Jump to content

Why do Aromantics want a relationship?


Chihiro

Recommended Posts

I'm not taking it literally, hence, you know, "I know that's not what you mean."

Link to post
Share on other sites

@SnowCone: Ah. Yeah, animal instincts isn't a very accurate phrase. But neither are there any other good phrases. By "animal instincts" I meant an emotional part of our subconscious. It certainly has something social to it, though I wouldn't it call "social constructs". That's a way too abstract sounding term, this is the raw emotional stuff we're talking about here.

Link to post
Share on other sites

if we were pure social construct we wouldn't have a sense of self

if we were pure instinct we wouldn't have a sense of the other

and even our sense of the other requires a sense of self and a sense of intention, also instinctual

Link to post
Share on other sites

ultimately our memories make us composed of influences more so than instinct, but instinct always remains the backbone and anchor. its like our bodies, we're composed of 70% water but because of our skeleton and skin and other carbon and other stuff we're nothing like water and we're uniquely discernable from the environment around us.

it's like mixing a fruit shake, once you mix it together it's a new thing and can't be separate out and returned to the original assortment of fruits and liquids and spices

Link to post
Share on other sites

And we're made to learn, create and transmit culture. Culture itself is an instinct. Because we're just programmed to do all that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Genes too.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So what? People don't have to procreate and wait for their offspring to show a mix of ideas and values and knowledge.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Which doesn't mean that culture isn't a pure by-product of our biology. Therefore whatever we feel or think is a by-product of our biology as well. We can't escape it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That statement doesn't even make sense. We're biological creatures. Of course our existence, including cultures, comes from the fact that we exist. What you are saying is that nothing can change in non-genetic ways, that we are not influenced by interaction and communication that's not reproductive.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No. i'm saying that the way we process information (including the way we create and modify culture) is entirely governed by our biology.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No, as I said before, my point is that romance (and anything that has cultural components) is instinctual and doesn't have anything that makes it different from animal instincts at all.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright, dude, if your instincts are that romance is entirely instinctual, you keep instincting that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Reasoning itself is instinctual.

But I hope I correctly understood your post.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross

I kind of understand what Rising sun is saying. In a very basic form (compared to our current state) animals do have a sort of inner culture that is not institutionalized. They are not taught math or sentence structure but they have a language and if we go by language being a cultural thing, then yes animals do have culture, biological culture.

They are also selective on mating depending on certain rituals and expectations that the male and female must show to be considered. So we can say that to a certain degree culture is instinctual.

It's an intertwined thing like mixing in fruits in a blender. different aspects that are mixed together and are impossible to separate.

Link to post
Share on other sites

And biology only formed into a field of science when culture allowed it :)

Hey, what was the original topic of this board again?????

Link to post
Share on other sites

Off-topic Snowcone. I'm not talking about the science, I'm talking about molecules. Any cultural stuff is the result of programming. Romance is the result of staying together to increase cubs' survival (if what motivates you to stay together is a feeling somewhat similar to cocaine effects created by your own neurons, it will work), and ultimately it's the result of DNA transfers between cells. Simple things can create huge apparent complexity, like simple equations creating beautiful complex patterns. It's a result of nature and not "free will".

Link to post
Share on other sites

That makes your opinion irrelevant, Rising Sun. That makes your opinion merely molecules.

It's clear that we have fundamental differences in perception of existence, so I'm going to end this conversation here.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My opinions are merely electromagnetic fields... Doesn't bother me at all (and it actually has something "magical" to me, how something so simple can be so extraordinary in the same time).

And yes, I'm afraid we're condemned here to agree to disagree. ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lover Of Cats And Cake

I guess I want a QPR because I know most of my friends won't talk to me as much when they get married and/or have kids (I say most because I have one aro friend), and I worry that I'll get lonely, that and I'm very sensually attracted to women. So if I could find a platonic female partner, that'd be great :wub:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Still not sure if I'm aro or demi, but I know that I desire an exclusive QPR. I have a lot of problems with loneliness, and I also have trouble trusting my friendships, so I would just really like to have someone who I could always turn to, and not be afraid of reaching out to. Someone who would put me first before anyone else and think about me and consider my feelings. I also really need someone who can help me break out of my shell sometimes. There's so many things I want to do but I'm too afraid to. Without other people, I usually just end up sitting at home all the time by myself, so I need someone who can encourage and inspire me to improve myself and do things I might not otherwise do.

Also an apartment would be a lot better with someone to help with the rent, bills, and chores. And someday we could adopt pets instead of having children.

Link to post
Share on other sites

thats kinda an issue i have. I feel uncofortable as a friend starts to really be afriend and not just a peer. and so im always too anxious to talk to them. and so i want just ONE person who I'm not anxious to talk to.... and then I know I'd just tell them everything and dump evreything on them... which makes me anxious with friends... and means that the first person who I do some how manage to not feel super anxious to talk to would be instant a qpr on my side of emotions... which makes me super anxious to talk to friends.... :unsure:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Dashing_Warrior

As other people have mentioned, there is a lot of practical reasons to wanting to be in a "friendship commitement", which is a better term to describe what I need then relationship.

And another part of it the social strucutre around our culture revolves around it. Sometimes a part of me doesn't want a realtionship so much, as wishing the people around me were not in relationships. Cause really, people are more fun when they are single. Then they get into a serious relationship, and then they are more boring. :p Part of me just wishes everyone was single, because then it is easier to hang out with coworkers at the end of the day, and other things. When everyone one else around me is in realtionships, it makes me feel left out. And the older one gets, the more socialize is dependent on relationships.

Mostly I am looking for someone(s) to share my life with, because then there is more options, and it will be more fun. Then there is emotional support, travel together, etc. And for parts of it, it is just fitting in better with this social culture.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not aromantic but I feel kinda close closer to it then gray.

Personally, I want to be in a relationship because I want to feel the full experience of having to show, share wonderful experiences with someone. I know you can do that with friends or family but not romantically. I kinda want to be able to feel a kiss, a date, or marriage without feeling blank over the idea. Personally, I am fine without having it but its just feeling so left out. Its to be able to do anything with that certain someone that makes me wonder "Is it really that wonderful?" Call me a hopeless romantic or cliche but that's how I would feel about romance if I had it. Only once I had romantic feelings for someone but not enough that I would feel I want to date them. Just be by their side. A

Anyway, that's how I feel and think.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...