Asexual males being labeled as gay

[chinna]

Hey you guys! I was wondering if the guys can chime in here. I'm wondering 1) If people have thought you were gay before, and 2) How do you respond to them? I've had several girls/guys ask me if I was gay before, because I am somewhat effeminate and haven't been in a serious relationship before. So how do you guys deal with this? or have you even had this happen before? And for those that have had it happen, have you ever been asked by a girl/guy that you were romantically attracted to?

[arthurh]

1. Yes many many times in fact I get asked out/flirted with by more men than women lol.

2. Generally I take it as a compliment and could care less what they think about my sexuality because to be frank it is none of their business to begin with. Keep in mind most of the gay stereotypes are far from bad things. I don't really find it offensive but if it bugs you just ask them to stop and be assertive about it. For example let them know that it annoys you when they make these accusations. Now here is the very important part you say this phrase "Do you understand me?" and you don't accept anything but a yes or no. They are either your friend or they aren't if they can't accept that screw them.

I have been asked by people I was with but it was mostly as a joke. I am a pretty emotional guy so sometimes I rub off on people the wrong way I guess.

Hope this was somewhat helpful :s

[Philip027]

1) If people have thought you were gay before,

Yes. In fairness, that is the next most common orientation after hetero-, so it makes sense that people would jump to this conclusion if they have reason to suspect you're not straight.

and 2) How do you respond to them?

I usually just say that no, I'm definitely straight; I definitely am drawn more to female company than male. It's just not in any sort of sexual way. In fact, before I knew about asexuality, that's usually how I defined myself -- "heterosexual", just minus the sexual part.

Seeing as how most of the people that ask me about this usually do fall in the category of "female friend", they usually don't find it difficult to believe. I've never had anyone suggest that I was wrong about myself.

And for those that have had it happen, have you ever been asked by a girl/guy that you were romantically attracted to?

No. Always been from the friend/acquaintance crowd. But, my romantic attractions are pretty rare, at least based on what the overall norm seems to be.

[levelskid]

1. Only by my father since I don't take an interest in sex much, and don't openly leer at women.

2. Shrug it off, and tell him I'm not.

[PJammaGod]

Yup, yup and yup

It has been my experience that people assume I'm homosexual after I display next to no interest in admiring women and otherwise commenting on them in an "aesthetic" capacity.

Then again I'm not exactly doing anything to actively dissuade them from making such assumptions. I'm near always well groomed. Outside of my pajamas (which I spend much of my home life in), you'll find me in either a three piece suit or neat business wear and a waist coat with a pocket watch. First impressions do last and I don't blame people for simply making such an assumption and moving on.

If people ask me I'll correct them in a usually joking way. If someone seems genuine and or otherwise capable of engaging in social conversation beyond that of tool use with the monolith in the background, I'll explain I'm actually Asexual and go into details if they seem interested. Otherwise I'll default to heterosexual and mention I've come out a serious relationship and have no desires at this point in time.

-PJ the ambiguous ace

[Nidwin]

1) Of course

2) I'm not, anything else?

I don't care what others think about me, most of the time.

[Beautiful Chaos]

As an ace, I've been asked by another ace what gender I am attracted to. My best answer to that was to say I'm heteroromantic and that, even when I identify as female (I'm bigender), I still like females. (Does that make me a lesbian? xD)

I've not given anyone much of a reason to question my sexuality or gender before, though; my mom sometimes jokes that I'm "not interested in girls" because I haven't had a girlfriend for a long time. It isn't true that I'm not interested in girls, I like girls, and am romantically attracted to them. I just haven't had the patience to try dating because the social norm for dating in the area I live in seems to revolve around whether or not the female is sexually appealing, and they assure this by wearing copious amounts of make-up and highly revealing clothes, which I find completely romantically unattractive and repulsing; if you want to get to my heart, be who you are, not who you are not. Show me your personality, not your boobs.

[RickRocket]

Everyone calls me their gay best friend, lol.

[R_1]

1) They never ask me. They know I rather be left alone.

2) If I do receive it, I'd be like, if you want to believe that... And you aren't going to see evidence of me being with someone else, even if you were in my shoe.

[Art of Matt Eldritch]

I was thought to be gay once or twice, once in middle school. Didn't really bother me. Now that I feel my romantic orientation leans to possibly being Pansexuality, they weren't entirely missing the mark on that one.

[Lost247365]

Hey you guys! I was wondering if the guys can chime in here. I'm wondering 1) If people have thought you were gay before, and 2) How do you respond to them? I've had several girls/guys ask me if I was gay before, because I am somewhat effeminate and haven't been in a serious relationship before. So how do you guys deal with this? or have you even had this happen before? And for those that have had it happen, have you ever been asked by a girl/guy that you were romantically attracted to?

1) My own step father pulled me aside once, told me he and my own mother were talking, and asked if I was gay and telling me that if I was they would be completely accepting. Given that I have a stereo-typically "gay" sounding voice and am somewhat effeminate I am sure I get read that way occasionally.

2) I told them I was not gay. That I had no attraction what-so-ever to men. Of course, at the time I didn't realize it, but I have come to the conclusion that I am transgender to a degree.

No I have never been asked by anyone I was romantically interested in if I was gay or not.

[Blakrana]

I've only ever had it come up as idle gossip from someone trying to fish for a response. As in, anyone who thinks it never actually says they think it to my face and I hear by second hand instead.

End of the day, the only issue I have is that I dislike misinformation so when it does come up I will correct them...but seeing as again, it hasn't done so yet, well...eh. People think what they want, doesn't make it true or change how things are.

Never been approached so far as I'm aware. Being oblivious kind of leaves room to doubt but I'm sceptical all the same.

[andreas1033]

Yep, i got it from both genders.

I was just glad when i became an adult in 1990's, it was the first gen of males whom were pacified.

Totally right that many asexuals will be called gay, and many other terms. I am pure asexual, do not fancy either gender, when sober or when drunk, or when ever.

[butterflydreams]

Years ago my dad would say he assumed I was "gay by default" and he would change his mind only when I demonstrated otherwise.

Of course now, things are all mixed up gender-wise. I don't worry too much about it these days.

[AceofThrones]

I was raised through the '90s in a very homophobic area and was under the sadly abusive rule of a trryanical father and a brain-washed mother...basically amish...so all my friends in our homeschooled only church of 30 people would make fun of the gay culture or snap our wrists a bit and speak with a lisp and act all "sassy" and sort of basically make fun of the gay stereotype. I doubt any of my friend's were gay, but maybe some were pan before getting into female relationships. But I was never a fan of the teasing and joking of gay people. I laughed at the gay jokes sometimes but I laugh at everything. I was thought to be the next head pastor when our pastor retired when I was only 13 or so. But after my one and only crush on the pastor's daughter fizzled out, I realized I'd always been more passionate for my best friend, and he was a silly kid but smart and an old soul like me.

Did I get asked if I was gay? Yes, a few times. I told them "No! I love God, and I'm a believer of the Bible!" and later on in an even more old fashioned church, I met my first bf. He was at a sister church from Idaho, and I found tons more gay or bi people in that church. And I realized that sexuality is more fluid than you think, and people can change...for themselevs, for their own better. I came out to myself and than later to my family as bi and gay in my early 20's and now that I am 28, sometimes I regret it....being that I didn't know I was more asexual/demisexual and more gayromantic..but such is life. Now I am kinda in the closet as gayromantic. Does the closet life ever end?

[SMW22792]

I never personally have, but I expect to hear it as I get older. No reason to get angry. I'd just ask them why you think my sexuality is any of your business, then walk away.

[SkyWorld]

Hey you guys! I was wondering if the guys can chime in here. I'm wondering 1) If people have thought you were gay before, and 2) How do you respond to them? I've had several girls/guys ask me if I was gay before, because I am somewhat effeminate and haven't been in a serious relationship before. So how do you guys deal with this? or have you even had this happen before? And for those that have had it happen, have you ever been asked by a girl/guy that you were romantically attracted to?

Goodness, tell me about it... Yes, I've had a lot of people think that I'm gay. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about it. Being gay isn't a bad thing nor is it some kind of insult. I usually just shrug it off because it's really not that big of a deal and it's none of anybody's business anyways. The only thing that bothers me is that they're basically promoting stereotypes just because of the way I dress, act, and don't seem to be interested in the opposite sex, so I must be gay. Usually I just respond saying, "No, I'm not attracted to anyone like that."

[Snowf4ll]

1) yes, on many occasions
2) Depends on their tone. My parents have asked me this and I told them no, I'm ace, they accepted it. But for random strangers who don't understand what asexual means and still behave hostile, I just respond with proper amount of aggression/violence.

I've been asked to be in a relationship many times, but since I'm ace/aromantic it's always a nope

Don't know if this is helpful or not

[Cobus]

1) Only once so far (to my knowledge)

2) Didn't answer, I think I probably try to explain Aromantic Asexual otherwise just ignore them

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

My sister used to ask if I was gay, but I didn't know about asexuality at the time. I just told her politely "no, but if I was I would just tell you". She hasn't said it in the seven months of me identifying as ace and I haven't come out yet, so I haven't had a chance to correct her. :)

[RustlerOfJimmies]

1)Yes, many times and I can see why. I act kinda feminine and don't really show what is expected when in a conversation relating to sex or relationships.

2)I try to explain and then I fail as people don't believe me.

3)Never had any attraction

[Monadnock]

Years ago, I told a therapist, "I'm not gay, but I'm not exactly straight either." I think I even used the word asexual before the Tumblr era, but at the time, I didn't think of asexuality as an identity to embrace. I was frequently labeled as gay growing up, either in schoolyard taunts, or occasionally in a more understanding way by people who asked me if I wanted to talk about it. Sometimes I wonder if my relationships with women in the past were more about being "not gay" than about being attracted to women.

[Daniel John Sheaffer]

People spread rumors that I'm a homosexual male. And I simply tell them I'm straight. I love women. I say nothing else. And walk away.

[matrix36]

Yes! Not going to lie but I'm feminine in my mannerisms and the way I talk so people assume things all the time. Rumors spread and people confront me about it a lot but I just respond truthfully I don't like give them a breakdown with diagrams of the different spectrums but simply say I'm not mostly people take it OK but others just keep asking and after a while I explain