How old were you when you first felt sexual attraction?

[Star Bit]

Sexual attraction is having a triggered impulse to have sex with someone specific due to something about that person (whether the reason is recognized or not).

Asexuality only has one qualification, and that's not desiring sex with anyone. Anything else is irrelevant. Sexual and romantic orientations are two different things.

The front page of the AVEN website defines asexual as a person who does not experience sexual attraction. It doesn't mention desire at all. I think there are many people within the community who would disagree in whether a person desiring sex while not feeling sexualy attracted, counts as asexual or not. Imo it makes more sense to go with the "lack of attraction" definition, and then continue that asexual people can still become aroused and desire sex, it just isn't triggered by any person. Some people identify as Ace, but have a high libido and enjoy sex.

Yes, the banner above exists, and AVEN defines sexual attraction in their FAQs as desiring sex.

[Unbreakable Chains]

If you define "sexual" attraction as physical attraction, then 13(also started to experience romantic attraction at that age too). But I still don't have the desire to have sex, so perhaps my answer isn't quite valid.

[Tarfeather]

6

Really?

Really. Why do you think I'm miffed at the whole "age of consent" thing? I didn't desire sex at that age (not having a functioning penis meant I didn't even have a concept of it, really), but I did desire to touch naked women, and it was actually a source of distress for me that this couldn't happen in reality. If that's not sexual attraction I don't know what is.

TMI:

I also remember around that age being friends with a girl who was much the same, and we would actually get undressed around each other playing "husband and wife". It was mostly roleplay / teasing, no actual touching, but still very clear that both of us experienced *something* despite being so young.

Off topic and still TMI and very disturbing:

This also brought up a childhood memory where a couple of six year old boys stood in a circle and showed each other their penises. I was there, but when they started that and asked me to show mine I ran away. Children, what the FUCK?

[RK800]

If we're going by the sexual attraction theory of it basically meaning a 'directed libido' then I think around age...well 17? So recently.

If we're going by the sexual attraction=wanting sex with someone then I can't say that's really happened yet. That could easily be due to my dysmorphia, dysphoria, eating disorder, anxiety disordr, PTSD, POTS, etc.

However I've been relatively and at times extremely 'flirtatious' since around age 13. I believe this behavior tied in with things I was exposed to as a young child but I can't be sure.

[Guest]

6

Really?

Really. Why do you think I'm miffed at the whole "age of consent" thing? I didn't desire sex at that age (not having a functioning penis meant I didn't even have a concept of it, really), but I did desire to touch naked women, and it was actually a source of distress for me that this couldn't happen in reality. If that's not sexual attraction I don't know what is.

TMI:

I also remember around that age being friends with a girl who was much the same, and we would actually get undressed around each other playing "husband and wife". It was mostly roleplay / teasing, no actual touching, but still very clear that both of us experienced *something* despite being so young.

Off topic and still TMI and very disturbing:

This also brought up a childhood memory where a couple of six year old boys stood in a circle and showed each other their penises. I was there, but when they started that and asked me to show mine I ran away. Children, what the FUCK?

It's actually really common for kids to do that kind of stuff. If you go for training in pre-school or K age kids, you are taught how to handle it because they get very curious about each others bodies. "Playing doctor", looking up skirts, trading cookies for the ability to touch, etc. Adults freak when they do it though haha

[m4rble]

I never felt sexual attraction.

The females i remember in life, it was something to do with energies, not sexual attraction.

I knew at 13 i was not going through puberty properly, and i was right. Real asexuals, for some reason do not go through puberty properly, so do not develop the right drives leading to those instincts never really opening in us.

Asexuality has nothing to do with not going through puberty properly. A lot of people gain sexual urges or attractions when they go through puberty. Asexuals do not. Simple as that. Puberty is the physical process of the body maturing. Just because you don't feel sexual attraction or urges doesn't mean your body is not mature. I have no idea what you mean when you say "energies".

[Star Bit]

If you define "sexual" attraction as physical attraction, then 13(also started to experience romantic attraction at that age too). But I still don't have the desire to have sex, so perhaps my answer isn't quite valid.

That depends on what you mean by physical attraction, that word can be used to mean aesthetic attraction, sensual attraction, sexual attraction, or all 3.

[Manic Pixie Dream Nerd]

Around 15 or 16.

[Aching]

I can distinctly remember, in preschool, there was at least one girl that I could not keep my mind off of. Her smell, her skin. I wanted to be near her, I wanted to touch her. I know by 1st grade, that I knew I wanted to spend as much of my time kissing as possible.

[.rose.]

I'm asexual, so I can't offer any personal insight on the matter, but there have been studies done, and the average age for the emergence of sexual attraction is 10. Here's one study (it's been a while since I've read the whole thing, so I don't remember whether all of it is relevant or not, but there are at least some charts and graphs and things that could be useful to you): http://homepage.univie.ac.at/Michael.Berger/lit/McClintock.pdf

[Star Bit]

How are directed libido and sexual attraction different??

[m4rble]

How are directed libido and sexual attraction different??

It depends on how you define sexual attraction. Most people would probably say they aren't different. I've felt associated sexual arousal only a few times but not sexual desire.

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/130963-what-is-sexual-attraction/

[Star Bit]

But libido isn't sexual arousal, it's the desire for sexual pleasure (masturbation or sex).

[m4rble]

But libido isn't sexual arousal, it's the desire for sexual pleasure (masturbation or sex).

Okay, maybe arousal was a better word. For me Libido and arousal are synonymous because I feel like I want to masturbate when I'm aroused to make the arousal go away. For other people I suppose they're not always linked.

[Telecaster68]

For me Libido and arousal are synonymous

[ChillaKilla]

Consciously, probably around middle school

Unconsciously... TMI warning

I have a paraphilia and the first time I can remember feeling something related to it was, like, extremely young. Probably 4 or 5, it's a pretty unusual philia too.

[Star Bit]

But libido isn't sexual arousal, it's the desire for sexual pleasure (masturbation or sex).

Okay, maybe arousal was a better word. For me Libido and arousal are synonymous because I feel like I want to masturbate when I'm aroused to make the arousal go away. For other people I suppose they're not always linked.

It's like that for me too, but there are non-libidoists (and this even happens to libidoists) who get sexually aroused but don't want to masturbate, so libido is not sexual arousal but the desire for sexual pleasure. The reverse also happens; people can desire to masturbate without being sexually aroused.

[Dave80]

I'm not entirely sure, but I'd guess probably 11 or 12. I remember seeing women and wanting to see more even though I had no idea why. I was at a resort in Puerto Rico and next door was a nude beach. All I wanted to do was to swim out past the wall and stare at women, which is what I did.

[joeymac]

Grade School. Age 6 , I guess. In fact , I never even considered school for studying or learning until I had a great male teacher in grade 5. I was just there to play baseball at recess and chat girls up during class. Church was cool cause the girls were dressed up but I was raised catholic and had to sit with my family in 'our' pew. Total waste.

In the interest of full discloser, for the benefit of those this may apply too , my father , diseased(sp?) , molested my adopted sister and my mother has since feared that what she considered my over active libido ( It has slowed down with age) is a result of similar abuse.

I have no recollection of anything even close and have enjoyed an healthy adult sex life.

[TiffanyJung]

I think you should be asking two questions.

The first being "when did you first desire to have sex".

And the second being "when did you first feel sexual attraction". (as they're two different things and the first one is typically felt first)

19 I suppose? However when you live in India you're automatically repressed. But because of that no one asks or expects you to have a sexual relationship before they're married. So I guess that it's both a bane and a boon.

I'm not really sure about what constitutes sexual attraction: Is it the sexual fantasies about my crush? Or is it the sexual fantasies I sometimes(Very very rare) have about myself which includes others .

[Star Bit]

sexual attraction is the impulse to have sex with a specific person, sexual desire is the desire to have sex in general

[TiffanyJung]

@Star : That helps . Thank you :-)

So based on that I'd say 12 for the desire part. I'm still working out the second part though for that it would probably be 19.

[infinitymaster]

This whole thread is confusing the heck out of me!

(No offense, lol!)

When I was 10 years old, I remember a specific experience I had where I felt sexually(? still not sure about that) attracted to a guy I liked. Haven't felt sexual attraction since.

[Paradise_Lost]

I have a question for the sexuals out there: How old were you when you first started to feel sexual attraction? Sex was honestly one of the last things on my mind when I was in high school, but that's obviously not true for everyone. Around what age do think it's typical for sexual feelings to start?

By sexual attraction you mean checking out butts or being interested in seeing a cleavage etc? That happened all the time and still happens. Dont know when it first started, very young. The catholic school skirts were great to look at, girls used to pull them up deliberately.

To actually make a move and hope to hump someone? That rarely happens. I am more of a personality and understanding the other person and then imagining that.

[Emery.]

I'm not sure when it exactly happened first, but I can recall 9 or so.

[dissolved]

Late teens/early 20s.

[Peebles]

I started thinking along those lines when I was about 10, but it isn't hike up in full gear until puberty 2 years later when I was in 7th grade.

[Somegeezer]

I think I would say 9. That's when I remember first really thinking about sexual things, and discovered masturbation. Though it wasn't until 13, that I felt those feelings strongly towards another person.

[Lost247365]

Never have experienced either sexual attraction (as defined by the online OED) nor have I experienced sexual desire. However, I, like Chillakilla, do have a paraphillia that developed when I was 12. I also developed aesthetic and perhaps romantic attractions around the same time.

6

Really?

This is actually common. Research has shown that the AVERAGE age of experiencing sexual attraction for the first time is around 10 years of age and that the standard deviation is ~3.5years. So assuming a standard deviation curve, 32% of sexuals will experience sexual attraction for the first time before they are 7 years old.

http://homepage.univie.ac.at/Michael.Berger/lit/McClintock.pdf

[Telecaster68]

I'm not sure you can assume a standard deviation curve though (not saying there's no deviation, just it probably isn't a standard bell curve). The paper argues that developing the ability to feel sexually attracted is sparked by adrenalin production beginning, and from I understand, anatomically, that's not as likely to happen that early as a bell curve would imply.