Ok, so this has been asked x10 billion

[mystyx]

Yet I feel it is specific to each individual.

I am not able to discern if I am asexual or not. And need your input so I can finally lay this thing to rest.

I had girlfriends in the past (at 10, 13, 19, 29, 32 years old) and boyfriend (this year, 35). I've made out with quite a few but when it came down to business I thought it was gross and weird. I never 'hit a home run' as they say.

I definitely was asexual before, when I was 13 and considered sex with my friend who was a girl (and had a crush on me) I could not believe I even had such a bizarre thought (a sense that came from somewhere deep)

I also definitely have a commitment to deep human connection issue.. at age 21 when I thought I was becoming friends with my neighbor of 15 years the concept was totally freaky. Obviously if I cant accept the concept of being friends with someone then it ties to my concept of having sex with someone. Am I asexual or am I a comitaphobe?

I actually feel, mentally at least, that I could have sex with someone so long as it is casual. Because it is just a physical thing. I dont have a problem with such fantasies but when it comes down to business I cant commit to go through with it.

People have been really really weird and misunderstanding of the part of me that is definitely asexual (especially those who fall in love with me) So I have spent considerable mental power to convince myself and others that i am bisexual to fit in - the most similar sexuality to asexuality? - this is a real question that I need you to answer..

I do masturbate because I appreciate the energy of life, it helps. I fantasize about male, or female parts (I appreciate the beauty of female 'cleft of venus') but that is mostly because I want to be like everyone else. I am comfortable fantasizing about oceans, waterfalls, flowers, beautiful grassy meadows and rainbows,

As for sexual attraction, I can get very attracted to people who desperately desire me (im empathetic-meaning their feelings are mine, even if I personally feel nothing). I have been sexually aroused by males and females (who want me).

I wont get deep into the whole spiritual 'mumbojumbo' as it is still mostly unacceptable in society, but I feel like I come from somewhere that I am both male/female but physically neither male/female.

Based on this, can you make any personal assumptions as to whether I am asexual- or something else?

[Anthracite_Impreza]

The only deciding factor is whether or not you (as in you, not someone else) desire sex. Do you want to have sex or are you only doing it to please others/experiment? Could you go the rest of your life as a born-again virgin and not be bothered by that?

As for commitment issues, you can definitely be asexual and have those, they aren't exclusive, but I think this may be more to do with the fact you were 21 and they were 15. That is a bit... off. You could also be aromantic (inability to feel romantic feelings) if it applies to people who are "interested" in you, and since you keep mentioning other people in love with you but not you in love with them, I suspect this may be the case. Mentioning being ok with casual sex but not within a relationship is another sign of an aromantic sexual.

[Baam]

About bisexuality being the closest to asexuality - I don't think it's possible to make a judgement of which is the 'closest'. I did think that I was bisexual before I realised I was asexual, and this is a common things for asexuals to go through. This is because I thought I was equally attracted to both males, and females, before I realised that yes it was equal; equally zero.

If you do get sexually attracted to other people, then you aren't asexual. I think you're overcomplicating things a bit. But you said, 'their feelings are mine, even if I personally feel nothing', so maybe this isn't actually sexual attraction you're feeling. If you want the answer to whether you're asexual or not, you need to figure out if what you're feeling really is counted as sexual attraction or not.

Even if you decide it is, however, if you find that you relate to the experiences of an asexual so that it is useful for you to identify as one, then do. It's your choice, no one can tell you if you are or not. Sometimes the technical definition isn't very helpful.

[mystyx]

The only deciding factor is whether or not you (as in you, not someone else) desire sex. Do you want to have sex or are you only doing it to please others/experiment? Could you go the rest of your life as a born-again virgin and not be bothered by that?

As for commitment issues, you can definitely be asexual and have those, they aren't exclusive, but I think this may be more to do with the fact you were 21 and they were 15. That is a bit... off. You could also be aromantic (inability to feel romantic feelings) if it applies to people who are "interested" in you, and since you keep mentioning other people in love with you but not you in love with them, I suspect this may be the case. Mentioning being ok with casual sex but not within a relationship is another sign of an aromantic sexual.

Yikes! I didnt realize what that sounded like:

"I had girlfriends in the past (at 10, 13, 19, 29, 32 years old) and boyfriend (this year, 35). I've made out with quite a few but when it came down to business I thought it was gross and weird."

I meant I had a girlfriend or was pressured to have sex when I was age 10, 13, 19, 32, and had a boyfriend last year (i was 35) who constantly wanted to do it. And "my neighbor of 15 years" I meant I knew my neighbor for over 15 years, and the idea of having a real friendship with him was freaky to me.- I said that to (not so) clearly illustrate the intensity of my human connection issue, and that I may not be asexual and I may just be unable to make myself connect to another human in whatever ways sex connects two people. That kind if connection is disturbing to me.. like.. you know how people say "there is that one person out there, somewhere, that completes me" ? For me it is like I am already complete, and putting someone else in there would break things.

I never had sex with any of my of them, I consider myself a virgin. And I dont care if I never have sex. Yet I have been turned on by males or females in person maybe 5 times total, twice intensely (but like I said I am empathetic and I think it was they who were aroused). I consider some males and females attractive, but I still did not want to have sex with any of them. I have spent considerable time trying to get myself comfortable with the idea of having sex, but when it comes to the actual deed I either become disinterested, or cant decide.

I am definitely romantic, I love sappy romance crap touchy feely things like soft kisses, a flowers picked from the sidewalk, poems, catching lady bugs, hair petting, sharing feelings, snuggling while watching the sunset, walking through the woods, picnics, all that stuff so sweet it makes you puke to death... pebbles thrown at my window. (unless its at 5am to 'do it' that pissed me off) Gentle emotional 'conversations' like that are what I like in a relationship (it needs to be intellectually stimulating too). I dont like being pressured to have sex.

[Lost247365]

And I dont care if I never have sex.

That is asexuality.

An asexual is a person who lacks the potential to be sexually attracted to other people.

Sexual attraction is being drawn toward someone you intrinsically desire to have sex with. If you never want to have sex with or If you are never attracted to another person, then you are asexual. Based upon your post you definitely fit the former part of that in that you don't desire to have sex with others (intrinsically-for its own sake).

Things like being aroused or turned on are irrelevant to whether you are asexual or not.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I dont care if I never have sex.

I consider some males and females attractive, but I still did not want to have sex with any of them.

No intrinsic desire for sex = asexual

Arousal/aesthetic appreciation =/= desire for sex

There's your answer!