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TMI WARNING! What makes an asexual?


microraptor23

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microraptor23

hi people of this forum, I'm an 18 year old male who has a few kinks that I've always had since I was 13/14. I like feet, femdom, giving and receiving oral, or girls beating me up so I guess I'm submissive. I have never masturbated to normal sex, all I did was watch videos that fueled my fetish. I understand many people have fetishes, my foot thing was a kink, since I don't need it to orgasm.

I just don't understand what makes an asexual, I know some people have fetishes that they need to orgasm like feet, and they don't consider themselves heterosexual, like I like womans feet. I was scared I was never going to be able to have a normal relationship with a girl, my fetishes were not caused by porn, but a month ago I stopped watching fetish videos and abstained from masturbating to anything. I used to masturbate by like rubbing my penis not by stroking up and down like how most men do it.

Like I want a romantic relationship with a woman, I want to get married and have kids. Ever since I abstained from masturbating I relapsed to the thought of having sex with a girl and us giving each other oral, it was the first time in my life I have masturbated to something other than feet, I have done it everyday since a week ago. Now I actually masturbate the stroking way which actually feels better than just rubbing my penis.

Sorry for making this long, but is it possible some people are just in the same situation as I'm in? Many men have a foot fetish that they need to actually orgasm. I know because I've been apart of foot fetish forums where many dudes had the same problem as me, but they didn't classify themselves as asexual, so I'm asking what makes an asexual?

Another thing, I think the fact that I only masturbated to feet was due to the fact that my self esteem was low and I always thought no girl would want to have sex with me.

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I...am not entirely sure how any of this relates to asexuality. Basically, an asexual person doesnt feel sexual attraction. So...are you into men? No? Thats how an asexual feels about everybody. We're not into any one or anything sexually. We can still be romantically inclined, though many aren't, and apparently we can still have fetishes, but general consensus seems to be that its very rare for masturbating asexuals to picture partners in their fantasies, and many dont fantasize at all.

I could give a more pointed answer if I knew what you think fetishes have specifically to do with the core of being asexual...your entire post is talking about fetishes and sex acts, and the question a out asexuality doesn't seem to logically connect to the rest of the post. Could you rephrase your question, or explain what you're trying to ask in some other way?

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microraptor23

I...am not entirely sure how any of this relates to asexuality. Basically, an asexual person doesnt feel sexual attraction. So...are you into men? No? Thats how an asexual feels about everybody. We're not into any one or anything sexually. We can still be romantically inclined, though many aren't, and apparently we can still have fetishes, but general consensus seems to be that its very rare for masturbating asexuals to picture partners in their fantasies, and many dont fantasize at all.

I could give a more pointed answer if I knew what you think fetishes have specifically to do with the core of being asexual...your entire post is talking about fetishes and sex acts, and the question a out asexuality doesn't seem to logically connect to the rest of the post. Could you rephrase your question, or explain what you're trying to ask in some other way?

ya sorry i got a little sidetracked, so there is many guys with say a foot fetish, and a fetish means that they need feet involved to orgasm, which is how I used to be, but I have other kinks aswell. They don't classify themselves as asexual, even if they're only attracted to feet. do most asexuals not want relationships either, and do some have nothing that arouses them at all? I'm just a little confused, would asexual males be able to hold erections during sex and enjoy it?

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An asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction. What this means is that you lack the potential to feel drawn to other people you intrinsically want to have sex with.

If there is no intrinsic (ie for its own sake) desire to have sex with others you are asexual. That is it. If you have never wanted to have sex WITH ANOTHER PERSON.

Things like foot fetishes have nothing to do with whether you are asexual or not. There are many asexuals who have fetishes. Many of us get aroused. Many of us even masturbate. If you would like to see a list of things we can do and still remain asexual check out the link in my signature.

The one constant is that we lack sexual attraction. We lack the desire to have sex with others. Do you think this fits you? If so try identifying as an asexual for a bit and see how it feels.

Hope this helps. And, WELCOME to AVEN!!!

Have some asexy cake!

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Lost got there before me, but I was going to say the same thing. It's who you are drawn to have sex with/whether you are drawn to having sex (partnered genital stimulation for sexual and/or emotional pleasure) with other people, that's what sexual attraction is, in my opinion and according to the AVEN FAQ.

TMI ahead: semen fetish:

I see the OP mentions enjoying giving and receiving oral, which actually is a preference common (though not most common) among sexual people. Oral is a form of sex, and if you are driven to give and/or receive it because you want and enjoy that, then that would be sexual, not asexual. However Grey-asexual may still apply (as it does for me even though I enjoy activities some may consider sexual) depending on a number of factors (for example I have a semen fetish, but I'd just as happily drink it from a cup as get it from giving oral.... and I am happy to go the rest of my life just thinking about consuming semen, I don't care if I never actually get to again... I haven't for many years.)

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microraptor23

I personally think we all have our own kinks sexually and shouldn't be tied to any type of group. I masturbated to feet for years exclusively for 4 years, ever since I have stopped I have felt the desire to have sex with girls in my class. I have many kinks, femdom, feet, being kissed by multiple girls at once (not sure why) humiliation, giving and receiving oral girls peeing in my mouth, i'm not into scat only pee. Honestly I've never had a desire for sex ever since I stopped masturbating to feet. I also read something that states many people are actually not gay or straight, they are in-between even if they identify as gay or straight. I like the idea of giving oral to girls because I like that I'm pleasuring them, I also really like making girls happy.

I'll admit I don't have the biggest drive for normal sex, I would rather act out my kinks while still pleasuring a partner with her kinks and stuff she wants.

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I personally think we all have our own kinks sexually and shouldn't be tied to any type of group. I masturbated to feet for years exclusively for 4 years, ever since I have stopped I have felt the desire to have sex with girls in my class. I have many kinks, femdom, feet, being kissed by multiple girls at once (not sure why) humiliation, giving and receiving oral girls peeing in my mouth, i'm not into scat only pee. Honestly I've never had a desire for sex ever since I stopped masturbating to feet. I also read something that states many people are actually not gay or straight, they are in-between even if they identify as gay or straight. I like the idea of giving oral to girls because I like that I'm pleasuring them, I also really like making girls happy.

I'll admit I don't have the biggest drive for normal sex, I would rather act out my kinks while still pleasuring a partner with her kinks and stuff she wants.

Sounds kinda regular sexual to me, I'll be honest ^_^

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I like the idea of giving oral to girls because I like that I'm pleasuring them, I also really like making girls happy.

I'll admit I don't have the biggest drive for normal sex, I would rather act out my kinks while still pleasuring a partner with her kinks and stuff she wants.

from what you said about wanting to pleasure girls and liking that about it, that sounds like desire for sex to me. oral sex may not be piv sex, but it's sex. do you imagine yourself pleasing specific girls?

a kink is not always considered sexuality. getting aroused over the thought of whips or dominating someone isn't automatically sexual attraction or desire. most asexuals into kink who report sexual arousal report a lack of interest in involving sex in their kink play. they also report of desire for a partner as seeking a trust bond rather than an interest in sex or sexual attraction.

it's possible you are like me, grey. I never see someone as attractive in any way other than just thinking they're pretty, but I do find some sexually intimate scenarios enticing in an arousing way. sex itself not even oral is interesting to me, well unless you count foreplay as sex ;)

there are two competinging interpretations of asexuality - the first is that an asexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction, and the second is someone who does not experience sexual desire. by the first interpretation I'm asexual, because I never feel attracted to anyone, I only feel aroused in a few scenarios that are just kink. but after ID'ing as asexual for a year and listening to the experience of the community, it didn't feel right - almost everyone who shared experiences similarly to mine considered themselves grey... even though they reported some amount of sexual attraction I just felt more like them than like the common asexual experience.

by the second interpretation - I'm definitely grey. I don't feel desire for sex with a partner, but I do desire sexual intimacy with a partner.

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there are two competinging interpretations of asexuality - the first is that an asexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction, and the second is someone who does not experience sexual desire. by the first interpretation I'm asexual, because I never feel attracted to anyone, I only feel aroused in a few scenarios that are just kink. but after ID'ing as asexual for a year and listening to the experience of the community, it didn't feel right - almost everyone who shared experiences similarly to mine considered themselves grey... even though they reported some amount of sexual attraction I just felt more like them than like the common asexual experience.

by the second interpretation - I'm definitely grey. I don't feel desire for sex with a partner, but I do desire sexual intimacy with a partner.

Well, the thing is, sexual attraction IS the type of attraction that causes you to desire to connect sexually with another person. So, if you want to connect sexually with another person for sexual pleasure/the intimacy that pleasure creates (as opposed to say, wanting sex in the hopes of making a sexual partner happy, even though you don't actually want the sex for yourself) ...That's sexual attraction. That desire to connect sexually with someone else, for pleasure (even if that's the pleasure the sexual intimacy itself brings)... is sexual attraction (if it wasn't, you'd just masturbate, no need for someone else present during the activity)

Feeling ''attracted'' to a person specifically could mean aesthetic attraction (appreciation of their appearance, wanting to look and admire) and/or physical attraction (finding them psychically attractive, a pull to be close to them physically) ...For many sexual people, both of these go along with sexual attraction, they are all mixed in together (this isn't always the case though)

What you describe sounds to me, like sexual attraction, minus physical and/or aesthetic attraction...

(not saying you can't ID how you want of course, just saying you seem to have misinterpreted some things about sexual attraction)

EDIT: Ir seems that a lot of people on this site do not understand that for many sexual people, it's the INTIMACY that is the most important and pleasurable aspect of sex... not just the act of sex itself.

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there's a lot of controversy represented in this thread already...

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