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How old were you when you first felt sexual attraction?


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WhenSummersGone

Demisexual but I'll answer anyways. The first time I felt it it was maybe for 5 minutes towards a friend who was a girl when I was 10 or so. This is probably my earliest memory of feeling something. Then it's only happened for a few guys since then. I felt a little something towards another woman recently but not as strongly since there was no emotional connection involved.

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Lost247365

I'm not sure you can assume a standard deviation curve though (not saying there's no deviation, just it probably isn't a standard bell curve). The paper argues that developing the ability to feel sexually attracted is sparked by adrenalin production beginning, and from I understand, anatomically, that's not as likely to happen that early as a bell curve would imply.

Totally agree. Not only that, due to the fact that it is impossible to go to the left side of the average beyond the point of birth it is is probably going to be squished on that side and slightly extended on the right.

BUT, I think assuming a bell curve for simplicity gives us an general idea of how the ages will range. Kinda like how in physics/chemistry they use the ideal gas law even though no gas is truly an ideal gas. It just a good model to get an educated guess going.

If you get what I am saying.

The main point I am trying to get at is not to be surprised by seeing ages around 6. That is within a single SD and even if its not a bell curve it is reasonable to expect a few individuals to experience it that young.

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Telecaster68

Yeah, it's worth making that point for people who think that using numbers somehow makes something cast in stone....

I agree about the probably skew to the right, too. Probably quite a marked one. For one thing, children don't really have a full sense of self before seven, and without that, they can't really have a sensible idea of attraction. And then given some kids won't get that differentiation till later either, it'll play into the adrenal changes. But the paper was focussing purely on saying 'hey, not just hormones, but adrenalin too', which is fine. Got to start somewhere.

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Tarfeather

For one thing, children don't really have a full sense of self before seven, and without that, they can't really have a sensible idea of attraction.

First of all, that sounds like an unsubstantiated claim that doesn't match my personal experience. "Sense of self", was probably right around the age of 6.

Second of all, what does sense of self have to do with imagining naked women and wanting to touch said imagined naked women? And in which universe does this not constitute sexual attraction?

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Telecaster68
"Sense of self", was probably right around the age of 6.

It's a well substantiated part of child development - Piaget identified it as the age by which most children will have worked out that they're different to other people, for instance. And obviously since it's about people, they differ, but that was the general average.

For the second part... If you can't work out other people are autonomous, how can you be attracted to them?

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Tarfeather

Piaget identified it as the age by which most children will have worked out that they're different to other people, for instance.

Uhm.. I worked that out by the age of 3. Reluctant to believe I'm such a special case.

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The paper argues that developing the ability to feel sexually attracted is sparked by adrenalin production beginning, and from I understand, anatomically, that's not as likely to happen that early as a bell curve would imply.

Sorry to be pedantic, but the paper is about androgens, not adrenalin (epinephrine), both of these are produced by the adrenal glands but have entirely different functions.

It's a well substantiated part of child development - Piaget identified it as the age by which most children will have worked out that they're different to other people, for instance.

I agree. It's also why kids start going to school at the age of 6 or 7 in most countries.

It's all not simple at all, and a bit unknown. We don't really know how that works and it may also very from case to case. We don't know for sure what causes what.

Piaget identified it as the age by which most children will have worked out that they're different to other people, for instance.

Uhm.. I worked that out by the age of 3. Reluctant to believe I'm such a special case.

I had some physical response ever since I can remember (my memory reaches age of 2), but I didn't think of tying it with anything - so maybe? But it didn't bother me and I didn't pay attention what caused it. The first time I can remember to pay attention to the cause was when I was kissing in 8th grade and then noticing that seeing certain people or sexual things done also causes me that. But I've read it's not that uncommon to get some physicality going on since ealy childhood (mostly about boys geting erections). I don't know, maybe I'm super duper gay, and wanted to grab women as a toddler? It makes me wonder, it started to make me wonder in that lucky 8th grade when I was like *stare and sigh how beautiful some girl is and then notice my own eyes wandering to her butt, not even knowing why*. (No, didn't think it's any sort of attraction or gayness) My gender and sexuality confuses me. But let it be, I love being this guyish, fashionable, techie queer female.

I'm a firm believer that sexuality is pre-wired in the brain and present since always but not neccesarily conscious. Of course, there must be some relation of this being more activated by steroids and estrogen.

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Lost247365

experience sexual attraction for the first time before they are 7 years old.

http://homepage.univie.ac.at/Michael.Berger/lit/McClintock.pdf

The research paper states that "puberty in normal individuals is around ages 6 to 8", which is completely untrue. If a child starts going through puberty (= physical changes as a result of hormonal changes) this young, there is nothing normal about it. The average age of pubertal onset is 13, give or take 2 years.

Before this age, kids can't experience sexual attraction. They can like someone, notice differences between genders, as in "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" type of thing, but their bodies are not capable of a physical response (= arousal).

A friend of mine claims that he knew he was gay at the age of 5, that he "liked boys more than girls", but that's not sexual attraction.

The paper argues that developing the ability to feel sexually attracted is sparked by adrenalin production beginning, and from I understand, anatomically, that's not as likely to happen that early as a bell curve would imply.

Sorry to be pedantic, but the paper is about androgens, not adrenalin (epinephrine), both of these are produced by the adrenal glands but have entirely different functions.

It's a well substantiated part of child development - Piaget identified it as the age by which most children will have worked out that they're different to other people, for instance.

I agree. It's also why kids start going to school at the age of 6 or 7 in most countries.

http://familydoctor.org/familydoctor/en/teens/puberty-sexuality/puberty-what-to-expect-when-your-child-goes-through-puberty.html

What is puberty?

Puberty is the time in life when a young person starts to become sexually mature.

In girls, puberty usually starts around 11 years of age, but it may start as early as 6 or 7 years of age. In boys, puberty begins around 12 years as age, but may start as early as 9 years of age. Puberty is a process that goes on for several years. Most girls are physically mature by about 14 years of age. Boys mature at about 15 or 16.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puberty#Puberty_onset

Puberty is preceded by adrenarche, marking an increase of adrenal androgen production between ages 6–10. Adrenarche is sometimes accompanied by the early appearance of axillary and pubic hair. The first androgenic hair resulting from adrenarche can be also transient and disappear before the onset of true puberty.

http://www.webmd.com/children/news/20121020/earlier-puberty-age-9-10-average-us-boy

Boys are entering puberty at an average age of 10 among whites and Hispanics, and at an average age of 9 among African-Americans. About a third of boys start to mature sexually up to two years earlier than average.

http://www.webmd.com/children/guide/causes-symptoms

Puberty starts on average in girls between ages 8 and13 and in boys between ages 9 and 14.

Further, the paper is about sexual attraction, not the moment of onset of puberty. Dismissing it because of that one sentence is being pedantic at best, and ignores that is most likely referring to adrenarche to which it is 100% correct.

A large number of people have stated they experience sexual attraction before puberty. We have some in this very thread. Further, children can be seen as early as 4 have been observed masturbating (disturbing as the thought maybe):

http://nctsn.org/nctsn_assets/pdfs/caring/sexualdevelopmentandbehavior.pdf

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experience sexual attraction for the first time before they are 7 years old.

http://homepage.univie.ac.at/Michael.Berger/lit/McClintock.pdf

The research paper states that "puberty in normal individuals is around ages 6 to 8", which is completely untrue. If a child starts going through puberty (= physical changes as a result of hormonal changes) this young, there is nothing normal about it. The average age of pubertal onset is 13, give or take 2 years.

Before this age, kids can't experience sexual attraction. They can like someone, notice differences between genders, as in "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" type of thing, but their bodies are not capable of a physical response (= arousal).

People can experience attraction without arousal though.

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Wow, lots of different answers. I find this very interesting.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Actually four BUT I didn't have anything to direct the feelings towards so I was just a horny little kid with no purpose haha

That sounds like the name of a song," Just a horney little kid with no purpose"

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Grumpy Alien

I started puberty when I was 8. It's early but not so early that it required intervention or anything. I just looked a lot older until I wasn't a teenager anymore. Anyway, had I truly understood what sexual attraction was, I would have known something was off a lot sooner. I find it interesting that the ages run from under 10 to adulthood. I thought it would be a much smaller range. (My guess was 12-15.)

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  • 1 year later...
IntellectualAsexual

I always just had crushes on people, but no sex. I liked to crush on guys who weren't interested in me, and would never reciprocate it. I liked to just daydream about them in romantic situations, like kissing another boy, or finding out he was gay.

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I first got crushes around 11, mainly for guys; I didn't realize I was attracted to girls as well until I was 18.  I never had any sexual feelings until was at least 17.  I first desired having anything pertaining to wanting sex at all was around 19 or 20 (I'm 22, almost 23 now).  Since then I've never really had any sexual attraction much at all. 

 

In any other case I would have stated I was on the asexual spectrum, but I honestly wouldn't know if being asexual was because of my dysphoria and not wanting people to touch me in intimate areas, or it's a matter of my shitty self-esteem for my upper body (probably this).

Spoiler

I do masturbate a couple times a month so I do consider myself a sexual person who desires intimacy.  I'm just a sad virgin lmao

 

In regards to the average age of sexual attraction, I think it comes down to the environment.  I know at my school system a lot of kids were dating the moment they were in middle school (ages 11-13/14), so at the most they had sexual feelings and desires at that time.  I highly doubt many of them were engaging in sex until at least 15, but I could be wrong.  I think around late middle school, early high school ages (13-14ish) are the prime years where young folk are like "what are thooosssseeee".

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Long post: here's the answer. Read the rest as you please. 

 

Sexual attraction: never

Sexual desire: 15

Acted on sexual desire: 18

 

Past comments about distinguishing sense of self as being different from others. I had this at a very early age. Mentally and emotionally I developed very very early. According to my mother, I have also always had empathy, even as a baby, where most people apparently have to learn it. I think empathy requires both a connection and a distinction between you and another person. But I was very different when it came to sexuality.  I developed strangely. I knew too much, knew too little, and it affected me weirdly. 

 

Sexually... Hmmmm...

I've never felt sexual attraction in the sense that it is a physical/physiological attraction. I like looking at certain people (mainly faces), but that is an aesthetic thing and not a sexual thing. I did feel desire though starting in high school when I became exposed to sex more. It was more about filling a role than anything else.

 

When I grew up, I was terrified of child predators. My mother was a prosecutor (for personal reasons as well) she had it ingrained in my head that grown men wanted to take me away (which based off of law and order SVU episodes I knew meant for sex). I had many... bad dreams about sex. And so for a long time during my childhood, I was very anti-sex. I also got sexually harassed and bullied at school. So that wasn't a plus. Sex for little me was something to be avoided at all costs. People were shamed or victimized because of it. So I feared and rejected it. 

 

In in high school however I feared that I would die a virgin, which I associated that with the fact that nobody could ever love me in any way. And love was a vital thing for me. I need love in my life. I didn't give up my standards though and found a nice "first" boyfriend in college to explore sex with. He was long distance and very serious about the relationship, so in the beginning there was little pressure on my end to have sex. The exploration was fun. Trying new things. But the sex itself was not enjoyable. I now understand I care nothing for sex. And I feel no sexual attraction to others.

 

I do still desire sex though. Not because of expectations. My current boyfriend expects nothing from me. And he too cares very little for sex. I gain pleasure from doing things for my boyfriend. This includes everything from sending him a kind text that makes him smile to having sexy time with him. I have fun because he has fun. I feel pleasure because he feels pleasure. I'm happy because he's happy. Most people don't understand this... Lifestyle/relationship choice? It's not a one sided thing. He gives to me as much as I give to him. And the giving at any level is never expected, but always appreciated and enjoyed. (And often very surprising to him.) So although I classify myself as asexual, I have sex often. It's not a compromise. It's not a pressure. It's a pleasure, my pleasure. In this sense I desire sex. 

 

Also, I fear sexual exploration by young children because they can't consent (they don't have the mental capacity) and they are so often taken advantage of. But if it's children with others their own age... It's natural I guess? We shouldn't make our children afraid like I was. But my foremost belief and priority is that before children can ever even think about sex, we teach them empathy and respect and personal boundaries. Most teens and adults don't even have this though, which is sad. I don't know how to reconcile these thoughts in my mind. 

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IntellectualAsexual

I think it just depends when the organism goes through puberty. For different organisms it can be different. A fruit fly could be ready in as little as 5 minutes (i believe that is what I read), whereas a tree might not be fully mature for many years (depending on its species). To be sexually attracted, I think they would most likely be a similar species. Don't know why that is really. But that cannot always be the truth. I read that neanderthals could mate with homo sapiens. So it can occur. But for some reason it doesn't too often in nature, from what I have read. Asexual animals still might have a puberty, or state of maturity, for when they can begin to propagate, but human asexuals I have read are late bloomers, or they go through puberty but no sexual desires for whatever cause. I think this could be chemistry just like in homosexuals. 

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2 hours ago, IntellectualAsexual said:

To be sexually attracted, I think they would most likely be a similar species. Don't know why that is really. But that cannot always be the truth. I read that neanderthals could mate with homo sapiens.

Neanderthals indeed mated with humans in ancient times, you're correct :) Neanderthals share enough biological similarities with us in order to procreate.  They are a separate group from us but they are still people, even though for a long time they were thought of us unintelligent.  There is evidence to suggest that they thought in complex patterns, created art, and may even speak their own language.  To this day the majority of Caucasian people have the highest amount of neanderthal genes (2-4%) that go back centuries.

 

giphy.gif  

 

*ahem*... getting back on topic

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I actually thought I might have been asexual until I hit 16, and round about 17ish that's when I started to feel sexual desire and then attraction later on. I feel like it happened a bit later than it may have because I didn't know I was gay. I was so stupidly, completely oblivious and once I started to realise that I was at about 17 things seemed to click into place for me and attraction developed (now I wasn't trying to target it at boys like my friends did).

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MarmadukeMcFluffy

It was my first year of uni, so 18 I guess, although if you had asked me during high school I would of course have told you which boys I thought where "sooo sexy", and made up some stories about my sexual exploits :lol:

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Treesarepretty

I was 12, but I had my first crush at around 7. 

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