BobRossRules Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Although I’m not necessarily actively seeking a relationship, I’m open to it and if it happens…great! Being ace, the population decreases dramatically, especially for those who are 40+….oh my gosh! I’m sure this applies to those in their 30s as well. Not to mention that it’s tough (almost impossible where I live) meeting people locally. The other thing I find interesting is somewhat of a lean toward ageism. I get that most men and even women are attracted to others that are younger. Being youthful is indeed attractive. Puppies and kittens are cute, fun, and active…right? So I get it. However, occasionally, when I do a search for men around my age, I find that many men in their 40s 50s even 60s are seeking women 25 to 35 at the oldest. I’m totally aged out (I’m 46)! Of course, I’m not referring to ALL men, but I do notice it a bit more than I was expecting. What a bummer cuz I’m such a catch (LOL). Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I've seen you around here and acebook (notice age appropriate), but I must be honest the genius thing freaks me out. :) I wish you all the luck in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 Soxfan2 says:...but I must be honest the genius thing freaks me out. :) I'm humble to boot!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sandraisme360 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Although I’m not necessarily actively seeking a relationship, I’m open to it and if it happens…great! Being ace, the population decreases dramatically, especially for those who are 40+….oh my gosh! I’m sure this applies to those in their 30s as well. Not to mention that it’s tough (almost impossible where I live) meeting people locally. The other thing I find interesting is somewhat of a lean toward ageism. I get that most men and even women are attracted to others that are younger. Being youthful is indeed attractive. Puppies and kittens are cute, fun, and active…right? So I get it. However, occasionally, when I do a search for men around my age, I find that many men in their 40s 50s even 60s are seeking women 25 to 35 at the oldest. I’m totally aged out (I’m 46)! Of course, I’m not referring to ALL men, but I do notice it a bit more than I was expecting. What a bummer cuz I’m such a catch (LOL). I am finding the same issue of all the Aces near me are in there 20s maybe a few in there 30s and we are a small group. I will be 51 in about 2 weeks. How do we get the word out to people our age who are Ace so we can connect. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I know the feeling. I attend a lot of meetups and out of the fifty plus people I have met there are three within a decade of my age Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 6, 2015 Author Share Posted December 6, 2015 Meetups seem fun, though I've never been to one. Most of the meetups that I read about occur far away, in larger cities, and yes, I'm guessing most of the people are much younger. I don't care about age, but I wonder if I would I have anything in common? Maybe! Nonetheless, I am very open to it. I was thinking about attending the national conference..maybe..possibly when it comes around again. From what I read, though, it seems to surround mostly younger folks. Still might be fun. Did anyone attend it this year? Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 I don't care about age, but I wonder if I would I have anything in common? Considering the 20-ish folk I know, probably not. They want to relate everything they hear about in a conversation to some YouTube video which you've never seen. It gets old. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Considering the 20-ish folk I know, probably not. They want to relate everything they hear about in a conversation to some YouTube video which you've never seen. It gets old. ;) Good point. I've attempted to hang out with 20 year olds from work, and most of them want to go clubbing, drinking, etc. People around my age are married with kids, and if I do hang out with them I feel a bit like a 3rd wheel. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 It seems there are three categories of people: 1. Married with kids, too busy to hang out with 2. Single, want to go bar hopping, for those of us who don't drink or like bars this is out 3. Introverted, quiet and want to read (hey that's us!), probably don't want to hang out with anybody else Yeah, I'm stumped. ;) It's really odd at work now. There's two new folks that are about 21-22 years old. If I had been born in 1994 (yes 1994 holy crap!) then I would be exact copies of these people. Super dorky, into video games but... I just can't stand talking to them! I don't know if I've just changed over the years or what, but... it's hard to explain. They tell me jokes that make no sense and have a slew of pop culture references that I don't care about. Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I've been to 3 so far. The first was with 2 late 20 somethings. The next 2 was just me and a 27 yr old. She is pretty mature so we had no real issues communicating. There is one this Wednesday. There will be 5 attendees including a 30 something. I debated not going, but it's at a world famous New Haven pizza restaurant, so I'm in. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Yeah, I'm stumped. ;) It's really odd at work now. There's two new folks that are about 21-22 years old. If I had been born in 1994 (yes 1994 holy crap!) then I would be exact copies of these people. Super dorky, into video games but... I just can't stand talking to them! I don't know if I've just changed over the years or what, but... it's hard to explain. They tell me jokes that make no sense and have a slew of pop culture references that I don't care about. Yeah....I get it. I'm more of an introvert myself and struggle with large crowds. Once I'm comfortable with someone, however, I can be more outgoing. There are single people I work with that are in their 20s as well. Most of the jokes are sex-related, video games, or some television show I've never heard of. I use to be good about keeping up with pop culture, but lately I feel more lost than ever! If I can, I quickly do a google search (on the down low) on my phone and attempt to join in. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 I've been to 3 so far. The first was with 2 late 20 somethings. The next 2 was just me and a 27 yr old. She is pretty mature so we had no real issues communicating. There is one this Wednesday. There will be 5 attendees including a 30 something. I debated not going, but it's at a world famous New Haven pizza restaurant, so I'm in. Are these local meetups? With other asexuals? Kinda cool to have that in your area! Have you been to the North American Asexuality Conference? Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Yes I was lucky enough to find a local ace group on meetup.com. CT's local AVEN thread has been dead for years,although I did put up a link just in case. Although 3 meets I've only met 2 asexuals. Looking forward to Weds. No I have not been to a national meet, but I do live close enough to NYC, that I am considering attending one of their meets. I've recently been made aware that they actually have monthly dinners for 30+ only that are well attended. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire Monkey Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 This thread is unutterably depressing. And infuriating. But mostly depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 but I do live close enough to NYC You do? Once every couple of years I go there. It's nice to know that you live nearby. It gives me a "the world is small"-feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Ooh excitement!! It would be wonderful to meet you, Autumn. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Ooh excitement!! It would be wonderful to meet you, Autumn. :) It sure would be! :D I'm usually in Brooklyn (because family) or Manhattan (because tourist). Maybe we'll be able to see each other on the next visit. Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Ooh excitement!! It would be wonderful to meet you, Autumn. :) It sure would be! :D I'm usually in Brooklyn (because family) or Manhattan (because tourist). Maybe we'll be able to see each other on the next visit. Either or, I'm not picky. It's only 90 minutes away. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Most of the jokes are sex-related, video games, or some television show I've never heard of. I use to be good about keeping up with pop culture, but lately I feel more lost than ever! If I can, I quickly do a google search (on the down low) on my phone and attempt to join in. Since I don't watch television at all, I completely don't understand what people are talking about. It seems that by taking on more interesting hobbies, I have somehow become more boring to everyone else. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 This thread is unutterably depressing. And infuriating. But mostly depressing. You do...how come? My intension for starting this thread was to see how folks were meeting other people. I have to admit it is a bit of a bummer for us folks that are older. I have hit some walls. However, I know there is hope....hang in there!!! Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Genius! Seriously, though I love intelligent people, even when they are smarter than me (I could've qualified for entry into Mensa, based on my old GRE scores). But I think DJ Ace put it well with the 3 categories. Most of the people I work with are actually in the first category (married, with children). With many of the rest in the second category, going to bars (and strip clubs). If any are in the third category I don't know it, but that's the category I'm in. The thing is, I am happy being an introvert and I value my free time to do what I want. I'm not looking for mass quantities of friends. But it would be nice to have one or two local friends who are also into some of the same things (playing board games, going to museums, plays, movies, classical concerts, nature hikes, etc., even road trips or other travel, or hanging out at home to watch videos/tv, have a meal, just talk. And, as a romantic, I would also like to have someone for hugging, cuddling and other aspects of romantic companionship, too, at least once in a while.). At this point in my life, though, I don't want to put much effort into building such friendships locally, because I plane to retire within 3 years and move away. Yes, I am a hopeful romantic. :) It may be a long shot, but you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire Monkey Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 ~Faraday~ You said it yourself: You observed that even in asexual circles, the rules of sexual attraction still apply. Youth and beauty win. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 Genius! Seriously, though I love intelligent people, even when they are smarter than me (I could've qualified for entry into Mensa, based on my old GRE scores). Okay :D ...just to clarify, and I quote "a bit" of one. I'm not an uber genus or anything :P. Mensa is 98th percentile (at least it was) and my visuospatial, analytical, fluid reasoning, and processing speed are much better (at least Mensa level). My verbal skills, however, are meh, and I stink socially. Potential Darwin award implies very poor judgement to say the least. So it evens out. I guess you could say that I'm well rounded?? Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 ~Faraday~ You said it yourself: You observed that even in asexual circles, the rules of sexual attraction still apply. Youth and beauty win. Although smaller numbers, I know there is still hope for us!! I live in very small city. If I was to find someone, it would in all likelihood be a long distance relationship. The online community helps with regards to support. I know the virtual world is not the same as the real thing...but you have a friend here. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Oh, when it comes to social intelligence I'm a dunce! :P Seems like you have a good sense of humor, though, which is also a plus. :) The truth is, I think there are a lot of great people on AVEN, but since few of us live close to each other we don't get to make and build those in person connections. Meetups are fine, but it usually takes me time to get to know someone and to start feeling comfortable with them to the point of calling it a friendship, you know? That said, I have met a few AVENites in person and have generally felt more comfortable with them more quickly. I guess getting to know something about people even "just" online can help when it comes to meeting in person. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 The truth is, I think there are a lot of great people on AVEN, but since few of us live close to each other we don't get to make and build those in person connections. Meetups are fine, but it usually takes me time to get to know someone and to start feeling comfortable with them to the point of calling it a friendship, you know? That said, I have met a few AVENites in person and have generally felt more comfortable with them more quickly. I guess getting to know something about people even "just" online can help when it comes to meeting in person. Well put!! Getting to know someone within the AVEN community would seem to help when two people eventually decide meet in person...minus the potential catfish and psychopath factor, which I am assuming is a very small probability. I have no idea. I've never officially meet anyone online, and then met them in person as of yet. Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 I'm aware of two successful marriages and a pretty serious irl ldr between AVEN members and I've only been around since August. I would imagine there are more success stories as well. So I guess it could happen for any of us (if in fact that is something one would be interested in) Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 I am finding the same issue of all the Aces near me are in there 20s maybe a few in there 30s and we are a small group. I will be 51 in about 2 weeks. How do we get the word out to people our age who are Ace so we can connect. Whether you're looking for friendships or something more, hopefully forums such as "Older Asexuals" can be a start. Interacting with folks on various threads, and if you're comfortable, perhaps sending a PM to someone. It's not a marriage proposal or anything, just a way of initiating a friendship or simply saying hi. Earlier today I was on Acebook. I did a search for men seeking women, ages 40-65, no smoking, no drinking in Idaho, Utah, Montana, and Wyoming and I got 3 . So expanding geographically is where I'm at. I really just want to make some new friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 98th percentile is considered genius? But according to which test? Is that the one Mensa administers? Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 98th percentile is considered genius? But according to which test? Is that the one Mensa administers? "Genius" is really a layman's and a very subjective term, it's not actually used in psychological or educational assessment. 91st to 97th percentile represents superior intelligence and 98th and above represents very superior intelligence. I believe Mensa requires very superior - 98th and above (I'm actually not sure about this, but it was the criteria in the 90s). Intelligence tests that are considered to be the gold standard and appropriately normed such as the Wechsler series, Stanford-Binet, Cattell, Woodcock-Johnson, and a several others are acceptable measures. They also accept standardized measures such as GRE and MCAT scores, as well as military testing. Mensa does not administer it. You would submit the results of your test from a certified administer such as psychologist. Link to post Share on other sites
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