booksaremysexlife Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Okay, first of all I hope I didn't put this in the wrong section. Sorry if I did. I was wondering, is stuff like.... skin kissing (I am not sure what to call it) and the things before the actual sex sexual? For example, if you were attracted to someone in that way would it be considered sexual attraction? Wow this is short. Thanks! :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 To my knowledge kissing falls into the realm of sensual attraction so I don't see it as sexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I feel like it is? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Odo Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I think it is sensual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Awkward JoJoeh Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 "Skin kissing"? ;) Erm... Thinking about it (imagining it, too) ... I'd say it's pretty close to the sexual realm because it can occur both before, during and after any and all definite sex acts but it can also be seen as a romantic gesture and thus, sensual. One of the first things that came to mind was an old cartoon I remember watching. For the life of me I can't remember the name of the cartoons nor the characters themselves but in this episode, a lady was being introduced to a gentlemen and the man began by kissing her hand and then he went all crazy and started kissing the rest of her arm all the way up to her shoulder. It was just a kids cartoon but that was definitely, "skin kissing." Sensuality isn't as blatant as sexuality is... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 No, kissing is not sexual by default. What is sexual involves the genitals; so sex and acts that are done with the intention of sexual arousal are sexual. Some sexual people think kissing is sexual, but that's because they intend for sexual arousal and or intend for it to lead to sex. Sexual attraction is strictly the mental impulse to have sex with someone specific/do genital involving things to their body. I suggest this thread. Any form of non-genital contact is called sensual attraction and is completely normal. If it's intended to be sexually arousing then it's just a kink but the person is still completely asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Null_and_Void Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 If somebody getting a sexual thrill out of it, anything can be sexual. Pretty much the only thing inherently sexual is... well, sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Keumi Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I think in general it would be considered sensual rather than sexual. Unless you were kissing areas with the intent of sexual arousal...that, in my opinion, would possibly be crossing the line into the sexual realm. I guess if you're being strictly technical it would still be sensual, but perhaps it depends on the individuals involved, the scenario, and their feelings on such actions as to whether or not it feels sexual in nature to them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ellastokes Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 guess it depends on how you view it. do you do it to be cuddly, or to be sexy-time ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 But Star, there's no hard-and-fast rule as to whether kissing is sexual or not. It doesn't involve genitals, true, (well, unless you're kissing someone's bits), but that doesn't automatically make it non-sexual. It's all context and intention and nuance and personal feeling. No one gets to declare that it definitively is or isn't sexual. For some it is, others it isn't; neither is wrong. I said it's not sexual by DEFAULT. I'm not saying it CAN'T be sexual. And I said "acts with the intent of sexual arousal are sexual." In otherwords, if someone wants to kiss out of the intent of sexual arousal then it's sexual; it indirectly but intentionally involves the genitals. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BrightCancer Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I say even if you look at someone with a sexual desire that is also sexual, even tho there is no touching or contact involved in it, so yeah anything which is done with sexual desire is sexual....and somethings lead to sexual desires even if the person didn't had sex in mind when they first started doing it, but it can trigger the sexual desire in them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I'd just like to throw in my two cents that lots of things are sexual that aren't actual sex. Like, for instance, making out. Maybe a kiss isn't sexual, but a long session of tongue kissing is, IMO, inherently sexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I'd just like to throw in my two cents that lots of things are sexual that aren't actual sex. Like, for instance, making out. Maybe a kiss isn't sexual, but a long session of tongue kissing is, IMO, inherently sexual. Still haven't been suspended lol so saw this thread and had to comment. I think kissing is sexual is for a sexual person if it ever leads to sex or is enjoyed as an aspect of sex. But some asexuals love kissing (Even long drawn out tongue sessions) and even enjoy it as an act with their sexual partner, but don't want *sex* ever so the sexual partner is not getting what they as a sexual person would love to have as an intimate act with their partner. All the slow tongue kissing in the world can't really fulfill the need for *sexual* intimacy (partnered sexual pleasure, involving stimulation of the genitals etc) if you kiss but never have sex wirh your sexual partner ever, right? So if someone *never* desires sexual intimacy but enjoys kissing, then it's a sensual act I think. Whereas if kissing is enjoyed as a part of or a lead up to sex for a person,then it would fall in to the realm of sexual acts. If kissing is only *ever* done with no desire ever for it to lead to having sex and no desire for sex, then to me, it's not sexual. I could give my sexual ex partner all the kissing he wanted (I did for maybe the first 3 years) but it didn't make him any more sexually satisfied (looking back now I know it actually made him *more* unhappy because I was giving him something that made him aroused and want sex. And I still gave him sex anyway I just never *enjoyed* it which to him was almost as bad as not having it) kissing could not satisfy his sexual needs, ever, so I don't think it's inherently sexual on its own. Just my two cents as a member who is suspended in theory but not in practice yet :p oh wait also, I love kissing (only when in love) ., the more tongue and the longer it goes for the better I say :p .. so if kissing is sexual, technically that makes me a nympho sexual when in love ehe.. My ex will tell you with 100% certainty that I am not sexual (he even knew what asexuality meant as soon as I "came out" to him years after we broke up, even though he'd never heard the term before and he's thick as bricks lol. I was like "oh by the way I'm asexual" and he goes "that means you're capable of masturbation but not interested in having sex with anyone, right?" Haha.. He just knew exactly what it meant after having been in a relationship with me for 5 years back before I knew about asexuality) So despite all the kissing, I am to him the most non-sexual person he has ever known, and he has had sex with lots of women he hasn't kissed also. Kissing just doesn't seem to he a necessary factor in defining something as sexual, more something that can be a wonderful aspect *of* sex, sometimes. But you take the kissing away you still have the sex. If you take the sex away from the kissing.. you just have kissing. That probably made no sense, I'm going to shut-up now lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Do some people actually get aroused in their genitals from making out or not? Sorry if this question is TMI, just wondering. Also, can people feel sexual arousal in areas other than their genitals? If so, how can you tell if it's sexual arousal? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Well, I think activities can be sexual in nature without invalidating asexuality. I'm not sure why activities need to be re-categorized... you can really enjoy long, deep kissing sessions, concede that it's a sexual(ish) activity, and still not desire partnered sex or feel sexual attraction or whatever definition anyone wants to use. I don't really see the problem with it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Do some people actually get aroused in their genitals from making out or not? Sorry if this question is TMI, just wondering. Also, can people feel sexual arousal in areas other than their genitals? If so, how can you tell if it's sexual arousal? 1. Yes!!! Holy fuck, thinking about making out makes me aroused. I'm so into kissing... 2. Yes, I get it in the pit of my stomach, also, my shins get tingly. It's the weirdest thing but the only time I ever "feel" my shins is when i'm all... turned on. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Well, I think activities can be sexual in nature without invalidating asexuality. I'm not sure why activities need to be re-categorized... you can really enjoy long, deep kissing sessions, concede that it's a sexual(ish) activity, and still not desire partnered sex or feel sexual attraction or whatever definition anyone wants to use. I don't really see the problem with it. Yeah I go with grey-asexual anyway as I do like a lot of things that would certainly be considered sexual (TMI like having my boobs played with haha!) I am just unable to have a relationship with a sexual person because I have no interest in actually having sex (hence I'd just be making a sexual person and myself unhappy by entering a sexual relationship) ..Grey asexual is the best label for me as I pretty much exist perpetually in that in-between real of ''is it sexual? or is it not sexual?'' lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Hugh, I thought people made out mostly for feelings of warmth and closeness, but there seems to be more of a sexual aspect to it than I realized, at least some of the time. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Contrary to popular belief (on AVEN, anyway), "sexuality" is actually something that happens in the mind. What defines sexuality is not the physical act, but the kind of emotional processes and interactions triggered in the minds of the people involved. Well, I think activities can be sexual in nature without invalidating asexuality. I'm not sure why activities need to be re-categorized... you can really enjoy long, deep kissing sessions, concede that it's a sexual(ish) activity, and still not desire partnered sex or feel sexual attraction or whatever definition anyone wants to use. I don't really see the problem with it. Yeah I go with grey-asexual anyway as I do like a lot of things that would certainly be considered sexual (TMI like having my boobs played with haha!) I am just unable to have a relationship with a sexual person because I have no interest in actually having sex (hence I'd just be making a sexual person and myself unhappy by entering a sexual relationship) ..Grey asexual is the best label for me as I pretty much exist perpetually in that in-between real of ''is it sexual? or is it not sexual?'' lol I guess this thread created a huge disturbance in the power and temporarily brought Pan back to us? I don't know, that sounds so strange. Like, if enjoying certain sexual things, but not sex in and of itself makes you grey, then I might be really "close", because I find that kind of stuff pretty damn fulfilling. Like, I did a few things with my girlfriend, and if we did those things once a week maybe, I would have nothing to complain about even. I don't really feel that "real" sex is necessary to feel sexually fulfilled. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Well, I think activities can be sexual in nature without invalidating asexuality. I'm not sure why activities need to be re-categorized... you can really enjoy long, deep kissing sessions, concede that it's a sexual(ish) activity, and still not desire partnered sex or feel sexual attraction or whatever definition anyone wants to use. I don't really see the problem with it. Yeah I go with grey-asexual anyway as I do like a lot of things that would certainly be considered sexual (TMI like having my boobs played with haha!) I am just unable to have a relationship with a sexual person because I have no interest in actually having sex (hence I'd just be making a sexual person and myself unhappy by entering a sexual relationship) ..Grey asexual is the best label for me as I pretty much exist perpetually in that in-between real of ''is it sexual? or is it not sexual?'' lol To be clear, I'd consider someone who liked first and second bases but nothing more to be asexual, regardless of whether their enjoyed activities are "sexual" or "sexualish". Also, this reminds me... we really should go back to using the "bases" more. First base: french kissing; Second base: boob action; Third base: genital contact; Home run... Sex. So, in that regard at least, we've grown up associating all those things with sex... they are certainly sexual, but are also very certainly not sex (except third base which could totally be sex). What am I talking about? I don't know. I'm avoiding work. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 To be clear, I'd consider someone who liked first and second bases but nothing more to be asexual, regardless of whether their enjoyed activities are "sexual" or "sexualish". Also, this reminds me... we really should go back to using the "bases" more. First base: french kissing; Second base: boob action; Third base: genital contact; Home run... Sex. So, in that regard at least, we've grown up associating all those things with sex... they are certainly sexual, but are also very certainly not sex (except third base which could totally be sex). What am I talking about? I don't know. I'm avoiding work. Oooh okay, I never knew much about the bases (I always heard people in movies say ''did you make second base'' and wasn't entirely sure what that meant lol) If we are going by those, I love first and second base and do need them in a relationship to be fully satisfied. Third base and home run can drown in a gutter though as I am not interested :p What am I talking about? I also do not know. I'm waiting for my friend to come online to get drunk with me. Hurry up man I'm thirsty (it's totally not 7.30 in the morning.. ahem) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 OMG I LOVE GETTING ONLINE DRUNK. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 OMG I LOVE GETTING ONLINE DRUNK. ME TOO!! I guess this thread created a huge disturbance in the power and temporarily brought Pan back to us? I don't know, that sounds so strange. Like, if enjoying certain sexual things, but not sex in and of itself makes you grey, then I might be really "close", because I find that kind of stuff pretty damn fulfilling. Like, I did a few things with my girlfriend, and if we did those things once a week maybe, I would have nothing to complain about even. I don't really feel that "real" sex is necessary to feel sexually fulfilled. No hah I can't help myself coming on AVEN that's the whole point of requesting suspension, I literally cannot access the website :P Buuut my suspension hasn't been.. activated.. or whatever they call it.. yet.. lol. Well I look at it like this.. if you have a wonderful gorgeous partner who you love with all your heart, who is amazing in bed etc and did absolutely love having full sex (being given oral and penetration and being fingered etc, anything involving his/her genitals) but not so often as to wear you out or bore you... would you enjoy having sex with them or would it be something you'd only do because they want it, but if it was up to you, you and your partner would remain totally celibate when it comes to the genital stuff and just focus on kissing and snuggling and other first and second base activities? ..Like for me, I can't be happy *without* that celibacy, that total lack of sex or need for sex. But I like first and second base activities so much (as well as having some very dirty kinks) that to me, I fall into the grey-area (as well as having felt sexual attraction twice as I described in another thread) .. I just have no innate desire to have actual sex, ever, and when I do have it (I used to in the past) I hate everything about the way it feels lol. So yeah, it wouldn't matter how amazing my partner was or how in love with them I am, I couldn't have sex with them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
m4rble Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I think it's a bit weird that boob play is on a higher place than making out. It seems a lot less intense to me. After all, there is less unpredictability with boob action and no exchange of bodily fluids. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 OMG I LOVE GETTING ONLINE DRUNK. ME TOO!! I guess this thread created a huge disturbance in the power and temporarily brought Pan back to us? I don't know, that sounds so strange. Like, if enjoying certain sexual things, but not sex in and of itself makes you grey, then I might be really "close", because I find that kind of stuff pretty damn fulfilling. Like, I did a few things with my girlfriend, and if we did those things once a week maybe, I would have nothing to complain about even. I don't really feel that "real" sex is necessary to feel sexually fulfilled. No hah I can't help myself coming on AVEN that's the whole point of requesting suspension, I literally cannot access the website :P Buuut my suspension hasn't been.. activated.. or whatever they call it.. yet.. lol. Well I look at it like this.. if you have a wonderful gorgeous partner who you love with all your heart, who is amazing in bed etc and did absolutely love having full sex (being given oral and penetration and being fingered etc, anything involving his/her genitals) but not so often as to wear you out or bore you... would you enjoy having sex with them or would it be something you'd only do because they want it, but if it was up to you, you and your partner would remain totally celibate when it comes to the genital stuff and just focus on kissing and snuggling and other first and second base activities? ..Like for me, I can't be happy *without* that celibacy, that total lack of sex or need for sex. But I like first and second base activities so much (as well as having some very dirty kinks) that to me, I fall into the grey-area (as well as having felt sexual attraction twice as I described in another thread) .. I just have no innate desire to have actual sex, ever, and when I do have it (I used to in the past) I hate everything about the way it feels lol. So yeah, it wouldn't matter how amazing my partner was or how in love with them I am, I couldn't have sex with them. Well, to be quite honest, I'm actually more worried about not pleasing my partner than I'm worried about not getting the sexual intimacy in and of itself. So, if my partner could be equally if not more aroused by things that don't involve genitals, yes I would prefer that. But if my partner wanted genital things, then that would be the way to go. I have only one experience stimulating someone else's genitals, and she was completely passive during the whole process, and that was such a complete turn-off for me.. (Even though she said she enjoyed it afterward). So, I really think it's more about seeing my partner aroused and knowing that I'm causing that arousal, which is important to me, not so much whether genitals happen to be involved or not (although for most people the experience will of course be a lot more powerful with genitals involved). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Do some people actually get aroused in their genitals from making out or not? Sorry if this question is TMI, just wondering. Also, can people feel sexual arousal in areas other than their genitals? If so, how can you tell if it's sexual arousal? That's what foreplay is - anything that gradually sets the mood and atmosphere for sex. This could be anything depending on the person. Porn, kissing, groping, kink, even eating or bathing or whatever. These can exist and be pleasant activities for asexual people, if they're separate from a desire for sex. But most people who desire sex include these types of things in the foreplay leading up to sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I say even if you look at someone with a sexual desire that is also sexual, even tho there is no touching or contact involved in it, so yeah anything which is done with sexual desire is sexual....and somethings lead to sexual desires even if the person didn't had sex in mind when they first started doing it, but it can trigger the sexual desire in them. I agree, it's just that we were talking about sensual things that are sexual. @CBC I think the word I'm looking for is automatically and not default; kissing is not automatically sexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I think that any answer that is "no kissing the skin is not sexual" is wrong. it CAN be sensual. it CAN be romantic. it CAN be sexual. it could be multiple of them even I'd say that if you like and want to kiss a partner's body or have them kiss yours, it's gotta be at least one of the above that's happening for you. well unless attraction isn't involved and it's just kinky Quote Link to post Share on other sites
warrigan Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 it depends, dude. i consider "skin-kissing" during foreplay pretty sexual, yeah, but casual kisses on bare skin can be quite platonic (for instance, i've received kisses on the cheek or on the shoulder that were platonic). there's no hard-and-fast rule. overall, though, i'd say it all depends on how you personally feel about it. for instance, while i might love receiving platonic kisses, i might only want that kind of contact from certain people; i might also decide that kisses on certain areas (for instance, the neck) are too sexual or romantic, and thus not something i'm comfortable with. it's up to you! revel in the stuff you like! pay no attention to society's arbitrary divisions and categorizations of relationships and acceptable behaviours therein! embrace the anarchy! :twisted: .... ... .. . .....just going to quietly see myself out now.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Corretto Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 [back to OP] My kissing arse'n'all is limited to a simple, characterless, peck on the [facial] cheek. It's provided to female relatives and lasts a split second. I regard it as a non-sexual and non-sensual act; nor is it a prequel to either. It could be interpreted as a gesture of familial recognition and warmth. [@PanFicto...How was your 'trip'? I wasn't expecting you back so soon. You've missed little here since you left last month. Welcome] Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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