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So confused!


IndianInNYC

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[TW: sexual assault]

Hi everyone.

So, it took me a while to gather the courage to ask anything...but I think that at 34 years old, I better now.

I've never been very interested in sex, but I do (TMI alert!) masturbate. It feels more like something I'm "supposed" to do, though. Just like me fantasuzing about a guy, but somehow skipping from us going to bed to us waking up together. I sometimes start to fantasize beginning to have sex, but I can never get it through to the end.

When my friends and I talk about it, I feel uncomfortable talking about it, as if it's just not a topic of interest to me. But I still agree with them when they say it's been so long, and that they can't wait to have sex again. In my mind, I'm just waiting for the conversation to come to a close.

I have had horrible experiences in the past - I was raped in college, and later in my life I got pregnant and had a child who I gave up for adoption because I did not gave the capability to care for her.

A close friend told me that my aversion to sex is because of what happened to me in the past. But I can't remember a time when I was actually comfortable with sex. My arousal is usually an uncomfortable thing that I just need to release some way or another. I use porn, but it takes forever, more because I don't get aroused easily. I don't even know what arouses me.

So, that's my story. I hope you guys can help me figure out if I am asexual or not. I thought I was, but the more I read, the more confused I get. What do you guys think?

Edited by SkyWorld
added trigger warning
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Omg, and in college, this is really the worst thing that could happen to a girl, I think u r apothisexual, apothisexuals are sex repulsed asexuals, however they can still have fetishes and masturbate, they just don't enjoy sex or feel sexual attraction. If it was with me, I wouldn't ever forget that. "-"

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Your assault is most likely not the cause of your asexuality; sadly sexual assault is very common.

I suggest this thread.

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Sapphire Rose

If you do not desire partnered sex... you are asexual! I am sorry to hear you were sexually assaulted: no one deserves to ever have that suffering placed upon them.

I masturbate too and it is a totally separate thing from you sexuality. It is more like a this feels good why the hell not do this type of thing. I only trust myself and want myself to feel that way, however. I would never want another person to do that to me and don't feel that type of attraction towards people or the drive to have partnered sex.

Hope this has helped some <3

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Colorado Ace Space

Can you remember before any incident whether you felt sexual attraction toward anyone? If you remember being excited, or intrigued by the idea of sex and felt a desire to have sex with someone, then the trauma may have something to do with it. However, if you can't remember ever being attracted sexually to anyone, then it highly possible that your orientation is asexual.

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I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through!

It does sound like you could be asexual though. If you don't feel sexual attraction/don't desire partnered sex then you are. I don't think what happened to you caused it, unless you felt sexual desire prior to it...but from what you said, that doesn't sound like the case.

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ambivalent4422

lost interest in sex myself after some bad experiences with sexual harrassment + assault (NOT rape).

I don't know if there's anyway to really answer that question unless you start to try to have sex again, and enjoy it. I don't know if casual sex counts either, my impression is that's by definition empty and crappy and unsatisfying.

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I define "asexuality" as "no desire for partnered sex." It doesn't really matter how someone came to be a particular sexual orientation and the origins don't invalidate the experience. I highly doubt sexual orientation is the result of one event in someone's life. It most certainly influences whether or not the person experiences sexual aversion or sexual repulsion, however, plenty of people experience rape and, if rape causes asexuality, then everyone who experiences rape would be asexual, and that's just not the case. So sorry this happened to you and, no, one event in a person's life doesn't define them or explain everything about them.

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I'm sorry to hear what you went through. But in my opinion, I think something like that can't really affect your sexuality. ah, it's hard to explain, sorry.

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I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you :(

asexuality (and actually all sexualities) is really diverse, so oftentimes the "transcript story" of a sexuality is not even the common story xD

if you feel like sex never was really all that comfortable for you, then asexuality might very well fit :) what is it that you feel confused about? do you feel ambivalent about identifying as asexual?

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