Does anyone experience anxiety/unease about being Asexual?

[sab7503]

I'm starting to sort of slowly accept that I'm probably asexual. But I am finding that I'm really anxious about it. Not only do most people not understand, and not only do most people think it doesnt exist, but I'm very afraid of being alone most of my life. I just wish people could stop wanting to couple up and everyone could just be friends! I get really concerend that, as I get older, everyone will have a patner but a few (inlcuding me). It will be harder to relate to people who have a partner b/c they will have experiences that I don't. So I'm afraid of being alone, having difficulty finding people for friends once less people my age are single, and of people not understanding about asexuality. Does anyone else feel this way?

[The Evil Cashew]

*HUGZ*

don't wory. for one thing, its new for you. give it time. Aven is here for you so your not technically alone.

I know about being alone, i worry about it too. But a's have met up, some are dating and some even get along with sexuals.

Its hard because visibility isn;t that great right now. But that is one thing that alot of members on aven working on and thats what this site is for.

i hadmore i was gonna say but lack of sleep ate my brain... i hope i helped though

~Cashew

[birdnerd]

sab7503, you have echoed my own worries almost verbatim. I'm in college right now. College is great, because it's incredibly easy to just up and grab breakfast with a casual friend and talk about books. But what next? My posse of nerdly buddies will scatter, many or most of them will get married, and I'll live alone and feel increasingly unable to relate to my friends' lives as they get more and more involved in the whole marriage/child-rearing thing. Plus "grabbing breakfast and talking about books" will just be harder from a practical standpoint. This kind of thinking is starting to influence the way I think about my career path ("Hmmm... if I were a college professor, I'd get dropped in the middle of a big group of intellectuals by default...").

But really, what scares me more than living alone is dying alone. And I'm not talking something wistful like not having anyone at my bedside to hold my hand as I slip out of this life and into the next. From observing my own elderly relatives, this is not what dying is. Dying is seven years or more spent slowly decaying in a nursing home, losing more and more control over one's own body until all of the ties are finally cut and you move on to something better. It's those seven years or more that I'm afraid of. Sitting in that nursing home cafeteria eating hideous nursing home cafeteria food on every major holiday. I'm the youngest in my family by a long shot; as morbid as it sounds, I'll probably outlive everyone. I'm certainly not going to be surrounding myself with a family of my own, for obvious reasons, and my older brother is also very single and I wouldn't be surprised if he remained so. My greatest fear is of being a sentient mind trapped in a body that doesn't work anymore, sitting silent in a wheelchair parked in front of that aviary they seem to have in every nursing home in America, and I only hope I have enough money piled up in savings to be able to afford those seven years or more.

Wow... that was REALLY depressing. Sorry I can't really offer any words of encouragement, but I can commiserate. Let's have together.

[sab7503]

I guess I am not as afraid of dying alone. See, I'm very religious (buddhist actually). And I belong to one of the bigger buddhist communities in the US. The orginal abbot who founded the place, he was divorced and he started to really develop parkinsons, losing his body and stuff. ALthough he wasn't married, and was single, he was really looked after by our reliogus community. Since many people in our community sort of live at the religuis center (not as monks or nuns, but as laypeople who are like clergy....and they're not celibate) since thats the case, it was natural for him to live at the religious community/place too. Since there is a high percentage of nurses at my religous center, there was always someone to take care of him, plus a nursing aid was hired and stuff. (he was that valued in our community). I guess, I hope that, even if I am not THAT valued, I will never be alone when I die b/c I'll have my religious community there for me. heh, but still, many (though not all) are married or in relationships!

hm, now that I think about it, I AM able to relate to them even though many are married!

[sab7503]

Even so, I'm still anxious and uneasy about it!

[birdnerd]

I'll have my religious community as well, and so does my grandpa (Parkinson's is nasty stuff, isn't it?), but... I guess the nursing home years are kind of depressing no matter who you are or who you've got around you. It will help, though. One of the reasons my dad put him in the home he's in now is because that's where most of his surviving friends from the missions field live. Things like that help, but I guess aging and dying in general are the problem, not necessarily connected to asexuality.

[cijay]

nope

[ghosts]

I just wish people could stop wanting to couple up and everyone could just be friends! I get really concerend that, as I get older, everyone will have a patner but a few (inlcuding me).

Oh man, I can definitely relate to that. First of all, I would suggest going here: www.celebratefriendship.org

I know there are people that couple up and seem to lose touch with their friends, but not all people are like that (sexual or asexual). I have some friends that would never abandon their friends once they entered a relationship, and consider their friendships just as important.

I wish that no one would couple up either- I don't see the point. But please don't lose hope.

[Orbit]

The only time I experience anxiety is when my husband wants to have sex and I can't bring myself to compromise.

Other than that, I'm very happy to not have to bother with feeling sexual attraction.

hawke

[sab7503]

Hey people! Got to respond here!

:P. 23 views and only 2 votes? geesh! I guess one of the main reasons I am doing this poll is, that, it would help show that it's a legit orientation... if people who I possibly come out to are like "well, it's medicial, or it's probably hormonal, or drug related, or etc." and if there's a high rate of people in the "it's just natural, none of the causes etc." then I can be like, well, no it's not hormonal, b/c of the 25 people I polled, most are just that way....

so it would be kinda useful if more people answered because it could help show that it's more legit. Heh, I guess I am really coming at this from a psychology point of view (I'm a psych major). But, when people don't answer it's called a "response bias". I'm a bit concerened that people may be responding because it is one of the things like hormones, and etc.... okay, maybe I'm a bit freaked out myself, I mean how can I call myself A if it's not legit? :P I think it is legit, but, ....you know, I'm feeling a bit nervous about it now, b/c I'm seriously beginning to realize that I really am A...

[ghosts]

I think you're putting your response here in the wrong thread, sab7503, because there isn't a poll in this one. But I know what thread you're talking about- just give it some more time. There's a lot of lurkers here that don't post too. More people will vote in time.

[sab7503]

oops, :shock: yep, I put it in the wrong thread!!!!! oppsies. :?

[leafboy]

I usually feel pretty comfortable - but sometimes - like now, I feel the opposite about my feelings - this prob sounds really stupid, and I dont want to make people cross (im A too, so dont be!) but, it's not normal is it? (biologically, at least)

Im quite a logical person - men and women have sex=a baby. What function has being A got? Im not religious at all - but everything seems to have a kinda 'plan' - (plants make oxygen - things can breathe, the sun rises - things can see, etc, etc) - we dont seem to have one (or it's not obvious!) There seems to be no chain of causes to follow through.

Also - although i mentally cannot have a sexual girlfriend/boyfriend style relationship (ive tried - it wasnt me at all..) it doesnt stop me wishing I could - i feel i must be missing out!!

All that said, Im really happy about who I am, and I think the best way to look on this is as a blessing - like we're moving away from a sexually-orientated culture to something more loving - less animal, perhaps?

Im really into environmental issues, quite obsessively - i want to save the world!lol! - im glad that 'I' dont want to have these relationships - it means I have even more time to get down to the saving!

what a ramble.somebody tell me to shut up!

Alex

[KidKash]

The thought has crept into my mind a few times. I'm the youngest child in my family, so I will also outlive the rest of my family. I do think about who is going to take care of me when I am older and I am not able to function properly.

[ily]

It's not just us! I was talking about this same thing to two of my (sexual) friends a few weeks ago. They were bemoaning the fact that while everyone else our age gets married eventually, we will all be single. I do get discouraged sometimes about my asexuality (among other things) being an issue in finding a relationship. However, being the eternal optimist that I am, I do think I will find one someday. :? But, my friends aren't A and seem to think they'll be alone forever anyway! You can't win.

[Toiletman]

Normally I even like to be asexual especially when I see how distracted people get by sexual things so I always thank god [choose one of your favour] that I'm not like this and can concentrate on the things I really like.

[vikingo]

... Does anyone else feel this way?

From time to time I do. Thinking a bit about it I may even find that what you describe could be the only way I actually think about it ...

[Goonie]

I just don't think about it :?

[Barcode]

Married couples hang out with their friends just like singles. I wouldn't worry too much about being alone if you have good friends to share life with.

[ghosts]

Married couples hang out with their friends just like singles. I wouldn't worry too much about being alone if you have good friends to share life with.

Well, not all married couples. My parents don't really hang out with friends like they did when they were younger. But of course, some married couples aren't like that. I agree with your second sentence though.