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Asexual scarcity an illusion?


dio

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Like many of you out there I exclusively see my Ace community online. I am sure most pride clubs have only one asexual tops. What the heck? :) Is it that we are still growing in terms of media and awareness? Or are we highly visible but are physically kept separate like magnets of the same pole that repel making bumping into one another on the street impossible because of our similarity we don't attract? I like to stay highly visible: Pride colors, Middle Right Black Ring, And am wide open to my friends on social media and my family in real life about my asexuality. I am so totally comfortable with all the time I spend being alone, yet like many of you when I see fellow aces it seems like we are out of reach as real life ace friends. I hope that some day soon I will be seeing more Ace pride wherever I go, and by then I will hanging out and doing more friend stuff with people who are like me :) :cake::ph34r: (Neenja)

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I've made a lot of gay friends at school from going to some LGBT events. I've never said anything about my sexual orientation to them, but I think they just assume I'm gay too. I'm a little worried they won't see me as part of the group anymore if they know I'm asexual(or asexualish, still not sure), especially since some people I know who are bisexual said they felt excluded from gay groups because they were perceived as not being gay enough.

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Probably you do see some asexual people, you just don't realize they are asexual, it's not exactly plastered on our foreheads.

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I'm a person too!

Yeah, I found out very per chance that an old school mate was also ace. We just never knew, it wasn't something either of us felt the need to advertise so we just didn't know.

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I was invited to a Pride meeting once but declined because I was waiting for my friend (who is actually lesbian) I wasn't trying to be rude, I actually promised to be where I was. She always showed up to hang out right on time, to joke and play guitar with me at the college. She was one of my first gay friends of many that I made within that month and we are still connected on social media. That semester was not only memorable for the friends I made, but it was when I noticed my asexual traits becoming more noticeable. Two years later (2014) I searched and found asexuality and identified with it. I came out first on social media when I had been fed up and needed to speak up, and then to family. My lesbian friend and her gay best friend (inseparable) were the first to informally acknowledge and accept my asexuality. Thinking outward I understand that asexuality itself is a dense subject that seems fake or unreal. I try to remember the first time transgender people were on talk shows discussing their orientation. For me that was hard to tell it was real, especially due to talk shows sometimes being fake. I've seen the bathroom discrimination issue first hand at cosmetology school and had no way to tell that person that I'm not against them as they were ping ponged back over to the boys room. I'm actually fortunate to have seen these things despite the circumstances, because they give me more insight and help me to be more understanding and considerate. One of the friends I made during that month in college (not cosmetology) is a trans bi guy. I discovered that they can display more masculine or feminine traits that can fluctuate. All of this actually helps me understand how the human body works. How we are the same, and how we are different.

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I think the diversity of human sexual and gender orientation is fascinating and also good for society in general. It helps to break down society's expectations and bridges the gap between genders a bit. It disappoints me when people from within the LGBT+ don't realize it's important to be allies of other members of the community, especially when they know what it feels like to be othered.

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I never saw myself as an ally just because my primary impressions of that word in the community meant "straight friend" and that it was a thrill to support someone for a week with a rainbow profile filter and then take it down. Good intentions although no act is without reward for self. When gay marriage becoming "legalized" was the latest buzz on facebook and other social platforms, I tried to hold it in but I felt mildly jealous and envious of them. I kept in mind how important this was not only for gays but saw it as a chance to take the flag and run with it. And by flag I mean my own Ace Flag (Try to picture a guy hauling ass with an Ace flag while his friends sit and watch him while having donuts) I also mean that it was at this point where I used the filter to make my profile image blended with an Asexual Pride Flag. While there was Millions of Rainbow squares everywhere, I was amongst the less common Black Grey White Purple crowd. I even saw other filters including my friends Transgender profile filter effect on my screen. So to come full circle, I like to picture myself as a long term ally. A friend for life. That's what you become, a friend for life. More important to each other than you may ever know.

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I totally feel the same. I do not know any asexuals outside of the Internet. I think that many still don't know asexuality, but the media and awareness are slowly making it out there for people to know.

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Im a very social person, and me and my friends tend to not be very discreet with each other about our sexualities (except for me, I guess, because I haven't told any of them). So far, none of my close-close friends are ace, and I only know of one person other than me throughout my life who is asexual. And even then, I'm not very sure, because it was only because I was following one of their friends on tumblr and (like the nosy person I am) went onto their tumblr page because I recognized the name. I'm sure there are at least a few people that I either don't know well enough or who aren't open about their asexuality, but even accounting for those, the 1% statistic seems pretty accurate.

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By chance, I had a friend in middle school who later came out as asexual, and the LGBT group at my college had multiple asexual people in it. Aside from them, I can't be certain if I've met other asexual people in person. I probably have, but it's possible they might not have been aware of their asexuality at the time, or didn't feel any need to talk about it, and I didn't feel the need to either.

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I've dated three asexuals without any of us being out, dated one who is out as demi, and am friends with 1. I've met three others randomly through work.

1 out of every 100 people you meet is ace. Whether they are out or open is a different thing entirely.

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