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biggreenmonkey

The Asexual-Sexual Q&A Thread

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This has been weighing on my mind eve since an asexual friend mentioned that most sexuals need sex once a week. And it brought back a memory of when the guy I slept with said he hadn't been with anyone else since- that was only about 6 weeks after, so it seemed a really strange thing for him to say. In fact, I even said "Its only been 6 weeks" and he replied "Yes, and I haven't been with anyone at all during that time."

How frequently does the average sexual engage in sex?

The problem with your question is that one person does not have sex. Two or more people do. A better question would be how often does the average sexual want sex, or how often does an average sexual masturbate?

The answer: most sexual guys you ask will usually say once every day or so at a minimum. I personally don't quite know where I fit in, but masturbation is just about a daily ritual for me in the shower... and there are many people who go far more than once a day. If you do a bit of reading around, you'll find people who frequently masturbate up to 8 times per day.

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sonofzeal
The answer: most sexual guys you ask will usually say once every day or so at a minimum. I personally don't quite know where I fit in, but masturbation is just about a daily ritual for me in the shower... and there are many people who go far more than once a day. If you do a bit of reading around, you'll find people who frequently masturbate up to 8 times per day.

I believe the theoretical maximum is around 50 in a day. Knowing most sexuals, I can't imagine the world record is far below that. :roll:

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Desert_Rose

50? That sounds a bit excessive o_o I cannot image it. The most Iv ever done is three times a day. And usually I only go at it once every three days or so.

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three-fold utopian dream
This has been weighing on my mind eve since an asexual friend mentioned that most sexuals need sex once a week. And it brought back a memory of when the guy I slept with said he hadn't been with anyone else since- that was only about 6 weeks after, so it seemed a really strange thing for him to say. In fact, I even said "Its only been 6 weeks" and he replied "Yes, and I haven't been with anyone at all during that time."

How frequently does the average sexual engage in sex?

The problem with your question is that one person does not have sex. Two or more people do. A better question would be how often does the average sexual want sex, or how often does an average sexual masturbate?

The answer: most sexual guys you ask will usually say once every day or so at a minimum. I personally don't quite know where I fit in, but masturbation is just about a daily ritual for me in the shower... and there are many people who go far more than once a day. If you do a bit of reading around, you'll find people who frequently masturbate up to 8 times per day.

My understanding of sex, the definition I go by at least, is that sex involves contact with genetalia... thus masturbation counts as sex, and one person can have sex alone. Just wanted to give my two cents :)

I am a heterosexual, female teenager not currently in a relationship (which for me means no sex with anyone but myself). How often I masturbate really depends on how horny I am. I can go weeks without it, and then all of a sudden (usually right before menstruation) I really desire some sort of physical release. I think it really depends on the person... their beliefs about masturbation and sex, their hormone levels, their mood... and lots of other factors. Also when it's sex with another person, how often it occurs depends on whether both partners are "in the mood." It would be interesting to see if there was a public poll on how frequently sexuals engage in sex.

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three-fold utopian dream
Since this came up on another thread:

Can you have sexual feelings for someone you find physically unattractive?

Depends on exact definitions, but if I understand what you're getting at then yes. There've been girls whose bodies I didn't find attractive, but wanted on a deeper level and did make quasisexual move on (basically, I tried to kiss her). It never went anywhere, but if it had, I have no doubt whatsoever that sexual feelings would have become part of it.

I can completely relate to the post above. I have a guy friend who I do not find physically attractive, but who I still find very attractive personality-wise. I love spending time with him and care about him deeply, and find myself wanting to kiss him because it is one way I know of showing affection. So if you consider the desire to kiss someone a (somewhat) sexual desire, then yeah it can definitely happen.

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sonofzeal
I can completely relate to the post above. I have a guy friend who I do not find physically attractive, but who I still find very attractive personality-wise. I love spending time with him and care about him deeply, and find myself wanting to kiss him because it is one way I know of showing affection. So if you consider the desire to kiss someone a (somewhat) sexual desire, then yeah it can definitely happen.

Something I should mention on this point that I forgot before is that the more emotionally intimate I become with someone, the more aesthetically and sexually attractive they'll become to me. Anyone else notice this?

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Hallucigenia
Something I should mention on this point that I forgot before is that the more emotionally intimate I become with someone, the more aesthetically and sexually attractive they'll become to me. Anyone else notice this?

To some extent, yes. When I first was getting to know my ex, for instance, I was always having silly infatuatory feelings about him and wanting to touch his hair and hands and so forth, but sex didn't really enter my mind. When I got to know him better (and succeeded with some of the hair/hands stuff) my feelings about him got a lot more sexual - though I hasten to add that we never actually did anything super-sexual due to being mutually respectful and mutually not ready for that and stuff. But feelings can definitely change like that over time.

On the other extreme, when I have no emotional intimacy with someone at all, sometimes I'll get really weird, fleeing aesthetic and/or sexual attractions to them. But those never last more than a couple of hours at a time. So in some ways they don't count.

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hot.tubes

It's late so forgive me for not reading all 4 preceeding pages

I'm really glad to have this board available. I've been a part of forums on topics from spirtuality to recreational substances and found them to be a great aid in my developement.

I came to this site as a woman I've been involved with believes she is asexual and needed support in defining that for herself.

I grew up in a religious enviroment where sex and sexuality were frowned upon without the apprpriate context. I struggled for many years as a teen trying to tame my sexual urges. I had developed a healthy masturbation life but felt a great deal of shame for my carnal urges.

I have a mennonite heratige (5-16 kids is normal, a family of the same surname in my area has 11) and if my father is any indication I doubt my libido will fall till... death maybe.

My religion had a great effect on my ideas about love.

At one point I had even sworn of dating until God presented my soulmate.

Well things change as my path soon revealed and at 16 I started a journey with a girl into a more open spirituality and healthy sexual perspective.

I've had a few partners since but keep a sacred veiw of sex, something to be shared as a true expression of love. Not to say all my experiences are a reflection of that.

For me sex begins with the peek at the forbiden, a curve of flesh that stimulates my eyes and sends my imagination running with fantasies of seeking passion and orgasm together.

But real passion is when I love the soul of my partner, as I love my asexual friend. I have same gender friends that I love as much but express through tradition forms as I don't desire them physically.

When passion erupts it feels as if my body is given a shot of energy, adrenline, electricity. Each part of me desires contact w/ my SO. I feel driven to become as close physically as I feel spiritually/emotionally to this person, I feel as though I should be able to fully melt into my partner. A sense of reverence is often present. I worship my lovers body as one would a holy item. I long to know each destinctive charachteristic of my lovers body and love them. I thirst to see joy on her face and to give her a tremendous physical extasy. Due to my frequent masturbation and ease at which a guy can be brought to satisfation I enjoy focusing on her, feeling my own gratification is assured or at least less important.

Every touch is hightened and can create the same brain fuzzies and chills a really good choclate can induce.

To a great extent my centre of consious focus becomes my genitals. I'll crave to be touched or stimulated in the same way I crave a ciggarette when I haven't had one all day. That craving doesn't get satisfied of course untill orgasm. In fact each touch only deepens that urgency to be stimulated.

Every touch is also a deed of trust, she allows me to see and touch this piece of her because she trusts me to not harm her.

I hope this may have given the asexuals a glimpse at what that slobbering fool might have going through there mind when pushing your sexuallities boundries.

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WhoKnows

Is it possible to be sexual and still not care about sex, but obviosly for reasons other than sexual attraction?

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sonofzeal
Is it possible to be sexual and still not care about sex, but obviosly for reasons other than sexual attraction?

Yes, it is indeed possible. At very least, it's possible to be sexual with a low sex drive. I'd imagine there's other reasons too.

Personally, I'm not asexual, but if some scantily clad supermodel celeb girl came up to me and offered to jump my bones, I don't think it'd even occure to me to say yes. How's that for weird?

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Bluegrey

I don't know, sounds more like good taste to me.

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HelloToYou

sonofzeal, how is that weird? I know a LOT of guys that aren't into having sex with random people. As a matter of fact, very few guys I know, would do that. Am I ignorant? Do I just know good guys? I don't know, but I do know that what you said really isn't weird.

Edit: I just looked at your profile.... you're 23.... I'm 17.... I'm thinking about high schoolers and you're college or post college age... that could make a difference...

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sonofzeal

Well, most guys I know have a concept known as "The List". Basically, it's a list of people, usually famous, with whom they'd be allowed to do the nasty at any oppertunity, regardless of outside commitments. But even ignoring that, there are probably a bunch of sexual guys who'd say no, you're right about that. What meant was that, of those guys, I'd expect most to at least concider it, in the same way that you might concider cake while on a diet. But from personal experience I'd say that I'd give it about as much thought as if someone offered to punch me in the face. It wouldn't even show up on my radar, if you know what I mean.

I dunno though, maybe I'm underestimating normal sexual males.

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Desert_Rose
Is it possible to be sexual and still not care about sex, but obviosly for reasons other than sexual attraction?

Sure. I, for example, really could care less about SEX perse... its the intimacy and the getting to know someone that I care about. And while I do ENJOY sexual activity, and I certainly AM sexually attracted to people, I dont really care about sex all THAT much.

Some sexuals, also, due to perhapes sexual abuse, can become scared of sexual activity. This isnt the same as being asexual, the person is still a sexual, but because of trauma in their past, do not have any interest in sex.

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Miss Kitten

Why are guys so crazy about being the one to pop a girl's cherry?

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sonofzeal

I guess I can field this one.

I've heard it said that in the heart and mind of every heterosexual male lies two different potential objects of attraction - the angel and the vixen. The angel represents purity/innocence/submissiveness, and the vixen represents seduction/experience/dominance. Depending on the guy there'll be a different balance of the two; some will go for one exclusively, some will go for a midpoint between the two, and some will go for any combination of the three. Virginity pretty universally evokes the "angel" image, so guys who go for that type of girl will be turned on by the idea of virginity, and in "claiming" it for themselves.

Warning: semi-graphic information ahead.

From my understanding, one of the reasons losing her virginity is painful for a girl is because, in addition to the whole hymen thing, the muscle walls in that whole area get stretched as part of the process. That means that the first few times would likely feel tighter for the guy, and I believe that's concidered a good thing sensation-wise, especially if the guy is poorly endowed and wouldn't be able to get the same level of feeling otherwise.

I hope that helps.

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Miss Kitten

Why do you cheer people on when you see them having sex?

I really like chocolate, but if I see someone eating chocolate, I'm not like, "Omigod, yes! YOU EAT THAT BAD BOY UP!"

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Hallucigenia

I don't cheer people on when I see them having sex. Neither do any of the people I've watched movies with that involved people having sex. In other words, I have no idea.

What does spring to mind, though, is something that I keep reading about dancing, which is that when people engaged in certain types of motion (such as dancing) certain areas of their brain light up that say "I am in motion and enjoying it". When people watch that person dancing, the same areas of their brain light up. So people watching other people dance are sort of dancing vicariously.

Maybe sex involves enough movement to light up those same areas? I'm not sure.

It also probably has a lot to do with macho posturing and other common sources of obnoxiousness.

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Desert_Rose
Why are guys so crazy about being the one to pop a girl's cherry?

Probably because of intamicy. If your a girls first, then she has shared with you something that she has NEVER shared with ANYONE else. That makes you special.

Why do you cheer people on when you see them having sex?

Ummm what? People do? I dont. If I saw someone having sex, I would probably be very grossed out.

I also dont watch movies with sex scenes, and if do I fast forward past them.

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walrus

Cosmic Cat wrote:

Why do you cheer people on when you see them having sex?

Last week I ran into one of my old girlfriends and we went for a walk in the park where we frequently met many years ago. I suggested that we go over to a place where we had first had sex and she agreed. Unknown to us, there was a Park Security Guard standing in the shadows and he overheard us and followed us over to the old fence to see if we could still do it.

We undressed and she jumped up and locked her legs around me and I leaned back against the fence. For the next 15 minutes we were moving at great rates of speed and gyrating wildly. When we had finished, the Park Security Guard was amazed at our energy and could not help revealing himself and asking what was the secret to our stamina.

I told him that I had no idea about the stamina, but we were both amazed that after all these years someone had electrified the fence.

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sonofzeal

Let me be the first to say....

QUACK

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*a*rteest
I hope this may have given the asexuals a glimpse at what that slobbering fool might have going through there mind when pushing your sexuallities boundries.

Like, woah. That, for a brief instant, made me reconsider everything I know/think about sex.

Well, I'm still A, but you have expanded my mind. Thank you. :)

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rimona_da_vidya
So my question, mainly to the sexuals looking in on this thread (though I'm sure there are plenty of asexuals how aren't virgins) is: what changes? forgetting that some part of the sexual media out there is that you're first time marks your entrance into the adult world (stereotypically)

As a questioning sexual/asexual, I think I can answer this one pretty thoroughly.

I had never looked at the world in a sexual way before I lost my virginity. I'm not saying that this is the case for everybody, but this was the case for me. I mean, you'd think I'd have thought of every male as having a penis that was used for that sort of thing... but I absolutely did not make the connection with each male that I encountered-- until my first time.

Those first two weeks or so afterward were SO WEIRD. I can't even describe it. I even looked at my former electronics teacher... and shuddered a bit. Heh. My world perspective changed a bit.

I mean, I even watched part of Enemy at the Gates, a scene where two of the leads are making love in the freaking middle of a hallway filled with sleeping army men... and thought "wow, I've done that. WE'VE done that."

I did understand, after that, that everybody has the potential to be sexual (though that has become a question for me recently... if everyone has that potential from birth or not).

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rimona_da_vidya
Does anyone know (first hand or second hand) what exactly it normally feels like for a girl when she is touched in an erogenous zone?

Having felt sexual pleasure in the past... it feels absolutely AMAZING.

First, you feel a tingle right at that area. Then, it spreads throughout your whole body. When it reaches my toes, I know it's a happy kind of touch, hehe. :lol:

However, if somebody catches you off-guard-- it can go all through your body all at once. Like... somebody's just jumped out from behind a door and scared the ever-loving crap out of you-- except somebody has snuck up on quite a different part of you, and that part of you really liked it.

I think that's the best I can explain it.

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rimona_da_vidya
Why are guys so crazy about being the one to pop a girl's cherry?

Hmmm.

Well, at least in my case, I had always hoped it would be an emotional thing. You were the first time for that person. (I personally experienced heartbreak when I found out that I had not, indeed, been the first time of a guy whom I thought I had been his first time for... though you were asking about a reverse of that gender situation. Again, I'd like to attach emotionality to virginity... heh.)

From an evolutionary standpoint, guys want to be the first time of a female because that is the ONLY surefire way to make sure that child is HIS and nobody else's. Makes a bit of sense, I guess. That's why red lipstick/rouge are so attractive, along with small waists and plump lips. All of these are signs of both fertility and not having had sex before. Yup yup. Yay for evolutionary biology/psychology. No, I'm not saying that this totally determines what a guy wants/will do, but-- it at least helps push along that basic drive. Wanting to know he is the father of that child.

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rimona_da_vidya
I have one question. If one of your friends, or even an aquaintance said they were asexual, how would you react? What would you think of them?

I'm trying to decide whether I should be open or not.

I had a close friend confide in me a little over a year ago that she is asexual. I had never even heard of the term before she brought it up to me. People could be asexual...? Totally alien concept to me.

I wanted to know more about it, so I browsed around AVEN's FAQ for a bit. What I read... I thought generally fit her. It didn't change anything in our friendship. Why should it? She and I have a great deal of respect for one another and want to support one another in everything we do.

She and I have almost always been this close (since we met a couple of years ago, we're college buddies), so the VERY personal nature of the conversation was ok between the two of us.

For a close friend, I would want to know more about it.

For a not-so-close-friend, I would still be curious.

For an acquaintance, I might just be confused-- about why it would matter to me (we barely know each other, dude!) and/or what the concept is at all. I dunno if you'd need to talk about it with an acquaintance, not to tell you what to do or anything. I would only trust a few people with it, really. I'm questioning, and the only people who know (IRL, outside of the forum) are my boyfriend and the aforementioned asexy college buddy.

I would never think less of somebody for telling me they are asexual. They are who they are. I would just want to know more about it, if a close friend/ semi-close friend. And perhaps feel a bit weird if I were just an acquaintance...

Hope that helps a bit.

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Frigid Pink

Yeah.

Aquaintances seem to be confused as to why I am telling them about my asexuality.

I'm female, and whenever I meet a new person of the opposite sex, and we decide to hang out, I always bring up my asexuality, especially if we are going to be spending time together alone. I do this because I don't want to lead anyone on. I want to make sure my intentions are perfectly clear. I have had previous experiences that have gone awry in the absence of my asexuality debriefing.

It is ALWAYS an awkward thing for me to bring up or discuss with people I barely know, but, to me, it seems to be a necessary step in forming new friendships with the opposite sex.

I guess, to feel totally comfortable hanging out with the opposite sex, I need to make sure they understand my stance on the relationship from the beginning. That way, I don't have to worry that the things I say and/or do are taken the wrong way.

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inona
Actually..... Im not sure if girls ever get night time orgasms. Guys do, but.... girls are different.

Yes, girls/women can get "wet dreams" just like guys. Usually not as often, though.

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