Confused..Sensual attraction vs. Romantic attraction etc. and Relationships

[Starfish_]

Hello! First of all I am new here so it's nice to meet everyone. Asexuality was easy for me to figure out but it's the romantic side that is giving me troubles. (Sorry I didn't expect this to get so long!!)

I'm in a relationship and my partner is very romantic. They're sexual, I'm not, we worked that part out. I feel I'm not as into certain other things as they are. Kissing, making out, expressing feelings--they don't do anything for me. I feel strange and occasionally repulsed at some of these. Especially at thoughts of open-mouth kissing. Kissing in general is "meh" to me. I do it cause it's the norm and they enjoy it.

This is where I start getting confused. What even is romantic attraction? I look it up and find "the desire to be in a romantic relationship". Well, what is a romantic relationship? "A relationship based on romantic attraction". I tried asking a good friend about what exactly romantic attraction is. She said it involved wanted to kiss and cuddle and date and marriage and "being romantic" but what is that? Researching on here, I see that there is "sensual attraction" which seems to be what encompasses these sort of acts.

So then I think ok, maybe I'm still romantic but asensual (is that a thing?) but then that still leaves the question. What makes a relationship romantic? Does removing the sensual factor make me aromantic? If my partner and I removed all kissing and cuddling and such, what differs that from a close friendship? Is it the fact that it's a monogamous relationship, does the fact that we have jealously tendencies factor in? When it comes to dates and stuff, I like going out and spending time with them, but I also do that with my friends. Marriage is more of something I naturally expect to happen, not something I daydream about.

I guess that brings it down to emotions. My partner and I are long distance. They often describe how much they miss me, how they wish I was there at night to sleep (literally) with, how they wanna hold my hand, how they just want to kiss me. I don't get these emotions, nor does it give me "warm fuzzies" that they do get these emotions. My heart doesn't race when I see them, I don't get butterflies, never have. Talking everyday on skype as we do is enough for me to feel connected and happy. Of course I enjoy when we are together in person, but I don't suffer so much from the distance. Though, that could involve the lack of sensual and sexual desires. I don't "need" the physical components so much. But then again...if emotional attraction is a separate thing, that can't define romantic attraction either, can it?

I care for them deeply as a person, I like their personality, I enjoy our time together, I want to be together always. But the same could be said for my best friend, just at a more elevated level. The last "squish" (forgive me if I use the word wrong, I'm still learning!) I had was on a previous best friend. We were super close and I wanted to be even closer with her. Like super duper best friends. Drama caused a fallout unfortunately, but now I'm with my current partner. When I really look at it though, that's kind of how I see my current relationship too--at least, how I'd ideally have it. But then, was it really a squish or did I have romantic feelings for her?

Ultimately--I don't understand what defines a romantic attraction/relationship. My ideal relationship is pretty much super close best friends, but monogamous and eventually leading to marriage/kids. Is this even romantic? I can't differentiate between friendship feelings and romantic feelings. Is romantic attraction simply a combination of emotional, sensual, aesthetic attraction?

I just don't get it and I'm very confused and don't know what to call myself!

[AVEN #1 fan]

Nope, if u still mind going on dates, sleeping together, watching romantic movies, dancing tango; slow music; valsa, marriage, having candlelit dinners, raising kids with someone, then u have romantic attraction. :)

If u only mind doing things that both couples and friends can do with someone, it's described as emotional attraction while romantic attraction is described as sentimental attraction, if so u r alterous like me, yeah it's commonly monogamous and u can raise kids in this kind of untraditional relationship, alterous pals are called aromates, aromates comes from the word "aromantic", but u can still have both romantic and alterous attractions (only if they are towards different genders).

U can also be alterous and join QPR relationships, however it's not definitely monogamous. And to join QPRs u don't necessarily need the alterous attraction. U r probably homo-alterous bc of that gal pal of urs, I'm poly-alterous. :3

[Star Bit]

I feel I'm not as into certain other things as they are. Kissing, making out, expressing feelings--they don't do anything for me. I feel strange and occasionally repulsed at some of these. Especially at thoughts of open-mouth kissing. Kissing in general is "meh" to me. I do it cause it's the norm and they enjoy it.

This is where I start getting confused. What even is romantic attraction? I look it up and find "the desire to be in a romantic relationship". Well, what is a romantic relationship? "A relationship based on romantic attraction". I tried asking a good friend about what exactly romantic attraction is. She said it involved wanted to kiss and cuddle and date and marriage and "being romantic" but what is that? Researching on here, I see that there is "sensual attraction" which seems to be what encompasses these sort of acts.

So then I think ok, maybe I'm still romantic but asensual (is that a thing?)

Kissing isn't for everyone. And i agree that you may be Asensual (yup, it's a thing); having no urge for physical contact like holding hands, etc. You don't seem to care about sensual or romantic things, which sounds romance (in general) indifferent; which is under Gray-romantic or specifically called Apathromantic. You occasionally being repulsed may not mean indifference though. People react differently to things they don't reciprocate; some are indifferent, some are averse, can morally enjoy it, are repulsed, etc. I've seen that definition of romantic attraction too, and honestly it's wrong. It probably comes from reverse-engineering Aromantic, and since it's currently defined as "no romantic attraction" they equate them to have the same meaning. That definition is also flawed. An aromantic should be defined as someone who does not desire a romantic relationship (and what a romantic relationship is is completely subjective), but romantic attraction is an emotion; which doesn't translate well into words. But it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). Some people have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase [though those are also symptoms of platonic nervousness], dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, etc.). Your friend not having the previously stated answer is no surprise; sensual attraction isn't normally separate from romantic attraction.

[Starfish_]

(Sorry don't know how I double posted the topic!! Is there a way to merge them or something?)

Nope, if u still mind going on dates, sleeping together, watching romantic movies, dancing tango; slow music; valsa, marriage, having candlelit dinners, raising kids with someone, then u have romantic attraction. :)
If u only mind doing things that both couples and friends can do with someone, it's described as emotional attraction while romantic attraction is described as sentimental attraction, if so u r alterous like me, yeah it's commonly monogamous and u can raise kids in this kind of untraditional relationship, alterous pals are called aromates, aromates comes from the word "aromantic", but u can still have both romantic and alterous attractions (only if they are towards different genders).
U can also be alterous and join QPR relationships, however it's not definitely monogamous. And to join QPRs u don't necessarily need the alterous attraction. U r probably homo-alterous bc of that gal pal of urs, I'm poly-alterous. :3

Yeah I'm not huge on most of that stuff. Dates are fine, but they feel more like normal hangouts than something explicitly "romantic". As in if I go to the movies with my partner, the "vibe" feels the same as if I was going to the movies with my best friend. Marriage isn't something I particularly care for, but I'd want to be married before kids. Candlelit dinners and the rest...ehh. I do like romance movies, but I can't see myself in the situations they're in or relate to the characters or anything.

I have not heard of the alterous term--good to know. I don't think I quite grasp the difference in a QPR and alterous relationship though. Is it just the monogamy and types of attraction? If aromates comes from aromantic, is it a sort of aromantic relationship then?

[J. van Deijck]

You've actually asked a very good question I'd love to know the answer to as well.

I am quite different than you in my relationship (I mean fast heartbeat and these butterflies, and I want hugs and kisses etc.), but still I don't really know what is a romantic attraction. Like, I know wanting to kiss him is sensual, but how about it :x

Aww and welcome here :3

[Star Bit]

Nope, if u still mind going on dates, sleeping together, watching romantic movies, dancing tango; slow music; valsa, marriage, having candlelit dinners, raising kids with someone, then u have romantic attraction. :)
If u only mind doing things that both couples and friends can do with someone, it's described as emotional attraction while romantic attraction is described as sentimental attraction, if so u r alterous like me

Uh, no. (bolded)

Emotional attraction is the fixation on someone because of their emotions (their optimism, stoicness, etc.), and by extent personality. I would compare it to having a favorite character or admirance. And while i agree, as I've already stated, that romantic attraction is emotional, wording it as sentimental doesn't help much. You can be sentimental about an old friend and it's not romantic attraction.

And by the way it's defined, alterous is just a title for people who have squishes, not ppl who desire a QPR; squishes don't desire to raise children together.

(@OP Alterous is a new term and a squish is a play on the romantic word crush and means someone has an urge to know someone else.)

[AVEN #1 fan]

(Sorry don't know how I double posted the topic!! Is there a way to merge them or something?)

Nope, if u still mind going on dates, sleeping together, watching romantic movies, dancing tango; slow music; valsa, marriage, having candlelit dinners, raising kids with someone, then u have romantic attraction. :)

If u only mind doing things that both couples and friends can do with someone, it's described as emotional attraction while romantic attraction is described as sentimental attraction, if so u r alterous like me, yeah it's commonly monogamous and u can raise kids in this kind of untraditional relationship, alterous pals are called aromates, aromates comes from the word "aromantic", but u can still have both romantic and alterous attractions (only if they are towards different genders).

U can also be alterous and join QPR relationships, however it's not definitely monogamous. And to join QPRs u don't necessarily need the alterous attraction. U r probably homo-alterous bc of that gal pal of urs, I'm poly-alterous. :3

Yeah I'm not huge on most of that stuff. Dates are fine, but they feel more like normal hangouts than something explicitly "romantic". As in if I go to the movies with my partner, the "vibe" feels the same as if I was going to the movies with my best friend. Marriage isn't something I particularly care for, but I'd want to be married before kids. Candlelit dinners and the rest...ehh. I do like romance movies, but I can't see myself in the situations they're in or relate to the characters or anything.

I have not heard of the alterous term--good to know. I don't think I quite grasp the difference in a QPR and alterous relationship though. Is it just the monogamy and types of attraction? If aromates comes from aromantic, is it a sort of aromantic relationship then?

(Sorry don't know how I double posted the topic!! Is there a way to merge them or something?)

Nope, if u still mind going on dates, sleeping together, watching romantic movies, dancing tango; slow music; valsa, marriage, having candlelit dinners, raising kids with someone, then u have romantic attraction. :)

If u only mind doing things that both couples and friends can do with someone, it's described as emotional attraction while romantic attraction is described as sentimental attraction, if so u r alterous like me, yeah it's commonly monogamous and u can raise kids in this kind of untraditional relationship, alterous pals are called aromates, aromates comes from the word "aromantic", but u can still have both romantic and alterous attractions (only if they are towards different genders).

U can also be alterous and join QPR relationships, however it's not definitely monogamous. And to join QPRs u don't necessarily need the alterous attraction. U r probably homo-alterous bc of that gal pal of urs, I'm poly-alterous. :3

Yeah I'm not huge on most of that stuff. Dates are fine, but they feel more like normal hangouts than something explicitly "romantic". As in if I go to the movies with my partner, the "vibe" feels the same as if I was going to the movies with my best friend. Marriage isn't something I particularly care for, but I'd want to be married before kids. Candlelit dinners and the rest...ehh. I do like romance movies, but I can't see myself in the situations they're in or relate to the characters or anything.

I have not heard of the alterous term--good to know. I don't think I quite grasp the difference in a QPR and alterous relationship though. Is it just the monogamy and types of attraction? If aromates comes from aromantic, is it a sort of aromantic relationship then?

Alterous relationships aren't always monogamous, it indeed falls under the aromantic umbrella and it's mostly expressed as wanting to do things that both couples and friends can do with ur friends that doesn't really define y'all as a couple , u fantasy and put it.

The difference BTW an alterous relationship and an QPR is that in an alterous relationship u have an foot on romance and the other stuck in friendship, and in an QPR, ur both foots and both feets are free and u can transition among romance and friendship freely and u can as well stay in the middle of romance and friendship, overall QPR r most likely colorful friendship or friends with benefits and is an very liberal type of relationship, while the alterous relationship sounds more likely closer to the model of a tradicional couple.

Sex only happens on QPR relationships through, bc they can go fully into romance.

Sometimes the alterous attraction is described as emotional attraction and it works as an romantic orientation.

I hope I have helped ya. :3

[Star Bit]

No, alterous isn't just for Aromantics nor is it a romantic orientation.

It's defined as "alterous attraction is a sort of gray area between platonic and romantic attraction. It's defined as "wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic. You can have a romantic or platonic orientation and be alterous." Which is just either a squish or a best friend relationship, which both are completely normal and a title for it is not needed.

The difference BTW an alterous relationship and an QPR is that in an alterous relationship u have an foot on romance and the other stuck in friendship, and in an QPR, ur both foots and both feets are free and u can transition among romance and friendship freely and u can as well stay in the middle of romance and friendship, overall QPR r most likely colorful friendship or friends with benefits and is an very liberal type of relationship, while the alterous relationship sounds more likely closer to the model of a tradicional couple.

No. A QPR is "between romantic and platonic" because it has characteristics that are associated with romantic but IS emotionally platonic.

[AVEN #1 fan]

No, alterous isn't just for Aromantics nor is it a romantic orientation.

It's defined as "alterous attraction is a sort of gray area between platonic and romantic attraction. It's defined as "described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic". You can have a romantic or platonic orientation and be alterous." Which is just either a squish or a best friend relationship, which both are completely normal and a title for it is not needed.

Dear, look u can be an heteroromantic AND homoalterous, different kinds of attractions towards different genders. :D

[AVEN #1 fan]

Nope, if u still mind going on dates, sleeping together, watching romantic movies, dancing tango; slow music; valsa, marriage, having candlelit dinners, raising kids with someone, then u have romantic attraction. :)

If u only mind doing things that both couples and friends can do with someone, it's described as emotional attraction while romantic attraction is described as sentimental attraction, if so u r alterous like me

Uh, no. (bolded)

Emotional attraction is the fixation on someone because of their emotions (their optimism, stoicness, etc.), and by extent personality. I would compare it to having a favorite character or admirance. [/size]And while i agree, as I've already stated, that romantic attraction is emotional, wording it as sentimental doesn't help much. You can be sentimental about an old friend and it's not romantic attraction.

And by the way it's defined, alterous is just a title for people who have squishes, not ppl who desire a QPR; squishes don't desire to raise children together.

(@OP Alterous is a new term and a squish is a play on the romantic word crush and means someone has an urge to know someone else.)

Well in the aromamtics wiki, alterous is described as an attraction towards emotional comfort. My fault there. :(

[Star Bit]

As i keep saying, what is described as alterous is completely normal and does not need an orientation title because giving an attraction title to best friends is pointless.

As said, Alterous is very new and who knows what the creator actually meant by it. Some ppl say it's the orientation title for QPRs. What you're describing as alterous is a QPR. What the definitions describe as alterous is a squish or best friend relationship. If someone doesn't feel calling their emotions are platonic or romantic then that IS a QPR or queerplatonic crush (though i prefer queerplatonic squish).

[AVEN #1 fan]

As i keep saying, what is described as alterous is completely normal and does not need an orientation title because giving an attraction title to best friends is pointless.

As said, Alterous is very new.

Ain't squish a tittle for best friend crush? In both ways, I feel kinda offended by now, many people identify as alterous, there's even articles in AVEN about them, well that's how I figured out I was alterous. Anyway think what u want to think, things definitions changes and new terms for specific conditions always keep coming up. :/

[Star Bit]

No, a squish is a strong urge to know someone; thus the alterous definition saying "desiring emotional closeness."

[AVEN #1 fan]

No, a squish is a strong urge to know someone; thus the alterous definition saying "desiring emotional closeness."

No, a "splat" is the urge to know someone.

[Star Bit]

No....... that's a squish, you're remembering wrong or misinformed.

Here's a thread on it.

[AVEN #1 fan]

No....... that's a squish, you're remembering wrong or misinformed.

Here's a thread on it.

No, no, I was on on a thread about it today, someone came up with it, hoooollddd on.

[Star Bit]

I'm fine for new words that have a need, but no one needs an orientation title for how they feel about their best friend. People get title crazy and next thing you know people are going to come up wit an orientation for people who like to watch only (insert whatever) type of porn when they fap. It gets to a point where it needs to stop/is pointless. I'm fine if alterous would mean someone who desires a QPR because an orientation for that is actually needed, but anything else, no.

[AVEN #1 fan]

I'm fine for new words that have a need, but no one needs an orientation title for how they feel about their best friend. People get title crazy and next thing you know people are going to come up wit an orientation for people who like to watch only (insert whatever) type of porn when they fap. It gets to a point where it needs to stop/is pointless. I'm fine if alterous would mean a QPR because an orientation for that is actually needed, but anything else, no.

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/130499-i-want-to-know-people/

Well hun, we can't force orientations into ppl, we suggest them so they can complete their personal researches, I'm pretty sure alterous works for an romantic orientation, otherwise there wouldn't be genders attached in this attraction and partial romantic feelings.

This girl can decide whatever she wants to be and search on her own, now she has hints.

[Star Bit]

Squish is on the AVEN wiki. (near the middle of the page under Crushes and Squishes)

That person that said that (the 5th comment?) in your thread is not informed correctly or is going off of new or unsupported (by other ppl) information; look how new they are; only 300 comments. I'm not saying a newbie is always wrong, but you need to check your info when you see that. Secondly, they say that a splat is just liking to watch someone exist; which is emotional attraction; nothing like what you defined a splat as. There are some proposed slang terms for other attractions, but none of them are officially used past crushes and squishes. If you google it; asexual splat, you get nothing. Also, autochrois is not a real thing; it comes from misinformation in the first place but is completely normal thus no term having any point in existing whatsoever. What they're describing is emotional attraction, which isn't too talked of an attraction to begin with.

[AVEN #1 fan]

Squish is on the AVEN wiki. (near the middle of the page under Crushes and Squishes)

That person that said that (the 5th comment?) in your thread is not informed correctly; look how new they are; only 300 comments. I'm not saying a newbie is always wrong, but you need to check your info when you see that. Secondly, they say that a splat is just liking to watch someone exist; which is emotional attraction; nothing like what you defined a splat as. There are some proposed slang terms for other attractions, but none of them are officially used past crushes and squishes. If you google it; asexual splat, you get nothing.

Ikr. But look there: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123599-alterous-asexuals/

Anyway at one point we agree, alterous is an different type of attraction, but still it's how u feel feel an attraction which is mildy romantic towards someone, u want to spend ur life with them.

[Star Bit]

But you're spreading misinformation, that's a problem.

I think this off topic has gone on in this thread long enough, i will PM you.

What do you mean by the link? That the term alterous exists? Yes. Many tumbler terms exist. Does that automatically mean they have a functional point? No. Does the term have a clear definition? No. Is it supported by many, no, not really. Just because there are threads about it doesn't mean it's a legit/supported thing.

The person in that thead words a "splat" as "basically just 'I appreciate this person.'" WHICH IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. No title is needed for such a thing.

[AVEN #1 fan]

But you're spreading misinformation, that's a problem.

I think this off topic has gone on in this thread long enough, i will PM you.

Madam I shall explain to u how I feel emotionally attracted and u can help me question my aromantocism. :/ Bc what I feel is mostly labeled as alterous.

Anyway I'm not spreading wrong info, people who doubt they are alterous can have researches and find their own interpretation of it, I agree, it's very vague.

[Starfish_]

Kissing isn't for everyone. And i agree that you may be Asensual (yup, it's a thing); having no urge for physical contact like holding hands, etc. You don't seem to care about sensual or romantic things, which sounds romance (in general) indifferent; which is under Gray-romantic or specifically called Apathromantic. You occasionally being repulsed may not mean indifference though. People react differently to things they don't reciprocate; some are indifferent, some are averse, can morally enjoy it, are repulsed, etc. I've seen that definition of romantic attraction too, and honestly it's wrong. It probably comes from reverse-engineering Aromantic, and since it's currently defined as "no romantic attraction" they equate them to have the same meaning. That definition is also flawed. An aromantic should be defined as someone who does not desire a romantic relationship (and what a romantic relationship is is completely subjective), but romantic attraction is an emotion; which doesn't translate well into words. But it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). Some people have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase [though those are also symptoms of platonic nervousness], dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, etc.). Your friend not having the previously stated answer is no surprise; sensual attraction isn't normally separate from sensual attraction.

Thank you! Good to know, I think I'm pretty content with saying I'm asensual then. I think romance indifferent generally sounds pretty similar to me as well. It's not often I feel the repulsion, but it does happen--apathromantic sounds pretty fitting though, but I'll continue to do some research and whatnot. I guess describing emotions in words really is difficult. The soft/warm/fuzzy feelings and physical reactions are something I can't say I've experienced.

This did help me out a lot though, thank you for your input! All the terms and whatnot are still a bit confusing (I think I'll leave the alterous topic alone for now), but they are a lot more clear now. I have a better understanding.

[Starfish_]

You've actually asked a very good question I'd love to know the answer to as well.

I am quite different than you in my relationship (I mean fast heartbeat and these butterflies, and I want hugs and kisses etc.), but still I don't really know what is a romantic attraction. Like, I know wanting to kiss him is sensual, but how about it :x

Aww and welcome here :3

Yea it's confusing isn't it? Seems to be a tricky thing to put a definition to.

Thank you for the welcome! :)

[Star Bit]

(So we came to a conclusion; the definition of alterous is just wanting a close emotional bond with someone [which already has a term; platonic attraction aka a squish]; it's strictly emotional, so if someone wants anything more then it's a QPR. If they still feel the emotion is between romantic attraction and platonic attraction then i first suggest they do research on squishes and best friends-- which i then suggest this(link later) squish thread and all of this best friend representing game/walkthrough.)

Though i have a bit to say on the definition:

Here's a link to the creator's definition. And i have something to add onto the creator's noted information. "note: a person who IDs this way may experience varying degrees of attraction that are identifiable as romantic or platonic but ultimately feel discomfort / unease / or just a sense of inaccuracy in calling it wholly romantic or platonic. " So they can factually feel romantic or platonic attraction but aren't comfortable with that label for whatever reason? That's bull and will confuse two different relationships as the same thing. If anything that should be called a relationship anarchist (an actual term). And a QPR is not wholely platonic or romantic (in the typical sense); it is a relationship that does not include romantic attraction but has a characteristic or characteristics associated with romantic relationships/between a typical romantic and typical platonic relationship.

[Star Bit]

Actually, my derp. An apathromantic (root word being apathy) can be a gray-romantic or an aromantic. Aromantics can be in romantic relationships (just like some asexuals can tolerate sex), they just don't desire it and may also not be able to feel romantic attraction either. But aromantics being in romantic relationships can cause problems for the other party; reciprocation is normally a desired thing for romantic people and aromantics may not be able to reciprocate that, even with the display of platonic love.

[AVEN #1 fan]

(So we came to a conclusion; the definition of alterous is just wanting a close emotional bond with someone [which already has a term; platonic attraction aka a squish]; it's strictly emotional, so if someone wants anything more then it's a QPR. If they still feel the emotion is between romantic attraction and platonic attraction then i first suggest they do research on squishes and best friends-- which i then suggest this squish thread and all of

best friend game/walkthrough.)

Though i have a bit to say on the definition:

Here's a link to the creator's definition. And i have something to add onto the creator's noted information. "note: a person who IDs this way may experience varying degrees of attraction that are identifiable as romantic or platonic but ultimately feel discomfort / unease / or just a sense of inaccuracy in calling it wholly romantic or platonic. " So they can factually feel romantic or platonic attraction but aren't comfortable with that label for whatever reason? That's bull and will confuse two different relationships as the same thing. If anything that should be called a relationship anarchist (an actual term). And a QPR is not wholely platonic or romantic (in the typical sense); it is a relationship that does not include romantic attraction but has a characteristic or characteristics associated with romantic relationships/between a typical romantic and typical platonic relationship.

Honey I think, an emotional bond can also also be used to describe a crush, it's not really specific thus can be valid for any odd relationship or friendship or whatever, I think they just lack the sentimentalist part of romance, however I agree 100%, they seek whatever they feel like if there's an emotional bond. The term alterous crush from the aromamtic wiki has an proposal I guess, anyway nice we figured out the meaning of being alterous. :) To its just an "fluid" attraction.

[Star Bit]

Demiromantics need an emotional bond to feel romantic attraction, but no, a crush/romantic attraction is not an emotional bond. Alot of people feel romantic attraction instintaniously after meeting/without a bond at all.

[AVEN #1 fan]

Demiromantics need an emotional bond to feel romantic attraction, but no, crushes/romantic attraction is not an emotional bond.

Yeah, to me it still like alterous is wanting an emotional bond of any kind, i think the person is mostly interested on the relationship, how fluid is that doesn't rly matter, I think only the aromatic wiki can clear any doubts now, I'll be using alterous till a better term fit me, thx.

[tarutaru]

Demiromantics need an emotional bond to feel romantic attraction, but no, crushes/romantic attraction is not an emotional bond. Alot of people feel romantic attraction instintaniously after meeting/without a bond at all.

This exactly. It often happens instantaneously, it's not a bond, it's a strong sense of attraction. Also, squish directly compares to crush (platonic vs romantic).

AVEN fan, I don't mean to offend you but it seems like perhaps English isn't your first language. While you're free to identify as you please, the purpose of language is to communicate ideas; it would probably be best not to try to redefine existing terms before you've fully understood how they're used in the ace community, and if my hunch is correct there might be a slight language barrier that could be affecting this.

Also, please don't take what Star is saying so personal; these are ideas that we all care about, it's important to have consistent terms.