When people say 'I want a baby'

[andreas1033]

Everyone can feel broody, nature has many ways to con you into those feelings.

Its a case of whether your manipulated by nature into breeding. Thankfully i will never be.

If you know how nature tricks you into doing many things, you can disable that response alot, especially feeling broody. But most people do not understand how triggers work, and they do not really understand themselves enough to understand. They just exist on there urges and desires, and think that must be what i want without thinking.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Everyone can feel broody, nature has many ways to con you into those feelings.

Its a case of whether your manipulated by nature into breeding. Thankfully i will never be.

If you know how nature tricks you into doing many things, you can disable that response alot, especially feeling broody. But most people do not understand how triggers work, and they do not really understand themselves enough to understand. They just exist on there urges and desires, and think that must be what i want without thinking.

Will you get off your holier than thou high horse please? It's getting really annoying that you think you're 'above' other people because you don't feel how they do about sex, relationships and babies, and that you think they're too stupid to see the 'truth'.

Mods I'm sorry, but I've held it in long enough.

[andreas1033]

Everyone can feel broody, nature has many ways to con you into those feelings.

Its a case of whether your manipulated by nature into breeding. Thankfully i will never be.

If you know how nature tricks you into doing many things, you can disable that response alot, especially feeling broody. But most people do not understand how triggers work, and they do not really understand themselves enough to understand. They just exist on there urges and desires, and think that must be what i want without thinking.

Will you get off your holier than thou high horse please? It's getting really annoying that you think you're 'above' other people because you don't feel how they do about sex, relationships and babies, and that you think they're too stupid to see the 'truth'.

Mods I'm sorry, but I've held it in long enough.

Your projecting what you think into my words. Thats you. Why do you not ignore my posts, if you do not like my posts.

I am not writing anything, but what i think of my understanding of this stuff.

Your just projecting, your own observations into my words. What i write, is what i write, from my own understanding. Your reading that observation into my posts, its called the observer effect.

No one can dictate, how others read there words. You can totally ignore my posts, my name is beside my posts.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Everyone can feel broody, nature has many ways to con you into those feelings.

Its a case of whether your manipulated by nature into breeding. Thankfully i will never be.

If you know how nature tricks you into doing many things, you can disable that response alot, especially feeling broody. But most people do not understand how triggers work, and they do not really understand themselves enough to understand. They just exist on there urges and desires, and think that must be what i want without thinking.

Will you get off your holier than thou high horse please? It's getting really annoying that you think you're 'above' other people because you don't feel how they do about sex, relationships and babies, and that you think they're too stupid to see the 'truth'.

Mods I'm sorry, but I've held it in long enough.

Your projecting what you think into my words. Thats you. Why do you not ignore my posts, if you do not like my posts.

I am not writing anything, but what i think of my understanding of this stuff.

Your just projecting, your own observations into my words. What i write, is what i write, from my own understanding. Your reading that observation into my posts, its called the observer effect.

No one can dictate, how others read there words. You can totally ignore my posts, my name is beside my posts.

I'm not projecting, you have explicitly stated numerous times on many different topics that you're right/know better than everyone else/like it or not it's a fact (and if you want me to quote such comments I will do so tomorrow because I can't on my phone). Of course I'm reading your words in my own way (observer effect or whatever), but that doesn't mean I don't have a clue what you're saying.

I read what you write, I *have* been biting my tongue for a long time, but I have reached the point I feel I need to inform you that your comments (including "true asexuals") are very close to or have crossed the offensive/elitist line. I don't *not* want to read other people's views btw, it's how you learn things. Just drop the 'other people are stupid' tone and we'll have no problems!

Anyway, sorry for the detour, OP.

[booksoversex]

I don't think it has much to do with orientation, really. Except asexuals probably find it more boring to "practice" than others.

I have always loved children. When my niece was born, I was 8 at the time, people told me I was so patient with her and other kids. I have always been the one to get lost in playing with friends' younger siblings, and my sister always invites me to help her with birthdays etc for my nephew because she knows I really love it. I just love being around kids, they are so sincere. They can be annoying in very huge doses, but so can most adults. Generally, I feel being with children both comforts you and challenges you, by making you ponder how to answer all their curious questions you might not even know yourself and by making you see yourself through their eyes; as an ideal, almost.

I also love making faces with strange kids on the bus, and seeing kinds run around playing and laughing makes me happy and content that life always goes on, and there is always joy. I admire children's ability to see the wonder in everyday things, and I think it is a shame that we lose this ability when getting older, becoming too caught up in the practicalities of life. Which is why it's so fun to play with a child, they ignite some of that childish wonder and awe in us.

For me, I think I would like a child because I would love to be someone's mentor and guide through life. It might sound self-centered, and I don't really know how to explain it, but... To feel that I had someone to raise and take care of, someone to teach everything I know while at the same thing learning a lot from them, seeing them grow into being their own person... That would be the pride of my life, and that is a lifelong dream. I used to feel it was all so distant, but now, at 24, I feel like I could get kids within a few years. I also always imagined myself as a single mother. I don't really want to be, it's awfully hard and you have to cover all the expenses yourself, but I have for some reason thought of being one many times and I wouldn't mind it. A kid is more important for me to have than a man/partner. Though, the ideal situation would be if we were two to raise a child and teach it all we knew, as we would both also have different perspectives on life I think it would be a strength for the child.

[Forest_Girl]

This thread is really interesting for me. I grew up thinking that I definitely wanted to have kids.... plus marriage, being a perfect housewife etc. The whole thing. But the last few years I've been questioning all of this, and now I'm really not sure if I do want kids at all anymore. I mean, I can definitely imagine being totally in love with any children I might have, and I know that having a family is a great source of happiness and purpose for many people. But, I never feel broody and when I'm around other people's kids I'm sort of like "meh". I definitely get more excited about kittens and bunnies.

So, I'm really interested in the idea that asexuality might be linked to a lower desire to have children, or at least a reduction in that "broody" feeling. Of course this thread is all anecdotal, but even the posters on here who have said the want/have kids have mentioned that they never felt broody.

Does anyone know if there's actually been any research into this? I'd love to read it if so.

[redberyl]

Babies are cute and all, but I never wanted one, and felt no desire to give birth. I think I was 10 when I told my mom I was going to adopt my kids. She told me I "had" to have one of my own to see what it's like, but the thought of being pregnant make s me go Eww!, and then of course there is the difficulty of becoming pregnant without sex. I adopted a four year old, and it was 100% the right decision for me. Everyone assumes I adopted an older child because I couldn't get a baby, but really I just didn't want an infant. I sometimes wonder what a biological child of mine would look like, but it's a mild, passing curiosity.

[Corretto]

OP seems too clinical to me.

Like going to a Subaru dealership, and walking-off if there's no WRX. Ask yourself: Did your parents 'want' you, and did you fulfill their expectations [100%]? Probably not.

Post-natal; what can the kid do about it. IMO, parental expectations may need to be more fluid. I'm no parent, but I'm sure there's a lot more to a parent-child relationship than how loud they wail.

[Kuebiko]

Don't want to touch one, don't want to have one and definitely don't want to raise one.

First, it takes way too much commitment. Much more than I have.

Second, my parents pretty much ruined my life even though they love me. I don't want to raise a child knowing that I'm condemning a person to some horrible misfortune every time I make a mistake.

[lolo]

I've never wanted to have kids, but I always got those 'You'll change your mind when you get older' Ug, hated that. Nearly thirty and I'm pretty sure I suddenly won't wake up and want one. I've always been freaked out by them. Once I had a panic attack when a toddler sat on me, no sense of personal space! she just sat in my lap and I could feel her diaper and it freaked me out. But no one could tell that I was screaming inside. I think I was literally making this face --> D: the whole time. I asked the person nearest me for help but they just gave a confused chuckle. I think I ended up crying and that got someone to take it away to my relief. I vowed to never be around them again until they are old enough to know about personal space and pretty much be a regular person O_O

[Grumpy Alien]

I'm not sure what the biological urge is because I always want a baby. I don't have kids yet because I'm too young and unstable but I definitely want children and love babies. So I'm not sure? To me, that is the urge. I could be missing out on some other form though.

[Cove]

Like pretty much everything, having babies is something other people do. If you want one, great. Just be aware of what you're getting yourself into and be responsible about it. It's your life (and that of your child, so you better not ruin it).

This. This so much. The biggest reason I don't want kids (outside the fact that I strongly dislike them) is that I feel it would be irresponsible and selfish of me to do so. Bipolar, depression, anxiety, personality disorders... they run in the family. All those are issues I deal with minus the bipolar. The fact that I'm borderline in itself makes me say "Hell no, get children away from me. I am NOT going to be the one who screws a kid up and makes them need therapy to deal with it. Even if I was raped I wouldn't carry the baby to term. I'm not going to condemn a human being to suffer the same fate I deal with, and even if I adopted the kid out the kid would still have depression and anxiety coursing through its veins.

[PurveyorOfBadPuns]

I'm probably ace myself but I do get the intense maternal instinct and the desire to have one. Do with that what you will (I am definitely not the definitive authority, but I have my experiences).

[Diceman]

When someone says that to me, I saw "Not with me ya don't, now scram, cupcake!" Mostly because I really don't want kids, but also in part because I'll sometimes channel a 1930's gangster.

[RoseGoesToYale]

I don't hate kids (I think they have lots of super cool ideas), but I don't want to have or raise any, for several reasons. One is that I have no parental instinct whatsoever. The few time's I've tried looking after kids usually ended in older adults yelling at me for not being strict enough or not being fun enough. The one time I held a baby was the most terrifying experience of my life (and somewhat painful, since I didn't have enough arm strength to hold her for more than 30 seconds). I think I could better help existing children by helping underprivileged kids get things like school supplies and clothing, or trying to make school a less painful experience for others.

[Yinlotus93]

lol, I say that so much it's almost my catch phrase ('I want a baby')

I don't know if lack of interest in child rearing can be seen as a direct side effect of asexuality. Personally I have always wanted to be a parent one day. (and I'm planning later when I'm around my 30s and at point of financial and emotional preparedness) And then as I got older and took care of some myself, I began to really adore small children and babies. (family members kids) I do definately feel a strong tug on my maternal instincts from time to time, especially seeing or hearing kids and babies in the world around me. And when the time comes and I am ready to have my own, I know I wanna have more than one. (I have siblings, so I want them to have someone to grow up with too.) Anyway, that's where I stand on the matter.

[furaneol]

At this current stage of my life, definitely not. When I see a baby, no compulsive urges come towards me to want to have a baby. I don't even find them to be remotely cute/adorable/*insert cutesy adjective here* (sorry if I offend anyone, but I really don't find them to be cute at all).

Now is this all a result of my asexuality? Highly doubt it. It's also not like I had a miserable childhood/adulthood such that I wouldn't want to bring a child into this world. Maybe part of it stems from the fact that I was an only child - who knows?

I do think the most likely factor stemming from my unwanted need to have a baby has to do with the changing societal concept for women to focus more on your career as opposed to bringing up a family. I don't intend to initiate any debates over this, and I know that there are women out there who can balance both career and family. As for me, I care way too much about my career right now to even think about babies.

[Chuu22]

I could imagine to adopt children. I really like my brothers two children but I also know how stressful their life is. At the moment I cannot relate to the feeling of desperatly

wanting a baby. But i have no understanding for people to trick their partner to get a baby. Getting pregnant on purpose and stuff like that.

[Podsnap]

I doubt sexual orientation has much to do with whether or not someone feels an intense desire or any desire to experience parenthood. We're waxing all philosophical about it here because we're *weird* and *different* anyhow ;). I think most heterosexuals just assume they'll date, get married and reproduce someday and don't spend a ton of their brain space thinking past that.

[Homer]

Babies are gross and this feeling is getting stronger the older I get. *shudders* I think that's more related to my opinion of babies being gross than to any sexuality.

[Phantasmal Fingers]

When people say 'I want a baby' they mean 'I want you baby'.

[Phantasmal Fingers]

A baby is an adjunct to someone's sexual desire. As aces we are all adjuncts of someone elses's sexual desire.

[Phantasmal Fingers]

Unless the point of a baby is to be a mini-me. Or perhaps - for a couple - a mini-we?

[Aronoce]

I didn't want to be born. And I don't want a new soul in the world

[Guest]

I don't see what wanting to have a baby has to do with being asexual. Personally I don't particularly like babies/children and don't want one, but I am not yet at the age where the maternal biological clock kicks in, so it may happen yet. I have heterosexual friends who can't stand children and react to the thought of having them with disgust, and ones who are fond of babies but have no interest in having their own. I don't see any evidence that asexuals are not just as diverse on this matter as any other orientation.

[Hermit Advocate]

While watching TV with my mom and sister years ago a diaper commercial came on and my sister said "they're so cute, I want one," I just looked at her like she was crazy and scooted away. Even when I was 13-14 I knew that I never wanted children of my own.