Questioning

[m4rble]

I'm in the process of questioning my sexual orientation. . . again

When I was in high school I didn't think too much about my sexual orientation, but I knew I was a little different from other people my age. When I was fifteen I met somebody I felt like I liked. I got butterflies in my stomach, and felt like electricity passed through me when he touched my arm. I texted him for about a week and then broke up with him because he turned out to be really creepy. I only saw him for one day and I've never felt such a physical

reaction to anyone before or since then.I have had crushes on friends I was really close to though. Everyone thought I was really innocent in high school because I almost never dated and wasn't interested in or knowledgeable about anything sexual. When I got to college I figured it was about time I should figure out my sexual orientation. Trying to figure out who I was sexually attracted to was a bit like trying to catch clouds with a butterfly net. It often looked like a had something substantial but upon further examination it became ambiguous or dissipated. I didn't understand how some people could know their sexual orientations so clearly when they were so much younger than I was. I decided that I was bisexual because I didn't see how gender would affect who I wanted to be with.

I've never wanted to have sex and even kissing seems like it would be uncomfortable. I tried dating a little bit in college, mostly out of curiosity. I've always had to break up after about a week or two because the person I was dating wanted to take things way faster than I was comfortable with.(which isn't actually that fast, wanting to kiss was beyond limit). Maybe if I got into a serious long term relationship my feelings would change, but since that hasn't happened yet I can't really be sure.

I don't really know if I feel sexual attraction or not. Since I came to Aven I've figured out that most of what I thought was sexual attraction was actually aesthetic attraction. I was looking really hard to find out who I was sexually attracted to when I got into college, so this may have led me to confuse aesthetic attraction for sexual attraction. I'm not sure if what I felt for that boy when I was fifteen was sexual attraction or just excitement or nervousness. Other than that, if I felt sexual attraction it's been so weak or ambiguous that I haven't been able to tell.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

[Rainbow~Sprinkles]

I feel like you just described my life. I'm also still questioning. So I don't really have any advice here for you sorry about that.

But I can offer you cake ^_^

[Colorado Ace Space]

From what you've decribed it sounds like you're somewhere on the asexual spectrum. My trick to determining whether I am visually or sexually attracted to someone is to think of someone I find "appealing" and imagine (really try to feel it, not just picture it) how it would feel for that person to take my shirt off, run hands up my back, kiss, lie down and --------. If I am visually attracted, I get to the "hands up the back" part and my skin starts to cringe on its own. I have on three occasions gotten all the way to the "------" part of the mental exercise, so that is why I label myself of gray-ace. If you find that any of these stages gets a negative viseral reaction you're probably asexual. Personally, I was always almost upset by the thought of sex. I'd get unbelieveably pissed when my guy friends would want to start dating and holding hands and in my opinion "ruin" the relationship with meaningless physical stuff. Once I realized that "asexuality" existed and described how I felt I became much happier with myself and much more understanding of other people's desire for sex. I find that understanding one's self is the first step toward self love which is the primary component in truly understanding and accepting others. I guess my question to you would be--again, from what you've said it sounds like you're asexual-- are you questioning your sexual attraction level toward others or are you pretty sure you don't experience sexual attraction, but you don't want to be asexual?

[m4rble]

I'm pretty sure I don't feel sexual attraction towards other people but I suppose one of my sources of confusion is that I like some aspects of a hypothetical sexual experience and not others. For example, I would like the idea of being really physically close to someone I love, and can imagine I'd enjoy tight hugs or even dry humping. However, I don't like the idea of getting genitals involved. The gender of the person seems completely irrelevant as well.

[Colorado Ace Space]

I'm very similar with the liking certain aspects of sex. For me it's the connection, the physical vigor, watching the beauty of the human form--it's like dancing or moshing, but why is there so much emphasis on bumping junk..blah. I'm gray-heteromantic gray-ace...if that makes sense. It doesn to me. I've been sexually attracted to two guys and one girl in the past/present. However, I'm really not fond of "cutesy" romantic stuff although I would like a relationship, just prefarably with a guy even though I've felt attraction to women.....a woman. Anyway, I'd pick a label that seems close and try mentally or audiably refering to yourself using that label and see if it fits. When I call myself "asexual" I feel a little off about it because I don't think it's fulling accurate, but when I call myself gray-ace I feel almost empowered.

[Ace_Kat]

It's good that you have been experimenting different sexual orientations to see which one fits you the best. You have all the time in the world to figure out your orientation, no one has a deadline to choose which orientation they are. From what you are saying, it seems like you have always been asexual, but when talking about having small crushes on friends, maybe you are gray-sexual and/or gray-romantic? Which is you develop sexual feelings towards a person once you got to know them and have a really strong connection to. But, the possibilities are endless. Choose what makes you feel... You.

[m4rble]

I suppose I don't really desire sex, I desire physical contact. I was thinking about what kinds of sex I would be most willing to do if I were in a relationship with a sexual person and dry humping definitely makes the top of the list, although I don't think I desire it innately. I was thinking things over earlier today I've been feeling much more like like the label asexual seems to click with me. I'm not the same as everyone who's asexual, but I suppose no one is because it's not a monolithic group. I'm definitely still questioning but I'm starting to feel like much more asexual, and I'm more comfortable thinking about myself as being asexual. The term seems to sit with me better than calling myself gay, straight, bi ect. I don't know why, but I feel much better after learning about all I have from going through Aven forums and thinking of myself as on the asexual spectrum.(although at first I was a bit uncomfortable with this)

[Frigid Pink]

I define "asexuality" as "no desire for partnered sex." Other possible definitions are "an enduring lack of sexual desire for others" as well as "an enduring lack of sexual inclinations/feelings towards others." Basically, an "asexual" person isn't drawn towards sexual interaction with others. Beyond that, it varies from person to person, regardless of sexual orientation. Many people seem to inaccurately equate "asexuality" with things that have more to do with personality traits (such as introversion) or general interests and preferences (such as aversion to touch or dislike of kisses), which even "sexual" people can have and share (some "sexual" people don't like to hold hands or don't have "sex dreams" and so on). Ultimately, I think it's okay to be whatever sexuality we happen to be and I embrace any attitude that helps people love and accept themselves for who they are with whatever preferences they have and whatever lifestyle brings them happiness (as long as it's "Safe, Sane, and Consensual," of course).