When people say 'I want a baby'

[Music & Lyrics]

Hey everyone,

'Lyrics' here :)

How do other asexuals (particularly young women) feel towards babies?

Don't get me wrong, I like babies, and I certainly hope to raise a family one day.

But other people my age, when confronted with a newborn human, seem to feel an intense biological desire to 'have one'.

This is totally different from the way I admire babies, as I do kittens and puppies. It's nothing like my abstract wishes to bring up children. I don't think I experience this evolutionary urge...this is all sounding very familiar! Could it be a side effect of asexuality?

Thanks!

[.,.]

I'm not young women, but same as you - if anything - I want to have babies even less when I see babies, as they seem like a lot of work. I guess there are certain rewards, but I'm still going to have to say: not worth it. However, most of my friends (who are all allosexual) say they feel the same way, while there are other asexuals who definitely seem to want to have babies.

Could it be a side effect of asexuality? I suppose, but not necessarily, we can safely say that more research is required. I'd theorize that even though the want of kids isn't necessarily linked to sexuality, it's probably easier as an asexual or a homosexual (or other sexualities, have at it, add whatever you like) to say "I don't want kids" than it is for a heterosexual person. Asexuals often have the added advantage of sex repulsion too, which makes the way to a baby - shall we say - quite steep.

[Siimo van der fietspad]

I would probably diplomatically state that it's their choice and if they can raise it responsibly it should be a happy decision for all. I like babies and small children in modest doses - my sister has two and it's been fun to play LEGO on the floor or help them crawl around for a bit but then hand them back when I want to leave. I certainly don't feel an urge to acquire one myself even by means acceptable to an ace. To me, it can seem like the couple are giving up their freedom by having to get settled down and spend all their time and money raising the babies, and even falling into a cliche.

Plenty of 'sexuals' don't intend on having children for both personal and practical reasons. Sadly in a lot of countries it can still end a woman's career, and if they are not certain about having a stable employment for the next eighteen years then it might put people off too.

We also should consider what sort of a world they are bringing them into. Realistically we have to consider the possibility that these children might grow up to be caught up in a huge crisis precipitated by climate change, overpopulation or resource shortages. There's going to be widespread civil unrest and famine when oil starts to run out, and there are probably still nukes pointed at major cities in Europe and North America. Depressing, but it's true.

[anodyneinsect]

Human Larva happen. They can be amusing and interesting but I have no maternal instinct whatsoever and really do not want to be responsible for them. I have never had a desire to have one and for some strange reason many people feel it is my duty. I do not understand why anyone would want to go through that kind of pain but there are all kinds of people out there. I am sure there are some asexuals who have a desire for this and it is natural for them.

[The Great WTF]

To answer your question, one's desire for children has nothing to do with one's orientation. Sexual women are just as likely to not go through baby fever as we are.

Personally, I have all the maternal instinct of a rock. If it can't successfully communicate it's needs and/or entertain itself, I can't deal with it. I have a ton of respect for the people who can, but I'm not and never will be one of them.

I'll be the most supportive aunt/godmother/whatever in the world if one of my loved ones chooses to reproduce and I love my niblings to bits now that they're old enough to understand instructions and communicate, but don't expect me to take care of or nurture a baby. You'll be lucky to get me to hold it.

[Siimo van der fietspad]

Speaking of 'duty' actually some people (usually those who are less able to cope with differing opinions anyway) actually get quite offended and defensive at the suggestion that somebody else! not even them! might choose not to have children. There was some poor girl recently who received the full Twitter hate terror for an innocuous private comment that 'I don't want to have children'. It becomes yet another way of enforcing what the herd thinks.

[AVEN #1 fan]

Yeah, asexuals have tendencies to not want babies, some don't bc mainly of having sex while others have no problem. Adoption and surrogate babies are good available options for asexuals with sex problems.

Some doesn't desire kids just bc they don't desire sex as well, it's something psychological.

Age and economic conditions are also things that comes in mind when thinking about having kids.

When somebody remove sex thoughts from their minds they kinda start thinking outside the course of nature, it's very common for example to asexual persons to realize they are panromantic.

[LenaLuthor]

Why would you want your own baby when there are children that could and should be adopted? If I adopted a child (which isn't likely to happen), I would want to adopt an ace or LGBT child.

[DannyFenton123]

Babies? Me? Responsible? Nooo, you don't want to do that :P

I can tolerate babies. I can even play with them and have fun for a few hours because yes, they are cute and and I'm not made of stone. But as soon as a problem arises I am the last person who could deal with it.

If I wanted to raise kids (spoiler alert, I won't) I think I could deal with older children better. But I can't do younger kids :P

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I could never have a human baby, I just don't... get it? Don't get me wrong, I have some sort of maternal/need-to-look-after-something instinct but it's directed at cars and animals. Doing/buying things for my car and pets gives me that "glow" you see mothers have when they do so for their children, but I have about as much urge to have a child as throw myself in a vat of acid.

As for people who insist I must have children as a bio-female I have one finger for them... the middle one... pointing in their direction. Same goes for people who try to guilt-trip me into adopting; not interested, folks!

[Alex//]

Really is just up to the individual. My older sister has no desire to have kids or get married and she's in her early twenties. That doesn't stop our mom from telling her that opinion will change when she's twentysix. Does parental instinct change with time? I've got no idea. Personally, I don't want a kid that share my DNA because that likely means I'll be carrying them. Whether that's a side effect of being asexual, I don't want to find out really.

[SorryNotSorry]

My reasons for not wanting to be a daddy are many, but the first and foremost one is because it's not such a hot idea for a kid at heart to actually have kids, because we have a tendency to turn them into juvenile delinquents by giving them the cool, dangerous toys we were forbidden to have when we were kids.

[marauders]

The idea of raising a child used to freak me out when I was a teenager, and when I was sixteen or seventeen, I swore that I would never be a mother. But I find that the older I get, the stronger my maternal instinct grows, and the idea of being a mother becomes more and more appealing to me. This does not mean that I want to give birth to a child of my own; I have no desire whatsoever to go through childbirth. I am, however, definitely interested in adopting someday.

[Zash]

I am going to be the most awesome professional uncle ever. I have all the video games, junk foods, and everything my sister wouldn't do to spoil them. Load them up on sugar, give them annoying noise making toys, and then send them home.

[Tanzanite]

Babies? Me? Ooooooh no. I don't hate them, and there may be at least one maternal bone in my body, but I don't want them. I LOVE living alone, and having a good enough career has been a dream of mine. There are so many things I want to do (such as enjoying some parts of the nightlife and traveling to different countries), and I don't want them to have my DNA (those eczema breakouts were AWFUL). Besides, I'm too childish (mostly due to not living with my parents anymore), I'll end up being the wacky parent that jokes around and hijacks the kid's tricycle.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Call me cruel but I hate kids. The most I will tolerate them is looking from afar. I decided from a very young age that I would not have any and so far, even at the "prime age" for parenthood, Im not feeling any biological clocks ticking.

Besides, even if by some twisted turn of fate I ended up with one (I would have to be raped for that), I would probably end up in one of two situations. Either have CPS take the kid away from me (most likely) or teach the kid to think and live life in a non conditioned way and I know how hard that is, I cant imagine it for a kid who doesnt have my attitude to the rest of the world.

[m4rble]

If I had kids I would want to make sure I could have time to nurture them and provide for them economically and emotionally. Adoption seems like the nicer option because there are plenty of children who need good homes.

Yeah, asexuals have tendencies to not want babies, some don't bc mainly of having sex while others have no problem. Adoption and surrogate babies are good available options for asexuals with sex problems.
Some doesn't desire kids just bc they don't desire sex as well, it's something psychological.
Age and economic conditions are also things that comes in mind when thinking about having kids.
When somebody remove sex thoughts from their minds they kinda start thinking outside the course of nature, it's very common for example to asexual persons to realize they are panromantic.

I actually realized I was panromantic before I realized I was asexual. I think it's easier to see a positive than a negative.

[Holy Ghost]

if they want a baby, give them a baby. Any baby would work.

I want pets and flowers. oh flowers are life.

I might adopt a baby if I find one.

[tuney]

I was always very maternal. I knew I was 'made to be a mum'. It was the one thing I desperately wanted from my life. I would have been happy adopting, but as a romantic asexual I fell in love with my husband and then I specifically wanted his child. I wanted to raise a child with him, I wanted a child to be 50% me, 50% him, something created together. I wanted to go through the rest of my life knowing that our genes had been joined to make a little human and that generations into the future, he and I would be forever linked. All of the typical stuff that many asexuals don't feel, I suppose.

I have a daughter now, and she is my absolute world, and everyone comments on what a natural mum I am and how it's just me. How she makes me 'beam'. We're inseparable.

To me, the fact that I wasn't into the method of conception didn't change those feelings at all. I could do that, for her.

Despite all that I have never felt that 'broody' feeling - that 'natural' want to have a child. It was always very considered and emotional. As much as I felt the desire to be a mum, I never looked at another baby and thought 'I need one, this is triggering the need/want for a baby'. Also a majority of my 'mum friends' now get that again, if they see a smaller baby they go into 'Aww. So tiny! I want another, I could do it all over again now!', whilst my reaction is just 'I wish I'd appreciated more just how fast it would go'.

[Rising Sun]

I like kids but maybe because I'm a bit childish myself. Not immature and irresponsible, I can be serious if needed, but I remember times I babysat kids as various memories including teaching how to speak like a robot, "pee-pee, poo-poo" jokes and food fights. I don't think i'm the best person to give orders and make them be taken seriously. That said, maybe it's a part of my personality I haven't discovered yet.

[LenaLuthor]

Give me a cat, please, a tortoiseshell cat and or a Maine coon cat.

[Queen Under the Mountain]

I like to look at babies and hold them and their smell, they're so tiny and cute. Besides that, must be fantastic to watch someone grow intellectually and physically so fast as babies and small children do. And that's when the magic is over for me, I don't like bigger children so much, with 7,8 years old they become more a pain in the arse than beautiful to see. At the moment, and since I can remember thinking about it, I don't want to be a mother, however I don't rule out it completely from my life. It can happen someday, I may adopt a child or if for some reason I get married, it is possible that I may start to want a child, but it's only a possibility for the Future Me, the Present Me isn't interested in any of it.

[andreas1033]

I never had the urge, thankfully.

I think often when your asexual, gay or hate sex, that urge to reproduce overcomes it.

But thankfully being an asexual male, i never did get that urge, and i know how babies effect me. Most of you do not. Nature plays a trick on you with babies, that most people do not understand.

Thankfully it never affected me.

The only animal i want to keep, are my dogs.

[The A+ Student]

I don't have a problem with babies, but I prefer interacting with children once they're old enough to hold a conversation with me. And other people having babies in no way make me want to have one. None of my friends have babies or are even married so it still doesn't even seem like a thing people my age do (I'm 25 so I know there are definitely people with children by this age - I just don't know them). My mom loves holding little babies and the "baby smell". I'm just like "I have better things to do and what's so attractive about the way they smell???"

I may consider adopting in the future, but probably not. If I do, the kid better be potty trained and eating solid food. If and when my friends and brother decide to have children, I'm prepared to be the most loving auntie though. I love my young cousins too.

[Dreysander]

I have three kids. I actually kind of hate the baby and toddler stage. If they could be born 3 years old, walking, talking and potty trained I'd have three more. The baby state is cute and squashy but far too maintenance heavy.

There was never a biological urge to reproduce for me. I knew I wanted to be a mother but there was never a primal, visceral "baby rabies" type feeling that people describe. I knew I wanted to be a mother like some people know they want to be a computer programmer or a doctor. It was a thing that I wanted to be. My husband and I said when we were first married "How many kids should we have?" and decided on 3. We also decided that we would wait 4 years and space them 2 years apart. It was very logical and very planned. The third one took us a little longer, he's 3.5 years younger than our middle but our oldest and middle are exactly 24 months apart.

[m4rble]

I don't have a problem with babies, but I prefer interacting with children once they're old enough to hold a conversation with me. And other people having babies in no way make me want to have one. None of my friends have babies or are even married so it still doesn't even seem like a thing people my age do (I'm 25 so I know there are definitely people with children by this age - I just don't know them). My mom loves holding little babies and the "baby smell". I'm just like "I have better things to do and what's so attractive about the way they smell???"

I may consider adopting in the future, but probably not. If I do, the kid better be potty trained and eating solid food. If and when my friends and brother decide to have children, I'm prepared to be the most loving auntie though. I love my young cousins too.

Baby smell? All I can think of is dirty diapers.

[Dreysander]

Newborn babies have a specific smell. It's hard to describe. It's nice though, like clean hair sort of.

[LVG]

If people want to have kids let them, just don't chastise others if they choose not to. I knew for a very long time that I didn't want kids. Given that I haven't a maternal bone in my body, it's better that I don't reproduce. They only babies I want are the ones covered in fur.

[Thoughtbloom]

I think babies are adorable. However, I also know that they are demanding, and I don't think I'd do well with a newborn at least in my current state of mind where I'm easily overwhelmed. Also, since I was an only child growing up I don't have much experience with babies. I did some babysitting in high school but only of toddlers which I definitely don't think is the same. If I were left alone with a baby, I'm sure I'd figure it out, but I'd be so scared of messing up. I'd like to adopt a child or teen one day when I'm older and more settled but I don't think I would even consider an actual infant.

[The A+ Student]

I don't have a problem with babies, but I prefer interacting with children once they're old enough to hold a conversation with me. And other people having babies in no way make me want to have one. None of my friends have babies or are even married so it still doesn't even seem like a thing people my age do (I'm 25 so I know there are definitely people with children by this age - I just don't know them). My mom loves holding little babies and the "baby smell". I'm just like "I have better things to do and what's so attractive about the way they smell???"

I may consider adopting in the future, but probably not. If I do, the kid better be potty trained and eating solid food. If and when my friends and brother decide to have children, I'm prepared to be the most loving auntie though. I love my young cousins too.

Baby smell? All I can think of is dirty diapers.

Newborn babies have a specific smell. It's hard to describe. It's nice though, like clean hair sort of.

Yeah, I think Dreysander got it. I don't quite understand why it's so attractive to some people (like my mom), but it's definitely not a bad smell. When my youngest cousin was born (a little more than a year ago), my mom's favorite thing to do when visiting was hold the baby and smell him. It was a bit weird, but she thought it was weird I wasn't interested, so eh. I guess that's just evidence I don't have a reproductive urge, haha.