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TMI Warning: Very confused about myself please help!


sadconfused11

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sadconfused11

Hi

I'm sorry for my bad english but I'm really confused !

I don't know if I can be labeled as asexual but here is what I like..

I'm a male 22 years rold

I don't like normal porn ( a woman having sex with a man ) , I sometimes get a little bit aroused when I see a naked man with a very beautiful and hot body (with underwear on because I get turn off once I see his penis ) but while I'm looking at him I really don't think about having sex with him I just get aroused by looking and sometimes i think maybe I will get aroused if i touch him but I don't have desire to have anal or oral sex with him and about normal guys like my friends and people acrossing the street I rarely get attracted to any of them I just get attracted to a fitness model or someone with a good form of body ( I think thats because I don't have confidence in my mascuilinity I really don't find myself manly because of my appearance and my personality) , I watched gay porn ( two men having sex ) but I didn't get turn on and I didn't enjoy it.. exactly like when I see a man with a woman having sex.. I don't get aroused also by seeing a naked woman but I like when I fantasize about a woman putting her hand on my body , and I like girls in general but i don't get turn on by seeing them naked ..

I get aroused so much when I watch BDSM and FEMDOM movies I always ( when I want to masturbate) fantasize about scenes of a girl or a man tortures me or torturing another man, I like to see men controlled by women or even men

but I don't get aroused by extreme torturing I just like to see bondage and slight whipping scenes and humiliation but when sex takes place in those movies or if I see blood and extreme torturing I get turn off ..

I'm really depressed I wish I can marry and have kids :(

can i consider myself as an asexual or what do you think

thank you

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This needs a huge TMI warning...

We can't tell you what label fits you, but we can point you in direction of some resources to help you figure it out. If you have any specific questions you can ask, but we can't label you for you. Only you know you. What defines an asexual (AVEN official definition at this point in time) is whether or not you experience sexual attraction. Sexual attraction does not equal libido, or your sex drive. You can be aroused and still be asexual. You can watch and/or enjoy porn and still be asexual. You can partake in sexual activites and enjoy them and still be asexual.

Only you can decide whether it will be useful for you to describe yourself as asexual.

Also, there are plenty of asexuals who are married, and plenty who have kids. Being asexual doesn't prohibit you from either.

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sadconfused11

This needs a huge TMI warning...

We can't tell you what label fits you, but we can point you in direction of some resources to help you figure it out. If you have any specific questions you can ask, but we can't label you for you. Only you know you. What defines an asexual (AVEN official definition at this point in time) is whether or not you experience sexual attraction. Sexual attraction does not equal libido, or your sex drive. You can be aroused and still be asexual. You can watch and/or enjoy porn and still be asexual. You can partake in sexual activites and enjoy them and still be asexual.

Only you can decide whether it will be useful for you to describe yourself as asexual.

Also, there are plenty of asexuals who are married, and plenty who have kids. Being asexual doesn't prohibit you from either.

I know you can't exactly tell me what label fits me but from my interests what are your thoughts about my sexuality

thanks

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Sorry I don't really feel comfortable reading your post in any detail in order to give you any pointers. Could you please perhaps put 'TMI' on the end of the title of the thread?

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Please put a TMI warning, a lot of people around here will be uncomfortable with the content in your post.

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sadconfused11

Please put a TMI warning, a lot of people around here will be uncomfortable with the content in your post.

I edited the post! read it again it's so normal and all the threads have the same contents!!

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One Winged Angel

Hi sadconfused11, first all welcome to the site! :cake: ​ With regards to the above comments by Baam, if you click to edit your post I believe you can change the main headline or 'topic title' to add the word TMI (too much information), just as a little heads-up for any users who may not feel comfortable with the content!

Anyway, I have read your post and first of all I must say that only you can truly decide what to call yourself, if anything at all! There is no need to beat yourself up over labels as you are very unlikely to fully identify with any one label, you are after all an individual and not an object which can be filed away under a label.

Some of what you describe suggests an interest in sexual fetishism. There is a large body of thought on this topic both in relation to Asexuality and outside of it. There are some who believe that a fetish which does not involve sexual intercourse is still in itself a form of sexual activity. It used to be considered that fetishes like you describe were at best a form of foreplay and at worst a danger which could be preferable to 'normal, healthy' relationships. Such thinking is now largely in the past and sexual fetishism is seen by many to be an integral, if the sole topic of one's sexual desires.

An asexual, as per the 'official' definition seen on AVEN is a person who not experience sexual attraction. The very concept of sexual attraction is a topic of much debate on this site and elsewhere. Other ways to think of Asexuality could be "a lack of desire for partnered sex". If you do not feel sexual attraction, or feel little or desire to have partnered sex, this is suggestive of the Asexual spectrum.

Of course, this comes back the role of fetishism in 'sexual attraction'. Only you can decide if your feelings are a form of sexual attraction or a mere fantasy which does not translate to anything outside of your own imaginings. There is also a body of people in the Asexual community who believe one can have fetishes and still be Asexual, in that the fetish is not representative of a desire for sexual intercourse. This of course depends on whether engaging in the 'solitary vice' of fetishism is a form of sexual encounter to your mind or not.

As for your closing sentence, if you desire to marry and have children, then of course you can do so, whether you look further into Asexuality or not. (There are also Asexual people who marry and have kids!).

Above all else, don't worry!

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sadconfused11

Hi sadconfused11, first all welcome to the site! :cake: ​ With regards to the above comments by Baam, if you click to edit your post I believe you can change the main headline or 'topic title' to add the word TMI (too much information), just as a little heads-up for any users who may not feel comfortable with the content!

Anyway, I have read your post and first of all I must say that only you can truly decide what to call yourself, if anything at all! There is no need to beat yourself up over labels as you are very unlikely to fully identify with any one label, you are after all an individual and not an object which can be filed away under a label.

Some of what you describe suggests an interest in sexual fetishism. There is a large body of thought on this topic both in relation to Asexuality and outside of it. There are some who believe that a fetish which does not involve sexual intercourse is still in itself a form of sexual activity. It used to be considered that fetishes like you describe were at best a form of foreplay and at worst a danger which could be preferable to 'normal, healthy' relationships. Such thinking is now largely in the past and sexual fetishism is seen by many to be an integral, if the sole topic of one's sexual desires.

An asexual, as per the 'official' definition seen on AVEN is a person who not experience sexual attraction. The very concept of sexual attraction is a topic of much debate on this site and elsewhere. Other ways to think of Asexuality could be "a lack of desire for partnered sex". If you do not feel sexual attraction, or feel little or desire to have partnered sex, this is suggestive of the Asexual spectrum.

Of course, this comes back the role of fetishism in 'sexual attraction'. Only you can decide if your feelings are a form of sexual attraction or a mere fantasy which does not translate to anything outside of your own imaginings. There is also a body of people in the Asexual community who believe one can have fetishes and still be Asexual, in that the fetish is not representative of a desire for sexual intercourse. This of course depends on whether engaging in the 'solitary vice' of fetishism is a form of sexual encounter to your mind or not.

As for your closing sentence, if you desire to marry and have children, then of course you can do so, whether you look further into Asexuality or not. (There are also Asexual people who marry and have kids!).

Above all else, don't worry!

Thanks a lot for your reply

one more question please, can someone be still asexual if he likes only cuddling, kissing, touching without sexual intercourse

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One Winged Angel

Yeah, there's plenty of people on this site who identify as Asexual who enjoy cuddling etc!

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One Winged Angel

Sorry but I mean do they get aroused or turn on by cuddling and ... etc

Although I cannot speak for anyone other than myself, I would imagine that most people on site who enjoy cuddling do not become aroused by the act. Although it is said that arousal is different from attraction. For example, certain sensory feelings may bring on arousal as a natural part of how our bodies work, without explicitly requiring sexual attraction.

It all comes back to this question of "sexual attraction", which is made more complicated by the evidence of sexual fetishism in your original post. There are some who say that even if you were aroused by cuddling or a fetish you could still be Asexual if you did not desire physical sexual intercourse. There are others who would say arousal by cuddling/kissing and the indulgence of a fetish are tantamount to sexual activity and thus would be in their own way a form of sexual attraction.

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Sorry but I mean do they get aroused or turn on by cuddling and ... etc

I personally get aroused (edit: just aroused, not "turned on" I would say) by cuddling, kissing, sometimes holding hands. I do not get aroused by anything visual, and whenever I tried to go any further, I got literally bored during foreplay. So in my case it's a fairly limited range. I've been thinking about this for a long time, and still haven't figured out if that makes me grey-A or if I'm still asexual.

The important question is if something follows from it, and speaking for myself, sex is pretty much off the table.

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sadconfused11

What's the difference between aroused and turned on

I mean if you see a picture of a very hot body and get sexually aroused without thinking or having desire to have sex with him

can this be applied to asexuality or grey-asexuality ?

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What's the difference between aroused and turned on

I mean if you see a picture of a very hot body and get sexually aroused without thinking or having desire to have sex with him

can this be applied to asexuality or grey-asexuality ?

Now that you put it that way, I think that's clearly asexual, because there's no desire for sex.

As to the difference between "aroused" and "turned on", I would say that arousal is the physiological reaction, whilst I would use "turned on" to describe sexual attraction.

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sadconfused11

What's the difference between aroused and turned on

I mean if you see a picture of a very hot body and get sexually aroused without thinking or having desire to have sex with him

can this be applied to asexuality or grey-asexuality ?

Now that you put it that way, I think that's clearly asexual, because there's no desire for sex.

As to the difference between "aroused" and "turned on", I would say that arousal is the physiological reaction, whilst I would use "turned on" to describe sexual attraction.

thank you, do you mean by sexual attraction is that you get turned on once you look at penis for example and wish you go and suck it or to fuck someone

what if someone get sexually aroused by looking at a body and only has a desire to touch him or hug him without SEX

sorry for these words but I really want to know lol

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thank you, do you mean by sexual attraction is that you get turned on once you look at penis for example and wish you go and suck it or to fuck someone

what if someone get sexually aroused by looking at a body and only has a desire to touch him or hug him without SEX

sorry for these words but I really want to know lol

No worries, these are legitimate questions. There are more types of attraction than just sexual attraction: there's also romantic, aesthetic and sensual attraction.

Let me give you these quick links to the relevant parts of the FAQ.

about sexual attraction / sexual desire:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/69810-what-is-sexual-attraction/

about the different kinds of attraction:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123565-read-me-a-guide-and-faq-to-the-asexual-q-a-wonderland/?p=1061355655

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sadconfused11

thank you, do you mean by sexual attraction is that you get turned on once you look at penis for example and wish you go and suck it or to fuck someone

what if someone get sexually aroused by looking at a body and only has a desire to touch him or hug him without SEX

sorry for these words but I really want to know lol

No worries, these are legitimate questions. There are more types of attraction than just sexual attraction: there's also romantic, aesthetic and sensual attraction.

Let me give you these quick links to the relevant parts of the FAQ.

about sexual attraction / sexual desire:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/69810-what-is-sexual-attraction/

about the different kinds of attraction:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123565-read-me-a-guide-and-faq-to-the-asexual-q-a-wonderland/?p=1061355655

well I understand that there is sensual attraction

but can someone get Sexually aroused or turned on if he get sensual attraction into certain body

(without sex intercourse)?

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I believe it's a totally separate thing, so no, I don't think so.

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sadconfused11

I believe it's a totally separate thing, so no, I don't think so.

mmm but sometimes I fantasize about touching some body or vice versa, and get sexually turned on

but i really have no desire to do sex

i'm really confused

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