Tarfeather Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 To me, actively looking for a partner (especially through speed dating) is one of the most unromantic business-like manner of forming relationships that ever was. It's right up there with arranged marriage. It's still possible to use dating and dating sites in a reasonable manner, though. You can use it simply to maximize the amount of exposure you get to people who might be suitable as a partner; At that point, you don't need to "aim" for romance at all, you can simply befriend them and count on the law of large numbers to yield you a functional romance eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 It seems to me that people used to marry for other reasons than romance. Not really, unless you're talking about centuries ago. People in Western countries have married for love all my ridiculously-long life. (Although people in my childhood got married because of pregnancy, before good birth control.) Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 It seems to me that people used to marry for other reasons than romance. Not really, unless you're talking about centuries ago. People in Western countries have married for love all my ridiculously-long life. (Although people in my childhood got married because of pregnancy, before good birth control.) Well, it was still expected of my mother to marry for practical reasons rather than personal reasons, but this was in Soviet Occupied Germany and her parents were peasants. Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 It seems to me that people used to marry for other reasons than romance. Not really, unless you're talking about centuries ago. People in Western countries have married for love all my ridiculously-long life. (Although people in my childhood got married because of pregnancy, before good birth control.) and well, some would argue that what causes pregnancy is love xD Link to post Share on other sites
Calamity Jim Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 It seems to me that people used to marry for other reasons than romance. Not really, unless you're talking about centuries ago. People in Western countries have married for love all my ridiculously-long life. (Although people in my childhood got married because of pregnancy, before good birth control.) My grandparents married because they needed financial security and wanted kids to make the family happy. They never loved each other. That wasn't exactly that long ago. Link to post Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 and well, some would argue that what causes pregnancy is love xD In many cases, yeah, but not for one-night-stands, I guess. ^^' Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 Just the same, I'm officially OFF the market. Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Maybe it's because I'm demiromantic but I have never been on the dating scene and to be honest, I don't connect the dating scene with romance or love at all. To me, actively looking for a partner (especially through speed dating) is one of the most unromantic business-like manner of forming relationships that ever was. It's right up there with arranged marriage. Which isn't to say it's wrong to look for a partner that way. But yeah, as far as romance is concerned, nope. So I understand that one would grow discouraged and lose faith in love and romance, when faced with such a businessman way of making connections. Maybe it's because I'm demi. And maybe it's beside the point, but there you go. I don't think it's just because you're demi. I think dating someone you just met seems kind of pointless too. Plus speed-dating seems super stressful. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 It seems to me that people used to marry for other reasons than romance. Not really, unless you're talking about centuries ago. People in Western countries have married for love all my ridiculously-long life. (Although people in my childhood got married because of pregnancy, before good birth control.) My grandparents married because they needed financial security and wanted kids to make the family happy. They never loved each other. That wasn't exactly that long ago. It's possible that they did love each other; no one on the outside can say how they actually felt. I've seen people who fight and seem to hate each other, and when one of them dies, the other is distraught. I didn't say that all people in the past got married because of love. I said that love as a reason to get married did exist in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Neo Nyo Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 Is this straight out of /r9k/? jk jk Well anyways, I have to agree with you. Though many people won't talk about it, feminism and the advent of LGBT/Genders has tampered with the dating scene and acceptance in general. People are way too picky now, or try to find Mr. Perfect without seeing what is outside of their "Search range" People's perceptions are skewed by political correctness, appearance and acceptance. It is not looking good for straight people. Not to mention, the extreme feminists made being any kind of "alpha" impossible. This is bothersome. There is a focus on the idea that 'women' don't pick 'good men' because they want 'better.' The 'feminists' are 'ruining dating.' As a gay ace this REALLY bothers me. I quit participating in the dating scene because men would accuse me of being an entitled *expletive* because I was obviously holding out for something better, when I just wanted something with matching anatomy. The simple fact is that I never found the dating scene safe. And if people are staying away because they don't find it safe we have something we need to work on, but if people are staying away because they are mad that women are demanding safer dating spaces I think we are better off. I'm tired, women and AFABs are tired of being berated and degraded by guys who think it's okay to talk about our bodies like they belong to them and then cry 'freedom of speech' and 'political correctness overdose' when we call them on it. And the idea that 'the gays' and 'the feminists' are ruining dating for everyone when what we've been aiming for is a dating scene where we won't be physically attacked is offensive and ridiculous. Yes, the dating scene has slowed, but there has also been a cultural focus on things like education, so the people paying off their debts can't really afford to date so they aren't searching for partners, or can but don't have the time because they landed the career they wanted. There has been a move from the idea of marriage being the end-all and the generation before us divorced all the time, so many people don't want marriage because they watched their parent's fall apart. There has also been a huge shift to internet dating, as it is now where most hookups happen. So speed daters are likely now on eHarmony, forlorn instead buckets of ice cream because they have given up on love. Also, people, LIKE GAYS AND ACES, don't have to get married in order to pass and therefore not be ostracized or attacked by society because they are no longer classified as diseases, so they aren't looking for beards on the dating scene anymore, or dating from the closet. So yes, dating has changed. It is hardly ruined I love this post so much, I want to print it out and stick it on my bedroom wall. ♣ Also to add that I've never liked this "alpha" man I keep hearing about. The more I hear about this guy, the more rude and obnoxious he sounds. I'd rather date someone with manners and respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 Is this straight out of /r9k/? jk jk Well anyways, I have to agree with you. Though many people won't talk about it, feminism and the advent of LGBT/Genders has tampered with the dating scene and acceptance in general. People are way too picky now, or try to find Mr. Perfect without seeing what is outside of their "Search range" People's perceptions are skewed by political correctness, appearance and acceptance. It is not looking good for straight people. Not to mention, the extreme feminists made being any kind of "alpha" impossible. This is bothersome. There is a focus on the idea that 'women' don't pick 'good men' because they want 'better.' The 'feminists' are 'ruining dating.' As a gay ace this REALLY bothers me. I quit participating in the dating scene because men would accuse me of being an entitled *expletive* because I was obviously holding out for something better, when I just wanted something with matching anatomy. The simple fact is that I never found the dating scene safe. And if people are staying away because they don't find it safe we have something we need to work on, but if people are staying away because they are mad that women are demanding safer dating spaces I think we are better off. I'm tired, women and AFABs are tired of being berated and degraded by guys who think it's okay to talk about our bodies like they belong to them and then cry 'freedom of speech' and 'political correctness overdose' when we call them on it. And the idea that 'the gays' and 'the feminists' are ruining dating for everyone when what we've been aiming for is a dating scene where we won't be physically attacked is offensive and ridiculous. Yes, the dating scene has slowed, but there has also been a cultural focus on things like education, so the people paying off their debts can't really afford to date so they aren't searching for partners, or can but don't have the time because they landed the career they wanted. There has been a move from the idea of marriage being the end-all and the generation before us divorced all the time, so many people don't want marriage because they watched their parent's fall apart. There has also been a huge shift to internet dating, as it is now where most hookups happen. So speed daters are likely now on eHarmony, forlorn instead buckets of ice cream because they have given up on love. Also, people, LIKE GAYS AND ACES, don't have to get married in order to pass and therefore not be ostracized or attacked by society because they are no longer classified as diseases, so they aren't looking for beards on the dating scene anymore, or dating from the closet. So yes, dating has changed. It is hardly ruined I love this post so much, I want to print it out and stick it on my bedroom wall. ♣ Also to add that I've never liked this "alpha" man I keep hearing about. The more I hear about this guy, the more rude and obnoxious he sounds. I'd rather date someone with manners and respect. "... research suggests that the ideal man (for a date or romantic partner) is one who is assertive, confident, easygoing, and sensitive, without being aggressive, demanding, dominant, quiet, shy or submissive. In other words, a prestigious man, not a dominant man." Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 What women definitely don't like is a bitter, angry man. Just as men probably don't like bitter angry women. We're not so different, after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.