GwendolynAngel83 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Hey guys I've just become more conciously aware of something I've had all my life and I was just curious if anyone else had a similar thing and if there was a word for it. Sometimes I get a physical urge/need/want to have physical contact with another person. Not a specific person, just speed on in general (though if it was with someone I didn't know that'd be awkward). As if I don't do anything about it for a while I get a physical discomfort/ache in my chest and I sometimes get a bit emotional/weepy if it goes on for a while. I never really noticed it when I was younger because a quick hug and/or cuddle from/against mom or dad would make it go away, but now that I don't live at home I've become acutely more aware of it because it'll go without me doing anything about it for long periods of time. Eventually it goes away, but until it does it's very distracting and uncomfortable. Also, the longer I ignore it, the harder it is to make it go away. I can't just dismiss it with a quick hug after its gotten to the point of discomfort. I have to curl up against or on someone for a good several minutes. So that's my thing. I'm mostly curious to hear if others have experienced/know of/have heard of anything like it before. Link to post Share on other sites
Fjording Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Kinda like a phantom pain you can't explain, right? I'm pretty sure its possible to develop a psychosomatic response to being touch-starved. I mean I don't actually know what I'm talking about, but I know that I get it too. The need for warmth and closeness is staggering. Snuggling a pillow and breathing real deep doesn't really cut it, but I don't know how else to deal long as I'm on my own. Sorry, don't have any great advice. Find a cuddle buddy? I sure know that's easier said than done. Hugs and cookies Link to post Share on other sites
pinkroses Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 :( yes i get that too. definately touch starved. Link to post Share on other sites
Marble Rye Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Sounds similar to something that happens to me once in a while, but it's fairly infrequent for me and only lasts like 5 to 30 min. Maybe check out www.cuddleup.com Link to post Share on other sites
Commander Werther Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 omg. Ive been dealing with the same thing recently. Its like when I go to sleep, if I do not have someone to snuggle up with, I cant sleep because I get super uncomfortable and like I NEED to just have some form of physical contact with any sort of living being. When Im not away from home, I get to snuggle with my dog and that works for me. And during the day I hug a lot of people for short amounts of time lol xD I actually, the other day, thought about which of my friends I could ask to come over and cuddle with me out of desperation to get the feeling to go away. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I feel that too. I like physical intimacy without the sex part. Finding a partner that enjoys that too (and ONLY that) hasn't been going well though. Link to post Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Yeah... Especially when I'm missing someone, it's a heavy feeling to carry in one's heart. And I feel like if I don't actually hug the person I'm missing, other hugs are okay, but it doesn't solve the issue. Like if I'm hungry but someone gives me a couple crackers. Sure, it stops the hunger a bit but I'm definitely still hungry after that. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Ace Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 This reminds me of the study done with the monkeys with a fake wire mother that gave them food and a soft pillowy cuddly mother that was comfortable to cling to and cuddle with. All of the monkeys would cling and cuddle up to the soft mother and some went so far as to starve themselves to death because they longed for the tactile stimulation of a more realistic mother figure. Human touch is key for development in children but it does continue into adulthood as something we crave and need. You could try dating without sex, there's also that cuddle site mentioned above but I had never heard of it before this, or possibly just try to spend some more time at home and with family? I'm sure if you tell your parents that you miss your mother and father hugs and daily support they will try to give you the extra love you need and make more of a conscious effort to stay in touch. I have never chosen to move out on my own because I know I would be super lonely and so would my mom so we choose to live together as two happy adults rather than being forced into the cultural norm of if you are at home you are treated like a child that has less say in things, or you move out and struggle on your own so you find a partner to fulfill the needs that a family always has. I feel like young people who leave home early often end up settling with a partner that isn't the best match for them because they miss the closeness of having family around all the time which is why the younger the marriage the more likely for divorce.. Would be an interesting study either way. I hope you get all the cuddles you need and don't settle just to feel that closeness again. Stocking your apartment with things that make you happy and lots of pictures and soft cuddly furniture may help some? I'm sending you love vibes and e-hugs :) Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 Thanks to everyone for responding. It's good to know I'm not the only one. And thank you for your support. One thing that makes finding a cuddle partner harder is that I'm aro as well as ace. And most people take cuddling to be at least romantic if not sexual. I have a roommate, but it feels really awkward to try and curl up next to her. I don't know if she'd be ok with it. Especailly since she knows I deal with them (I mentioned it to her somewhat recently while in the middle of one) and hasn't said anything about being willing to help... Also, does anyone have a word or term for this?? Link to post Share on other sites
Znkyou Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 ^ Touch starvation, really. Yep, I experience it fairly often myself, and I even technically get alot of physical touch. At least, more than most people do I think. Maybe because I'm used to it more (like you may have been), the absence of it is very obvious and unpleasant. If you're in an area where they're available, I'd pay for a cuddle buddy. It's obviously much more reliable than free sites, but if you're on a budget www.cuddlecomfort.com is a good alternative. Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 Guess that makes sense :) Touch starvation would cover it. I've always been very sensual with my family, especailly my dad so I guess it would make sense that I'm having a bit more trouble now that I don't have that What are those sites exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
Znkyou Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Cuddlecomfort is a free site where anyone can make a cuddle profile. You put basic information about yourself (you don't have to provide any identifing info, though) such as what you're looking for in a cuddle prospect, and that's about it. There aren't many people on it, and I'd take every precaution to make sure you have a safe encounter, but it can be useful. I've made a friend using that site myself. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Yes, I'm a bit touch starved lately myself and not even just physically speaking but I like hearing about whats going on with people's lives too. Luckily I have people around who do this. How do you deal with this if you are aromantic/ or just not into relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
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