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biggreenmonkey

The Asexual-Sexual Q&A Thread

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mala
Before I first had one, I wondered the same things and now that I know, I can't even begin to think of a good way to describe it. Except to say you feel it all over from your head to your toes. I'll be interested to see how others describe it.

As for how you know you've experienced one, assuming you are a woman, you can feel your muscles contracting. I had to have several before I got used to the feeling and recognized what was happening.

Thanks for the explanation. Yeah, I am a chick. Oddly enough, I know that "muscles contracting" feeling. Still, every time I experience it, I find myself questioning it. I figure it's not an orgasm if I didn't have intercouse, though I know it's possible to have one without intercourse. But I've read that it's rare.

Okay, sometimes I don't know why I'm sharing certain things on here. :oops:

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MaraKarina
I have one question. If one of your friends, or even an aquaintance said they were asexual, how would you react? What would you think of them?

I'm trying to decide whether I should be open or not.

Unless it were a very close friend or we were about to enter a potentially sexual relationship I would probably consider it to be something too intimate to mention.

In general, though, I prefer openness to hiding or even pretending something else.

I am not sure though if I would enter a relationship beyond friendship with an asexual person, simply because, as a sexual, I don't really understand the feelings of an asexual. And as I don't feel any sexual attraction with most people I meet - for me it's sex drive in general and attraction in 1 out of a million or so - I guess I would understand that the guy just doesn't like me enough. I understand that this wouldn't do him justice. But try to explain colours to someone who's blind ... I'm kind of helpless to really understand.

Mara

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starrysky

Before I first had one, I wondered the same things and now that I know, I can't even begin to think of a good way to describe it. Except to say you feel it all over from your head to your toes. I'll be interested to see how others describe it.

As for how you know you've experienced one, assuming you are a woman, you can feel your muscles contracting. I had to have several before I got used to the feeling and recognized what was happening.

Thanks for the explanation. Yeah, I am a chick. Oddly enough, I know that "muscles contracting" feeling. Still, every time I experience it, I find myself questioning it. I figure it's not an orgasm if I didn't have intercouse, though I know it's possible to have one without intercourse. But I've read that it's rare.

Okay, sometimes I don't know why I'm sharing certain things on here. :oops:

Hmmm, I am confused by your post. An orgasm is still an orgasm whether you have it with intercourse or not. Why would it be rare to have an orgasm without intercourse? I think it's easier to have one if you are just touching yourself, because you know what feels best to you whereas another person may not. Many women can have an orgasm masturbating but have trouble having one during intercourse.

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mala
Hmmm, I am confused by your post. An orgasm is still an orgasm whether you have it with intercourse or not. Why would it be rare to have an orgasm without intercourse? I think it's easier to have one if you are just touching yourself, because you know what feels best to you whereas another person may not. Many women can have an orgasm masturbating but have trouble having one during intercourse.
Wow, I wasn't aware of that part I bolded at all. I actually read something (perhaps something very backward and/or biased) that said otherwise. I was actually under the impression that women rarely orgasm from masturbating, and so I assumed that it must not have ever happened for me. I guess what I read was purely a myth. But what you said makes perfect sense; I don't know why I've never looked at it that way.

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sonofzeal
Wow, I wasn't aware of that part I bolded at all. I actually read something (perhaps something very backward and/or biased) that said otherwise. I was actually under the impression that women rarely orgasm from masturbating, and so I assumed that it must not have ever happened for me. I guess what I read was purely a myth. But what you said makes perfect sense; I don't know why I've never looked at it that way.

Disclaimer - I'm not a girl, and I've never been in a position to find out any of this on my own, so the following is entirely regurgitated advice from random weird things I've been exposed to.

One of the leading sex experts in the States (a woman, I forget the name - my housemates in first year watched her religiously in our livingroom, so she was hard to avoid) has a motto that she repeats constantly - "women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation." Not vaginal, clitoral. There are certain sexual positions where the clitoris gets stimulated, but many where it doesn't. Masturbation, on the other hand, is generally focused on the clitorus in one way or another. So it's not surprising if you get off by yourself more easily than with a guy.

There are other schools of thought though.

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Hu
I actually read something (perhaps something very backward and/or biased) that said otherwise. I was actually under the impression that women rarely orgasm from masturbating, and so I assumed that it must not have ever happened for me.

Wow. Whatever you read was very, very wrong about that. I'd say that MOST orgasms in the world come from masturbation. You may very well have had them and not even realized that's what was happening.

Bah, disinformation.

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Desert_Rose
How does an orgasm feel? How does one know if he or she has experienced one?

It is basicly a muscle contraction... There really is no way to discribe it to someone who has never felt it, Ill put it this way- it just feels GOOD. (Im sure some people think it dosnt, but it is general held that orgasms feel good) If you have one, it isnt hard to miss, to answer your second question. There is pleasure from being stimulated, which will build up and keep build up untill the point of orgasm, were it reaches its highest point, and then you come back down, and usually (in my own masturbatory experiance) stimulation will start to hurt a little if you try to keep going right after the orgasm.

One of the leading sex experts in the States (a woman, I forget the name - my housemates in first year watched her religiously in our livingroom, so she was hard to avoid) has a motto that she repeats constantly - "women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation." Not vaginal, clitoral. There are certain sexual positions where the clitoris gets stimulated, but many where it doesn't. Masturbation, on the other hand, is generally focused on the clitorus in one way or another. So it's not surprising if you get off by yourself more easily than with a guy.

There are other schools of thought though.

That isnt QUITE true. Clitoral stimulation is the easiest for a girl to get off with, but not the only way. Actually, a girl can experiance up to five different TYPES of orgasm, belive it or not. Clitoral orgasm is the most easy to reach, especially if its by yourself (Its the only one IV ever been been able to accomplish) vaginial orgasm, and g-spot orgasm as the the next two. They are orgasms that feel completly different and in a different place. Then there is anal orgasm which is even harder for a girl to get to.... but is possible. And SOME girls can orgasm from breast stimulation, though that is extremely rare.

And if you can give a girl more then one of these at the same time.... so much the better! But you are right, clitoral orgasm is the easiest, ESPECIALLY if your only going at it with your own hand.

(EDIT: The quote tag dosnt seem to be working. I went and tried to fix it, but still no luck. Is there a problem with the board?)

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HelloToYou

Here are a few questions:

Have you ever lost interest in dating?

What was the reason?

How long did the lack of interest last?

What would you think of the lack of interest was not preceded by being hurt?

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Jesh
(EDIT: The quote tag dosnt seem to be working. I went and tried to fix it, but still no luck. Is there a problem with the board?)

I fixed it for you-- you had BBCode disabled.

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Hallucigenia

What do you mean by "losing interest in dating", HelloToYou? Do you mean losing interest in actively seeking out people to date, or do you mean wanting to swear off dating forever, or something in the middle?

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Desert_Rose
Have you ever lost interest in dating?

What was the reason?

How long did the lack of interest last?

What would you think of the lack of interest was not preceded by being hurt?

Many people go through stages were they are just not interested in having a relationship. Some people like to stay sexually active while avoiding relationship, but most just generaly avoid the entire deal. It might be for many reasons, like "I dont have time in my life right now for a signifigant other" or "Im just getting over someone right now so Im not emotionaly able to have a new relationship" or even "Iv been really hurt in the past so Im scared of new relationships" Who knows? Every person is different.

I have only been interested in dating for a few years now, and I dont think I have ever really lost the interest myself.... but, I guess you COULD say I have, because I dont generally go LOOKING for a boyfriend? If I find a guy I am interested in, suddenly I have an interest in dating, but if theres no guy that Im interested in, I have no interest in dating, if that makes any sence.

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mala

Eruanna--thanks for the answer. :) I had no idea there was such a thing as an anal orgasm. Interesting post.

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sonofzeal
Actually, a girl can experiance up to five different TYPES of orgasm, belive it or not.

Even though we've sorta left that topic, I thought I should mention that a friend of mine (an amateur but highly skilled masseus) claims to have brought a girl to orgasm without touching ANY of the spots you mentioned. I'm not sure how you'd go about verifying that though. :roll:

Have you ever lost interest in dating?

What was the reason?

How long did the lack of interest last?

What would you think of the lack of interest was not preceded by being hurt?

I never have myself, primarily because I have a knack for failing to get into real relationships, and I'll be the first to admit I have some leftover emotional needs from that, that haven't been filled. Several of my friends have gone through a "not interested stage", and it's usually preceded by a particularly intense relationship, whether positive or negative. Not sure about longevity of the period though, but I'd say a month to a year, depending on the person an the situation.

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Hallucigenia

Well, if you want to get technical about stimulation, there are also the sort of orgasms that happen to you while you sleep and therefore don't result from any physical stimulation - just from whatever weird dream-scrambled signals are going through your brain at that point.

Theoretically, I sometimes think that someone with enough powers of concentration could make themselves have one of those while they were awake - after all, you can sometimes get aroused just by thinking, so why not?

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Desert_Rose
Well, if you want to get technical about stimulation, there are also the sort of orgasms that happen to you while you sleep and therefore don't result from any physical stimulation - just from whatever weird dream-scrambled signals are going through your brain at that point.

Theoretically, I sometimes think that someone with enough powers of concentration could make themselves have one of those while they were awake - after all, you can sometimes get aroused just by thinking, so why not?

Actually..... Im not sure if girls ever get night time orgasms. Guys do, but.... girls are different.

Someone can feel free to correct me on that one though, as I really dont know. I just know that IV never had a night time orgasm, and Iv never heard of girls getting them. :/

If thats true, then I guess a guy could reach orgasm just by thinking naughty thoughts, but a girl couldnt? *shurgs* An interesting idea.

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Hallucigenia

Well... um...

I get them...

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twilight_at_dawn

really? I've never gotten them either...not to pry into something you might not want to describe, but how'd you know for sure?

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starrysky
Actually..... Im not sure if girls ever get night time orgasms. Guys do, but.... girls are different.

Someone can feel free to correct me on that one though, as I really dont know. I just know that IV never had a night time orgasm, and Iv never heard of girls getting them. :/

If thats true, then I guess a guy could reach orgasm just by thinking naughty thoughts, but a girl couldnt? *shurgs* An interesting idea.

Yes girls can get night time orgasms. I guess guys can't avoid having evidence left over in the morning even if they don't remember the dream, but girls don't have that problem.

The other thing is the opposite--I also read once that it is not that uncommon for a woman to be able to have an orgasm by mental stimulation alone, no touching at all, but only 1 in 10,000 men could do it.

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Hallucigenia
really? I've never gotten them either...not to pry into something you might not want to describe, but how'd you know for sure?

Well, I've always had a pretty good rate of natural dream recall, so I remember the sensations well enough to understand them. Basically it is therefore the same as knowing if you've had one when you're awake. It's an intensely pleasurable muscle spasm as a result (and generally the end) of sexual stimulation. (Or, if you're asleep, of various dreamed events involving the same.) Afterwards there is usually a feeling of being very relaxed.

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HelloToYou
What do you mean by "losing interest in dating", HelloToYou? Do you mean losing interest in actively seeking out people to date, or do you mean wanting to swear off dating forever, or something in the middle?

Any of those would qualify as what I mean. I just want other people's perspectives.

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Hallucigenia

I'm not actively seeking out people to date, but that's because I'm friggin' lazy. If someone I found appealing wanted to date me, I totally would try it, it's just that I don't actually care enough to seek out anbody in particular myself. So I am probably not the right person to ask here.

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Brodertun

This has been weighing on my mind eve since an asexual friend mentioned that most sexuals need sex once a week. And it brought back a memory of when the guy I slept with said he hadn't been with anyone else since- that was only about 6 weeks after, so it seemed a really strange thing for him to say. In fact, I even said "Its only been 6 weeks" and he replied "Yes, and I haven't been with anyone at all during that time."

How frequently does the average sexual engage in sex?

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AmyMorgan

I think for a lot of sexuals, they do it as often as they can get it. A lot of my sexual friends haven't had sex for a long time because they haven't found anyone they want to have sex with or could have sex with.

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sonofzeal

I find I need release two to four times a week. :oops:

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Brodertun
I find I need release two to four times a week. :oops:

Wow :shock: Makes me wonder how long my guy went before he was with me. I knew he was lying about three months, (for some reason I felt the need to ask as soon as started "getting it on." ) but I'd rather hope it wasn't even close to the three day range

And if your girl wasn't asexy would you be doing all of that releasing with her?

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a-d
This has been weighing on my mind eve since an asexual friend mentioned that most sexuals need sex once a week. And it brought back a memory of when the guy I slept with said he hadn't been with anyone else since- that was only about 6 weeks after, so it seemed a really strange thing for him to say. In fact, I even said "Its only been 6 weeks" and he replied "Yes, and I haven't been with anyone at all during that time."

Maybe that's just an ideal timeframe for him. I know some sexuals that would prefer to have sex five times a day. I know others who are okay getting it maybe once a month. The thing is that they have to have it, not just take it or leave it. Still, I think that's a lame argument, because it's not like they're going to die if they don't get sex. If you're addicted to cigarettes, you can always go to the store and grab another pack, but if you're addicted to sex, you can't just go out and rape the first available person. How often people have sex really depends on a lot of factors. In any case, most guys I know have sex a lot less than they want to.

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walrus

Hey there Triple A, all sexual have different needs. As you know, I'm an old man (63 years) stuck with a younger mans libido and a beautiful Asexual wife. Usually I still give myself relief every day. I had expected that by now I wouldn't have any of these needs. My wife jokes (I think she is joking) that we are both broke ... her=none and me=way too much.

Before she broke down and told me that she was tired of faking it, we had sex only once or twice a week (sometimes less) and I felt almost starved. Taking care of it myself only addresses the purely physical part. We still have little in the way of other forms of intimacy. I am doing my best to accomodate her level (ie, zippo) completely. Wish me continued luck ...

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Desert_Rose
How frequently does the average sexual engage in sex?

Everyone is different. For instance, some sexuals dont mind having sex with someone they are not in a relationship with while others wont have sex with someone they dont love. For THOSE people, it all depends on if they HAVE someone or not. And some (like myself) belive that they should wait untill marriage for sex, which is why I am a virgin.

But were I married, I can see myself doing it everyday haha.

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sonofzeal
And if your girl wasn't asexy would you be doing all of that releasing with her?

Hmm.... I don't know. If she wanted, and we were at that stage of relationship, maybe. (I'm with Eruanna on the chaste-before-marriage thing) But once a week with my girl would be quite satifactory with me.

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