plaidclash Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Hey guys! So since last time I posted on here a lot has happened! Lemme start with the basic rundown: I'm a seventeen yera old cis-girl, mostly homoromantic (so into the lesbian stuff and sometimes into guys), and unsure of whether I'm asexual or gray-a or demi or allosexual or whatever. Anyway, about two weeks ago I got myself a girlfriend, which I've never had before. Last year I was in what my friends (and counselor) called an "emotionally abusive (platonic) relationship," and ever since then I've had a few trust issues. I've also been struggling to determine my sexual and romantic orientations, which I still haven't come to an exact conclusion about. The reason why I'm blabbing about all this is because I think they're all factors that went into my experience yesterday. So here's what happened: Yesterday my girlfriend came over for the first time, we've never seen each other in private. I was expecting to have my first kiss, and I did, about five or ten minutes after she got here. It wasn't just a peck, either. She then proceeded to kiss my neck which felt nice. I kissed hers, which she seemed to love. We made out for a bit, and I'm not sure how I felt about it. I was shaking the whole time, I was so nervous, yet it was oddly fun. I let her feel under my bra (which she also seemed to love) but I felt strange since I didn't want to return the favor. I enjoyed myself and I was happy that she liked to touch me, and it physically felt pretty good. Mentally, though, I'm not sure if I was 100% there. It was kind of like I was detached from the situation. While she seemed eager to feel me up and touch me and kiss everywhere, I didn't really have that same desire. I liked when she touched me, and I was willing to do the same to her, but I wasn't feeling a strong desire or gravitation to her. I guess you could say I wasn't feeling sexual attraction? Heh. Before all of this stuff happened yesterday, I let her know that I've got trust issues and I told her why, and I also told her I think I'm asexual. She's a very sexual person so I was really scared she'd want to leave me but I was surprised when she texted me paragraphs about how she will always respect me and wait for me, for as long as I need. She made sure to ask me about my boundaries and I was clear about them, which was SUCH a relief. I really want my relationship to last with this girl. I liked getting close to her, but I don't want it to consume all of our time together and I hope I start to feel some sort of emotional connection to sex/sexual stuff. For so long I've been really confused about my sexuality and this is starting to help me realize that I really am asexual after all (but that isn't stopping my from feeling physical responses to touching, as well as my romantic drive). What do you guys think? Do I sound ace to you? Please share your thoughts and experiences below... I just gotta talk this one out :) Link to post Share on other sites
I'd rather be in band. Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Well, I'm glad she's still going to be there for you! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Niliinvas Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Sounds like you're living the dream! Link to post Share on other sites
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