhaps that's just me ;)

But even in person in the same room and stuff, people don't *have* to talk every second, and that's ok.

I'm guessing what you want is like a shared or communal living, either with partner or maybe close house mates, and Skype can help with that?

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Personally I love a chill communal space, it's mostly the reason I usually work host jobs. Maybe you'd like a similar role? X

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God that hobbies thing tho. I've tried helping others before join in with hobbies or interests, but if they can't engage and put in the effort then you're best waving goodbye and finding others who appreciate you more.

You'd think so, but I've found that I don't really mind that much. I have plenty of good friends who I can share hobbies with. If all I get out of a relationship is physical and emotional proximity, that's still a net positive in my books.

Oh for sure. I won't kick someone away for not sharing exact hobbies haha. That's daft.

I thought the other post was in relation to people who refuse to find a common ground with you, and whenever you try to bring them in they act negatively.

(I don't think I explained that well. Been a long day!!)

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God that hobbies thing tho. I've tried helping others before join in with hobbies or interests, but if they can't engage and put in the effort then you're best waving goodbye and finding others who appreciate you more.

You'd think so, but I've found that I don't really mind that much. I have plenty of good friends who I can share hobbies with. If all I get out of a relationship is physical and emotional proximity, that's still a net positive in my books.

Oh for sure. I won't kick someone away for not sharing exact hobbies haha. That's daft.

I thought the other post was in relation to people who refuse to find a common ground with you, and whenever you try to bring them in they act negatively.

(I don't think I explained that well. Been a long day!!)

What I mean is that I don't particularly mind if the other person doesn't try to find common ground. As long as I get something out of it, it's all good, even if I put in most of the compromise.

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Sure thing! Depends on the situation right? I've found some folk so much fun to chat to that it doesn't matter we had nowt in common :) I think it's more about how you vibe with someone than ticking off boxes.

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I feel like folk get caught up in being couples they often forget the single friends. That really sucks. If society were more inclusive I don't think they'd forget so much. Or I'd hope.

This is exactly my problem.

I usually have 1 or 2 close friends at a time. I feel close not because I share everything that goes on in my life. Its because the other person is a good person, I like them for what they are and I can trust them when I need to. I tell them things that are important for me and I would do anything for them.

They don't value the friendship the same way I do. I am just a friend to them. I am never their priority and it hurts. It hurts because

1) any minor problem/s in their life, will make me feel like its my problem too. Especially problems with their SO. In that situation I have to refrain from giving advice because I am an Asexual and I don't get why they are holding on to such losers.

2) I can never tell them how much they mean to me, because I don't want them to think I am romantically interested in them.

3) When we start drifting apart I will start feeling alone and lost. Because no back up close-friend either.

Things would have been different had I been sexual. People love talking about sex, relationships, dating etc. So I would have told them about my dating interests or dating life. That is like sharing something deep and that would have made them feel closer to me. I can't think of any other personal topic that can beat this one. Personal health? no one wants to hear that. Personal finance? No one talks about it.

My close friend once accused me of not sharing any relationship stories even though she knew that there was none. She thought it was unfair that I knew all about hers. Her exact words were- "Even if you finally do get a boyfriend I am sure you will tell no one" :(

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I feel like folk get caught up in being couples they often forget the single friends. That really sucks. If society were more inclusive I don't think they'd forget so much. Or I'd hope.

This is exactly my problem.

I usually have 1 or 2 close friends at a time. I feel close not because I share everything that goes on in my life. Its because the other person is a good person, I like them for what they are and I can trust them when I need to. I tell them things that are important for me and I would do anything for them.

They don't value the friendship the same way I do. I am just a friend to them. I am never their priority and it hurts. It hurts because

1) any minor problem/s in their life, will make me feel like its my problem too. Especially problems with their SO. In that situation I have to refrain from giving advice because I am an Asexual and I don't get why they are holding on to such losers.

2) I can never tell them how much they mean to me, because I don't want them to think I am romantically interested in them.

3) When we start drifting apart I will start feeling alone and lost. Because no back up close-friend either.

Things would have been different had I been sexual. People love talking about sex, relationships, dating etc. So I would have told them about my dating interests or dating life. That is like sharing something deep and that would have made them feel closer to me. I can't think of any other personal topic that can beat this one. Personal health? no one wants to hear that. Personal finance? No one talks about it.

My close friend once accused me of not sharing any relationship stories even though she knew that there was none. She thought it was unfair that I knew all about hers. Her exact words were- "Even if you finally do get a boyfriend I am sure you will tell no one" :(

That's a but harsh of her! :( Sorry to hear all this. (hug)

Meh, I find it so sad. Where does this notion come from that we are only of value to each other as crutches or stop gaps between partners? It makes no sense to me.

There are better friends out there hun, keep looking! Ones who want to talk about more than partners or gossip.

Also, I can't tell you it's any easier talking to people who are desperate to gossip about relationship stuff when you *can* contribute with past 'experience', I don't have the same... what's the word... drive? To focus on that one topic for /hours/ on end. Im usually happy to chat about anything but if things like offloading/venting and support happens, then it should go both ways in my opinion. If they vent about their shit I want to vent about mine, but if a problem isn't partner related they just don't seem to care. Maybe they can't relate. But what about career choices/interests and jobs? They have experience there, surely that's relatable. Yet most folk sort of switch off, and I don't think that is fair.

Give and take, right.

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Also, I can't tell you it's any easier talking to people who are desperate to gossip about relationship stuff when you *can* contribute with past 'experience', I don't have the same... what's the word... drive? To focus on that one topic for /hours/ on end. Im usually happy to chat about anything but if things like offloading/venting and support happens, then it should go both ways in my opinion. If they vent about their shit I want to vent about mine, but if a problem isn't partner related they just don't seem to care. Maybe they can't relate. But what about career choices/interests and jobs? They have experience there, surely that's relatable. Yet most folk sort of switch off, and I don't think that is fair.

I have a few friends who make it explicit policy not to talk about relationship stuff to their friends. Which sometimes actually annoys me a little. ^^'

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The thing is that I'm a lonely person with few hobbies, and I usually try to get my partner into my hobbies or get myself into their hobbies. And if they stop doing our "common ground" thing, I stop too, so we can move to something else together. And sometimes they just don't find anything new and don't want to do anything I suggest, so we just end up doing our separate things while sitting on Skype.

Because I'm lonely, my partner is literally my "bae" (before anything else) and I just glue myself to them to enjoy having someone in my life while it lasts. And because most people aren't on my level on loneliness- they get annoyed by me after a while. They want space, I want them and it just becomes one big mess. I'm way too clingy, but I can't change it. I tried. I still don't want to date because I know I'm too clingy and few months into the relationship they'll step back and I'll go crazy.

(Is THAT what bae means?!?! Lol)

Aw hun (hug) :(

It does suck when others don't invest the same level of effort into relationship's as you do.

That doesn't mean you're wrong for investing a lot! I think it just means you are rarer. <3

God that hobbies thing tho. I've tried helping others before join in with hobbies or interests, but if they can't engage and put in the effort then you're best waving goodbye and finding others who appreciate you more.

Easier said than done I know! :/

Have you ever done any volunteering or care work? Something like that can be rewarding and also brings interaction with new folk.

It just sucks so much when you meet someone through a hobby and few months into the relationship they ditch the hobby that brought you two together and don't even want to hear about it anymore. :/ I met my first rl boyfriend through a role-play forum and I loved the way he was writing. Our characters fell in love and few months later we did too. Then he stopped writing at all. I tried to play games with him, but he didn't like MMORPGs, which are my favorite, I hate LOL, which is his favorite, and when we found a common ground, which was Dota 2, he started to pretty much abuse me. He'd yell at me and call me names if he was doing bad in the game, just taking out all of his rage on me. He'd apologize once he was calm again, but it made me afraid of him and really affected my self esteem.

Nah, never... I don't really get out of the house, my bus schedule is effed up and I don't have a driver's license...

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Parakoimomenos

It'd be nice to find more Ace friends tho. I think a lot of it is the obsession they (non aces?) have with coupling up, whether for short term Smex or for long term couples.

Ehh, I'm wary of "If I had more friends like me in a certain way I'd be happy" sorts of statements. There's plenty of bizarre, myopic thinking in this community that would put me off being friends with plenty of people. Even without the desire to couple or have sex, it's not really that hard to understand it in a broad sense, right? We don't live in underground bomb shelters like Kimmy Schmidt, we live out in the world full of people with fulfilling sexual and romantic relationships. It kind of reminds me of "If everyone you meet is an asshole, maybe you're the asshole."

But now I'm being contrary and cynical. ;)

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Not a lot of that made sense to me mate, but that's fine I dont particularly care! :P

Ive never had Ace friends so I wouldn't know. I'm new to anything ace. As far as I know I've only met a couple of Ace folk for a very short period, and all I know is i want to have more Ace friends to see if that is easier to maintain a friendship, without being excluded bc I am Ace and not interested in XYZ lifestyle choice/topic/preference etc.

And Aro spectrum too.

You're assuming a personality you can relate to naturally follows from asexuality, but it doesn't necessarily. It's a huge cliche that people in new relationships/marriages abandon their friends of all orientations, it's not that your asexuality makes you a target. If it does, then those "friends" are just judgmental people who aren't worth the energy.

I'm saying to keep an open mind, don't turn inward and only seek out your own "kind." That's basically what the people with whom you grew apart are doing, right?

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It just sucks so much when you meet someone through a hobby and few months into the relationship they ditch the hobby that brought you two together and don't even want to hear about it anymore. :/ I met my first rl boyfriend through a role-play forum and I loved the way he was writing. Our characters fell in love and few months later we did too. Then he stopped writing at all. I tried to play games with him, but he didn't like MMORPGs, which are my favorite, I hate LOL, which is his favorite, and when we found a common ground, which was Dota 2, he started to pretty much abuse me. He'd yell at me and call me names if he was doing bad in the game, just taking out all of his rage on me. He'd apologize once he was calm again, but it made me afraid of him and really affected my self esteem.

Nah, never... I don't really get out of the house, my bus schedule is effed up and I don't have a driver's license...

Ah I see. Okay. Well he sounds like a bad egg however you met him hun. Row yourself well out of that. Being unkind and taking it out on others in unacceptable.

Location is a pain sure. I don't drive and often public transport isn't reliable. I walk when I can. Or make friends with people who drive ;)

Opposite one of my bus stops is a gamers shop. There's always folk in there around some game or other. What about somewhere like that? There's gamer Meets and gamer cafes. Granted you may have to travel to it, but I'm the same right now I gotta travel to anything worth doing tbh. X

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