Is it an orientation if it can be "fixed"?

[sab7503]

What do you guys think? Is it an orientation if asexuality can be "fixed"? (it may not be possible, but if it is?). Also, even if it's considered an orientation by us, if it can be fixed, what will sexuals think? How would they accept asexuals if it can be fixed? Any thoughts or comments?

[The Evil Cashew]

Ah... hmmmmmmm

good questions... i'll get back to you... this deserves some though.

~Cashew

[silvergirl]

Some people might have a problem, which makes them appear to be asexual, and maybe that can be fixed. Doesn't mean that people who really are asexual have a problem though, and what then is there to fix?

[sab7503]

but what about the people who can be fixed, but dont want to? Are they asexual?

[Toiletman]

Maybe with enough drugs,pressure,and evil hypnosislasers from marvel comics when can all get "fixed" but why should we get "fixed" if nothing is broken.You can "fix" a person of negroid origin white with some medication and so on but why should the negroid become white?

[ghosts]

but what about the people who can be fixed, but dont want to? Are they asexual?

What exactly do you mean by this? Like, if a person is depressed and therefore might have a low sex drive as a result? Or if a person has some type of a disorder?

[Rabger]

Well, for starters, you can't fix something that's not broken. Secondly, it's an orientation because many of us have had physical checks, and everything is normal, and we're normal mentally as well. Abuse and shit can't be the cause or there would be a lot more asexuals, and some of us were never abused. The only thing I could guess is genetic, or possibly have something to do with hormones within the first trimester. And none of which can be "fixed." Homosexuality is still considered an orientation even though there are idiots out there that think it can be "fixed," too, after all.

[sab7503]

so most people did get checked out and theres nothing "wrong"??

[ghosts]

so most people did get checked out and theres nothing "wrong"??

I'm not sure if most people here have gotten checked by a doctor- I haven't. But I know some have, and for, well, some of those, there was nothing wrong.

[Vagus]

Does this mean that any of the other orientaions are valid IF they can be fixed?

its a valid orientaion for as long as a person feels they are asexual... no differnt to a stright person deciding they are gay or bi or the other way around... in my opinon its an individal decision and if the person feels they are in some way 'broken' then they can look for a cure if that is what they feel they need.

i know that some illinesses and drugs can cause asexuality, but (as someone kinda said ealier) if you are born asexual you might have as much luck curing it as you will someone thats born gay.

i suppose hormone and/or other chemicals/drugs might be able to either cure or elivate the 'problem' but as the addage goes 'if it ain't broke, why fix it?'

personally if there was a 'cure' i wouldnt go anywhere near it.... i might have problems understanding the rest of my species and socity most of the time on an interaction/relaionship/sexual leval... but i'm happy being an a-asexual (born like it) and wouldnt change it... as they say 'innoccence IS bliss'

[The Evil Cashew]

OK i've thought about this.

Is it an orientation if asexuality can be "fixed"?

I say why not? I mean, just because something COULD be fixed doesn't mean that everyone would want to or could get it fix IF it were possible so there would always be some poeple with this "problem" so i think its still a valid orientation. I mean, hell, maybe we would be better off with no labels at all, but we have them.

Also, even if it's considered an orientation by us, if it can be fixed, what will sexuals think? How would they accept asexuals if it can be fixed?

IF this was a problem that could be fixed i think it would just the incomprehensions/judgings/ everything else that sexuals do to asexuals do worse. I think asexuality would be considered a disease or a syndrome or something and we would be labeled as "sick". BUt at the same time if there was a "cure" for this problem then i think asexuality would be more easily acceptabl cuz its just "a disease"

Now personaly i don't think asexuality is a problem. Some poeple do and maybe for some poeple it is (if they have hyposexuality, are depressed ect) but liek others have said before me, the use of the label is a choice. If a person thinks its a problem, then like vagus said, by all means let them explore possiblities to figure out what is wrong. For me, i am happy the way i am. Why waste my time on something i don't care about. and btw yes poeple have been checked out.

~Cashew

[cijay]

There's nothing to 'fix' with me. But that'd be kinda' like saying if it CAN be "fixed" then all orientations can be "fixed" i.e. a straight person can be '"fixed" and be gay if they so desired. I don't see it working if a person is born asexual. If there are reasons (trauma, hormone imbalances etc) then it can probably be fixed but most people would rather buy a new TV set or something more constructive wit their time. I know I would.

[Wild Seven]

Oh, so to be truthful a bit... Take my post with grain of salt.

- I don't know if there's ANY method to determine if any sexual "orientation" is broken (put in those signs for one reason: orientation I understand as the direction in which person's life goes, and not just that romantic relationships &sex life goes, that's, for me, really simple style of assesing the question.... path of whole life is more difficult and adds different light to it, if we consider that orientation is NOT just something related to relationships and sex or physical intimity---- but whole set of ideas, styles of thinking etc. about outer world, in which to some aspects of the outer world there may be correlates in forms of erotic feelings etc., I'd like to view orientation differently than just focusing on the effects that manifest in the physical world)

-> because we DON'T exactly know what is "healthy" at first (something that is a majority? But majority doesn't mean health- if I were sitting before the medical cabinet, it's more than likely that people around me would be sick- though they are in the majority, does that make them healthy?)- how can we know it is NOT healthy? Someone else told us?

-> I think what matters are the effects on other individuals and on the person themselves (and believe me, I, personally, have such a weird mix of "sexualities" that would scare a lot people out, though I go around as healthy individual not intentionally harming anyone)

-> How much do the hormonal & endocrinological correlates relate to mental state, such as a sexual orientation? And more important question, does it DETERMINE the orientation, or are orientation and hormones thingy just interrelated separate conditions?

-> Problem... I won't discuss it. Any sexuality is a problem from some point of view. Lack of sexuality as well. Being human is a problem. A problem that cannot be fixed. People can face- and understand- in general so much. Usual problems, daily things, loves, marriages, bearing children, having friends, having crushes, having fun. Anything of it can be good and bad as well. This is just POV, and we can proclaim something isn't a problem- well, that's a positive attitude and that attitude that tries to make the world more simple than it actually is... but, in fact, it perhaps IS simple. Y'know? It's useful to tell that sexuality/lack of doesn't HAVE to be a problem.

OOps, perhaps I wasn't clear enough. Let me know if you don't understand, ok? I'll try to be more articulate. Just not in a mood to write in the style I'd like to. My thoughts wander a lot...

[Kally]

I don't know what kind of fixing would do it, frankly. Drink a magic Shrek potion and become a sex fiend overnight? I mean, if it was going to alter my personality...NO. Why should I want to change myself just to fit in? I don't like NOT fitting in, don't get me wrong, but I don't love conformity enough to want to change something I don't perceive as wrong with me just to try and get the ol' square peg to fit in the round hole. I guess if I was deeply in love with a sexual I might wish for it...then again, maybe not. I've walked away from relationships when it came down to sex. So...I guess I'll always walk away instead of trying to turn myself into something I'm not.

[Rabger]

i know that some illinesses and drugs can cause asexuality

I have to disagree with that. Illnesses and drugs have been known to reduce the sex drive. I have NEVER heard of something that affects the ability to experience sexual attraction. It's just that without the sex drive and/or sexual desire, there is little reason to pursue a sexual attraction. But there is a BIG difference. You can't control (by drugs or anything else) if someone experiences any sexual attraction or not any more than you can control (by drugs or anything else) who someone experiences sexual attraction toward.

[Vagus]

apoliges i ment to put tempary asexuality, (meaning the effects are simmiler)... and i know that they are not the 'cause' i just worded it wrong sorry

i knew what i ment..... :oops:

[sab7503]

I dont mean to offend anyone with this question, but I do think it's a legit topic to talk about.

For one thing, although medications certainly effect arousal, it's actually kind of difficult to figure out (from the sites I googled) whether or not it also effects attraction.

But one things for sure, I think depression can effect attraction, because even mild depression (dysthmia) can get a person to lose interest in many or most of their interests/activities. I've often felt like, I don't pay attentiont o whose around me or anything, and I don't meet as many people as I'd like, and etc. I think in my case I may have just appeared to be asexual rather than being asexual, though I'm still exploring that issue.

From some of the posts I have read, I got the impression that certain people take meds that could effect it, are depressed (like I've been) and also theres quite a lot who fit the definition of sexual aversion disorder (but that doesnt mean it's a disorder, especially if there's no psychological abuse or whatnot. It may just be like how it was when homosexuality was considered a disorder. Plus, I think it makes sense that, just like kids who haven't had attractions or sexual desires to other kids thus find sex gross, it could also be the same way for that kind of asexual. Hence it would not really be a disorder, but would look like the disorder and would just be a variety of asexuality. Yet there are other people who have posted stuff,and from what I read, those certain people do sound very asexual without a doubt, (they dont look like sexual aversion disorder, for example.)

Anyway, I do think asexuality is a legit orientation. But, I wonder if there are some people who arn't really asexual and who are just using it to cover up their issues.... or conversely, if it's a product of certain issues that they have? (I'm sure people are the same way with the homosexual label) I think in those cases it'd be wrong to ignore such issues. In that case it wouldnt be the asexuality thats wrong or broken, but somthing else. If a person wants to retain their asexuality after they deal with those issues, hey, I bet it can be done, even if they start to naturally have attractions after whatever issue they resolve is resolved. (if there's viagra, I bet there is or could be somthing to help someone be asexual too....if their not born that way that is. would be good for celibate people, if it's possible. :)

ANyway, don't get me wrong at all, I do think that asexuality is a real orienation for some people. But I guess, I just see some posts here that suggest the person may not be asexual. In my case, although I am still exploring and I'm not 100% sure, I am starting to think that it may have been due to me being dysthmic.

[biggreenmonkey]

sab, I agree. I think some people just use asexuality as an excuse to get away from the dating/sexual world.

However, if asexuality, all asexuality, not just asexuality cause by depression or repression, could be cured, I still believe it is an orientation. I believe asexuality is at least partially genetic, so I think if we cured asexuality, we could also probably cure sexuality.

But at any rate, even if it was proven that asexuality isn't a legit sexuality, I'm a bit fan of leaving those issues in each individual's bedroom.

[KidKash]

But I guess, I just see some posts here that suggest the person may not be asexual. In my case, although I am still exploring and I'm not 100% sure, I am starting to think that it may have been due to me being dysthmic.

I was just wondering, could you give me some examples of posts that you are using as references when you say that you believe that someone could be sexual, but simply has issues? Could you give me a link to a post or summarize what this person or these people have said? I just want to understand how you came to your conclusion...

[Squick]

so most people did get checked out and theres nothing "wrong"??

I've never seen a shrink (well, except once as a kid, but that's different). But I see no point at all in seeing a doctor about it. I know I have normal hormone levels--I have regular cycles, I get physically horny, etc. So hormones have nothing to do with it. And I've had pelvics and been green-lighted on those. Everything's is as it should be. But I don't want anyone putting anything in there. ;)

[Rabger]

so most people did get checked out and theres nothing "wrong"??

I wouldn't say most, but many have. Besides, if there is a hormonal problem, that's more likely to affect sex drive, not attraction.

But one things for sure, I think depression can effect attraction, because even mild depression (dysthmia) can get a person to lose interest in many or most of their interests/activities.

Very true. But that doesn't mean that depression causes asexuality. Depression can be just a phase, caused by break ups or deaths or just a lot of stress. The attractions go down because of distractions or a lack of interest in ANYTHING, not just sexually attractive people. And I thing most depressed people would not claim to be asexual, because they KNOW they are sexual and probably know they are depressed, and so know that one affects drive to do anything. They might very well find someone sexually attractive, but are just too depressed to give a shit. Its the people that have kinda severe depression, and have since before puberty, that might not know the difference. Or perhaps someone that got that depressed soon after puberty, and therefore maybe not realizing the situation. So I can see how it might be confusing to some, though I think that's a minority, and it def doesnt cause asexuality. It's like sure, I've been depressed for a while now, off on and on for like 3 years if I want to be fair. And it might confuse people a bit because thats around when I came out as asexual (though I wasn't depressed at the time). But make no mistake, I was always asexual.

From some of the posts I have read, I got the impression that certain people take meds that could effect it, are depressed (like I've been) and also theres quite a lot who fit the definition of sexual aversion disorder (but that doesnt mean it's a disorder, especially if there's no psychological abuse or whatnot.

As I've said, there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that meds or depression effect attraction levels. Desire and drive, yes, but not attraction. You just need to realize that if the desire and drive are less, there is nothing to encourage the pursuit of the attraction. Or you could have so much other stuff going on, sexual attraction takes a back seat. And sometimes this confuses people into thinking its not there, but I'm highly skeptical that it isn't. As for S.A.D., who knows. I find hetero-sexual sex to be absolutely disgusting. I mean I'm not fond of gay sex (of either gender) interesting either, and I don't like watching it if its at all graphic, but hetero sex just completely grosses me out. :x Does this mean that I have S.A.D.? No. It might suggest that I'm a lesbian though. And what do you know, I am! I agree that its possible that S.A.D. is just some sort of bullshit "disorder" because people think everyone has to love sex. If people got their heads out of their partner's pants long enough to look around, they'd see that not everyone thinks like they do.

if there's viagra, I bet there is or could be somthing to help someone be asexual too

Again, pills do NOT affect someone's orientation. Viagra does not MAKE someone sexual, it simply increases their physical sexual drive. Even without that drive there, they still WANT to be sexually active, which is why they CHOOSE to take a pill that will allow it. I don't think it affects their attraction because if they weren't attracted to anyone, why would they bother? There are pills and herbs (some herbs that are specifically for) reducing the sex drive. A friend of mine used to take them because he was sick of the constantant annoyance. And it worked. But it never affected his sexual attraction, just his desire/"need" to masturbate.

sab, I agree. I think some people just use asexuality as an excuse to get away from the dating/sexual world.

I agree that it can be used as an excuse, and that's very annoying. It's like the women that have bad experiences with men and so decide to swear off men and become lesbians. That doesn't make them lesbians. It's also like a woman in a bar that gets hit on by some guy, so in order to get him to back off, claims to be a lesbian. Still, not a lesbian. Asexuality can def be used like this. And I think its kinda bad for the cause.

[cait]

"Fix" is the wrong word. I think you're thinking of "change", perhaps?

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=fix

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=change

[cait]

It's also like a woman in a bar that gets hit on by some guy, so in order to get him to back off, claims to be a lesbian. Still, not a lesbian.

*guilty*

It's more effective than saying, "I don't like being hit on". People are more likely to understand someone being a lesbian, you see. Suits my cause. Maybe I am selfish.

[Toiletman]

if there's viagra, I bet there is or could be somthing to help someone be asexual too

Well as far as I know there's nothing that makes people feeling attracted to another one (maybe hypnosis but that's just reprogramming and therefore not real then) but as it goes for females I've read about a pill or rather a nosespray which makes females extremely horny and so it could maybe interesting for those asexual women who have a boy(or girl)friend and would like to try it once.http://www.pt141.com/ maybe it's just a fake I have no idea.

[Rabger]

*guilty*

It's more effective than saying, "I don't like being hit on". People are more likely to understand someone being a lesbian, you see. Suits my cause. Maybe I am selfish.

Depends on the guy. Sometimes that just makes them even more interested. Why? Because either they want to watch, or are the type of bob that thinks its absolutely impossible for a woman to not want a dick in the scene, and lesbians are really bisexuals.

[Xenon]

Viagra does not MAKE someone sexual, it simply increases their physical sexual drive.

It doesn't even do that. All it does is facilitate tumescence in those who have been having trouble in that area. They want to have sex -- the drive is already there -- but the relevant parts won't work properly. Viagra and similar drugs (Cialis, Levitra) rectify that problem.