I think my asexual identity was just confirmed!

[plaidclash]

Hey guys!

So since last time I posted on here a lot has happened! Lemme start with the basic rundown: I'm a seventeen yera old cis-girl, mostly homoromantic (so into the lesbian stuff and sometimes into guys), and unsure of whether I'm asexual or gray-a or demi or allosexual or whatever.

Anyway, about two weeks ago I got myself a girlfriend, which I've never had before. Last year I was in what my friends (and counselor) called an "emotionally abusive (platonic) relationship," and ever since then I've had a few trust issues. I've also been struggling to determine my sexual and romantic orientations, which I still haven't come to an exact conclusion about. The reason why I'm blabbing about all this is because I think they're all factors that went into my experience yesterday.

So here's what happened: Yesterday my girlfriend came over for the first time, we've never seen each other in private. I was expecting to have my first kiss, and I did, about five or ten minutes after she got here. It wasn't just a peck, either. She then proceeded to kiss my neck which felt nice. I kissed hers, which she seemed to love. We made out for a bit, and I'm not sure how I felt about it. I was shaking the whole time, I was so nervous, yet it was oddly fun. I let her feel under my bra (which she also seemed to love) but I felt strange since I didn't want to return the favor.

I enjoyed myself and I was happy that she liked to touch me, and it physically felt pretty good. Mentally, though, I'm not sure if I was 100% there. It was kind of like I was detached from the situation. While she seemed eager to feel me up and touch me and kiss everywhere, I didn't really have that same desire. I liked when she touched me, and I was willing to do the same to her, but I wasn't feeling a strong desire or gravitation to her. I guess you could say I wasn't feeling sexual attraction? Heh.

Before all of this stuff happened yesterday, I let her know that I've got trust issues and I told her why, and I also told her I think I'm asexual. She's a very sexual person so I was really scared she'd want to leave me but I was surprised when she texted me paragraphs about how she will always respect me and wait for me, for as long as I need. She made sure to ask me about my boundaries and I was clear about them, which was SUCH a relief.

I really want my relationship to last with this girl. I liked getting close to her, but I don't want it to consume all of our time together and I hope I start to feel some sort of emotional connection to sex/sexual stuff.

For so long I've been really confused about my sexuality and this is starting to help me realize that I really am asexual after all (but that isn't stopping my from feeling physical responses to touching, as well as my romantic drive). What do you guys think? Do I sound ace to you? Please share your thoughts and experiences below... I just gotta talk this one out :)

[I'd rather be in band.]

Well, I'm glad she's still going to be there for you! :)

[Niliinvas]

Sounds like you're living the dream!